Act like lady think like a man
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About This Presentation
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Slide Content
ACT LIKE A LADY -
THINK LIKE A MAN
Keys to uncovering your self
worth and surviving a love
knockout
Sharon P. Carson
Contact Information
Sharon P. Carson
P.O. Box 28-8482, Chicago, Il. 60628
Phone: 773-568-2274
Fax: 773-568-2275
Email: [email protected]
THINK LIKE A MAN
Keys to uncovering your self
worth and surviving a love
knockout
Sharon P. Carson
Contact Information
Sharon P. Carson
P.O. Box 28-8482, Chicago, Il. 60628
Phone: 773-568-2274
Fax: 773-568-2275
Email: [email protected]
1
Copyright 2003
by Sharon P. Carson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be
reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or
by any electronic, computerized, mechanical or
other means, now known of hereafter invented,
including photocopying and recording, or in any
information storage or retrieval system, without
permission in writing from Sharon P. Carson,
Publisher.
ACT LIKE A LADY
THINK LIKE A MAN
Copyright 2003
by Sharon P. Carson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be
reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or
by any electronic, computerized, mechanical or
other means, now known of hereafter invented,
including photocopying and recording, or in any
information storage or retrieval system, without
permission in writing from Sharon P. Carson,
Publisher.
ACT LIKE A LADY
THINK LIKE A MAN
2
Why do we feel so insecure without a hand
to hold?
And then we make our search for one
our lifes entire goal!
Why do we feel so insecure without a hand
to hold?
And then we make our search for one
our lifes entire goal!
3
Dedicated to
Tracy, Kimberly, Candice, Mellanie, Tiffany,
Gabrielle, Autumn & Chayce
Dedicated to
Tracy, Kimberly, Candice, Mellanie, Tiffany,
Gabrielle, Autumn & Chayce
4
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .pgs.. .8-9
Hope for the Book 10-12
Training Camp .13-15
A Diamond in the Rough -16
The Tears of Fear -16-18
Dont Take It Personally 18-19
Your Life Has Purpose 19-20
Every Experience 20-21
Any Man at Any Cost - 21
Dont Get Desperate 21-22
Waiting to Be Happy
22-23
The Man Shortage Myth 23-25
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .pgs.. .8-9
Hope for the Book 10-12
Training Camp .13-15
A Diamond in the Rough -16
The Tears of Fear -16-18
Dont Take It Personally 18-19
Your Life Has Purpose 19-20
Every Experience 20-21
Any Man at Any Cost - 21
Dont Get Desperate 21-22
Waiting to Be Happy
22-23
The Man Shortage Myth 23-25
5
Relationship
101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . .25
I Did Everything 25
I Cant Live Without Him 26
The Time Between 27
But I Love Him 27-28
Fall in Love with Yourself 28
He wants me to lose weight 28-29
Sop the Pot! 29-30
Money is Only Good 30-31
Why?
31-32
Love Is Indestructible 32-33
Dont Try to Kick 33-34
Get Out!
Slow Down 35
The Golden Rule 35-36
Relationship
101 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . .25
I Did Everything 25
I Cant Live Without Him 26
The Time Between 27
But I Love Him 27-28
Fall in Love with Yourself 28
He wants me to lose weight 28-29
Sop the Pot! 29-30
Money is Only Good 30-31
Why?
31-32
Love Is Indestructible 32-33
Dont Try to Kick 33-34
Get Out!
Slow Down 35
The Golden Rule 35-36
6
Theres Enough to Go Around
36-37
Why Would a Man Cheat? 37
To Forgive or Not To Forgive?
38
Dont Become what you Hate
38-39
The Brainwasher 39
Make the Right Decision
39-40
LOVE LESSONS 40-41
The hard part of love 41
Know Yourself 41
Waiting for Revenge 41
I Can Change Him 41-42
A Sneak Preview 42
Stand Tall 42
Stay on Your Pedestal 42
Turn up the Heat 42
Theres Enough to Go Around
36-37
Why Would a Man Cheat? 37
To Forgive or Not To Forgive?
38
Dont Become what you Hate
38-39
The Brainwasher 39
Make the Right Decision
39-40
LOVE LESSONS 40-41
The hard part of love 41
Know Yourself 41
Waiting for Revenge 41
I Can Change Him 41-42
A Sneak Preview 42
Stand Tall 42
Stay on Your Pedestal 42
Turn up the Heat 42
7
Flip the Script 43
A New Day 43
Healing A Broken Heart . 43-47
The Prayer Factor 43-44
The Broken Heart Eviction Process
44-47
The Greatest Love of
All . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . .
