Mastering your Emotions

1. Mastering your
EQ
Choosing the Secret
Competitive Advantage

2. Emotion
•a mental and physiological
state associated with a wide
variety of feelings, thoughts,
and behavior
•subjective experiences; or
something experienced from
an individual point of view.

3. Emotion versus Behavior
•What we are doing and what we are feeling may
be quite different.
•Caution:
•Do not assume that you know what is going on
inside other people simply by watching their
behavior.

4. Basic components of
emotions
1. The physiological aspect
-involves active changes in the body physically
2. The cognitive component
- emphasizes the importance of thoughts, beliefs,
and expectations in determining the type and
intensity of emotional response

5. Basic components of
emotions
3. The behavioral component
- involves the various forms of expressions that
emotions may take , e.g., facial expressions,
bodily postures, gestures, and tone of voice
which changes with anger, joy, fear, sorrow, etc.

6. Basic components of
emotions
4. The subjective experience
- includes elements of pleasure, or displeasure,
intensity of feeling, etc.
- what one individual experiences as intensely
as pleasurable may be boring for another

7. Time Frame – Past,
Present & Future
•You cannot feel Anxiety when you think of the
Past and you cannot feel Disappointment when
you think of the Future.
•Application Exercise:
•Regret to Hope
–by shifting from the past to something that could happen or
something you could do in the future.

8. Time Frame – Past,
Present & Future
•Application Exercise:
•Bored to Restless
–by shifting from what is not going on in the present to looking
forward to something pleasant that is going to happen in the not-
too-distant future.
•Frustration into Patience
–by shifting Time Frame from the Present to another time farther
into the Future.

9. Modality – Necessary,
Possible, Desirable
•The language that we use somewhat describes
the emotion.
–That it needs to be done is part of Necessity.
–That it can be done by you is part of Possibility.
–If you believe you can not, then you move to a feeling
of Inadequacy or Despair.

10. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or
Passive / Going toward or
Away
•Emotions also indicate:
–“movement”
–what kind of “movement” that is.
•Are you moving towards or away?
•Are you initiating the “movement” or are you going
with the flow?

11. To or away? Passive or
active?
•Determination
•Ambition
•Curiosity
•Frustrated
•Aggressive
•Affectionate / Friendly
•Hope
•Victim
•Acceptance.
•Hope
•Apathy
•Complacence
•Satisfaction
•Loneliness
•Calm.
•Boredom
•Annoyance
•Loneliness
•Self-Pity
•Patience

12. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or
Passive / Going toward or
Away
•Determination – get something done / Going
Toward
•Ambition - to rise to a certain level / Going
Toward
•Curiosity – to figure something out / Going
Toward
•Frustrated – to make something turn out the
way you want it to / Going Toward
•Aggressive / Affectionate / Friendly – Moving
Toward

13. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or
Passive / Going toward or
Away
•Passive
–feeling that there is nothing you can do
–that there are forces moving around ‘out
there’ that will or will not grant you your
wishes
“You are more likely to be passive if you have
no outcome in mind.”

14. INVOLVEMENT -  Active or
Passive / Going toward or
Away
Complacence, Satisfaction, Apathy
–Outcomes have been met or do not exist and you do
not feel like you have to do anything.
•Loneliness
–involves wanting to be with people, but feeling unable
to do anything about it
•Boredom, Annoyance, Loneliness, Self-Pity
–Passive / Away From
•Hope, Patience
–Passive / Moving toward

15. INTENSITY
•more images, enhanced detail, increased depth
of colors, more sounds, more loudness of
sounds, increase in intensity of physical
movements, increase in intensity of sensations,
intensity of internal dialogue

16. TraumaOverwhelmedPressuredStressedDemand
BlissPeacefulCalmComfortableOkay
 Rage FuriousAngry  IrritatedDisapproving
Obsessed LustfulAroused  InterestedCurious
HystericalAnxiousUpset  WorriedConcerned
EcstaticThrilledHappy   PleasedSatisfied
Self DestructDepressionGrieving      SadDisappointed 

17. TEMPO
•Moving quickly, slowly, steadily, erratically.
–Fast Tempo is in emotions of: Excited,
Panicky, Restless, Impatient, Anxious,
Angry.
–Slow Tempo: Bored, Lonely, Apathetic,
Discouraged, Patient, Accepting, Satisfied
–Fast/Uneven Tempo: Anxious, Nervous
–Slow/Even Tempo: Calm

18. Tempo
•Patience
–It is impossible to feel patient and experience
a fast tempo at the same time.
–When people are feeling impatient, it is well
known to slow down and take a deep breath
and let it out slowly.
–When we are so impatient that we get excited
and speed around, we miss much of what is
around us and allow no time for input.
.

