Diary of a wimpy kid 9 the long haul

Diary of a wimpy kid 9 the long haul

1. ji aKa

THE me HAUL

4. OTHER BOOKS BY JEFF KINNEY

ary of a Wimpy Kid: The

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Hard Luc

COMING

of a Wimpy Kid

8. JUNE

Tf there's one thing Tie learned from my years
of being a kid, #5 that you have ZERO control

ce school let out, E haven't had anything
Le needed 40 DO or anywhere Tve needed to
BE. As long as the air-conditioning was working
and the TV rerote had batteries in it, T was all

set for a relaxing summer vac

But then, out of the be, THIS happened—

9. summer, she said we were

for a few days to visit Aunt Loretta at the

rursing home

Ta wasn't exactly my idea of a fan way to kick
wer. One tine when we visited Aur
Loretta, her roommate grabbed me and wouldn't le

ge until a staffer gave her a choclate chip muffin

+ was just Buffing about
rursng hone. At breakfast the next morning, she
Hold us wher were REALLY

10. Me and my brother Rodrick were happy, because
we were both dreading spending the fist week

mar vacation playing shuffleboard at a

But when my little brother, Ma
the change in plans, he totally LOST it. Mom
had talked up the Aunt Loretta trip so much
that Manny was actually EXCITED about going.

11. We ended up POSTPONING our trip to Disney
so we could visit Aunt Loretta. You'd think Mom
would've learned her lesson about surprise trips
after THAT one.

006 trip idea

of "Farsly Frolic”

we do as a family comes from ideas Mom gets from
that magazine. And when I saw the latest issue,

T knew it was gonna get Mons wheels turning

12. Family Frolic

13. But there must be something wrong with OUR
, because we can never measure up to the

show in the magazine.

this road trip is be awesome and that

Ing a lot of tine together in the

" experience

그 tried +o talk her into letting us do something
NORMAL, like going to a water park for the
day, but Mom didn't want o hear it.

14. 10 do
done before and to has

4 Dad in about her
road trip dea, bet apparently T was wrong,

se when he got hone from し he seemed

work and he didn't want o
unless he absolut

nothing nore

15. Then Dad told Mom he was really hoping to get
his BOAT out on the water this weekend, and if
we went on a road trip, he wouldnt be able 40.

Mom and Dad get along pretty well in gene

bot the one thing that's guaranteed do cause a
fight between them is Dad's boat.

A few years ago, Mom sent Dad out to get Some
milk, bot along the boat for sale
in someone's front yard. And before you knew it,

Mom was mad that Dad didn't check with her

first, because having a boat is a ton of work.

16. À Dad said it was always his dream to own a

So Dad got to KEEP the boat, and he seemed
à But things went downhill fast.

re people from the

Homeowners’ Association knocked on our door.

17. They said there were res in cur nei)
boat packed in front of your
Dad he had to move it 40 the back.

mer because Dad wo

tine to use it. Then, in the fall, one of Dad's
coworkers told him he'd have to WINTERIZE
he boat to protect it from the cold weather.

Dad found out it wold cost more to winter
host than it cost him to BUY it, so he decided

hed take his chances, And sure enough, he

weeks later, when the temperature dropped below
Freexing, a big crack appeared in the hull

18. rolled the boat
at there all winter.

19. when he went to pull it

he discovered a fandy of raccoons

ng machine.

ad called an exterminator to get rid o

ss, but when he heard ho

By then Manny had heard about the b

raccoons living in the washing machine,

20. The boat's been
heard any scurrying sounds caning from under the
deck for a while, the raccoons

moved out.

Today, Mon told Dad he had the whole rest of
summer do get his boat out on the water, and

be prety. 시

21. disappointed when sone of hi

make the

22. ym made me leave a bunch of sm

which seened pretty ridiculous considering thet

But T get

Manny us
y

clectrones on the trip

take up any 의

23. gonna let ther ply

they WANT. TF you ask me, electronics are the

to faraly happi

the driveway and eut 0
need, there was STILL way too much to fit in
the

그 suggested we rent one of those giant recreational
vehides, because me could fit all our stuff in it and

have room to

24. Vs; we could spend

WEEKS on the road without even bunping into

one another.

But Mom said RV are too expensive and they
so thet put an end te
that idea.

Rodrick said maybe we could get
‘trailers you tow BEHIND the car, which sounded.
smart do re.

25. A it was pretty dear Rodrick was inagi

the traler as a sort of mnirapariment for
HIMSELE, so thet wasn't gonna fly, either.

issue by just putting
the stuff thet didnt ft in the van into the
BOAT, which we cold tow behind us

T think Mom realized there wasn't really another

26. ly did we have to take all the junk out of
the boat, but it turned out there was a TREE
gh the bottom. T+ took three hours
deck, and
let me just say Mom did not exactly go out of her

way to help.

up the hole nthe be
with some duct tape.

T jest hope wee not. going anprhere mear-weier
on this Arip, though.

27. as far as T know, the boat didn’t come

with any life preservers.

Even with the 0 we got from the boat,
the ninvan was stil pretty Fl. T snack my pillow
on board at the last second, because T decided T

was entitled 4

T figured Rodrick would want to sit in the back

of the van, Rs © go anywhere as a

, be likes to stretch out and take a nap.

Every once in a while well forget Rodrick is even
back the

28. This Easter, we made it halfway through church
Mom realized Rodrick never made it out of

eat thet faced Ahe rear window. But we got
in big trouble when we played a practical joke on
wm and Dad that ended up getting us puled

r by the pol

When we got in the van today, Rodrick offered

me the backseat.

29. T accepted before he could
should've known his offer was too good +o be true.

Before we pulled out of the driveway, Mom said
we were taking a “special guest” along for the

vide, For a second T was worried we were picking

someone ELSE up, because with all our stuff in
the van heyd have do sit on the ROOF.

But Mom opened her purse and pulled out a piece
of paper with a drawing

30. Hein bond thet falls off his bedroom wall in
‘the middle of the nigh

And when they pull +he bulletin board off him,

he's as thin as a piece of paper

31. Ih it was pretty cool that Flat Stank
et mailed to his
fly bin Ike a kite

a brother lke RODRICK, T. guarantee he

wouldn't survive a whole de

32. T really liked the à
out, too. One thi
r of bulletin boar

color in a cutout of Flat Stanley and mail him to

a friend or relative who lived far away.

