Silencing the Inner Critic Both In and Out of Court

This ebook provides a comprehensive exploration of the theme of perfectionism, the inner critic, and the importance of being present in both personal and professional contexts, particularly in legal settings.
1. Silencing the Inner Critic: We begin with a focus on freeing oneself from self-judgment and the judgment of others. I emphasize the importance of slowing down racing thoughts and acknowledging that worrying does not alter the past, nor does it change the future.
2. Perfectionism: I discuss the concept of perfectionism and how it is not only unattainable but also uninteresting. I suggest that audiences are drawn to authenticity rather than flawless performances. The idea is reinforced with examples, such as how mistakes can lead to valuable outcomes. Being human is inherently messy and striving for perfection often stems from past criticism and fear of judgment.
3. Cultural Obsession with Perfection: I discuss society's obsession with perfection, from social media selfies to curated appearances, and the stifling nature of this pursuit on creativity.
4. Authenticity in Legal Practice: I share personal insights from my experience in law, noting that imperfections in presentations can enhance authenticity and resonate more deeply with jurors. The lessons learned suggest that genuine emotion and real-life experiences are more impactful than polished performances.
5. The Power of Words: The significance of words is highlighted, particularly in the courtroom, where they can evoke strong emotions and influence the jury's perception. The balance between passion in advocacy and careful word choice is emphasized, as well as the necessity of being mindful of the energy and emotions conveyed through words.
6. Engaging the Jury: I discuss the dynamics of jury interaction, emphasizing that jurors desire a captivating experience and are often rooting for the lawyer to engage them. Strategies for empowering the jury and acknowledging their role in the courtroom are suggested to foster goodwill and enhance the overall trial experience.
7. Being Present: A significant portion of the presentation focuses on the importance of being present in the moment. Individuals spend a considerable part of their day lost in thoughts of the past or future, leading to stress and anxiety. I encourage mindfulness practices, such as meditation, to cultivate a non-judgmental mind and improve focus on the present.
8. Managing Thoughts and Expectations: Techniques for managing thoughts and expectations are discussed, including the idea of viewing thoughts as passing cars rather than allowing them to derail focus. The importance of setting realistic expectations and being adaptable in the face of objections during legal proceedings is highlighted.
9. Final Thoughts: I conclude with a call to embrace the present moment fully, suggesting that true freedom and spontaneity arise from engaging fully with life as it unfolds.

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1. Silencing the Inner Critic both In Court & Out

2. A Favorite Quote

3. Non-judgmental Mind

4. Perfectionism Perfectionism is a destructive force. We equate high standards with brutal perfectionism. This idea is sensationalized. “That lawyer tore that snitch to shreds.” “That judge ripped the defense attorney apart.” “That was a brutal trial.” What if instead of responding with “negativity” – i.e., “tear to shreds” and “rip apart” – we threw these phrases out and responded with positivity?

5. Perfectionism Creative people tend to be perfectionists. And lawyers are some of the most creative people I know. Creative people always see a better way. But when you turn it on yourself, this is when it becomes dangerous. Why? Nothing is ever good enough no matter what you do. It makes our work miserable because the bar is always set so darn high that we can never measure up.

6. Perfectionism This is what it’s like to be a juror in the courtroom seeing an attorney punish themselves with perfectionism. I count myself amongst those that are always in pursuit of this elusive paradigm. Contrast the perfectionist with the “adventurer.” That person who is always willing to try out new things instead of talking themselves out of it or to go after what they want no matter how high the odds are stacked against them.

7. Perfectionism We know both types of people. Consider someone from your own life who is a perfectionist. Now consider someone from your own life who is an adventurer. If you had the choice to spend an afternoon with one of these people, who would it be and why? For me, it would be the adventurer because whenever I hang out with that person, a little bit of them rubs off on me and the next thing I know, I’m dreaming big and feeling invulnerable. That gets me a long, long way.

