Bella DePaulo, Lessons from 3 decades studying singlehood.pdf
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Jul 12, 2024
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About This Presentation
Bella DePaulo, Lessons from 3 decades studying singlehood
Slide Content
Lessons from 3
Decades of Studying
Singlehood
Bella DePaulo
ISSA conference, Boston
July 5, 2024
Decades of Studying
Singlehood
Bella DePaulo
ISSA conference, Boston
July 5, 2024
One is a whole
number
(December 1992)
number
(December 1992)
#1
To this day, deficit narratives dominate the
way people think about single people, and
they sometimes slip into our research and
scholarship too
The belief that single people are leading lesser lives is so
pervasive and so rarely challenged suggests that it is not just any
belief, it is an ideology. People are invested in believing it – that
makes it an ideology too.
3
To this day, deficit narratives dominate the
way people think about single people, and
they sometimes slip into our research and
scholarship too
The belief that single people are leading lesser lives is so
pervasive and so rarely challenged suggests that it is not just any
belief, it is an ideology. People are invested in believing it – that
makes it an ideology too.
3
Ideologies
∙Wendy Morris and I described it as the Ideology of Marriage and Family
∙Martin Day and his colleagues described it as a “committed relationship ideology” and found some
evidence that it functions as a system justification mechanism to maintain the status quo
∙Sasha Roseneil and her colleagues, in their deep research in 4 European nations, documented the
“couple norm” in which being romantically coupled is seen “as the normal, natural, and superior
way of being an adult.”
∙You can see those ideologies reflected in the kinds of perspectives that are used, and the kinds that
are not used, in thinking about single people
4
∙Wendy Morris and I described it as the Ideology of Marriage and Family
∙Martin Day and his colleagues described it as a “committed relationship ideology” and found some
evidence that it functions as a system justification mechanism to maintain the status quo
∙Sasha Roseneil and her colleagues, in their deep research in 4 European nations, documented the
“couple norm” in which being romantically coupled is seen “as the normal, natural, and superior
way of being an adult.”
∙You can see those ideologies reflected in the kinds of perspectives that are used, and the kinds that
are not used, in thinking about single people
4
Couple-centered perspective
instead of a singles-centered
perspective
5
In our cultural conversations
and sometimes in our
scholarship, our thinking
follows from a
couple-centered perspective
when a singles-centered
perspective would be more
appropriate
A couples-centered
perspective uses a couple’s
gaze to evaluate single life.
From a couple’s perspective,
a committed coupled
relationship is the key to a
good and fulfilling life.
instead of a singles-centered
perspective
5
In our cultural conversations
and sometimes in our
scholarship, our thinking
follows from a
couple-centered perspective
when a singles-centered
perspective would be more
appropriate
A couples-centered
perspective uses a couple’s
gaze to evaluate single life.
From a couple’s perspective,
a committed coupled
relationship is the key to a
good and fulfilling life.
What might our
language sound
like if it came
from a couple’s
perspective?
6
Single people would be described in terms of what they are not:
they are unmarried
Single people would be described as “alone” and “unattached.” It
would be said that they “don’t have anyone.” All those ways of
talking about single people come from the couples-centered view
of the world, whereby if you don’t have a romantic partner, you
don’t have anyone at all. It erases the important people in the lives
of single people.
We might use the word “relationship” as a shorthand for romantic
relationship, because, from a couples’ perspective, that’s the one
truly significant relationship
We might use the word “love” as a shorthand for romantic love,
because again, from a couples’ perspective, that’s the kind of love
that really matters
language sound
like if it came
from a couple’s
perspective?
6
Single people would be described in terms of what they are not:
they are unmarried
Single people would be described as “alone” and “unattached.” It
would be said that they “don’t have anyone.” All those ways of
talking about single people come from the couples-centered view
of the world, whereby if you don’t have a romantic partner, you
don’t have anyone at all. It erases the important people in the lives
of single people.
We might use the word “relationship” as a shorthand for romantic
relationship, because, from a couples’ perspective, that’s the one
truly significant relationship
We might use the word “love” as a shorthand for romantic love,
because again, from a couples’ perspective, that’s the kind of love
that really matters
From a couple’s perspective, we might
see these kinds of research topics
oThose poor single people – they don’t have a committed romantic partner
▪They must be sad (so let’s study happiness)
▪They must be lonely (so let’s study loneliness)
▪They probably aren’t getting any (so let’s study the amount of sex people are
having)
⬩I’m not saying that we shouldn’t study happiness or loneliness or sexual frequency – of
course we should. But what we don’t study, and the questions we do not ask, are at least
as important as the questions we do ask. In some ways, especially in the study of
singlehood, I think they may be more important.