Then that person was supposed to take a picture
of Flat Stanley in front of something interesting
and mal him back with the photo

33. n sent him to his uncle who

But she probably wasn't the

is one of those people who |
7
Uke newspapers and ms
her cousin got her

lat Stanley he wasn’t coming back.

35. When Mor wasn taking pict wly

was taped do the front air-conditioning vent
AIT can say is, he was having a lot better ride
then 工 vas The windows in the back of 4h
don't open, and Ahe vents were blocked by al
our luggage, so T. wasn't getting ANY cold air.

What made me even MORE uncomfortable was the
fact that Mom was in control of the trip. Mom
always res to make thin education, and

T Knew she was gonna turn this experience into

ot seratched by G
and Mom tried +o tum it into a

36. * enough, a half hour into the rip today,

started in with the educational stuff.

She had borrowed a bunch of CDs from the library
‘that teach Spanish, and said we'd use the

テーー
— LEaRNTo

SPEAK
SPANi

langoage isthe best thing you
Brain. That right be true, bot T think she 4
leave the actual TEACHING to the sch

37. +o a foreign language early
de, she would put the S

channels on TV while we ate breakfast
Mon would repeat whatever they said on the

television, but when SHE seid the words they
came out 0 little bit different.

L ended up all sorts of phe

werent right. For example, the way you
SUPPOSED Y hats your name” in
Spanish is “Cómo +e lamas.” Well, T know that

NOW because T learned it in my middle school

38. À when 工 was little, Mom taught me thet

what's your nane in Spanish is "Te ano," which
ACTUALLY means "T love you.” T just wish
T had known that before T said it to a million
diferent people

Today, Mor played the first two Spanish CDs
but che got frustrated that no one seered to be

paying attention, So she switched gears and said
we were gonna play a car gare she read abot in

her magazine

39. The gane was called Alphabet and y
play it lke thst The frst player has to mane an

Tf a player CAN'T cone up with an item that

starts with their letter, theyre out of the gare.

40. hen Rodrick got knocked art, the turn went +

Manny, who
7

rd clapping, but T pointed out that
apple” isn’t a real word. She said Manny

larg he iphabe and that ll ne

half was pretty painful

41. of hungry, and when T saw as

through place at the next
we coud pul over. But Mom said we wouldn't be

stopping st any of THOSE kinds of restauran

into eating sugar and
we fall into that trapı

42. À the Mon
ch T guess should not have

Inside the bag was a tuna
an orange, and a little carton of

something wrapped in Anfal.

L had to eat my fruit before I

unwrapped the tinfl, because that was my “pre.”

But T wich T had ned it right away

T wouldn't have eaten the whale orange
if Td known the prize was a

flash cards.

Rodrick got flash cards in HIS lunch, 400, and
we could both see where this was headed. So before
Mom could turn the next hour of the trip into a
‘tutoring session, T pulled out one of the games
Mom had packed in a big tote ba

43. The gane T grabbed was called "T

그 read Ahe rules, which were pretty simple: One
person takes a card from the deck and reads it

avt loud to everyone ese,

J Must Confess...

VE MET A
FAMOUS PERSON.

‘Tf one of the playe hing thats
written on the card, they earn a point And the

frst pla en points wins

T was a little skeptical at first, but I have to
tually kind of FUN. 고
learned a lot of things about Mom and Dad T

never knew before.

36

44. T found out that Dad had a
he was a kid and that Mom dyed

nee, which really surprised me.

Believe it or not, even RODRICK was getting

into the game. He got a paint for being the only

person whod ever slept out ove

to a concert, and ANOTHER point for getting
stuck in hs ear, which Y remember like it

was yesterday

45. Dad and Rodrik were neck and neck with nine
ints, and whoever scored next would win the
really happy everyone was

ting along and having f

e he pad a new card out of the deck and

on that card, becaus:

for the next one. But Rodrick

had just won the lottery,

46. thought Rodrick was lying to get a point,
tut he told her it was TRUE. He seid thet a
few months ago, he and his bandmates tollet-
papered Mrs. 下 Hies house next door after she
called the police to complan they

too

much noise reheat:

47. TT was Rodrick, T wouldve changed ny story
real quick and said 고 was just joking around te

wn the gene. But
to bail out.

w= had Dad pal ver to the side of ther
then handed Rodrick her phone and made hin call
He to apolgiee, which was avkward for

everyone in the car.

After that, it was quiet in the van for a long
Aime. Mom was about to pop the next Spanish CD
in the stereo, kt lucky Manny had fallen asleep

by then, so she couldn

49. ing it after preschool, which I found 0

HARD way,
On the first day of kindergarten, after we had our

고 asked the teacher where the mats were,

so we could le down and recharge our batteries.

But she said kindergartners don't HAVE nap time,

and T thought Just making « funny joke.

50. A few minutes later the whole class was making
er bag puppets. Apparently, I was the on
whe didn't get the heads-up about the no

thing, because for the rest of the day everyone

seened fine, while T cod barely function.

the trip, beca
in his mouth, he car
anything, Manny lost his favorite pacifier last

night, but Dad ran out o get an

near our house that se

51. a little strange, bot it works

sa regular one.

Manny had been sleeping peacefully for about an

hour today when we stopped at a tollbooth. Dad

called down his window to get a ticket, and the
yy in the booth had sich a loud vice he sounded
like he was speaking through « MEGAPHONE.

52. Manny started to fuss, and his pac
halfway ort of hs moth. But lucky Rodri

The problem T had with Manny's nap was that 고
really needed to get ovt of the car and stretch

53. T red to make myself confortable, but with al
the stuff pled around me, it was impessble.

ly, my backpack was in arm's reach behind my
+, because it had some books and other things
La brought to entertah m

always trying te get me to read stoff

T know what T like. And vertan)

school, my favorite books have been the ones in

ire and
they can put the underpants in a museum

55. The books are supe
school, but the

all the “rude humor.

all the boys in m

Underpants Bandits books: And thet made my
teacher, Mrs. Te hate them even MORE

Our class had a project where we had to write a
letter to our favorite author, and of course all
the boys d Mik,

56. Mes. Terry said we had do pick someone

ELSE, so T grabbed a random book from the
Library and wrote my letter to an author Td

never even heard of before.
March 30th

te o an author,
ns for you:

What's your favorite color?

your favorite flavor of ice

our favorite su
ould appreciate it if you could
a mn, because Lam g

raded on th

Pay Nee

57. But T probably should've he year the

book was written before T wrote my letter

Dear Mr. Heffley

et to inform you that the
written,

able to
respond to your questions,

With regrets,
を ーー ん

Katrina Welker
Publisher

Most PARENTS dont lice the Underpants
Bandits books, either.