19. Tempo
Grieving
Bored
Lonely
Calm  Patient  Accepting
Satisfied  Discouraged
Dread
 SLOW
Anxious Nervous 
Panicky
Restless Angry Excited
Frustration
Enthusiasm
joy
 FAST
  UNEVEN / ERRATIC    EVEN / SMOOTH  

20. CRITERIA
•the standards that you are applying in a
certain situation
•Emotions always occur within a particular
context or situation.
•When the situation changes, your emotions do
too.

21. CRITERIA
•Some emotions are better in some situations
than in others.
•How useful and appropriate an emotion is
depends on the situation and what you want.
–Being frustrated and challenged when faced with a
task = keep you going, keep you trying
–Feeling defeated or inadequate = not useful.

22. CRITERIA
“Changing the Criteria will change the
emotion as well as changing any other
component.”

23. Patience
•Good emotion
–to keep you going toward long term goal
–gives you time to evaluate and reevaluate your
actions and results
–when desired outcome will take time or when you
cannot impose your own time table and do things
when you want to do them (traffic jam, waiting in line,
teaching others, etc.)
•Not the best emotion
–when you have to take immediate action or suffer
imminent negative consequences
–when you are being taken advantage of or being
abused.

24. Calm
•Good emotion
–when there is nothing you have to do.
Examples are going to bed to sleep, relaxing
or meditating, or going on vacation. It will
enhance those experiences.
•Not Good emotion
–when you have to respond to something
immediately or be alert

25. Determination
•Good emotion
–When making a sustained effort against
obstacles to accomplish a goal.
•Not Good emotion
–may fail to notice that your family relationships
or personal health is deteriorating
–if your goals are not worthwhile or not
achievable.

26. Encouraged
•Good emotion
–when you perceive you are making progress toward a
goal
–when you are striving toward a goal that will be
difficult or a long time coming
NOTE: It is a better choice than Satisfaction to keep
you going because Satisfaction brings striving to a
halt.
•Not Good emotion
–if evidence of success is not coming or is
misinterpreted and it keeps you going toward a goal
that is not worthwhile

27. Resignation
•Good emotion
–when you must set aside something you want in order
to attain an outcome that has a higher priority
–for things that are either short term or in transition.
NOTE: Feeling Resigned does not mean giving up what
you want, but merely setting it aside in favor of
something more important.
•Not Good emotion
–in situations that are ongoing and continuous
–When it leads to pent-up anger and dissatisfaction

28. Acceptance
•Good emotion
–For things you cannot change or it would not be worth
what you would have to go through in order to even
try
–When the goal is impossible and the costs are too
high and so it is best to disengage.
NOTE: Unlike Disappointment, Acceptance is ongoing
and allows you to live comfortably with your
circumstance.
•Not Good emotion
–When a goal is attainable and worthwhile

29. Frustration
•Good emotion
–to maintain the importance of some goal you have and you are
still trying, trying despite setbacks, obstacles, and difficulties
–to re-engage or remain engaged in striving toward some desire
or goal.
NOTE: Frustration serves best as a temporary bridge to more
effective emotions of curiosity or patience or determination.
•Not Good emotion
–When trying to change things which cannot be changed.
–In situations in which you do not have the skills or resources to
make that change.

30. Disappointment
•Good emotion
–lets you know that you did not get want you wanted.
–when it is time to let go, to let go of pursuit and to let go of waiting for
others to do it for you.
–helps you to let go and disengage. It is useful to tell you to move on to
something else.
•Not Good emotion
•when it keeps you stuck in an unpleasant and useless way
•to let go too soon when you could have gotten what you wanted with
a little more time or patience or determination.
•Feeling cautious is not useful when you are in a familiar situation
and there is not danger.

31. Suspicion
•Good emotion
–when you are with people who can harm you, know they can
harm you, and yet are treating you as though nothing is wrong.
–Difference between Suspicion and Skeptical is one of
Intensity. Suspicion is more protective than Skeptical because
potential for harm is more.
•Not Good emotion
–if there is no mismatch between the other person’s past and
present behavior
–if there is no danger of harm and no evidence of mismatch
Being suspicious will create confusion, resentment, and anger
in others.

