“Knowing oneself is best way to reach one’s goal.” (Ang pagkilala sa sarili ay daan tungo sa pag-abot ng sariling layunin)
LESSON 1 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT-INTRA AND INTERPERSONAL DEVELOPMENT Learning Objectives: 1. Define personality and identify the determinants of personality. 2. Identify the stages of personal growth and development 3. Learn and apply ways by which they could project themselves better and create a more positive self image particularly in social graces and manners and observance or work ethics. 4. Define Interpersonal relationship 5. Describe the different types of Interpersonal relationships
What is personality? Personality is the sum total of the biological, psychological, socio cultural and other traits of a person, manifested in the way he thinks, feels, acts and relates with others. Gordon Allport defined personality as collection of traits that determine a person’s unique adjustment to his environment. Each person is made up of determining tendencies that play an active role in his behavior.
Determinants of Personality Behavioral experts agree that personality is a product of nature and nurture, an integration of his biological and social heritage. What a person thinks does and feels as a child, adolescent or adult results from the inter relationship that exist between biologically inherited factors and environmental influences. Heredity Genes transmitted by parents determine a person physical and biological characteristic such as physical stature, color of the skin and hair .Some individualsexcel in physical qualities, others are physically handicapped like the dumb, blind, deafand autistic persons. However, it does not follow that a person with biological orphysical deficiency is also handicapped from developing a good or pleasing personality.
The Social Environment The social environment consists of individuals, groups and institutions with whom the person interacts with from childhood to adulthood. Socialization is a process where a person acquires, learns and internalizes a set of beliefs, ideas, values, attitudes and other socio-cultural characteristic.
Socialization starts with the child’s first contact, his family. From the parents, siblings and relatives, the person learns his first lessons of love, honesty and other fundamental virtues as well as other qualities. Much of our behavioral tendencies appear to be a replica of our parents. In the later years of life, the individual comes into contact with his peers, school mates, teachers and other groups from whom he acquires new set of ideas, beliefs, values and attitudes. As the individual moves through life, he comes across to more groups, and institutions, from them he discovers and learns another set of socio cultural characteristics.
How is Personality Developed? Studies in Psychology reveal that a person passes through various stages of development. It starts with infancy, childhood, puberty, adolescence and adulthood. The last stage is the state wherein the individual becomes fully mature in all aspects- physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally.
During infancy, the need for attention and acceptance is most dominant. As the child grows, his needs are centered on recognition, affirmation and appreciation. Then upon reaching puberty and adolescence, he will experience a strong need for autonomy-freedom to make decisions and to act for oneself, without being manipulated by parents and people in authority. Unsatisfied need in each level of growth leads to what is termed as fixation, a situation which often results to obsession.
This means an insatiable craving for unsatisfied needs like love, attention, recognition and autonomy. This obsession is carried over to the adult life. Maslow contends that man starts to crave for the satisfaction of his lower needs- physiological/biological, progressing to the next level- need for safety and acceptance. Once these lower needs are satisfied man will pursue for esteem needs and the aim for the highest needs- self actualization – a psychic feeling of fulfillment for having achieved a goal or having maximized the use of one’s potentials and capacities.
Personal G rowth and Stages of Development: The process of development takes place in four stages: Stage 1 – Understanding an Ideal At this stage, the person is exposed to learning situations where he discovers an ideal- the ideal personality, qualities of a winning personality, the elements and conditions for growth and development . He is also able to differentiate functional vs.dysfunctional behavior and their damage consequences. These knowledge provide the framework for understanding his behavior and personality.
Stage 2 – Self awareness After discovering the ideal, the person goes into self mirroring. He looks into hi s personal qualities, behavior and compares this against the ideal. He discovers his dysfunctional behavior and how it has affected his success, happiness and relationships with others.
Stage 3 - Self Realization As the individual becomes aware of his behavior, he is guided on how to understand himself by bringing into his consciousness the things in the past and other realities that have directly or indirectly conditioned his present behavior or maladjustment. Among these are the distorted beliefs and values that he may have internalized. He is also made to realize how his behavior has hampered his growth and development as well as his happiness.