8. Perfectionism Conversely, when I’m in the company of the perfectionist, it’s torture. They overthink everything and are intensely hypocritical of themselves, to the point of subverting any genuine positive feedback you give them as a pretext for how bad you really thought it was. Very simply, it’s hard to be in the company of someone who beats themselves up all of the time.

9. PERFECTIONISM When was the last time after watching a spell-binding performance of an actor that captivated you, you said: “That actor was perfect .” Probably never. Why? It isn’t fun or entertaining to watch a person being perfect. Here’s a secret that not many people know. Audiences pay to see the mistakes. Proof in point. Is it any wonder why nobody gets up at the end of a movie when the “outtakes” are rolling? Of course not. They want to watch all of the “bloopers.”

10. PERFECTIONISM To this day, I can watch hours of bloopers from Seinfeld on YouTube and laugh just as heartily as the funniest scenes in the episodes themselves.

11. PERFECTIONISM It’s more entertaining to watch a person act in a way that flaunts society’s conventions. Because we would never dare do something like that in our own lives, we get a thrill out of living vicariously through them. That’s why we are drawn to watching a character who is painted into a corner or caught between a rock and a hard place and who must struggle mightily to overcome insurmountable odds. And when the stakes could not be any higher, suddenly the script has all the makings of a blockbuster.

12. PERFECTIONISM Stated otherwise, we don’t go to the movies to see a story about an ordinary day in the life of an average “Joe.” The latter is dull, uninteresting, and boring. Moreover, we live that narrative every day ourselves and if we haven’t had our fill of it, instant gratification can be found a heartbeat away on Instagram where millions of social media influencers record themselves doing mundane, every day tasks for the world to see.

13. PERFECTIONISM Instead, we would much rather watch the character on their “worst” day or better yet, the story behind how an otherwise “average” person unravels into a mentally unstable person. This narrative is the plot of “Joker,” one of the highest grossing movies in cinema history.

14. PERFECTIONISM “If milk gets bad, it becomes yogurt. Yogurt is more valuable than milk. If it gets even worse, it turns to cheese. Cheese is more valuable than yogurt. And if grape juice turns sour, it transforms into wine, which is even more expensive than grape juice. You are not bad because you made mistakes. Mistakes are the experiences that make you more valuable as a person. Christopher Columbus made a navigational error that made him discover America. Alexander Fleming’s mistake led him to invent Penicillin. Don’t let your mistakes get you down. It is not practice that makes perfect. It is mistakes we learn from that makes us perfect.”

15. PERFECTIONISM To be human is to be messy . Human beings by nature are imperfectly perfect. And lawyers are no exception. Mickey Haller’s quote from “The Lincoln Lawyer” is a powerful reminder of this: “ What we do is messy. We’re lawyers, not superheroes. We’re gonna make mistakes sometimes.”

16. PERFECTIONISM Yet it is those same flaws, imperfections, and idiosyncrasies that make each of us a beautiful human being and are often, believe it or not, what our family members find most endearing about us.

17. PERFECTIONISM Why? They allow others to see the  real  you: the side of you that is not perfect, proper, and put together (and I dare say, messy) but that lights up a room with the radiance of a hundred wax candles. The average juror can more easily relate to you when your guard is down and when you’re not trying to present a version of yourself that you feel you have to present in order to be liked and to win the approval of others.

18. PERFECTIONISM Not to digress, but the excessive need for approval has its own problems. It is a cruel master. You can spend your whole life currying favor and it will take its toll on your mental and physical well-being. It is for this reason that I refuse to live my life in the pursuit of earning others’ approval.

19. PERFECTIONISM Canadian Songwriter, Leonard Cohen said it best: “Ring the bells that still can ring  Forget your perfect offering  There is a crack in everything  That's how the light gets in.”