58. In fact, the PTA had a meeting that year
where they decided parents’ tax dollars should
be used to purchase any of the Underpants
Bandits books for the library

ame back to school from spring break
all of the Underpants Bandits books
were GONE,

T hope these adults are happy when a whale

generation of boys grow up not knowing how to read

59. When the school banned the Underpants Bandits
books, it just made ther more popular than
ome boys snuck in copies from home and

en on to OTHER

id even brought in a bootleg copy of an

Underpants Band; om Japan. T couldn't
ty easy

60. T actualy wrote 0 the author on my OWN just

to tell him how much T liked his series.

ust 18th
Dear Mr. Davies,

Tim just writing o tell you, don’t listen to
these people who say your books are
garbage, because they don't know what
they're talking about, I know a bun

of kids (including me)

books are great

As far as the “rude humor” g
that stuff hilarious, so ple
change a thing

‚you to put MORE bodily
functions and thin

Ti never written a fan letter like hat, and every
day when T got home from school, T ran to the

ailbox +o see if Mik Davies had written me back.

62. T couldn't believe I poured my heart out to this
99 andl

Even though thet whole exper
Haste in my mouth, I stil lke his books.

At least T get to read whatever T WANT this

summer. Rodrick's school gave him a whole list for

required reading, and some of the books look like a

À work.

63. À Rodrick's not much of a reader, so he rented
all the MOVIE versions of the books on his list.

Mom said 5 not smart to watch the movie
without reading 4he book, because hey us

change a lot o But Rodrick seid as long as
he got the basic idea, hed be fine.

그 think his approach is gonna cause problens,
though. "The Lord of +h on his summer
reading list, but when he rented the move, he
wasn't carefl about checking the 4e.

Lords ==

64. Rodrick watched the

the second time he told Mom that whoever wrote

the book must be a gens. But Tin guessing
Arcs teacher is gonna be pretty confus

Manny was

hinself all the way

65. she told Dad maybe we should
for the day, so he pulled off at the

T was realy looking forward to eating a neal at a

but Mom said were on a budget

onight we were gonna pick up our dinner at

ermacket a few mies from the
exit. But Mom was afraid that if the van stopped
1001 wake up and have a fit. So
at a shopping list for Rodrick and
then Dad drove re

66. which wasn easy since we were tow

y ut with a couple bag
of groceries Ad. dron he lth of I ゃ

up Sone extra ¡tens for himself.

When Dad pulled the van around, Rodrick hopped
in. Then we started looking for a place to st
for the night, b ‘
wasn't that great.

67. A few of the motels had big s
d "Color TV," 바바 >

col, which sounded pretty
lly considering that L

d in a whole lot of motels, but if

TA say we picked one an the

The lobby smelled like

covered in weird stai

68. À everyone was +

and look for another place to stay

We got the key to our room, and when we walked

the comforter and pillows thet Tin pretty

were cigarette burns.

floor, then dropped it
it was WET.

Mom went back +o the front desk and asked for
a different room, but the clerk said the motel was
full and that me! Hen the last one.

69. When Mom returned +0 the room, she

gonna have te try and make the
ituation. Then she and Dad stripped the bed

ou to the bare matte

70. Believe itor not, Manny slept through ALL of
His. Mom said that if he woke up now, hed be
awake all night, so she was just gonna let h

sleep through Hl morning,

wm put Manny down in the middle of the sofa
bed and pulled blanket over hin.

72. But Rodrick said we could MICRON
pate. Then he put it inside the ricrowave oven to

prove it

Ta was actually a SAFE, By 4he tine he figured
that avt, the pizza was locked inside.

Mon gave me whet was left of her cash and said

to go down to the vending machine to get the
Mr stuff T 006 find.

73. And that’s how we ended up eating
and breath mints for dinner on the fit

our road Ari

ht we couldnt watch TV or do anything

in he room because Mann ep on the

pilot sofa.

Mor wouldn't even let us keep the ligh
we all sat in the dark for a while 내기 me and
Rodeick decided +o go down to the pool +o kil
sore time.

Well, the sign outside the motel said there was à

001, but there was no actual WATER in it.

74. And it didn’t look like there HAD been for at

least five years.

There was a hot tub near the pool that DID have
init, but some family was already

So me and Rodrick waited our tum.

75. “tunately, the farily couldn't take a hint
that we wanted do use the hot tub, so evento
ne and Rodrick just went back 40 the room.

The lights were stil out, and Mom and Dad w

leg on the mattress. T guess they mustve been
pretty exh wey were still wearing
all their clothe

(<i

WA Mom and Dad on the bed and Manny an he
sofa, it didn't leave a lot of good sleep options for
me and Rodrick.

We checked the closet for a cot or an air mattres
but there was nothi

68

76. odrick was one step ahead of me, though. He
ions and made a
hinself on the floor. Five seconds later, he

out cold.

deep, oT got sore tom
bathroom and laid them on the floor

9 there for a minute, T noticed a
TERRIBLE srell and thought a mouse mu

died in the vent or something.

77. T tried cove Y ith a washeloth, but

that seemed to make the smell even WORSE.

Te was hard enough trying to fall asleep under
ditions, but then someone in the room
SNORING. Luckily, L was prepared for

that. Mom and Dad BOTH snore, which is the

reason I thought ahead and brought earplugs on
the trip.

dark in the room T could only find

y
so T had to ty seeping

with the carplug in my left ear and my other ear
pressed 40 the floor.

y fall ap for a fem minutes

wake up to sone kind of ruckus going on outside.

78. When T looked art the peephole, T
sh by, but 호 couldn't tell what it we oT

cked open the door to see what was goin

ns out those kids from the hot tub had
mn their hands on a cleaning cart and were

ramming it into a wall.

