Chapter 6 Interpersonal Attraction

Chapter 6 Interpersonal Attraction

1. Chapter 6 Interpersonal Attraction

2. Affiliation Buunk (2001, p . 372) defined affiliation as ' the tendency to seek out the company of others, irrespective of the feelings towards others '. Affiliation can be explained as the desire that an individual has to be with others . T his is seen even in infants, though this need for affiliation becomes more and more complex as the person grows up and he/she may affiliate with others for various reasons : for enjoyment, to gain power, to feel intimate and so on. Lack of affiliation, thus, can have a long - term negative impact on individuals. Affiliation can also be attributed to the evolutionary development of human beings, where the survival chance was higher when with others, especially while facing dangers from different predators. Three main motives can be attributed to why individuals seek affiliation, especially under stressful conditions . T hey are discussed as follows: Social comparison theory Reduction of anxiety To s eek information

3. What Is Interpersonal Attraction ? In simple terms , interpersonal attraction can be described as attitude towards others. Thus , if you like someone , you have a positive attitude towards them , and if you dislike them , you have a negative attitude towards them. Where affiliation has to do with a desire to be with others, interpersonal attraction is aimed at interacting with others. This also serves as a basis to how relationships such as friendship and other intimate relationships develop. Principles of Attraction 1. Association: This term has been borrowed from classical conditioning which states that we tend to like persons and have a positive attitude towards people whom we associate with positive experiences and vice versa. 2. Reinforcement: This is a term that again comes from learning theories and find its application in interpersonal attraction.

4. Theories of Attraction Reinforcement model: Bernice Lott and Albert Lott proposed a reinforcement model which states that the reason behind interpersonal attraction is that when person is rewarded in presence of another person, this person (who was rewarded) will develop liking for th e another person. Reinforcement-affect model: This theory was proposed by Donn Byrne and Gerald Clore . Though in a way similar to the model proposed by Lott and Lott, discussed previously , this model focuses on feelings. Exchange theory: Interpersonal attraction can also be explained with the help of instrumental conditioning. Exchange theories can be discussed in this context that focus on cost and benefit. Though there are a number of exchange theories, the one that has been discussed here is the one proposed by John Thibaut and Harold Kelly. When we discuss about interpersonal attraction, there are necessarily two persons, who are both involved in cost and benefit analysis with regard to the interaction. Balance theory: Here the cognitive consistency theory by Heider will be discussed that focuses on the mental process of an individual , such as perceptions, attitudes, expectations, thinking and so on. The theory is based on assumption that the individuals will thrive to achieve balance or consistency when the cognitions are inconsistent or imbalanced and lead to experience of a psychological tension that is negative.

5. Determinants of Attraction Physical determinants Warmth Competence Characteristics that are complementary Reciprocity principle Similarity and p roximity

6. Friendship Right from our childhood to as we gro w up, friends play an important role in our lives, whether in terms of socialisation , peer influence or providing social support. Friends play such an important role in our lives as we are able to share our issues and problems with them. Friendship also has a significant impact on the quality of life of an individual (Berkowitz, 1986). How friendship develops can be attributed to similarities in attitude, values, interests and even age and gender. Why and how friendship develops can be explained with the help of social penetration theory. This theory highlights the role of self - disclosure that involves the sharing of information regard ing one self with others. Self - disclosure helps to increase self-awareness ; develop closer, deeper and more meaningful relationships ; improve communication ; r educe sense of shame or guilt and increase self-acceptance ; and resolve conflicts and interpersonal problems. Gender difference could also exist in friendship that can be explained in terms of intimacy and physical contact. Women tend to be engaged in friendship that is more intimate in nature as compared to men (Crisp & Turner, 2010). Studies also indicated that women tend to be more involved in self - disclosure when compared with men ( Dindia & Allen, 1992).

7. Romantic Relationship and Love Rubin defined love “in terms of feelings of attachment, caring, and intimacy as distinguished from liking which is characterised by general favourable evaluation, respect, admiration, particularly in such qualities as intelligence, respectability, maturity, responsibility and so forth” (Raven & Rubin, 1983 pg 254). Love can be categorised into various types. Love, in one way, can be categorised in to passionate love, game - playing love and friendship love, which can further be combined to form further categories of love, namely, possessive love, that is combination of passionate love and game - playing love ; pragmatic love, that is a combination of friendship love and game - playing love ; an d lastly, altruistic love, that is a combination of passionate love and friendship love. Physical intimacy between partners involved in romantic relationship is a crucial aspect, especially due to new emerging patterns of physical intimacy like premarital sex. There have been gross changes in the sexual behaviour s and attitudes over the period of time ; sexual interaction between individuals has become a significant feature of interpersonal relationship. Over a period of time , there has been a somewhat shift towards permissiveness, not only with regard to premarital sex but also other sexual practices like oral sex. Commitment in a relationship is very important and is denoted by willingness to remain in the relationship. Though commitment is not correlated to whether one is happy or not in the relationship.