20. PERFECTIONISM Therapist Nate Postlethwait made a shrewd observation, “ When a kid grows up constantly being criticized, they become adults who aim for perfection. They plan what to say before every scenario. They give more than they have and never ask for help, because of the fear of being exposed to the kind of criticism they got as a child.” As someone who struggles with perfection, I think that there is a lot of truth in this.

21. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection

22. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection We live in a society obsessed with perfection. We take fourteen versions of a selfie to make sure we look the best. We write and rewrite status updates and messages to each other trying to sound witty or smart. We buy clothes that accentuate our best features. Everyone wants to be a celebrity so we heighten everything.

23. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection Perfectionism is one of the most insidious things. It’s like a cult and it is getting worse by the day because we live in a visual society. The onus to present something perfect is huge. It centers around achieving success and doing so in record-breaking time. Look no further than, “Forbes List of Millionaires Under 30.”

24. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection This obsession with perfection has leaked its way into almost every facet of our lives. Stretching the truth and inflating our accomplishments in order to impress others are signature traits of this decadence. In doing so, we amplify the good and minimize the bad distorting the reality of our present situation. As a result, we never feel good enough, pretty enough, rich enough, or smart enough.

25. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no such thing as perfection. I’ve learned this first-hand. Since law school, I have been consumed with choosing the best words and constructing the cleanest, most literary sentences, even when I was sending a mundane email to a friend. I lived my life according to the credo enshrined in Mark Twain’s famous saying, “Use the right word, not its second cousin. The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. It is the difference between the lightening and the lightening bug.”

26. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection Yet, whenever I’d look at the transcripts of one of my closing arguments, I couldn’t help but cringe! They were replete with grammatical errors, filler words, run-on sentences, and an overall bastardization of the English language that would have made my fourth-grade English teacher roll-over in her grave. At the same time, this became a “light-bulb” moment for me. The numerous imperfections that I was so ashamed of, that caused me to blush with embarrassment, and that I spent sleepless nights obsessing over were the very marks of authenticity that the jury heard with their hearts.

27. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection As Gerry Spence teaches, “People who speak from the heart do not choose the best words and render the most eloquent sentences.” As hard a pill as this might be to swallow, jurors like the lawyer who repeats himself, makes run-on sentences, mixes up the tenses, loses his train of thought.

28. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection Why? For the simple reason that it shows that he is human. Implicit in this is the idea that what is human is both real and honest and leaves a deeper and longer-lasting impression than the most poetic verse than can be strung together.

29. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection As human beings, we relate more to imperfection because we, ourselves are imperfect. This explains why we love movies with “messy characters,” who engage in anarchy and vigilantism. Look no further than marvel comics that have been adapted to the big screen such as “The Joker.” Or if that is not your cup of tea, then maybe “Law and Order” is. No matter how big of an impact artificial intelligence might be having on our lives today, it will never replace human drama – that which can only be told through books, plays, movies, and television documentaries.

30. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection Thanks to a rick background in theater, it has become easier for me to express the diverse feelings that are stirring up inside of me. Indeed, they come gushing out like a spring from a deep, honest, and truthful place.

31. The Power of Words Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to suggest that words are unimportant. The old expression, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me” is blatantly false. Words of rejection, words of betrayal, words of hatred are as lethal as a dagger. For example, the words, “I don’t love you anymore” uttered by a spouse hurt more than being hit over the head by a 2 x 4.

32. The Power of Words As zealous advocates, we have to fight for justice every time we step foot inside the courtroom. Indeed, justice is as intense an emotion as any. It courses through our veins like adrenaline, stokes the flames of passion, and engenders impassioned pleas for justice. For this reason, we live on a tight rope – sometimes just one word away from crossing the dividing line between heated argument and offensive vilification.

33. The Power of Words Ironically, I like this dynamic tension because it forces me to think clearly. It forces me to choose my words carefully. While I strive for utter spontaneity, I do so within the four corners of a canvass. Indeed, any one of our words can be a hand grenade if we’re not careful.

34. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection To get off the ferris wheel of perfection, my advice is to get comfortable being uncomfortable. By this, I mean increasing your tolerance for things that are uncomfortable.

35. Get Off The Ferris Wheel of Perfection To steal a page from Winston Churchill’s playbook, take a walk with the “black dog.” Winston Churchill famously referred to his gloomy periods as his “black dog.” Whenever he’d wake up on the wrong side of the bed, Mr. Churchill would say, “I have got a black dog on my back today.” Rather than suppress the sadness, he’d allow the black dog to follow him around and would even take him for “a good long walk.” While I’m using “black dog” as a metaphor for “imperfection” and not for “depression,” you get the point. Instead of suppressing your imperfection, why not take it for a good long walk.

36. HELPFUL PRACTICES FOR NON-JUDGMENTAL MIND & for Quieting the Mind

37. FAILURE

38. FAILURE For example, let’s say you want to be funny. Chances are those things that you think will make you funny and that other people will laugh at will bomb. Our bright and clever ideas don’t always crush it in front of an audience. We call that the “flop.” But in “flopping,” you might inevitably find what does make you funny. And that’s often times the thing that you’d least expect.

39. FAILURE This is not for the faint of heart as more often than not, it relates to the tender parts of self that may be the very reason why other kids picked on you or made fun of you when you were growing up. For this reason, it requires a lot of bravery and self-awareness. These are the quirks, the peculiarities, and the idiosyncrasies that make you you. The trouble with this is that we often label these things as “weaknesses” or “shortcomings.” Nothing could be farther from the truth. There is great power in them.

40. FAILURE As “America’s Got Talent” star Howie Mandel once said, “ Everything I’ve been punished for, expelled for, hit for is what I get paid for today.” Continuing, he said, “ I found that authenticity works, not only in my career but like, if you don’t try too hard, people don’t smell you trying too hard.”

41. EXERCISES Therefore, we need to develop a healthy relationship with failure. Otherwise, we’ll never be able to taste the sweet smell of success. But if you’re anything like me, you despise failure. In order to make good bedfellows with “failure,” my acting instructor would say that he had many a student that would fail at some point or another during their journey, but no “deaths” along the way. My instructor would challenge us to do things which were virtually impossible and which had failure written all over them. However, we were instructed to do them to the best of our ability.

42. EXAMPLES For example, we would be challenged to make the sound of a Soviet-era washing machine running with an over-sized load of laundry inside it; a cheesy game-show host; a car speeding through an intersection just as the light was turning red and colliding head-on with a tractor-trailer during a rain storm; the sound of a horse “ hee-heeing ;” two pigs mating; a dictator saying grace at the family dinner table; your most ridiculous relative bragging about his most recent accomplishment at Thanksgiving dinner; making a bird-mating call; or a Botoxed morning TV anchor showing off new cake pans. What you discover will surprise you!

43. THE JURY A shocking statistic teaches us that for many people, jury duty marks the first time in their life since they were infants that they have been separated from their smart phones for such an extended period of time. Some may welcome the “digital detox.” Others will become rebellious and in order to satiate the racing mind that is programmed for continuous stimulus, they will quickly substitute “day-dreaming” for scrolling through social media feeds. Thus, while they might physically be present, mentally they have checked out and are lying on a beach in the Caribbean sipping a martini. We, of course, have the power to change all of that.

44. THE JURY Early in my career, I felt intimidated by the jury. Because I was representing a person who was accused of committing a crime, I thought that they automatically would despise me and view me as a “snake oil salesman.” I felt their eyes piercing right through me like the look that my dad would give me when I brought home a bad report card.

45. THE JURY Over time, I realized that nothing could be farther from the truth. Put yourself in the shoes of the jury. Consider this. Before you get up to address the jury, do you think that they are saying to themselves, “I hope this lawyer is dull, boring, & uninteresting and falls flat on his face because I have nothing better to do for the next six hours than to be lulled to sleep.”