Stage 4 – Decision to change With self realization the individual makes a decision to change. If one is determined to grow as a person, he has to decide to change.
Stage 5- Actualizing the change In his decision to grow and develop, the individual now puts into action the necessary changes in his life including a change in attitude, re- alignment of his value system and behavioral change.
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP An interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on love and liking, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. Interpersonal relationships take place in a great variety of contexts, such as family, friends, marriage, associates, work, clubs, neighborhoods, and churches. They may be regulated by law,custom, or mutual agreement, and are the basis of social groups and society as a whole. Although humans are fundamentally social creatures, interpersonal relationships are not always healthy. Examples of unhealthy relationships include abusive relationships and codependence.
A relationship is normally viewed as a connection between two individuals, such as a romantic or intimate relationship, or a parent-child relationship. Individuals can also have relationships with groups of people, such as the relation between a pastor and his congregation, an uncle and a family, or a mayor and a town.
Types of Interpersonal Relationships Interpersonal relationships include kinship and family relations in which people become associated by genetics or consanguinity. These include such roles as father, mother, son, or daughter. Relationships can also be established by marriage, such as husband, wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, uncle by marriage, or aunt by marriage.
They may be formal long-term relationships recognized by law and formalized through public ceremony, such as marriage or civil union. They may also be informal long-term relationships such as loving relationships or romantic relationships with or without living together . In these cases the other person is often called lover, boyfriend, or girlfriend, as distinct from just a male or female friend
Communication is a very important component to a successful relationship Friendships consist of mutual liking, trust, respect, and often even love and unconditional acceptance. Internet friendships and pen-pals may take place at a considerable physical distance. Brotherhood and sisterhood can refer to individuals united in a common cause or having a common interest, which may involve formal membership in a club, organization, association, society, lodge, fraternity, or sorority. Soulmates are individuals intimately drawn to one another through a favorable meeting of minds and who find mutual acceptance and understanding with one another Casual relationships are sexual relationships extending beyond one-night stands that exclusively consist of sexual behavior..
The natural development of a relationship follows five stages: Acquaintance - Becoming acquainted depends on previous relationships, physical proximity, first impressions, and a variety of other factors. If two people begin to like each other, continued interactions may lead to the next stage, but acquaintance can continue indefinitely. Buildup - During this stage, people begin to trust and care about each other. The need for compatibility and such filtering agents as common background and goals will influence whether or not interaction continues.
Continuation - This stage follows a mutual commitment to a long term friendship, romantic relationship, or marriage. It is generally a long, relative stable period. Nevertheless, continued growth and development will occur during this time. Mutual trust is important for sustaining the relationship.
Deterioration - Not all relationships deteriorate, but those that do, tend to show signs of trouble. Boredom, resentment, and dissatisfaction may occur, and individuals may communicate less and avoid self-disclosure. Loss of trust and betrayals may take placeas the downward spiral continues. Termination - The final stage marks the end of the relationship, either by death in the case of a healthy relationship, or by separation.
LESSON 2: IDENTIFYING OUR EMOTIONS Objectives: ✓ Explain that all feelings are valid and helpful ✓ Describe the consequence of not being able to change the way we feel
We need to start with understanding what emotions really are. Emotions are messages to let us know if things are going well with us or not – they let us know how things are goin g in the moment. All emotions are useful and helpful. But, sometimes, it is helpful to be able to change the way we are feeling. The ability to change the way we feel is called self-regulation.
As humans, we experience many different types of feelings. Whereas positive feelings like happiness, gratefulness, and calmness feel really good and are very healthy for us to feel, negative emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, and worry, if felt too often, can lead to physical health problems (like high blood pressure) and to mental health problems (like depression, anxiety problems) and to a range of behaviors (like getting into fights or saying mean things that we later regret).
One thing that makes humans different from all other living things is our very large range of feelings or emotions and the length of time that those emotions can last.
Let’s Apply: Identifying and Responding to Emotions Think about this situation: You go to work one day and when you arrive, you hear your co-workers making fun of you. You realize that they are laughing about a mistake you made at work the day before. What emotion or emotions would you likely be feeling? How might you cope with the situation? What actions could you take?