7
see these kinds of research topics
oThose poor single people – they don’t have a committed romantic partner
▪They must be sad (so let’s study happiness)
▪They must be lonely (so let’s study loneliness)
▪They probably aren’t getting any (so let’s study the amount of sex people are
having)
⬩I’m not saying that we shouldn’t study happiness or loneliness or sexual frequency – of
course we should. But what we don’t study, and the questions we do not ask, are at least
as important as the questions we do ask. In some ways, especially in the study of
singlehood, I think they may be more important.
7
#2
As scholars of singlehood, we have a
wonderful opportunity to ask the
questions that have never been asked
before
…and to illuminate experiences of single people that have rarely
seen the empirical light of day.
With our thinking, theorizing, & research, we can rewrite what it
can mean to be single and transcend the deficit narratives.
8
As scholars of singlehood, we have a
wonderful opportunity to ask the
questions that have never been asked
before
…and to illuminate experiences of single people that have rarely
seen the empirical light of day.
With our thinking, theorizing, & research, we can rewrite what it
can mean to be single and transcend the deficit narratives.
8
Looking for lessons from other
devalued groups
•I think of single people as a
devalued group. I try to
learn from other devalued
groups what went wrong
and what went right when
scholars tried to study
them.
•Most recent example,
published last week
(6/29/24) in the New York
Times:
9
devalued groups
•I think of single people as a
devalued group. I try to
learn from other devalued
groups what went wrong
and what went right when
scholars tried to study
them.
•Most recent example,
published last week
(6/29/24) in the New York
Times:
9
Rural studies
⬩Rural studies, like Singles Studies, is relatively new.
⬩These new rural studies scholars just organized a conference, “Rethinking
rural.”
⬩They want to push back against the characterizations of influential books
such as “What’s the Matter with Kansas?”
⬩They think those kinds of writings caricature rural people as “rubes and
bumpkins.”
⬩They thought the authors of those books and studies were too far
removed from those communities.
⬩They did their own intensive research, in those communities. Some had
grown up in rural communities.
10
⬩Rural studies, like Singles Studies, is relatively new.
⬩These new rural studies scholars just organized a conference, “Rethinking
rural.”
⬩They want to push back against the characterizations of influential books
such as “What’s the Matter with Kansas?”
⬩They think those kinds of writings caricature rural people as “rubes and
bumpkins.”
⬩They thought the authors of those books and studies were too far
removed from those communities.
⬩They did their own intensive research, in those communities. Some had
grown up in rural communities.
10
Among the findings of the rural studies
scholars:
⬩Rural voters have a sense of “shared fate.” They care about their
community’s prosperity.
⬩Very different from the earlier deficit narratives
⬩By the way, that same perspective distinguishes single women voters from
married women voters. The single women have more of a sense of
“shared fate” with other women.
11
scholars:
⬩Rural voters have a sense of “shared fate.” They care about their
community’s prosperity.
⬩Very different from the earlier deficit narratives
⬩By the way, that same perspective distinguishes single women voters from
married women voters. The single women have more of a sense of
“shared fate” with other women.
11
More egregious
example: queer
people
12
⬩Up until 1973, homosexuality had been classified by
psychiatrists as a mental illness.
⬩Gay scholars, practitioners, and activists wanted to
challenge that characterization.
⬩It was so risky for psychiatrists to argue for
declassification that on a panel making the case,
one person wore a mask and used a microphone
with a voice distorter.
example: queer
people
12
⬩Up until 1973, homosexuality had been classified by
psychiatrists as a mental illness.
⬩Gay scholars, practitioners, and activists wanted to
challenge that characterization.
⬩It was so risky for psychiatrists to argue for
declassification that on a panel making the case,
one person wore a mask and used a microphone
with a voice distorter.
Their challenge to the deficit narratives
was successful
⬩The American Psychiatric Association was eventually persuaded that
“homosexuality, per se, implies not impairment in judgment, stability,
reliability, or general social or vocational capabilities.”
⬩I’m not equating the way single people are regarded to this. Singlehood
has never been classified as a mental illness.