46. THE JURY No. They are desperate for you to be charming & captivating. They are a captive audience for the next six hours and cannot “escape” by walking out of the courtroom when they get bored or “withdrawing” into the digital world of social media or other apps on their smart phones. You are their only “entertainment” in a world where attention spans are less then ten seconds.

47. THE JURY Therefore, the jury is ”rooting” for you just as an audience who has taken their seats in a theater to see a play are rooting for the actors to take them on a journey into another world and to “help them forget about life for a while.”

48. THE JURY Recognizing this, I have lost whatever fears I once had of the jury and do everything within my power to keep them captivated. Storytelling is an amazing tool for this. My motto is, “Every second is a chance to tell a story.” I acknowledge the jurors, make eye contact with them in a friendly but not awkward way, empower them (i.e., telling them they are the most important people in the courtroom), and view them as my “friends” as opposed to enemy combatants. And this is not lost on them!

49. STATUS IN THE COURTROOM The reason I’m a staunch advocate for “empowering the jury” is due to what I call the “status dynamic” of the courtroom. It is not unlike that of a company cocktail party. From the moment a jury arrives in the courtroom, they become cognizant of this dynamic. They realize that the judge has the “highest status” while Johnny, the defendant, has the lowest status. The lawyers are usually somewhere in the middle. This is why humanizing Johnny is so important.

50. STATUS IN THE COURTROOM But the perception that the jury has of themselves is what often-times gets overlooked. Despite the fact that they are the most important people in the courtroom insomuch as they are the judges of the facts and will determine the outcome of the case, most jurors see themselves as being at the bottom of the food chain vis-à-vis everyone else in the courtroom.

51. STATUS IN THE COURTROOM In order to change that, we must empower them and bolster them by reminding them how important they are. Thanking them is not enough and may even be misinterpreted as pandering. Empowering, on the other hand, has the added benefit of generating goodwill, especially when your adversary doesn’t do it.

52. Being in the Moment “Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

53. Being in the Moment Studies show that we spend up to 60% of our day in our heads thinking. Our thoughts usually dwell on memories of past events or worries about the future. Regardless of whether you’re reliving the argument that you had with your “significant other” the night before and feeling regret or obsessing about the news you just got that your mother-in-law is in town and will be spending the weekend, your mind is not present.

54. Being in the Moment I’ll be candid. If you were to take a small video camera and insert it between my ears, it would play like the trailer of a “James Bond” movie. To say that my mind is “busy” would be a complete understatement.

55. Being in the Moment The problem with all this thinking is that it creates unnecessary anxiety and stress, takes away your strength from solving the problems that exist today, and is mentally exhausting. Practically speaking, it is wasted energy. The past is gone and never will come back. The future is elusive and is beyond anyone’s grasp. The future is a blank canvas.

56. Being in the Moment Most of us interpret life based on events we have experienced in the past . It may not be readily apparent, but in the back of your mind, you are constantly comparing, judging, and evaluating everything that comes through your senses with something that took place seconds, days or even years ago.

57. Being in the Moment While memories help us to maintain a sense of continuity in life, they can also hold us captive when we use them to build walls around us, imprisoning our mind and seeing life only through a small tinted window. As a result, we no longer experience life as it is. Instead, we perceive reality through memories from the past and worries about the future. This creates a distorted version of reality.

58. Being in the Moment Since everyone’s life experience is different, so too is the reality perceived by each individual. This is why two people who went through the same ordeal can have vastly different interpretations and responses.

59. Being in the Moment We end up living in a cell that determines how we feel and how we will react to a given event. If something fits into our way of seeing things, we feel satisfied and happy, and desire more of it. If it does not, we become angry, anxious, depressed, or stressed.