79. T couldn't BELIEVE Ahese kids’ parents were
letting them run wid in the middle of the night,
so Y stepped 0 of the room and went over to

ve them pies of my rind

The littlest kid burst into tears and ran into his
oom, and T didn't feel bad a

But a minute later his door opened again, and hs
FATHER came out.

80. dat by ag
back do our room and

T prayed with all my might

ong enough to keep

81. doorknob in case the guy decided +o cone BACK.

Lt was REALLY hard faling asleep after that,
because every tine T heard someone outside the
door I held my breath until they passed by

Before I knew it, the sun was up and so was

Manny. Mom turned on +h ision, and

whenever Manny watches TV, he TALKS to it.

가

82. bat I gee

the sane exact thing when I

83. T vas just goofing around when T answered
he guy on TV actually RESPONDED.

그 wich # never happened, though. Be
tine after that, I thought the people inside

the TV could hear everything I said.

BETTER my |
BROTHER

84. Th fact, on my sixth birthday, Mom had

me down and have a talk about the difference

* friends and “real” fri

And when T did, T found eut the sour
that awful smell. Rodrick had put hs shoes in
the closet, and I had

breathing in hs fomes.

は

85. But even WORSE was that the I
had used to block the smell was actually one of

ation with
the TV didn't bother him one little bit, bec
he just slept right through al the ne

86. ing a little restless waiting for
everyone to get going this morning, He's one of

those guys who gets up every day at the crack of
dawn so he can arrive at his office early, and Ahis

rt thing wasn't working for him.

up and take
+ nest to the

id that from now on we were al
In Ahe same sleep schedule so we wouldn’

1 trip. But befor

done talking, Manny passed ovt in his ear

plan for the day was for us to go to a
country fair she read about in “Fary Frali.

87. but

The fair was a few hours away, so that meant me

being cranged in the backseat again, which was
star et ald. Thankfully, after an hove,
M 2d to switch places with me.

When T got up to the front seat, T couldn't

believe how much ROOM there was.

30

88. TA)
(CD) )

And it wasn't just all the space that was a
T even had individual temperature set

cnn cup holder.

고 went to change the radio station, but Dad
stopped me. He said only the DRIVER gets to

pick the music. I didn't think that was fai, but
T wasn't gonna complain and risk getting sent to

89. Dad's mos was pretty amfal, but the view totally

made op for it.

When you're in the back, you don't have any se

da whole

so gung he about taking this road trip,

When we took the exit for the country fair,
came to a stoplight. We were behind a minivan that

was the sane exact model as ours, only purple.

The ki the van looked kind of familiar. It
took me a second to realize they were the same

ones from last night.

90. T hadn't told Mom and Dad abat the incident
he cleaning cart, because 고

+ cone avt looking too great.

4e know about my

runcin with Mr. Beardo.

The kids in the purple van recognize
and started making obn

91. The skinny one made Ne sane face back at ME,
and the second he did, the light turned green
and they acelerated. When their van lurched

face-planted into the

left, and Mr. Beardo

get a real good look at me.

92. ly» the packing lot for the fair was only a
hundred feet up the road. Once we stopped,
de until I wa

But it looked lke we were in the ele
till asleep in h Mom said
yy back with him and the rest of us could go

on ahead.

The fair was a LOT different than 고 thought
T expected it to have a Ferris

wheel and a merry-go-round and stuff

bot instead there were a bunch of +

animals and booths with homemade fe

94. see if Manny was

and he told me and Rod:

The two of us wandered around for a
we came across a tent where there was somethi

bg going on.

Tit was a Foulest Footwear contest, and they
were offering a prize for whoever had the

nastiest sho

95. their entries.

T told Rodrick HE should enter, because if
ANYONE deserved 40 win this thing, it was hin

While we were waiting in Une, me and Rodrick got

in an argument over who would get to keep the

pr aid we

was ny idea,

‘thing because it was HIS shoe and he was the one
whe made it stink.

E

96. Right before we

reached a compromise where TA 9

«shots looked a lot worse than
T mas losing confidence that he'd
when the judges got to the smell test

a coupon for one deep-fried butter on a

T told Rodrick he could have it all +o himself,

made me feel a little nauseous.

97. Rodrick asked the
they said they v

national comp
around with only one shoe. T decided 40 explore
the nearby stalls while Redrick was p

his stick of fried butter.

But I had a SERIOUSLY close call when T
turned a corner and almost ran smack into the
entire Beardo farily. Luckily, Y mas able to duck

for cover j

98. knew the Beardos were on the
grands, 1 was eager to get out of there

그 went 0 look for Rodrick, but he mustve gone
Back 4o the van. 工 decided to head there myself,
bot on my way out T spotted the top of

head in a crowd under one of the livestock tents.

People were packed shoulder to shoulder, and T
sing ny way through to get 70 where

Mom was.

99. hen T finally made it up to the front,
surprised to see Manny standing in the middle of
the erand, holdin

100. 에 explaned to the judge that hy
entered the contest for fan and didnt actully
WANT the gig

But the people in the crowd seemed kind of

insulted and wouldn't take no for an answer.

With all the conmotion this was causing, T was
he Beardo farily was gonna cone o
ly was y
the livestock tent to see what was going
Luckily, by then Mom seened ready do get out

here herself, and we made cur way +o +h

1b was sitting in the van with he sir-condition

cranked vp, and when he saw Mom carrying a

pig, be was a little taken by surprise

101. Dad à
, but he di

Dad said we had no b ming a pig
that we needed to take it back to the

indie.

But Mo it was too late, because

had already 4° on Manny.

102. Dad stil wasn't on board, though. He said pi
a "bam arial" and could Be carrying all sorts of

parasites and whatnot. But Mon said a LO

people keep pigs as pets, and she'd heard theyre

just as smart as

Then Rodrick got in on the conversation, He
voted for KEEPING the pig because he said we
could get free bacon from it every morning, the

way you get eggs from a chicken.

So either he de
he just wasn't thinking i all

Mn favor of keeping the q
1d hurry up and get going.

103. T noticed a purple van parked a few spaces away
From outs, and T was nervous the Beardos would

show up any second.