LESSON 3. How Changing Your Thinking Can Change Your Life Objectives: describve the relationship between thoughts and feelings; explain the benefits of being able to change the way we think.
By changing the way you think, you start to see changes in your attitude and behavior, which leads to a more fulfilling life overall. A lot has been said about the power of thoughts and how they can affect one’s life. There's a lot of truth to it. If we change the way we think, we can drive ownership over the course of life. It all boils down to how you process your thoughts and your reactions.
So, how do we go about changing our thinking? 1. Know the power of your thoughts. Your thoughts are incredibly powerful. They have the ability to affect your mood, behavior and overall outlook on life. Yet they also have the power to overrule it. Pay attention to the things you tell yourself on a daily basis. Are they positive, negative or neutral? Do you dwell on your problems or focus on solutions? Do you see the world as a friendly place or a hostile one?
2. Quit with the saying, 'That's just who I am.' One of the most disempowering things you can do is to tell yourself that you're just a certain way and that there's nothing you can do to change it. This kind of thinking comes from a fixed mindset, which is one of the biggest obstacles to success.
People with fixed mindsets believe that their abilities and traits are set in stone. They think that they're either born with certain talents or they're not—and that's their endgame. This kind of thinking limits and prevents you from fulfilling your full potential.
One valuable way to avoid this is to develop your self-belief. Instead of using "That's just who I am" as a response to life, try viewing life as a challenge. With a little effort and determination, you will be surprised by what you can achieve and how your thoughts can lead you toward progress and achievement.
3. Focus on the solution, too, not just the problem. We've all been there before. We're dwelling on a problem, and before long, we're in a full-blown panic attack about everything that could go wrong. This is what Dr. Caroline Leaf calls the "negative ego." It's the part of our brain that's wired to focus on everything that's wrong in our lives.
It also helps us end the habit of shaming ourselves. Shame is a natural emotion that we experience when we hold ourselves up to unrealistic expectations. Then when we hold on to it, we continue to beat ourselves up over our mistakes, which becomes a cycle of making more mistakes and leads to digging a deeper emotional hole.
4. Change your thinking for growth. As Deep H explains, self-defeating and "negative thought patterns, particularly when they’ve become habitual, can be hard to break. Patterns that have been in place for years can take time to change so it’s helpful to be understanding and patient with yourself as you work through them."
LESSON 4: Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors are Connected! Objectives: describe the connection between thoughts, emotions, and behavior. practice how to intentionally develop more positive thinking patters.
The basic foundation of developing healthy coping skills and resilience building is understanding that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are very much connected. We have control over all of these. It begins with our thoughts. Your thoughts influence your feelings and your feelings drive your behaviors.
The first step to achieving a healthy life perspective and to maintaining healthy relationships with others is to understand this connection and start to learn ways of adopting more flexible thinking patterns. When we have flexible thinking patterns, we are able to see things from other people’s perspectives, we are less judgmental, and we are more able to take control of our emotional responses and our mood.
The only things we can control in life are our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If we can manage those, we can achieve our goals and gain success in life. To have this level of control, we need to learn about the science-based patterns behind our emotions and thoughts, and how to manage them. If we know how our minds work, we can be intentional about influencing our thinking and feeling patterns. We can evaluate reality more clearly, make better decisions and improve our ability to achieve our goals. Thus, we gain greater agency and the quality of living intentionally.
LESSON 6: Building Coping Skills to Manage Emotions Objectives: describe the connection between coping skills and changing emotons; describe healthy and unhealthy ways of coping; and make linkages between unhealthy coping and negative outcomes.
✓ Emotions are a normal part of being human. Emotions help us understand danger, help usenjoy relationships with other people, and serve as signs to us about if we are doing well or not. ✓ Part of being human is experiencing difficult situations. We all have to learn how to cope with those situations in ways that keep us resilient and moving forward in life toward our life goals. We cannot help feeling negative emotions at certain points.