60. Being in the Moment How can we use memories and thoughts intelligently without being trapped by them?

61. Being in the Moment The answer is shockingly simple. Be present in this moment. Not a half-hearted presence like slumping on the couch and channel-surfing, but a complete mind, body, and spirit presence.

62. Being in the Moment Why the emphasis on this moment? Because now is where reality is. The present moment is the only thing you have got now. The past is gone and never will come back. The future is elusive and is beyond anyone’s grasp. It’s a blank canvas. All your self-defeating stories about the past, or worries for the future are taking place here and now in this moment.

63. Being in the Moment Why live in the past or future when you can live now and enjoy the spontaneity and surprise that each moment offers? When you surrender completely to now and put all your attention on every moment, your full awareness connects you to the flow of life . This is when living becomes effortless. You will begin to respond to each moment instinctively without worry or anxiety, because at this moment there aren’t 200 things you need to do – there is only one thing to do, now.

64. Being in the Moment With that background, we can now discuss what it means to “Be in the moment.” It is a drama term indicating that your argument is happening right now. It lives now and will never be done the same way again. Knowing what it isn’t can help shed light on what it is. One cannot be in the moment if one is thinking about how one prepared last night or trying to remember what one memorized.

65. Being in the Moment Here’s the thing about oratorical skills and presentation in any sphere of life. Whether you're playing golf, delivering a keynote to a large audience, or acting on stage, there is no past and there is no future.

66. Being in the Moment You're living in the present. And the present dictates terms to you that you may not have expected and that you just have to be ready to adapt to on the fly.  Pre-determining what you are going to do before it happens is the very antithesis of living in the moment.

67. Being in the Moment For actors, being in the moment is vital to creating the illusion of reality. Audiences demand utter spontaneity . Think about it. The “real” Romeo and Juliet had no script. They uttered what were later to become some of the most famous lines of English poetry spontaneously and impulsively.

68. Being in the Moment Acting is about getting the audience to believe that it’s happening for the first time. To do this, actors must make it appear as though they don’t know what’s coming next.

69. Being in the Moment This is easier said than done. As the actor, you know what’s coming next because you’ve memorized the script and rehearsed the scene hundreds if not thousands of times. But as the character, you don’t have the foggiest idea. So how does the actor behave? He behaves as if it’s happening for the first time. In this way, the words trip off of the tongue without sounding rehearsed.

70. Being in the Moment And once you’re in touch with those feelings and that ability to be impulsive, you’re in the moment and you’re creating the illusion of reality.

71. Being in the Moment So the audience is wrapped up in what they’re seeing because you, as the actor, are seeing it for the first time as if it’s the first time. And when you sprinkle underneath that a sense of humanity, you have a solid foundation in what real actors do when they are working at their best.

72. Being in the Moment As my acting instructor once said, “when your response to something  truly  surprises you, then it will also surprise others.” The famous glove scene in, “On The Waterfront” was improvised by Marlon Brando himself. It looks real because he was living the moments out right before our eyes – there was no planning or fixing.

73. Being in the Moment I learn so much when I watch Brando. His ability to stay in the moment and deal with what is happening “right here, right now” is a reminder that I must take that path in everything I do. To me, there is nothing more exhilarating than being in the moment and living unencumbered by thought.

74. Being in the Moment Returning to the courtroom, here are a few practical tips that you can immediately put to use to be in the moment: When you are rehearsing your opening statement, plan for objections. This way, when they happen, they will not throw you off or put you into a tailspin. Instead, you can allow them to pass by like cars on a freeway without creating a mini-drama out of them. Instead of getting flustered and irritated, you’ll be unflappable.

75. Being in the Moment A common question that I am asked is what to do about the adversary who adopts a scorch and burn strategy of objecting continuously throughout my opening statement and/or closing argument to the extent that it disrupts my flow and interferes with my train of thought? Being

76. Being in the Moment First, be honest with yourself and ask, “Is what I said objectionable?” If so, be proactive and refrain from saying it altogether or state it in a way that it will not trigger an objection. Of course, there will always be adversaries who object for no other reason than to “throw you off,” while couching the objection in terms that make it appear that you have run afoul of the rules of evidence.