Dad finally caved in. He said if we wer
keep the pig, it mould have to ride in the boat
But Mor said putting the pig in the bont was
‘inhumane’ and that we

it in the

The thing is, there wasn't anywhere te PUT
he pig in the van. We couldn't just let it roar
Free, and we couldn't exactly strap it in with a

seat belt, either. So Mom emptied out the cooler

and put the pig in THERE.

Once that was settled, we finaly pulled out of

+he parking lot.

%

104. After we put a few res between us and the f

inaly breathe again.

> the highway, it had
tipped over the cooler and was rooting around in

of the Monmy Meal begs

and THIS time T strapped hs seat belt across
it 50 it wouldnt tp ove.

needed to stop a

was for us to go to a restaurant and then
the pig er leftovers. That sounded lke
deal to me, shee it meant wed actly get to

in dinner.

105. Ve found a place to cat à fem miles away, and

he van with the pig while
But when Ahe maitre
saw that Rodrick was only wearing one shoe,

said she couldn't serve hi

Dad said me and Re
MY shoe. But T wish T hadn let Rodrick

first, because he's the world’s slowest eater.

106. When we got back in the van, we gave the

leftover com and vegetables, which 4 ate stra
yrofoar container

Mom started looking up places +o stay for he

right on the GPS. She asked Rodrick to call a

hotel to see if they had any roons available, Th

did, but Rodrick Blew さも

Mom found another place a few miles away, and
his tine she did the tal

The hotel was just after the tolls. A few hundred
feet from the exit, traffic came to a crawl.

107. ation up ahead and asked
에 and Dad if T could hop out and use the
bathroom, then catch up with the car after T

Dad didn’t like the idea becs
that by the tine T got ba

be threugh Ahe Halbe. By now Aus pretty

obvios the pig needed do go, too, because it was

je the cooler.

T could use the bathroom at the gas
station as long as T brought the pig WITH me.

108. arm and ran aero

gas station,

T tried the handle to the men’s room, but it was
locked. T waited for the person using it to come

OUT, but whoever was in there wasn’t in any

uch do weap things vp.

109. T was getting kind of desperate, so T Arad

the handle to the women's room, but THAT was
locked, too.

I van back to he car, whi
forward about five feet in the tine T was gone.

When T told Mom that both bathrooms were
cxcupied, she said gas station bathrooms are
ALWAYS locked and that I had to ask
the

ATTENDANT for the k

So T ran BACK to the gas station and told
the guy at the desk T needed do use the
restroën in a hu

110. sure what I was expect
es station b
WORSE than T cod

embarrassed than

sr because when it was the pigs tum to ¢

nothing happened.

111. After T 9 k to the attendant,
고 spotted ou st was about +
through the tollooth. inted all the way
across traffic to get to it in time.

But before T opened the door, I wish T had
noticed that the van didn’t have a BOAT

OUR van was actually sil few cars back, and
by the tine T got inside, the pig looked like he
out to bur

T guess Mom was right about pigs being smart,

he knew EXACTLY what +o de

112. When we pulled up to the hotel last
relieved that it looked alot nicer than

we stayed the night BEFORE.

getting turned away at the des
so we kept it in the

113. 그 think Mom felt bad about Ahe sleep situation at
the motel the first night, because this tine she

rented TWO rooms so everyone would have a bed.

But T shouldve known there was a catch. M
said since she and Dad had Manny in THEM

room, the pig was gonna have 40 stay in OURS.

114. 고 decided 90 let the
fut when T. peeked inside a few minutes later, it
had made a TERRIBLE mess in there. And Tin
pretty sure it ate a bar of soap, too

in the bedroom so T coud keep
pe on it, but the first thing 가 did was go
straight to the door connecting the ve roo

116. TA had somehow figured ovt how to open the

bar door and was rooting through the cand

pp and put it in our bath,
‘then went mer der do tll Mor and Dad whet
pened. But it tumed ovt the pig had raided

T counted at least three
and don’t even

40 de THAT

117. Dad went down to the front desk +o +ell them

cur “pet” had gotten into the minibar and we
shouldn't be charged for ll the stuff it at.

gonna have o
ff from the rinbar, and on top
a fifty-dollar penalty for

Violating the hotels “no pet" Poky 一

After the final tally, the pig ended up costing 나
more than the ROOMS did.

Mon was eager to get on the road, so she woke
Rodrick up and told him + in the shower.
But T probably should've tioned +o him that

the pig was in the bathtub before he stepped in

118. the phone

with his office. Apparently, there was some sort

and he wes the only one 바 0 knew

Mor had planned a big day for us with lots of
stops, so she wasnt happy that Dad had 4 de
with a work situation, But we hit the road anyway,
and Dad talked on the phone while he drove

119. Our frst stop was a place that dained to have
he largest piece of popcorn in the world, which
ended up not being thet im First of all,
it wasn't a real piece of popcorn, it was a wood

carving, and second, it wasn't even all thet big.
Ven we got cut of the car, Dad stayed back
an his call. The pig stayed, too sleeping off the

drinks

Greetings from the home of the

famous” because it has life-size carvings of all the

US. preside

m2

120. This tine Mom made Dad get out of the va
jin us, bet he stayed on the phone the whole ine

it wasn’t OK for hin o be missing aut on “farily
we Dad told her he just needed o deal with

one more work issue, and after it was taken care

of, hed give us his fll attention,

he was about to get a call from one of
nal clents and that when he DID, +
was really important for everyone to stay quiet so
it woud seem like Dad was in he

121. Lt didnt lok like that was gonna be a big problem.

Manny was already down doc hsiaftemioinindg,

A few minutes later, Dad's call came in. You could
al by how laud the guy was talking that he
But Dad spoke in a real even tone, and hi
ant seened to calm dom.

The rest of us stayed as quiet as we could. But
hen Rodrick got eut one of his packs of bubble
gen and put all five pieces in his movth and
started chewing it real loud.

stop making so much n

122. But her finger snapping was actually LOUDER

than the gem chewing, w could tell was

irrita:

À the button to open the sunroo
she DID, the inside the van

was lke a jet turbine

om realized she had made a mistake, so she
4 the button to CLOSE the sunroof. But
shut all the way, Rodrick chucked his

123. The gum boomeranged right BACK and g

ㆍ Feantically pressed the “close” button, but
the sunroof was jammed open. At that moment
the ai rushing in from ovtside dislodged Flat
Stanley from the vent, and he went flying.