✓ All emotions have to come out or “be expressed” and there are healthy ways and unhealthy ways to do this. It is really important that we all know how to cope with our negative emotions, because if we don’t, we may act or behave in ways that lead to negative consequences . We know certain ways of coping are healthy when they allow us to achieve our goals in life, keep nourishing our relationships with others, and keep us growing in the right ways.
If we act in unhealthy ways, then negative consequences will occur. Think back to the example scenario where you disbelieved the old man and sent him away without any food for his family. The consequence of that situation was that he and his family went hungry. Another consequence could be that he lost faith in your organization.
Coping Skills ✓ Coping skills are things we can do to help ourselves deal with difficult situations. They can be positive or negative. There are many different types of coping skills.
✓ Some types involve helping to relax your mind like allowing yourself to take a break from thinking about the situation – focusing on something else for awhile to allow your emotions to stablize and then going back to think of how to address the situation. ✓ Other types of coping mechanisms involve relaxing your body. So that the tension in our bodies subsides, which helps us to feel calmer. Some people find taking a warm bath soothing and relaxing while others find that exercising helps them most.
✓ We are all different and we must find the coping skills that work best for us.
✓ It takes time and practice to develop new coping skills. It is important to realize that the same coping skill doesn’t work all of the time. For example, if I feel lonely and alone, I may need most to talk to someone who cares about me or to take a walk so I can see others around me. But, if I am anxious, I may need to take a warm bath or take some deep breaths. So, it is important to have many different coping skills to choose from, depending on the exact way you are feeling and the situation.
Lesson 7. Self-Management Strategies Objectives: ✓ Enumerate strategies to manage oneself ; ✓ Identify the appropriate strategy to use in a given situation; and ✓ Commit to a chosen self-management strategy to use in personal and professional life.
What do you think is happening? If this was you at work and other colleagues were around you, what do you think the consequences might be of acting out in this way?
The key to managing negative emotions is to remember that our emotions in any situation come directly from the thoughts we are thinking and to remember that extreme emotions don’t last long. This means that a situation may occur which makes you very angry but if you give yourself some time before reacting, that intense anger will subside.
So, if we are at work and someone says something that makes us angry, one of the smartest things we can do when we feel very emotional is to take a break from the situation. This means either excuse yourself and go outside for some air, or just decide that you are not going to react in that moment, but instead, that you are going to take some time to think about the situation.
Let’s Apply: Managing Situations SEE PAGE 34-35 Let us continue to learn about different strategies to manage oneself. Please read the following cases and discuss how the person should handle the situation and manage himself/herself. Choose at least 2 cases to answer.
Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence In Leadership: How To Improve Motivation In Your Team Managers with emotional intelligence (EI) achieve objectiveness through their self-awareness, which promotes productive, motivated, and equal workplaces Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence theory outlines five components of EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Emotional intelligence can be learned and applied to meet goals and targets, as well as create a happier and healthier working culture
Who is Daniel Goleman? Daniel Goleman is a scientific journalist, author and psychologist who popularised the concept of ’emotional intelligence’, which was first coined in 1990 by Peter Salavoy and John Mayer in their article “Emotional Intelligence”, published in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and feelings, as well those of others. Goleman breaks down EI into five components: #1. Self-awareness #2. Self-regulation #3. Motivation #4. Empathy #5. Social skills
#1. Self-awareness Self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which can all affect your interactions with others. For example: If you are a manager with low self-awareness you may struggle to recognise and understand your own emotions and thoughts, which can lead to difficulty in regulating your behaviour and making sound decisions. If you are a manager with heightened self-awareness you have the ability to recognise and understand your own emotions and thoughts, and how they impact your behaviour and decision-making.
#2. Self-regulation Think back to your last employer who acted impulsively, or irrationally. Did you trust them? What was work like under their watch? An emotionally charged environment is usually fraught with unresolved conflict. It feels tense and distracting. You probably felt like you couldn’t contribute without fear of reprimand. You become approachable, able to deal with conflict, create a nurturing environment and lead by reliable example.
#3. Motivation Goleman’s third component refers to motivation for enjoyment, rather than money or a promotion. What is motivation at work? Motivation at work refers to the drive or inspiration an individual feels to perform a task or achieve a goal within their job or career. It is the inner force that drives an employee to put in the effort required and achieve success in their work.