77. Being in the Moment Do not underestimate the jury. They are smarter than you think. If you are telling a compelling story and an avalanche of objections begins to erupt from your adversary’s mouth like lava erupting from a volcano, the jury will become annoyed at your adversary for not letting you speak. They’ll ask: “Why won’t he let him talk?”

78. Being in the Moment In other words, this strategy might backfire by coming back to bite your adversary in the butt because the jury will view it as “unfair.” At the very least, your adversary will do nothing to endear himself to the jury. Instead, the jury may even turn against him entirely.

79. Mindfulness Exercises Tips Meditation Just sit comfortably and focus your attention on every in and out-breath. “Our breaths born and die with every moment and they only happen in the now. When your breathing stops, now will also cease to exist.”

80. Mindfulness Exercises Accept the fact that your mind is going to drift. We can’t help that. It’s normal. In fact, that’s not the challenge. The challenge is in becoming aware of when you’ve “left the building.” Why? Because the sooner that you realize you’ve checked out, the sooner you will be able to bring your mind back to the present moment, thus reducing the gap in time the between “I’ve left” and “I’ve returned.” If your mind begins to drift away from your breaths, gently bring it back and return your focus to where it should be.

81. Mindfulness Exercises As you become accustomed to focusing on your breaths, it will become progressively easier to stay in the now. Your mind will become less distracted by haphazard thoughts and memories. By being able to focus on this moment, you bring greater awareness to your everyday life.

82. Mindfulness Exercises

83. Mindfulness Exercises This is the taste of true freedom!

84. Mindfulness Exercises Think meditation is junk science? Tell that to these people …

85. Mindfulness Exercises (2) Don’t time travel!

86. Mindfulness Exercises If you feel yourself drifting into thought, try to catch yourself. Ask yourself, “Is this thought I’m having useful for my energy today?” Everything else is a leak. You don’t want to leak your energy all over the place. Instead, you want to gather your energy and strength for right now.

87. Mindfulness Exercises (3) You are the master of your thoughts just like you are the master of your destiny. Negative thoughts are outright debilitating. However, they were nothing more than thoughts until you attached an emotion to them – albeit a negative one. Try viewing your thoughts as cars passing by on a freeway.

88. Mindfulness Exercises Before allowing your mind to turn that thought into a mini-drama, why not let it pass by like a car on the freeway instead of parking it illegally on a yellow curb with an invitation for a meter maid to pull out his pad and write you a ticket?

89. Mindfulness Exercises (4) Research shows that when your expectation is similar to your perceived reality of an event, a positive emotion results. However, when your expectation is different than your perceived reality of an event, a negative emotion results.

90. Mindfulness Exercises Example: You are in the restroom at the courthouse and have just finished washing your hands. With wringing wet hands, you press down on the paper towel dispenser and nothing comes out. A negative emotion results: “You’re pissed.” Your expectation is that the paper towel dispenser would be stocked with paper towels but, in reality, it isn’t.

91. Mindfulness Exercises If this was the tenth time that you used this restroom and the tenth time that the paper towel dispenser was empty, a negative emotion may not result. Why? Because you have mentally prepared yourself, perhaps subconsciously, for it being empty and therefore, your expectation that there will be paper towels inside has diminished. In fact, the existence of paper towels might even trigger a surprise. Takeaway: Set realistic expectations and expect the unexpected.

92. Connect With Me!

93. Connect with me! https:// www.linkedin.com /in/ michaeldeblis / Website https:// www.DeBlisLaw.com https:// www.instagram.com / deblismike / https:// www.facebook.com / TaxWarrior https:// www.youtube.com /channel/UCQcspC0wq9ZVI5DOzIr4rOQ Email [email protected]