Dad was having a really hard tne concentrating

on his call and was furbling with the buttons to
+ the sunroof himself.

124. À now he didn’t have a hand on the wheel and
was steering with his KNEES.

d started drifting out of his lane, and the
driver of a huge tractor-traler let us know it,

which made Dad drop his phone.

125. The horn also startled Manny,
opped out and onto the floor.

Manny was sucking ar like he sill had hs pacifer
in his mouth, and T knew we had about ten
ds to find it before he had a follcon tantrum

고 spotted the pacfar on the flor in front of
me and tried +o unfasten my seat belt so 고 could

reach it. But instead T accidentally unbuckled the
seat belt holding the COOLER in

Dad was trying to reach for his phone at 4
«tire, and he jerked the car to the

the cooler Hip over:

126. was total chaos. The pig was lose, Manny

was crying, and Dad was cursing because he couldn't

hs pl

But the main problem was the PIG. T+ was
gping bananas, running around on the floor and

squealing like era

of a sudden, the pig went quiet. And
he popped back up, me knew why.

127. T reached out real slowly and plucked Manny's
pacifier ovt of the pigs ro
i BIT me

T guess the pi
rake «an fort T+ hopped op on Man

The ig managed to get its head and front legs
cut the window and would've made it ALL the
im hadn't jumped over her seat and

2 hind leg

120

128. button on the stereo, and now we had the Spanish
CD blaring at ful volun.

MAMA AAA

The whole time, Dad verving all over the.
Mom got the p
indow. Dad managed +o

T+ was quiet in the car for 0 full minute while
everyone caught their breath. Dad was really mad
that we messed up his business call, and he let us

know it.

129. À he probably shouldve made sure his phone was

first. Because when he pot at to his ear, bis

client was still on the other end.

After Dad's wor ter y
or had a long talk outside the

A half hour later we pulled into the park:

of a petting 200. Mor opened the side door and

130. om went inside, and five minutes later she

with an empty cooler,

Tin not so sure Mom mas doing the petting 200
pig that bit

KILLING

d said that the pig probably hadn't hed any
immunizations and might even have r

NOT what I wanted to hear.

131. fe seen enough horror movies to know that when
a person gets bit by an animal, nothing good

cones of it. The LAST thing T need is to turn
into some kind of were-pig, because that could

really mess up my dating life

Mom took a look at my finger, and T could tell
he was a little worried. She said we should find
a doctor +o check it out, which didnt calm

Mom tried o find an energeneyreare place on
the GPS, but there was nothing within a fifty-

132. But she DID find a VETERE

five minutes up the road.

She said a veterinarian would have the same stv
as a regular doctor, but a vet could actully be
BETTER because they might know a 4h

two about pig bites.

그 honestly thought Man was joking around about
this veterinarian thing, but she was dead se

And 0 few minutes later we pulled into the
parking lot.

30NDS 出 VETERINARIAN

ist at the front desk
while the rest waited on a bench.

133. History of worms? Yes 区 No CI
an a todd
Last rabies shot: N/A

Spayed/Neutered? Yes 口 No 加

134. Once Mom handed in the forms, the receptionist
told me L could sit with the other “patents” to

wait for the doctor.

You'd think T get some sort of priority because
Lina human being, but I got put behind a gerbil
‘that had swallowed a cigarette and a cat that

got its face stuck in a yogurt container.

When we hed our dog, , Mom had to take
him to the vet a bunch of tines for getting into
stuff he

Hime she tock him, she didn't really need 4e

Mom had found a bunch of empty cellophane
wrappers from a pack of whoopie pis in the laundry

room, and she figured Sweetie had eaten them.

135. IW

136. T feel Ike my visit to the vet was payback for
the vhoop pie cident, especially when the

a:
weighed me on the sane scale they use

ALL

st

When T got back to the waiting area, Rodrick
Hold me thet when they take an ANIMAL'S
+, they stick the thermometer

137. T was worried Rodrick night be right, but then
T realized ls information was coring from

o was eating gerbil

Twice while we were waiting at the vet's, Manny
folted out the front door, and both times Dad
grabbed him before he got too far. I think
Manny was gr

When T was Manny's age, T used do get mad at
Mom and Dad and try to run away all the tine.

Y

138. T remember once when we were in the changing
room at the pool and Mor was trying to m
me wear a bathing suit I di

running, but I

T was GOING.

When he

was in first grade, he'd take off every day at the

same time, but he'd come back home when Mom told

him his favorite TV show was on.

139. hen Manny tried to run away a THIRD tine
today, Mom bought a retractabl leash at the
font desk to try and keep him under

foot so we

a famly again.

Finally, the veterinarian was ready 4o see ne, and

the nurse led us into the exam room. My

started getting sweaty, because T always get a

little nervous when it's time to see the doctor.

140. And by the tine I figure out what’

5 400 late,

But there weren't any
Mom told +he vet what had happened, and she

ook a look at my finger.

The vet said there was not
Since Ahe pigs teeth hadn't broken +h

141. She put some antibacterial animent on my Finger

jest to be safe and then sent me on my way

工 ves pretty inpressed by the
le veterinarian experience. The doctor was no-
and didn't ambush me with any needles.

T figure when m
Tin defintely going to make the switch, but 고

options are.

After the vet, Dad spent sone tine trying to
get the gum aut of the sunroof with a popsicle
stick, But it was too messy and eventually he
gave up.

Y

142. JAMAUL]

Dad didn’t like not being able te dose the sunroof,
so he drove around trying to find a mechani who
could fix it. But nobody he talk doit
for under a hundred も

to a grocery store and ba
cellophane and duct tape, and he fashioned his
ow {.

143. 고 think Dad was pretty pro
sang money on repairs, especial started

to ean and his honemade sunroof held up.

But after a while he cellophane started Filing

with water and bugs.

sLOSy

144. We parked under an overpass and waited for the
rain to dear up while Mat

into some dry clothes.

“The rip was a total disaster
and even Mom was ready 40 admit it.

aid it probably wasn't od idea to do
everythin ng to the magazine, and thet
if we switched things up a te, maybe we coud
turn the tip around.

145. en sud Ahat from then on, we'd go where

the road too

FAMILY along the way. She said the rest of
the trip coud be ike those Choose Your Own
Adventure books.

T always liked those books, because on every page

you get to make a des she story.