⬩But I do think that examples like this offer guidance on how we should and
should not go about studying and characterizing single people.
13
was successful
⬩The American Psychiatric Association was eventually persuaded that
“homosexuality, per se, implies not impairment in judgment, stability,
reliability, or general social or vocational capabilities.”
⬩I’m not equating the way single people are regarded to this. Singlehood
has never been classified as a mental illness.
⬩But I do think that examples like this offer guidance on how we should and
should not go about studying and characterizing single people.
13
Toward a singles-centered study of
singlehood
•Listen to what single people have to say about their single lives.
•Give them a chance to tell you what they like about being single.
•When I asked the “single at heart” what they like about their single lives, they tell me
about their freedom and independence, how much they value their solitude, how
they like to be there for as many people as they want instead of prioritizing The One,
and much more.
•Where are our studies of those things? There are a few (e.g., Kislev, on freedom);
there should be more.
•Ask them about the important people in their lives.
•That gives them the opportunity to talk about the people they have in their lives,
countering the stereotype that if they don’t have a romantic partner, they are all alone
and they don’t have anyone.
14
singlehood
•Listen to what single people have to say about their single lives.
•Give them a chance to tell you what they like about being single.
•When I asked the “single at heart” what they like about their single lives, they tell me
about their freedom and independence, how much they value their solitude, how
they like to be there for as many people as they want instead of prioritizing The One,
and much more.
•Where are our studies of those things? There are a few (e.g., Kislev, on freedom);
there should be more.
•Ask them about the important people in their lives.
•That gives them the opportunity to talk about the people they have in their lives,
countering the stereotype that if they don’t have a romantic partner, they are all alone
and they don’t have anyone.
14
Listen to the voices of the specific
single people you are studying. For
example:
⬩Lots of deficit narratives have been written about single people racialized
as Black.
⬩Their relatively low rates of marriage have led some scholars and pundits
to ask questions that amount to, “what’s wrong with them?”
⬩But now we have scholars such as Kris Marsh, who has intensively studied
people who are single and living alone in the Black middle class. She
showed us how single Black women are actually trailblazers in forging
successful single lives.
⬩Other scholars, such as Jessica Moorman and Kimberly Martinez Phillips,
are also leading the way.
15
single people you are studying. For
example:
⬩Lots of deficit narratives have been written about single people racialized
as Black.
⬩Their relatively low rates of marriage have led some scholars and pundits
to ask questions that amount to, “what’s wrong with them?”
⬩But now we have scholars such as Kris Marsh, who has intensively studied
people who are single and living alone in the Black middle class. She
showed us how single Black women are actually trailblazers in forging
successful single lives.
⬩Other scholars, such as Jessica Moorman and Kimberly Martinez Phillips,
are also leading the way.
15
Couples-centered and
Singles-centered questions
How lonely are you?
Do you get the amount of time to yourself that you want?
How much control do you have over the use of your time?
How much money do you have?
How much control do you have over your spending and saving?
1616
Singles-centered questions
How lonely are you?
Do you get the amount of time to yourself that you want?
How much control do you have over the use of your time?
How much money do you have?
How much control do you have over your spending and saving?
1616
17
Keep a singles perspective in mind
when you interpret your findings
•Let’s say you discover that single people are doing especially well in some way.
•From a couple’s perspective, that’s hard to understand. How can single people be
doing well? So maybe you come up with something like: maybe they’ve adjusted to
being single, or maybe they’ve figured out somehow how to be single and flourishing
– because from a couple’s perspective, no one could just naturally feel comfortable
and even joyful being single
•From a singles’ perspective, you’d go back to what we’ve learned about single
people who like being single and what they like about it – their freedom, getting to
be the deciders, their opportunities for solitude, their opportunities to have a life of
The Ones instead of The One
•If you think they are flourishing because of the important people in their lives, such
as their close friends, recognize those people as significant in and of themselves,
and not just as sorry substitutes for a romantic partner
18
when you interpret your findings
•Let’s say you discover that single people are doing especially well in some way.