8. Homosexual Couples and Relationships Homosexual couples denotes couples of same - sex partners , and as we discuss about interpersonal relationship and romantic relationship, it is inevitable that we also need to discuss about close or romantic relationship between same - sex couples.

9. Exotic Becomes Erotic Developmental Theory of Sexual Orientation: This theory that was proposed by Daryl Bem (1996) describes the antecedents of a person’s romantic or erotic attractions to opposite or same sex persons. The theory provides a temporal sequence that leads to sexual orientation for males and females in a culture with gender polarisation . The sequence begins with A and ends with F. Biological variables (including genes and prenatal hormones) determine the childhood temperament. Childhood temperaments. The temperament will determine the activities liked or disliked by the child and the children would show preference towards peers who likes the activities that they like. Sex typical o r sex atypical activity and preference of playmate. Children who indicate preference for sex typical activities and playmates of same sex are termed as gender - conforming children and children who indicate preference for sex atypical activities and playmates of opposite sex are termed as gender non - conforming.

10. Exotic Becomes Erotic Cont … D. Feeling different from the opposite sex or same-sex peers (feeling similar, different or exotic). Gender-confirming children will feel that they are dissimilar to peers of opposite sex and gender non-conforming children will feel different from peers of same sex. E. Non-specific autonomic arousal to opposite or same-sex peers results from the feeling of dissimilarity discussed under F. Thus , a boy (male typical child) may feel contempt in the presence of girls and, similarly, girls (female typical child) may feel apprehensions when boys are present. As in gender conformity, gender non-conformity as well experience non-specific arousal when with peers whom they feel they are dissimilar. G. The autonomic arousal during childhood gets transformed to erotic or romantic attraction to opposite or same-sex persons (indicating sexual orientation).

11. Troubled Relationships and Breakups Any relationship will go through different phases comprising of beginning, middle and end phases . Though some relationship may end due to external causes like natural calamities or due to ageing or death, other relationships may end due to internal causes like lack of attention or difference in opinions and expectations of the partners. Sources of conflict between partners range from faithfulness issues to overprotectiveness and being ignored. It is also possible that the behaviour of the one of the partners is such that it leads to conflict between the partners. The realisation of being dissimilar to each other in terms of attitudes, values and beliefs may also lead to troubled relationships. When the differences between the two people become difficult to handle or manage and the dissatisfaction about the relationship also increases , that may lead to breakup. Boredom can also be one of the reasons for breaking up of relationships.

12. Troubled Relationships and Breakups In any relationship, a kind of psychological distance is maintained between the individuals (Raven & Rubin, 1983) that is in a way similar to physical distance maintained by people. This psychological distance is more when you don't know the person and gradually decreases as you become more and more familiar with the person. Gradually trust develops between the persons and they are also able involve in self-disclosure and develop a close relationship. This leads to a psychological distance that is comfortable for both the partners or a psychological distance that is ideal. This distance can be maintained and re-established by either of the partners. Thus, if due to some argument or withdrawal by one of the partners, the psychological distance increases, then it is re-established by the other partner; similarly if it decreases because one of the partner becomes too intimate, then again the other partner will re-establish the distance and bring it to its normal or ideal level. However, in relationships that do not work, the partners fail to adjust to the changes that take place in the psychological distance and the partners may experience a breakup. Though effective coping and willingness to cope with the deteriorating relationship and intervention from friends, family or even a therapist can help save the relationship.

13. Phases of Breakup Phase 1 Intrapsychic phase: An attempt is made to identify the sources of the problem and an internal cost and benefit analysis is also carried out. The problem is either repressed or is shared with the friends. Phase 2 Dyadic phase: The situation or the problem is discussed by the couple or partners in order to come up with reconciliation. The couple may involve in negotiation, reconciliation attempts or arguments (that may further aggravate the problem). Phase 3 Social phase: At this stage , the couples or the partners accept that the relationship is breaking up and they seek social support and at the same time seek ways in which they can save their social image. Phase 4 Grave dressing phase: Involves accepting that the relationship is over and work ing on the division of the property or belongings and also decid ing about the children (if any). The individuals may also involve in informing others about their version for why the relationship ended.