#4. Empathy If you can understand the emotions of others and relate to them, you can see problems from all perspectives and make objective decisions. Empathy defuses bias. Being empathic as a leader means you’re a good listener and interpreter, attuned to body language and facial expressions.
#5. Social skills It’s important to build a strong rapport with your team. Not only is it part of good leadership, but it’s also essential to boosting staff productivity and increasing loyalty. Having solid social skills such as active listening , verbal communication, nonverbal communication, leadership and persuasiveness enables you to connect with your team.
LESSON 8: Self-Assessment: Strengths and Weaknesses, Limitations, Likes and Dislikes Objectives: ✓ Assess one’s strengths and weaknesses ✓ Identify one’s limitations, likes and dislikes ✓ Discuss the importance of knowing once strengths and weaknesses in relation to achieving one’s goal
Reflective Practice is the ability we all have to reflect on our actions, incorporate learning from those actions into our understanding so that we are continuously learning and improving ourselves. Self-reflection is like looking into a mirror and talking with yourself, honestly.
Overcoming Limitations The following 5 steps can help you to overcome your own limitations. Become aware of limiting thoughts. It is difficult to change something you are unaware of. Begin to write down and journal limiting thoughts and beliefs that hold you prisoner. Begin to think big and see the possibilities. It is easy to find the faults and negatives in any situation, but to expand your limits you need to open your eyes to the world of possibilities–big possibilities. Allow yourself to dream a bigger dream. And then look around for the many possibilities.
3. Take action toward the big dreams that confront the limiting beliefs . Action is a mighty powerful force. Action that challenges old beliefs can change those beliefs quickly. And if you are feeling imprisoned, you want to make a fast break. 4. Surround yourself with other Big Dreamers. An amazing thing happens when you surround yourself with other possibility thinkers–Big Dreams begin to happen. The positive ideas and positive actions create positive outcomes. 5. Continue to Grow! Conscious growth forces you to swell beyond your cage. Read, attend seminars, teach others to dream big, share your message, push your limits, challenge yourself, – the list of ways to grow is unlimited. Just keep growing.
GROUP ACTIVITY: Let’s Apply: Scenarios in the Workplace What suggestions can you give in order for this employee improve his attitude in the scenarios given? SEE PAGE 54
LESSON 9: Components of Self-Regulation Objectives: ✓ Define self-regulation ✓ Identify the benefits of self-regulation at home and at work ✓ Practice identifying steps to take to improve one’s self-regulation.
Self-Regulation Components Self-regulation is the ability to pause before taking action on a feeling. It helps you stay focused on reaching short and long term goals and promotes effective interpersonal relationships at home and at work. Without self-regulation, decisions you make can negatively affect your well-being and the well being of others. If, for example, you don’t get off that jeepney and go to work, you are putting your job and reputation on the line. You are also creating undue stress for your co-workers as they will have to work harder to meet the deadline. It is important to understand how you regulate your choices and also have strategies in place to help you make the right ones.
There are four components of self-regulation: 1. Standards : level or quality of desirable behavior 2. Motivation : enthusiasm to meet the standards 3. Monitoring : thoughts or actions that precede breaking a standard; accountability tactics 4. Willpower : internal strength to control urges that break standards
Ways to Improve your Self-Regulation Abilities “Self-regulation requires commitment and self-reflection. The process is ongoing, as you will need to monitor your thoughts and actions regularly, and align with your goals and make changes where necessary. Here are some steps for developing your self-regulation abilities: 1. Set attainable goals . Changing old habits and routines can be challenging, but you can make the process easier by setting goals that are easily achievable. One of the most common mistakes we make when trying to change or learn something is setting goals that are too high and unrealistic, at first.
2. Align your goals with your values . You can be more motivated and committed to self regulating your emotions and actions when you focus on what matters to you. 3. Be kind to yourself . One of the most important aspects of self-regulation is to train your mind to be more positive. You can create positivity if you celebrate when you achieve goals and implement a personal reward system.