•From a couple’s perspective, that’s hard to understand. How can single people be
doing well? So maybe you come up with something like: maybe they’ve adjusted to
being single, or maybe they’ve figured out somehow how to be single and flourishing
– because from a couple’s perspective, no one could just naturally feel comfortable
and even joyful being single
•From a singles’ perspective, you’d go back to what we’ve learned about single
people who like being single and what they like about it – their freedom, getting to
be the deciders, their opportunities for solitude, their opportunities to have a life of
The Ones instead of The One
•If you think they are flourishing because of the important people in their lives, such
as their close friends, recognize those people as significant in and of themselves,
and not just as sorry substitutes for a romantic partner
18
Here’s an example from
my “Single at Heart” book
of theorizing friends as
mere substitutes.
19
⬩It is also an example of a heuristic
you can use if you are not sure
whether you are writing a deficit
narrative:
⬩Flip the script: would it sound right
to say a comparable thing about
coupled people?
my “Single at Heart” book
of theorizing friends as
mere substitutes.
19
⬩It is also an example of a heuristic
you can use if you are not sure
whether you are writing a deficit
narrative:
⬩Flip the script: would it sound right
to say a comparable thing about
coupled people?
# 3
We need to acknowledge that single people are
entangled in a whole system of inequality that
advantages coupled people and disadvantages them.
20
We need to acknowledge that single people are
entangled in a whole system of inequality that
advantages coupled people and disadvantages them.
20
Structural singlism
•In the US, there are hundreds of laws that benefit and
protect only people who are legally married. True in other
nations too.
•(See, for example, Jacklyn Geller’s Moving Past Marriage: Why We Should
Ditch Marital Privilege, Eschew Relationship-Status Discrimination, and Embrace
Non-marital History)
21
•In the US, there are hundreds of laws that benefit and
protect only people who are legally married. True in other
nations too.
•(See, for example, Jacklyn Geller’s Moving Past Marriage: Why We Should
Ditch Marital Privilege, Eschew Relationship-Status Discrimination, and Embrace
Non-marital History)
21
Single people are often disadvantaged
•Workplace
•Marketplace
•Housing market (Morris, Sinclair, & DePaulo)
•Health care system (Joan DelFattore)
•Education
•Religious institutions
•Etc.
22
•Workplace
•Marketplace
•Housing market (Morris, Sinclair, & DePaulo)
•Health care system (Joan DelFattore)
•Education
•Religious institutions
•Etc.
22
In everyday life
•Single people are often stereotyped, stigmatized, and
marginalized (singlism)
23
•Single people are often stereotyped, stigmatized, and
marginalized (singlism)
23
Why it is important to acknowledge
systems of inequality
If we don’t understand singlism -- the ways in which single people are systematically
stereotyped, stigmatized, and marginalized, and targeted with discrimination
Or
Couples privilege – the ways in which romantically coupled people (esp married
people) are benefitted and protected just because they are married
Then
When single people are struggling, we will see them as personally deficient.
There’s something wrong with them.
24
systems of inequality
If we don’t understand singlism -- the ways in which single people are systematically
stereotyped, stigmatized, and marginalized, and targeted with discrimination
Or
Couples privilege – the ways in which romantically coupled people (esp married
people) are benefitted and protected just because they are married
Then
When single people are struggling, we will see them as personally deficient.
There’s something wrong with them.
24
#4
Our work is not just
academic. It is personal.
The most heartening and the most terrifying thing I have learned in
3 decades of studying single life is that what we do as scholars
and researchers matters. It’s not just academic. It’s personal.
25
Our work is not just
academic. It is personal.
The most heartening and the most terrifying thing I have learned in
3 decades of studying single life is that what we do as scholars
and researchers matters. It’s not just academic. It’s personal.
25
Our work doesn’t stay in its place in
stodgy academic journals
⬩It often makes the leap into the popular press, where it is taken to heart by
people who hear, over and over again, that single people just aren’t as happy as
married people, or they are not as healthy, or they are worse off in some other
way
⬩When they hear that:
⬩They don’t understand that studies that compare currently married people to single
people at one point in time could never prove that, for example, married people are
happier because they are married, because they have that special relationship
partner
•They have little or no awareness of the whole systems of inequality that stack
the deck in favor of married people and make things more difficult for single
people
•They don’t realize that they are not hearing about the ways single people
flourish, because what they hear depends on what questions scientists ask
and what gets reported in the media.