The Courtship 48-51
A Word to the Wise
51-52
Flip the Script 43
A New Day 43
Healing A Broken Heart . 43-47
The Prayer Factor 43-44
The Broken Heart Eviction Process
44-47
The Greatest Love of
All . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . .
The Courtship 48-51
A Word to the Wise
51-52
8
INTRODUCTION
Act like a Lady Think like a Man was
inspired by a newspaper article I read about a
woman who found out that her husband was
having an affair. She went to various
extremes in an attempt to save her marriage.
She had plastic surgery and liposuction,
joined a gym, quit her job to concentrate on
her husband and her marriage, cooked his
favorite meals, and had sex with him three
times a day. Yet even in the face of this level
of desperate measures, her long-time husband
still left her for the other woman.
In many similar cases, after a marital or
relational break-up, the man quickly moves
on to another relationship but the woman,
more often than not, continues to suffer for
longer periods of time from emotional scars.
She will sometimes suffer for the rest of her
life from anger, distrust of men, bitterness and
an inability to forgive. The internalization of
these negative emotions will undoubtedly
have a negative effect on her personality, her
health and her happiness.
There are too many bitter women who have
been carrying this emotional garbage around
for too long; now its time to take out the
garbage. Its time for women to move from
pain to gain.
INTRODUCTION
Act like a Lady Think like a Man was
inspired by a newspaper article I read about a
woman who found out that her husband was
having an affair. She went to various
extremes in an attempt to save her marriage.
She had plastic surgery and liposuction,
joined a gym, quit her job to concentrate on
her husband and her marriage, cooked his
favorite meals, and had sex with him three
times a day. Yet even in the face of this level
of desperate measures, her long-time husband
still left her for the other woman.
In many similar cases, after a marital or
relational break-up, the man quickly moves
on to another relationship but the woman,
more often than not, continues to suffer for
longer periods of time from emotional scars.
She will sometimes suffer for the rest of her
life from anger, distrust of men, bitterness and
an inability to forgive. The internalization of
these negative emotions will undoubtedly
have a negative effect on her personality, her
health and her happiness.
There are too many bitter women who have
been carrying this emotional garbage around
for too long; now its time to take out the
garbage. Its time for women to move from
pain to gain.
9
Act like a Lady Think like a Man is a
collection of short lessons that are intended to
inspire women to practice both self-love and
tough love in relationships. These lessons
have been gleaned from my personal
experiences as well as from the experiences of
the many women who have openly shared
their relationship experiences with me.
Act like a Lady Think like a Man is a
collection of short lessons that are intended to
inspire women to practice both self-love and
tough love in relationships. These lessons
have been gleaned from my personal
experiences as well as from the experiences of
the many women who have openly shared
their relationship experiences with me.
10
HOPE FOR THE BOOK
One of my hopes for this book is that women,
after reading it, will have more love and
respect for themselves, just the way that they
are.
I want women to understand that they were
not created as a half person who will be
incomplete without a male half. They were
born complete, with everything they need to
have a complete and fulfilling life, even if that
life does not include an ongoing relationship
with a man.
Act Like A Lady
The title of the book, Act like a Lady Think
like a Man, was born out of my belief that a
woman should always act like a lady. I will
not try to provide a blanket definition for
what it means to act like a lady. Every woman
has to decide for herself what it means to act
like a lady.
But for me and the purposes of my book,
acting like a lady has nothing to do with
manicures, pedicures, high-heeled shoes or
weekly hair dos. In the context of my book,
a woman who acts like a lady is one who
exudes self-confidence. She accepts and
appreciates who she is, both inside and out.
She has respects herself and demands respect
from her male counterpart.
HOPE FOR THE BOOK
One of my hopes for this book is that women,
after reading it, will have more love and
respect for themselves, just the way that they
are.
I want women to understand that they were
not created as a half person who will be
incomplete without a male half. They were
born complete, with everything they need to
have a complete and fulfilling life, even if that
life does not include an ongoing relationship
with a man.
Act Like A Lady
The title of the book, Act like a Lady Think
like a Man, was born out of my belief that a
woman should always act like a lady. I will
not try to provide a blanket definition for
what it means to act like a lady. Every woman
has to decide for herself what it means to act
like a lady.
But for me and the purposes of my book,
acting like a lady has nothing to do with
manicures, pedicures, high-heeled shoes or
weekly hair dos. In the context of my book,
a woman who acts like a lady is one who
exudes self-confidence. She accepts and
appreciates who she is, both inside and out.