T never seem to make the <

that get me to a happy ending.

146. In fact, it seems like no matter WHAT choice I

Wen yous
出 也

You fall to the bottom and
die. Better luck next time!

sure abovt Moris new approach, but T
an improvement as long as T

bit by any more pi

After the rainstorm passed, we got back in the

a try. When we reached

e asked everyone if we

should turn right or left or go straight.

147. we held 4 vote. Me and Rodeck voted to tum
5 what we did. And when we got
to ANOTHER intersection, we voted again, and

‘this time we turned LEFT.

We drove into this little town that had two

restaurants, and after we voted, we went to one

that ended up having the best apple pie Le exer
Hasted in my lifes In fact, it was
ordered a SECOND one.

148. 세 was really pleased with herself for coming up
with Alis new approach and said she mas gonna
weite into "Fara Froli and tell THEM about it

who WASN'T having a good
, who stil seemed upset about
the pige Mom kept the leash on hin even while we

were eating, to make sore he didnt try and run

away age

After lunch, Mom asked me to take Manny to the
bathroom, which only had one toilet in it. So T
waited outside for him to do his busi

149. T finally opened the door, and he was GONE.

another minute or two, who knows HOW far he

wouldve gotten.

150. We got back in the van and Mon strapped Manny
inte his car seat. When we got to a stoplight

agreed that we should go left, and we

7
waited for the light to change.

Vihen it turned green, Dad stepped on 4he gas,
fut a car came out of nowhere and TOTALLY
can the red light

Dad laid on the horn, but the driver just kept

Then another car ran the light, and then
ANOTHER. T+ was like nobody even NOTICED.
that the light was red.

151. Hy frustrated, and when he

saw a gap between two cars, he put the pedal to

the floor and hung a left.

When T looked back at
noticed something weird. There was a little flag on
cither side of the hood.

152. upset. 5
a FUNERAL

She explained that during a funeral, cars are
allowed 40 go through red lights on their way

fom the church te the cemetery so they con al

stick together. And now wed gone and eut off

‘the line of cars.

Dad was panicky that all the cars behind
following US, and he tried +0
shake them off our tal by making a few quick tues.
)

153. Ta didn't work, though. Dad said he was gonna
+ back on the highway and try do lose the cars
THAT way, but Mom said the LEAST we could do

was lead the people behind us to the cenetery

Mor typed “eenetery" into the GPS, and

there was one just a few blocks away.

DUNTRY 102

We drove through the gates and parked along the
side of the path. Everyone who lowing us
get out of 하여 cars, but confused,

One look at the gravest

had happened. Appar

PET cemetery.

146

154. A

After escaping with our Ives from the pet
cenetery, everyone decided it would be best to
¿just pack it in for the night. So we found a

hotel a few miles anay and got a room on the

seventh floor.

155. fortable leaving all our stuff in
one could get in through the

sunroof and steal whatever they wanted, so me

had to take EVERYTHING into the hotel

This morning Mor wanted to keep going with
Own Adventure plan. T

starting to wonder if it was sich

most got us killed
king with 가. ‘

She grabbed bunch of brochures from the front
desk and brought them to breakfast so we could
figure wt what we wanted to do for the day.

157. What looked like the most fun to ME was a place
called Soak Central. We went to a water park

rer but got rained cut, so T figured
Ahis would make up for it.

But Mom read through the brochure and said
Central looked “artificial” and that the whole
point of this trip was to AVOID places like that.

158. thing, Mom said

she was making an “executive decison” and that

we were going to the beach. Dad didnt complain,
was thinking thet if we were
he night actually get a
chance te use his BOAT. ‘

Lin really not much of a beach person myself
Vihenever we go to one, we bring a blanket and
spread it cut, then sit there for the whole day.
And you can't really go anywhere, because youre

worried someone wil take your spot.

The last tine we went to the beach, Dad brought
the tarp he uses to cover the boat so wed hav

more. room for our farily and all our

159. But the tarp was at LEAST twice the sze of our

Not to mention the fact thet 45 ma
PLASTIC, so with the sun beating down, it

was like sitting in a fr

Tt was ESPECIALLY enbarrassing when the

rest of my farly went to grab lunch on the
boardwalk and T had to hang bac
by myself to watch er stoff.

160. T wasn't real excited about going to the beach,
Dad had his

was a few hours deve away, so T
ided to take a nap until we got there. And

ve, with all the junk piled up in the back
Abe minivan, it wasn easy.

고 woke up when the van slomed down. T tho
we were at the beach, but we hadn't even y
to the bridge y

‘the same idea WE did.

WONK HONNK BEEEEP 。

5600

161. then we were about a quarter of a mie from
14 tell Dad was starting to

nervous.

me reason he

The bridge to the beach is one o
really high above the w

HE cold drive. So we pulled
1 and everyone switched seats.

162. Dad took my place in the back so he wouldn't see
. and T. moved to
the middle row.

When Rodrick got in the driver's seat, he took
advantage of Dad's radio rule and blasted h
metal music. And T could Hell that wasn’t helping

Dad's nerves.

Ve were only going about three miles an hour.

Tet looked like we were gonna be stuck on the
bridge even longer than I expected, so T opened
the bag of cheese cls Rodrick bought at the

163. "0

next to our minivan, and

url out of the sunroof. T have to say,

when the seagull caught

164. bout to throw it ANOTHER one, but
Mom stopped me.

She said eagle are really

them "people food" is a bad idea

She was right about the “a
‘two seconds later the seagull was

the car, an could tell it wanted more food.

T threw another one at it to try and make it

go away, but the 선비 bobbi
which fell right back into the car.

165. That's when things got BAD.

wawked a few times and then tried
A the way it came in. But it missed

the opening by about two feet and smacked into

‘the roof.

166. around and crash
na total pa

~ But Y snagged it

life, Everyone m

167. Finally, the seagull beat ne in our tug-of-war and

the

About three-quarters of the cheese curls ended

\e minivan, and from there it was a

168. A few of the seagulls flew up front, and Rodrick
ot so freaked ovt he hit the gas. When the
finally deared ovt and things settled dom,

we had a whole NEW problem to deal with

Believe it oF not, the people in the car that we

kd were ctly pretty

T+ mas a man and his wife, and th

und: ind it was an accident.

insurance information with Dad, and the pli
didn’t even need 40 J.