26
stodgy academic journals
⬩It often makes the leap into the popular press, where it is taken to heart by
people who hear, over and over again, that single people just aren’t as happy as
married people, or they are not as healthy, or they are worse off in some other
way
⬩When they hear that:
⬩They don’t understand that studies that compare currently married people to single
people at one point in time could never prove that, for example, married people are
happier because they are married, because they have that special relationship
partner
•They have little or no awareness of the whole systems of inequality that stack
the deck in favor of married people and make things more difficult for single
people
•They don’t realize that they are not hearing about the ways single people
flourish, because what they hear depends on what questions scientists ask
and what gets reported in the media.
26
Some examples from my experiences
•I hear from single people who love being single. But they worry that if they stay
single, they won’t stay happy or healthy. After all, they say, science says so.
•I hear from single people who feel like there already is something wrong with them
because they are single. They think that’s what science says, and it is also the
message they can get from their parents and from popular culture.
•I also hear from people who are infuriated by my positive perspectives on single
life. Just last week I got this email:
“It is statistically proven that married women are happier than single women.
There is plenty of time to be single when you get older and no one wants to be
around you.”
27
•I hear from single people who love being single. But they worry that if they stay
single, they won’t stay happy or healthy. After all, they say, science says so.
•I hear from single people who feel like there already is something wrong with them
because they are single. They think that’s what science says, and it is also the
message they can get from their parents and from popular culture.
•I also hear from people who are infuriated by my positive perspectives on single
life. Just last week I got this email:
“It is statistically proven that married women are happier than single women.
There is plenty of time to be single when you get older and no one wants to be
around you.”
27
My goal is not to deny negative
feelings or experiences, but to
interrogate them
28
feelings or experiences, but to
interrogate them
28
2 Truisms with a twist
Truism #1
Of course, single people are not a monolith. Their particular life experiences matter. The place where they live
matters. Of course, intersectionality matters. And so much more.
The twist
•And yet, I wonder whether there are also important commonalities in the experiences of single people. It
was wonderful to see so much research from so many different parts of the world at this conference. That
will help us learn not only about variations, but also potential commonalities.
•Just considering the U.S., for example:
•What I think all single people have in common is that we do not enjoy the same presumption of a life
well lived as married people do.
•What I know we have in common is that we are all written out of the laws that benefit and protect
only people who are legally married. The implications of that 2
nd
class citizenry might vary, but the
fact of it does not.
29
Truism #1
Of course, single people are not a monolith. Their particular life experiences matter. The place where they live
matters. Of course, intersectionality matters. And so much more.
The twist
•And yet, I wonder whether there are also important commonalities in the experiences of single people. It
was wonderful to see so much research from so many different parts of the world at this conference. That
will help us learn not only about variations, but also potential commonalities.
•Just considering the U.S., for example:
•What I think all single people have in common is that we do not enjoy the same presumption of a life
well lived as married people do.
•What I know we have in common is that we are all written out of the laws that benefit and protect
only people who are legally married. The implications of that 2
nd
class citizenry might vary, but the
fact of it does not.
29
Truism #2
Of course, single people’s experiences vary tremendously according to their resources and
opportunities. Of course, it will be harder to flourish while single if you have more challenges
and impediments.
The twist
•In my Single at Heart survey data, the people who were single at heart (most likely to be
flourishing) had no more income, were no more likely to be employed, and were only
slightly more educated than those who were not single at heart.
•People have agency even in the face of the most formidable obstacles.
•Story of “Bama” – member of the most stigmatized caste in India. The obstacles she faced
were horrifying. Yet she said this about her single life: “It has been an immensely
meaningful and satisfying life.” What great words to sum up this talk!
30
Of course, single people’s experiences vary tremendously according to their resources and
opportunities. Of course, it will be harder to flourish while single if you have more challenges
and impediments.
The twist
•In my Single at Heart survey data, the people who were single at heart (most likely to be
flourishing) had no more income, were no more likely to be employed, and were only
slightly more educated than those who were not single at heart.
•People have agency even in the face of the most formidable obstacles.
•Story of “Bama” – member of the most stigmatized caste in India. The obstacles she faced
were horrifying. Yet she said this about her single life: “It has been an immensely
meaningful and satisfying life.” What great words to sum up this talk!
30
I have lots more to say. If interested,
take a look at these:
If you read just 1 article I’ve written,
make it this one:
If you want to read just 1 book I’ve
written, try this:
31
take a look at these:
If you read just 1 article I’ve written,
make it this one:
If you want to read just 1 book I’ve
written, try this:
31
Story in the NY Times, Feb 2024
The title The tag line (subtitle)
The title The tag line (subtitle)
“Open to Debate,” NPR, June 2024
Topic: Married or single?