4. Make time to meditate . Meditation allows you to quietly reflect and gain more control over your thoughts. Any amount of meditation—even a daily, five-minute session—can have a positive impact on your self-regulation abilities 5. Hold yourself accountable . You can better control your own actions when you take responsibility for the goals you set.”
GROUP ACTIVITY: Read the tempting situation below. Use the 5 steps above to show how you might practice and improve your self-regulation. SEE PAGE 61
LESSON 10 Self-Help Concepts and Habits Objectives: ✓ Identify habits of highly effective people ✓ Develop a plan for self improvement in one’s personal and professional
Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People 1. Be Proactive. We're in charge. We choose the scripts by which to live our lives. Use this self-awareness to be proactive and take responsibility for your choices. The first habit that Covey discusses is being proactive. What distinguishes us as humans from all other animals is our inherent ability to examine our own character, to decide how to view ourselves and our situations, and to control our own effectiveness.
2. Begin with the End in Mind Start with a clear destination in mind. Covey says we can use our imagination to develop a vision of what we want to become and use our conscience to decide what values will guide us. Most of us find it rather easy to busy ourselves. We work hard to achieve victories — promotions, higher income, more recognition. But we don't often stop to evaluate the meaning behind this busyness, behind these victories — we don't ask ourselves if these things that we focus on so intently are what really matter to us.
3. Put First Things First In order to manage ourselves effectively, we must put first things first. We must have the discipline to prioritize our day-to-day actions based on what is most important, not what is most urgent. In order to maintain the discipline and the focus to stay on track toward our goals, we need to have the willpower to do something when we don't want to do it. We need to act according to our values rather than our desires or impulses at any given moment .
4. Think Win-Win In order to establish effective interdependent relationships , we must commit to creating Win-Win situations that are mutually beneficial and satisfying to each party. Covey explains that there are six paradigms of human interaction: 1. Win-Win: Both people win. Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying to both parties. 2. Win-Lose: " If I win, you lose. " Win-Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, and personality to get their way. 3. Lose-Win: " I lose, you win. " Lose-Win people are quick to please and appease, and seek strength from popularity or acceptance. 4. Lose-Lose: Both people lose. When two Win-Lose people get together — that is, when two, determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals interact — the result will be Lose-Lose. 5. Win: People with the Win mentality don't necessarily want someone else to lose — that's irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want. 6. Win-Win or No Deal: If you can't reach an agreement that is mutually beneficial, there is no deal.
5 . Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Before we can offer advice, suggest solutions, or effectively interact with another person in any way, we must seek to deeply understand them and their perspective through empathic listening. Let's say you go to an optometrist and tell him that you've been having trouble seeing clearly, and he takes off his glasses, hands them to you and says, "Here, try these — they've been working for me for years!" You put them on, but they only make the problem worse. What are the chances you'd go back to that optometrist?
6. Synergize By understanding and valuing the differences in another person's perspective, we have the opportunity to create synergy, which allows us to uncover new possibilities through openness and creativity. The combination of all the other habits prepares us for Habit 6, which is the habit of synergy or "When one plus one equals three or more and the whole is great than the sum of its parts." For example, if you plant two plants close together, their roots will co-mingle and improve the quality of the soil, so that both plants will grow better than they would on their own. Synergy allows us to create new alternatives and open new possibilities. It allows us as a group to collectively agree to ditch the old scripts and write new ones.
7. Sharpen the Saw To be effective, we must devote the time to renewing ourselves physically, spiritually, mentally, and socially. Continuous renewal allows us to synergistically increase our ability to practice each habit. Habit 7 is focused around renewal, or taking time to " sharpen the saw ." It surrounds all of the other habits and makes each one possible by preserving and enhancing your greatest asset — yourself.
GROUP ACTIVITY : Let’s Apply: Planning for Continuous Self Improvement SEE PAGE 66-67 1. Use the 7 habits of highly effective people to begin to develop a plan on how you can move forward on a path of self-help or self-improvement. For each habit, state one or two ways in which you can work towards this habit in your daily life. Think about these habits in your personal life as well as your professional life.