7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Habit 5)

Seek first to understand then to be understood. This is the habit 5 from the book 7 Habits of highly effective people. It includes empathic communication, emotional bank account, diagnose before you prescribe, etc.

1. HABIT-5 SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

2. MS EDUCATION (LEADERSHIP AND MANAGEMENT) GROUP MEMBER Fareena Farheen Aniqa Amir Sumaiya Maqsood Mehak Maqbool Ayesha Nazar Warda Mumtaz 2

3. 1 . Empathic Communication Fareena Farheen 3

4. Empathic Communication Empathic communication  is  communication  that takes into account what we do, the way we do it, and our impact on other people. As this awareness grows, we create better connections more quickly, and find ourselves more motivated and willing to respond in any situation.

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6. Principles of Empathic Communication Empathy means the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is the ability to sense other people’s emotions, compiled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. This habit is about the communication after understanding the ability to sense other person emotions. This habit starts with an example of an optometrist who gave glasses to a patient without diagnosing his number. When the patient couldn’t see clearly, he would not go to that optometrist again. So we all rush to conclusions without understanding the causes of problems. If a boy does not want to go school, the mother forces him to go to school without diagnosing the causes for his not going. His mother should first seek the problem and issue behind why his son does not like to go to school then try to suggest solutions and remedies. We rush in, to fix things up with good advice. We fail to take time to diagnose, to really deeply understand the problem first. The key to effective interpersonal communication is first to understand then to be understood. Diagnose first before we prescribe 6

7. Character and Communication The four basic types of communication are reading, writing, speaking and listening. In daily lives we emphasize on the first three but we do not listen to others. Without listening we cannot understand another human being from that individual’s own frame of reference. Communication is the most important To interact effectively with someone or to influence someone, we have to understand them first. If somebody feels that other person is manipulating or giving dodge or just judging. They will never open up to others. The actual good conduct of a person will bring confidence to the other for opening up. Till the time one opens to the other, they cannot be advised or counselled. To be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you have to build the skills of empathic listening on the base of character that inspires openness and trust. To be emotionally close to each other, you have to listen to the heart of other . 7

8. 2 . Empathic Listening Aniqa Amir 8

9. 9 Native American Proverb “Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf.”

10. Empathic Listening “Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. We want to be understood. Our conversations become collective monologues, and we never really understand what’s going on inside another human being . 10

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12. Empathic Listening When another person speaks, we’re usually “listening” at one of four levels. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. We may practice pretending . “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right.” We may practice selective listening , hearing only certain parts of the conversation. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening . 12

13. Empathic Listening Empathic listening , mean listening with intent to understand. Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see the world, you understand their paradigm, and you understand how they feel. 13

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15. Difference between Empathy and Sympathy Empathy is not sympathy. There is a difference between these terms. Sympathy is a form of agreement, a form of judgment. It means understanding someone else's suffering. On the other hand, empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it’s that you fully, deeply, understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually. 15

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18. Risk Empathetic listening takes effort. It also involves some risk. The risk comes from a chance of being hurt. Putting aside your own needs to listen to another’s, and enter into another’s thoughts and feelings requires a certain degree of vulnerability. But this risk is worth it. You will never be able to see the world as others do until you learn the skills needed for empathetic listening . 18

19. 3 . Diagnose Before You Prescribe Sumaiya Maqsood 19

20. Diagnose Before You Prescribe It is very difficult and hard to seek first to understand or to diagnose before you prescribe but it is a correct principle obvious in many areas of life. We often prescribe before making a proper diagnosis when communicating. We should first take the time to deeply understand the problems presented to us.

21. Diagnose Before You Prescribe If you don’t have confidence in the diagnosis, you won’t have confidence in the prescription The key to good judgment is effective understanding. We must first understand the problem before we can effectively address the solution. By judging first, a person will never fully understand. 21

22. Diagnose Before You Prescribe Especially under stressful circumstances, when discussing complex issues with our loved ones, the way we "listen" is to "prescribe before diagnosing." We jump to conclusions, attack the speaker's views and defend our own conclusions before really deeply understanding . 22

23. Diagnose Before You Prescribe Diagnosing before you prescribe is also fundamental to law. The professional lawyers first gather the facts to understand the situation, the laws and precedents, before preparing the case. A good lawyer almost writes the opposing case before he writes his own. A good teacher will assess the class before teaching. A good student will understand before he applies. A good parent will understand before evaluating or judging. 23