She has respects herself and demands respect
from her male counterpart.
11
Think like a Man
I believe that by gaining some insight into
how men think (in terms of their relationships
with women,) a woman can help better her
present relationship and be more able either to
recognize the signs of a bad relationship so
that she doesnt fall into one, or to recognize
if she has already fallen into one.
In todays world womens hearts are being
broken over and over again, as easily as eggs
for an omelet and without remorse or second
thought. I believe that by learning how
differently men and women view
relationships a woman can obtain the tools
she needs to repair her relationship problems.
Many women dont have a clue as to how
men think because for the most part, men do
not open themselves up to vulnerabilities by
telling women what they really think. More
often than not, what a woman learns about
how a man thinks comes from a man who
either wants to sleep with her, is in a
relationship with her already or has some
other interest in her. She will never truthfully
learn how he thinks because he usually will
not open up to her for fear of jeopardizing the
relationship.
There is also another type of woman, who is
close-minded and not open to the truth even if
a man chooses to share it. Women should be
open to an honest dialogue with men.
Think like a Man
I believe that by gaining some insight into
how men think (in terms of their relationships
with women,) a woman can help better her
present relationship and be more able either to
recognize the signs of a bad relationship so
that she doesnt fall into one, or to recognize
if she has already fallen into one.
In todays world womens hearts are being
broken over and over again, as easily as eggs
for an omelet and without remorse or second
thought. I believe that by learning how
differently men and women view
relationships a woman can obtain the tools
she needs to repair her relationship problems.
Many women dont have a clue as to how
men think because for the most part, men do
not open themselves up to vulnerabilities by
telling women what they really think. More
often than not, what a woman learns about
how a man thinks comes from a man who
either wants to sleep with her, is in a
relationship with her already or has some
other interest in her. She will never truthfully
learn how he thinks because he usually will
not open up to her for fear of jeopardizing the
relationship.
There is also another type of woman, who is
close-minded and not open to the truth even if
a man chooses to share it. Women should be
open to an honest dialogue with men.
12
After all, every good hunter always learns the
habits of its prey.
After all, every good hunter always learns the
habits of its prey.
13
TRAINING CAMP
Women could save themselves a lot of
heartache if they understood that the
difference between a man and a woman
amounts to more than just their sexual organs.
For the most part, men and women do not
think alike. A man cannot validate all of a
womans feelings or understand all of her
emotions because the two experience the
world differently, are usually brought up
differently from childhood, and have different
expectations placed on them by the world. A
woman should remember that a man cannot
give what he does not have. If a man was not
raised with love and affection, it is hard for
him to give love and affection.
One of the biggest mistakes a woman can
make is to think that because a man wants to
have sex with her, he has some deep feelings
for her as a person, when in many instances
this is not the case. To the average man, sex is
sex and to many women, sex is love. This is
one of the major differences between the
thinking of a man and the thinking of a
woman. The woman who is unable to
differentiate between love and a mans love of
sex will undoubtedly find herself on the
crowded road that leads to Heartbreak Hotel.
TRAINING CAMP
Women could save themselves a lot of
heartache if they understood that the
difference between a man and a woman
amounts to more than just their sexual organs.
For the most part, men and women do not
think alike. A man cannot validate all of a
womans feelings or understand all of her
emotions because the two experience the
world differently, are usually brought up
differently from childhood, and have different
expectations placed on them by the world. A
woman should remember that a man cannot
give what he does not have. If a man was not
raised with love and affection, it is hard for
him to give love and affection.
One of the biggest mistakes a woman can
make is to think that because a man wants to
have sex with her, he has some deep feelings
for her as a person, when in many instances
this is not the case. To the average man, sex is
sex and to many women, sex is love. This is
one of the major differences between the
thinking of a man and the thinking of a
woman. The woman who is unable to
differentiate between love and a mans love of
sex will undoubtedly find herself on the
crowded road that leads to Heartbreak Hotel.
14
You could have married someone from
Minniehollerwaller
Minniehollerwaller is an imaginary place, but
it serves to prove a good point. Have you
ever thought about the fact that most couples
meet in their own state, city, or even
neighborhood?
It is amazing how most women, who have
been in relationships probably, met who they
consider their perfect mate or partner right in
the same neighborhood, city, school or social
circles that they were already in. Is this a
coincidence?
Lets Get Real about it!
If you lived in Canada, you probably would
have met and married a Canadian; in Texas, a
Texan; in Chicago, a Chicagoan; in Australia,
an Australian; in Brazil, a Brazilian; in Africa,
an African and so on.