Question posed by moderator to
Bella DePaulo
⬩What have you missed
by staying single?
Question NOT posed to the person
promoting marriage:
⬩What have you missed by
being married? (not
asked)
34
Topic: Married or single?
Question posed by moderator to
Bella DePaulo
⬩What have you missed
by staying single?
Question NOT posed to the person
promoting marriage:
⬩What have you missed by
being married? (not
asked)
34
First, a digression about the methodology
behind claims about single people’s
inferiority
•Drug company tests a new drug.
•They let people decide for themselves whether to take it. (No random assignment)
•Around 40% hate the drug so much, they refuse to keep taking it.
•The drug company sets them aside. Then they say, “Look, our drug works! People
who are taking the drug are doing better than people who are not taking it. Take our
drug and you, too, will feel better.”
•Sometimes they even put the people who hated the drug in with the people who
never took it, even though the people who hated it are often doing worse than the
people who never took it. The reasoning is: well, they are not taking it now.
35
behind claims about single people’s
inferiority
•Drug company tests a new drug.
•They let people decide for themselves whether to take it. (No random assignment)
•Around 40% hate the drug so much, they refuse to keep taking it.
•The drug company sets them aside. Then they say, “Look, our drug works! People
who are taking the drug are doing better than people who are not taking it. Take our
drug and you, too, will feel better.”
•Sometimes they even put the people who hated the drug in with the people who
never took it, even though the people who hated it are often doing worse than the
people who never took it. The reasoning is: well, they are not taking it now.
35
That’s what a lot of marital status
research is like
•People who are currently married are compared to people who have always been single. (Don’t look over there at all
the people who are divorced.)
•OR people who are currently married are compared to everyone who is not currently married, including the divorced
and widowed.
•Then they say, “See, married people are doing better!”
•As a scientist, you know you haven’t established causality.
•Maybe, for example, the people who got married were happier or healthier even before they got married –
marriage didn’t “make” them happy.
•Maybe the married people are doing better for reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that they
supposedly have some special relationship – maybe they are doing better because they are systematically
advantaged in just about every domain of life while single people are disadvantaged
•You also know that a better way to see if getting married seems to result in getting happier or healthier is to follow the
same people for years, and see if they become lastingly happier or healthier after they marry than they were when
they were single. Dozens of studies suggest that the answer is NO.
36
research is like
•People who are currently married are compared to people who have always been single. (Don’t look over there at all
the people who are divorced.)
•OR people who are currently married are compared to everyone who is not currently married, including the divorced
and widowed.
•Then they say, “See, married people are doing better!”
•As a scientist, you know you haven’t established causality.
•Maybe, for example, the people who got married were happier or healthier even before they got married –
marriage didn’t “make” them happy.
•Maybe the married people are doing better for reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that they
supposedly have some special relationship – maybe they are doing better because they are systematically
advantaged in just about every domain of life while single people are disadvantaged
•You also know that a better way to see if getting married seems to result in getting happier or healthier is to follow the
same people for years, and see if they become lastingly happier or healthier after they marry than they were when
they were single. Dozens of studies suggest that the answer is NO.
36
That’s not what people hear
•You may be careful about your claims, acknowledging that you haven’t established causality.
•But that’s not what people hear when your findings make headlines.
•They think you have shown that married people are happier or healthier because they are married
and have a special relationship that single people don’t have
•They don’t think about it as comparable to a drug company setting aside all the people who
took the drug and hated it when they tell you that their drug works.
•They have little or no awareness of the whole systems of inequality that stack the deck in
favor of married people and make things more difficult for single people
•They don’t realize that they are not hearing about the ways single people flourish, because
what they hear depends on what questions scientists ask and what gets reported.
37
•You may be careful about your claims, acknowledging that you haven’t established causality.
•But that’s not what people hear when your findings make headlines.
•They think you have shown that married people are happier or healthier because they are married
and have a special relationship that single people don’t have
•They don’t think about it as comparable to a drug company setting aside all the people who
took the drug and hated it when they tell you that their drug works.
•They have little or no awareness of the whole systems of inequality that stack the deck in
favor of married people and make things more difficult for single people
•They don’t realize that they are not hearing about the ways single people flourish, because
what they hear depends on what questions scientists ask and what gets reported.
37
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