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25. Four Autobiographical Responses When we fail to listen empathically from the other person’s perspective we listen autobiographically, interpreting everything through our own lens and experiences. Autobiographical listening is filtering what others says through your own story, experiences, prejudices and values 25

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27. Four Autobiographical Responses When you listen autobiographically you are often listening with the intent to reply rather then understand. These responses come naturally to us. We are deeply scripted in them; we live around models of them all the time. 27

28. 4 . Four developmental stages of the iceberg of empathic listening Mehak Maqbool 28

29. Four developmental stages of the iceberg (chunks) of empathic listening You will never be able to truly step inside another person, to see the world as he sees it, until you develop the pure desire, the strength of personal character, and the positive Emotional Bank Account as well as the empathic listening skills to do it. A n  account of trust, based on how safe you feel with another T he level of closeness and trust, or “richness” in our relationships . 29

30. There are six major deposits we can make to the emotional bank account Understanding the individual Attend to the little things, which are the big things in relationships Keep commitments Clarify expectations Show personal integrity(the quality of being honest) Apologize sincerely when you make a withdrawal 30

31. Empathic listening  is the practice of being attentive and responsive to others' input during conversation. Listening empathically  entails making an emotional connection with the other person and finding similarities between their experience and your own so you can give a more heartfelt response . The skills, the tip of the iceberg (chunks) of empathic listening, involve four developmental stages. 1st stage this is the skill taught in "active" or "reflective" listening. You just listen to the words that come out of someone's mouth and you repeat them.  31

32. You haven't evaluated or probed or advised or interpreted. You've at least showed you're paying attention to his words. But to understand, you want to do more. 2nd stage the second stage of empathic listening is to rephrase the content. It's a little more effective, but it’s still limited to the verbal communication This time, you've put his meaning into your own words. Now you're thinking about what he said, mostly with the left side, the reasoning, logical side of the brain. 3rd stage the third stage brings your right brain into operation. You reflect feeling. Now you're not paying as much attention to what he's saying as you are to the way he feels about what he's saying. 4th stage the fourth stage includes both the second and the third. You rephrase the content and reflect the feeling.  32

33. When people are really hurting and you really listen with a pure desire to understand, you’ll be amazed how fast they will open up . They want to open up. Children desperately want to open up , even more to their parents than to their peers . And they will, if they feel their parents will love them unconditionally and will be faithful to them afterwards and not judge or ridicule them. You're using both sides of your brain to understand both sides of his communication. In communication Listen actively before you talk . 33

34. 5 . Understanding and Perception Ayesha Nazar 34

35. Understanding and Perception Listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous differences in perception. You will also begin to appreciate the impact that these differences can have as people try to work together in interdependent situations. You see the young woman; I see the old lady. You may look at the world through spouse-centered glasses; I may see it through the money-centered lens of economic concern

36. One-on-One Habit 5 is powerful because it is right in the middle of your Circle of Influence. Many factors in interdependent situations are in your Circle of Concern -- problems, disagreements, circumstances, other people's behavior. And if you focus your energies out there, you deplete them with little positive results. But you can always seek first to understand. That's something that's within your control. And as you do that, as you focus on your Circle of Influence, you really, deeply understand other people. You have accurate information to work with, you get to the heart of matters quickly, you build Emotional Bank Accounts, and you give people the psychological air they need so you can work together effectively. 36

37. 6 . Then seek to be understood Warda Mumtaz 37

38. Then seek to be understood Seek first. How to understand is critical in reaching towards solution. Seeking to understand, requires consideration. Seeking to understood, takes courage. Need to understand another individual's perception . 38

39. Being understood is all about one’s presentation of ethos, pathos, and logos 3 words of early Greek’s philosophy Ethos ; the personal faith that people have in you. It’s the trust you inspire. Pathos ; the empathic side and feelings that means you are in emotional thrust of other people. Logos ; logic, reasoning part of the presentation . When we present our ideas clearly, we increases credibility of our idea. In your effort to understand, your learn. 39

40. One on one Habit 5 is powerful because it is right in the middle of your circle. It is inside out approach. When you focus on your circle, you deeply understand people. You know them well so you can work effectively. Habit 5, tells us to keep our autobiography aside and seek to understand others. By asking them; ‘’ you seem down ’’ ‘’ all set ‘’ (You show understanding and respect ) 40

41. Examples used in one and one Involves parents with their child. Involves spouse. In business, do one on one; Take feedback from employee, customers and suppliers. Make human element important than financial or technical element. 41

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