32. What is EQ? (EI)
describes the ability, capacity, skill to:
sense
identify
assess
manage
the emotions of one's
self, of others, and of
groups

33. Emotional Maturity
•being aware of one’s
emotions
•being able to manage the
reactions that come with it
If you know your EQ, you can better
understand how your emotions affect your
choices and decisions.

34. can help you improve
decision making by using
your head, not just your
heart

35. Five Areas of Emotional
Intelligence
1. INTRAPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT
- your ability to understand and form an accurate concept
of yourself, and be able to use that concept to operate
effectively in life

36. Your intra-personal
quotient
•a. Self-Awareness - the ability to recognize and
understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as
well as their effect on others.
•I rely on my intuition to assist me in my decision-
making.
•I can name my greatest strengths.
•I am usually aware of the way I am feeling.

37. Your intra-personal
quotient
•b. Self-Regulation/Control - the ability to control or
redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the
ability to suspend judgment and think before acting.
•I am calm even in tense situations.
•I rarely make impulsive decisions.
•I am willing to forego immediate gratification when
on a budget.

38. Your intra-personal
quotient
•Personal Influence (related to self-awareness
and self-regulation)
–The ability to positively lead and inspire others
as well as oneself
–Includes competencies of:
•Leading others
•Creating a positive work climate
•Getting results from others
•self-confidence, initiative and motivation, optimism

39. Your intra-personal
quotient
•c. Motivation - a passion to work for reasons that go
beyond money or status, and the ability to pursue
goals with energy and persistence.
•I seek out innovative ways of getting the job done.
•I would continue to work if I won the lottery.
•When I know what I want, I go after it.

40. Your intra-personal
quotient
•Mastery of Purpose and Vision (related to
motivation)
–Ability to define specific goals and purpose
and finds meaning in work
–Includes competencies of:
•Understanding one’s purpose, roles,
accountabilities
•Taking action towards purpose
•Authenticity

41. Five Areas of Emotional
Quotient
2. INTERPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT -
Empathy and Social Skills
- ability to understand other people and relate effectively to
them; to understand what motivates others, how they work,
and how to work cooperatively with them

42. Your interpersonal
quotient
•a. Empathy - the ability to understand the emotional
makeup of other people.
•I can sense someone's true feelings based on their body
language.
•The emotional tone of an interaction is easy to decipher.
•I would make a great therapist.

43. Your interpersonal
quotient
•Empathy
–Includes the competencies of:
•Listening to others
•Understanding other’s points of view
•Understanding how one’s words and actions affect others
•Wanting to be of service to others

44. Your interpersonal
quotient
•b. Social Skills/Social Expertness
- a proficiency to build a genuine relationships and
bonds and express caring, concern, and conflict in
healthy ways
•I find it easy to establish common ground with somebody
I have just met.
•I have a wide circle of acquaintances.
•I constantly look for opportunities to build relationships.

45. Five Areas of Emotional
Intelligence
b. Social Skills/Social Expertness
–Includes the competencies of:
•Building relationships
•Organizational savvy
•Collaboration
•Conflict resolution

46. Recognize you've got
something to do with it.
•If your belief is unconscious then you act on
automatic pilot.
•If conscious, then you have some choice.
–Your negative thoughts produce negative emotions.
–Your positive thoughts produce positive emotions.
•Emotion is not something that happens to you.

47. Four Steps to Mastering
Your Emotions
•What meaning I’m I going to choose to
give this?
•What did I learn from this?
•How am I going to integrate what I
learned?
•How can I share it with other people?

48. Change comes after the
fact
•That's because you can't control your initial
reaction to anything!
But you can control your second thought and
in that is your saving grace.

49. Keep a record of your
emotion
Use the journal to bring your unconscious to
conscious.

50. Keep a record of your
emotion
•Ask yourself questions of your emotions to understand
your underlying beliefs.
–Don't ask:
•"Why am I feeling this way".
–Rather make guesses.
•Am I feeling hurt because they didn't do what I
wanted?
•Am I unhappy because I'm not perfect?
•Am I angry because they don't understand my
challenges?

51. Talk with friends
•Don't talk with people:
–who gossip
–reinforce the idea you are a victim
•Talk with people who are interested in
understanding what they have to do with how
they are feeling.
•Stick with people with high EQ
Get counseling!

52. High EQ Benefit
•can help you build strong relationships
•reduce stress
•motivate yourself to get what you want
A high EQ is related to good
performance.