Tf anything GOOD cane avt of the accident, it
hat it got us avt of gong to the beach.

169. The BAD news was that now our van wouldn't
start, and we had to wait an hour for a tow

truck to come.

All the traffic went down to one lane, and that
didn't make us too popular with the people trying
to cross the bridge

The guy at the auto repair shop said we eracked

iator and it was gonna take at least
four or five hours to fi it. That meant we
needed o find something to do for the rest of
the day.

170. Soak Central, which is where T wanted
the FIRST place.

T BEGGED Mom to let je there while we were
waiting for the van to get fied.

id she would rather we did sonething

“wholesome” lke go to a local library, but His tine

she was outvetes

172. and Dad stayed back with Manny, so me
and Rodrick were on our own. But Mom said she

wanted the two of us to stick together.

le went to the giant wave pool first, but there

were about a BILLION people in it

ick seggested we play hiderand-

with all the people and rafts in the po
new it would be impossible for the seeker to find
Ahe hider.

173. T said to make it FAIR, the hider couldn’
underwater. T didn't really trust Rodrick not +0
cheat, but he care up with a moy to make sure the

hider followed the rules.

Redrick got a paper place mat from the snack bar
and said the hider had to keep it dry to prove he
didn't go underwater. And I have 90 adm, I
was pretty impressed he came up with that all on

his own.

T volunteered to be the first hider and found a
spot at the far end of the pool where I knew

Redrick would have rouble finding me
EN

174. What T DIDN'T know was that Rodrick had
vritten something on the place mat before ging
가 to me. Unfortunate

rotksd before I did.

What he wrote would've been bad enough on its

OWN, but the nisspelled word sorehow made it
WOR

175. And even MORE embarrassing was when the

lifeguard got down from her chair and told me T

had to get avt of the pos
IA y,

Vihen it comes +o Rodrick, Tue gotta learn never
to trust hin. ESPECIALLY at water parks.

176. e with Rodrick after the place mat
thing and didn't care if Mom said we needed |
stick together. T

T hadnt realized how long the line was until 고
opt alcoy op the stars, But by then «ton
of pepe were BEHIND re and there was no
turing back. So T was packed in with these
spin goce

一
Ga»

ARAS

WES

To was really hot, and people were starting も
agitated by

177. Then the kid right behind me poked the lady in
FRONT of me in the butt with a pool noodle,
and she thought 4 was ME.

So then T had her BOYFRIEND to deal with.

T really didnt want to get into a fight over
something like this, but luckily it didn't come to
that. We were at the top of the and it was
ire te go down the slide.

Unfortunat the raft was a four=seater, which

made things pretty awkward on the ride down.

178. The slide emptied ovt into an area where there
were a ton of rafts, which was great は
gave me a chance o hide from that woman and
her boyfriend. 그 went around the lazy river twice

re Td lost them.

re after that, so T

+ my clothes.

179. Mom said it wouldnt be hard to figure out who
TOOK it because of the broken straps.

180. Me spread avt to look for it, and T sea
arca by the wave pool

+ enough, our lounge chair was there. But 고

T don't know what the odds are of runni

‘the same people again and again, but this
starting to get RIDICULOUS.

figured it was best to just let the Beardos

HAVE our lounge chair and not make ¡+ into a
ig deal. So when I caught back up with my

farity, 그 pretended T didn't have any Ik

181. 10 leave after that.
y te the locker so
get our stuff. But T told her T didn’t HAVE it.

aid she had given me the key, but T turned
of my bathing sit Inside out o

prove they were empty.

182. T was pretty y
RODRICK, kt he said HE did't ha

Everybody searched themselves for the key, but
we all care up empty-handed. This was « HUGE
problem, because Mom and Dad's cell phones and
wallets were in that locker, so we couldn't leave

le went to an enployee at the front counter and

Hold him we los

them, and they all locked exactly the sane.

183. said the locker number was written on the key
But of course THAT information wasnt 3

wow

The guy said the only thing we could do was Ary
and FIND the key, so we split up and retraced

cur steps across the water park.

Rodrick went 40 the wave pool where we played
hide-and-seek, and T went to the
didn't have any kk

maybe we accidentally threw it moy
ate, so we dug through the trash near

where we sat.

184. should all concentrate real hard and
ey de renenber which locker we pot cur st

and when I did, Y could suddenly

T told Mom, and we went straight to locker 929.
Sure enough, it was locked, and there was no key

in the door.

186. That meant someone had found ou key and
STOLEN all our stuff.

“Then I thought of ANOTHER gossbiity: When
the Beardos took cur lounge chair, they

ken our KEY, too.

Y decided to tell Mom and Dad al about the
Beardos and how they probably stole our stuff to
et sone payback on ne. Then I took them do

‘the area where T last saw them sitting.

But by the tine we got there, they were GONE,

187. 고 was worried 4 already left dh
park, so Tran to Alert gate. And sure

enough, the purple van was pulling ave)

T KNEW 하아 faniy was bad news from the
beginning, but I never thought they were capable
of THEFT.

Dad used the phone at the front desk to call the
police, but 4h à that without a

plate number it would be really hard io track down

cur stolen stuff.

1

188. Té there was any GOOD news about our situation,
it was that the key to the n't in th
locker, も + was back at the mechan

we walked to the auto repair shop, where

‘the mechanic was getting ready to put in a new

radiator. He told Dad it was gonna cost almost

three hundred dollars, but Dad told hin he
MNT pay because hs wallet just got stolen.

Dad told the mechanic hed mal hin a

second we got hone, but the guy said he couldn't
take an "LOU." He sad what he COULD do
was put some sealant on the busted radiator,

woud last a day or two before it more off.

189. À the mechanic. said wed have to run 4
inside the van at full blast to keep the er

from overheat

Mom and Dad talked it over and decided we
just drive the van all the way hore. We didn't have

any money or a phone, but we DID have a full tank

4. Dad figured if we drove straight throu
about 3:00 in the morning

When we got in the van, Dad turned up the heat
told him to, and wi
about thirty seco 5 a hundred dere

inside the car.

190. Mom opened all the windows up front, but it was
like a FURNACE where T was sitting, since the
windows back there don open.

T told Mom T didn't think T coud make it all
he way home without dy