In other words, throughout this world you
have many possibilities for a mate. You are
simply more likely to meet one within your
immediate community or social circles. Once
you free yourself from thinking that there is
only one man in the world for you, you will
be free of the fear that he will leave you and
that you will never find anyone to replace him.
You could have married someone from
Minniehollerwaller
Minniehollerwaller is an imaginary place, but
it serves to prove a good point. Have you
ever thought about the fact that most couples
meet in their own state, city, or even
neighborhood?
It is amazing how most women, who have
been in relationships probably, met who they
consider their perfect mate or partner right in
the same neighborhood, city, school or social
circles that they were already in. Is this a
coincidence?
Lets Get Real about it!
If you lived in Canada, you probably would
have met and married a Canadian; in Texas, a
Texan; in Chicago, a Chicagoan; in Australia,
an Australian; in Brazil, a Brazilian; in Africa,
an African and so on.
In other words, throughout this world you
have many possibilities for a mate. You are
simply more likely to meet one within your
immediate community or social circles. Once
you free yourself from thinking that there is
only one man in the world for you, you will
be free of the fear that he will leave you and
that you will never find anyone to replace him.
15
Women should know that they have many
possibilities for a mate and they dont have to
worry about the one whos a continent away
or a state away or a city away, because there
is usually one just a zip code away.
Women should know that they have many
possibilities for a mate and they dont have to
worry about the one whos a continent away
or a state away or a city away, because there
is usually one just a zip code away.
16
A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH
Why do women always talk about the need to
find a man as though he is the diamond? You
are the diamond! And you can polish yourself
like a diamond by holding yourself in high
esteem.
Have you ever noticed that some women, who
in societys view are not considered
traditionally attractive, believe themselves to
be attractive and carry themselves that way,
showing self confidence to everyone around
them? As a young person might say, they
believe that they are all that and a bag of
chips!
It does not take long for those around these
self-confident people to start seeing them in
the same way they see themselves.
The bottom line is that others will value you
only to the extent that you value yourself. Act
like a diamond, believe you are a diamond,
demand to be treated like a diamond and stop
allowing men to treat you like cubic
zirconium!
THE TEARS OF FEAR
I once met a woman who told me that after
her husband left her, she cried every day for
six years. I asked her what finally made her
A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH
Why do women always talk about the need to
find a man as though he is the diamond? You
are the diamond! And you can polish yourself
like a diamond by holding yourself in high
esteem.
Have you ever noticed that some women, who
in societys view are not considered
traditionally attractive, believe themselves to
be attractive and carry themselves that way,
showing self confidence to everyone around
them? As a young person might say, they
believe that they are all that and a bag of
chips!
It does not take long for those around these
self-confident people to start seeing them in
the same way they see themselves.
The bottom line is that others will value you
only to the extent that you value yourself. Act
like a diamond, believe you are a diamond,
demand to be treated like a diamond and stop
allowing men to treat you like cubic
zirconium!
THE TEARS OF FEAR
I once met a woman who told me that after
her husband left her, she cried every day for
six years. I asked her what finally made her
17
stop crying and she replied that she had made
a pact with God - if He would take care of her
and her children, she would move on and stop
crying, and she finally did.
During the course of those six years, she had
purchased a new house and gotten a better job,
and her children were doing great. All around
her good things were happening but
she was so absorbed in the pain of the break
up that she couldnt see that God was
answering her prayer.
So how did she suddenly stop crying after 6
years? One day she just came to herself.
She woke up from her nightmare and made a
decision to allow her mind to regain control
of her emotions, which is something she
could and should have done immediately after
the man left.
There are people who have ended up with a
premature divorce or a jail sentence, ended up
hurting someone else or even hurting
themselves because they could not control
their emotions. Emotions are like unruly
children that need a parent to rein them in.
And the parent of your emotions is a sound
mind or a careful thought process.
Emotions want you to focus on the hurt and
anger. They want you to feel powerless and
fearful and to react negatively to a troubling
stop crying and she replied that she had made
a pact with God - if He would take care of her
and her children, she would move on and stop
crying, and she finally did.
During the course of those six years, she had
purchased a new house and gotten a better job,
and her children were doing great. All around
her good things were happening but
she was so absorbed in the pain of the break
up that she couldnt see that God was
answering her prayer.
So how did she suddenly stop crying after 6
years? One day she just came to herself.
She woke up from her nightmare and made a
decision to allow her mind to regain control
of her emotions, which is something she
could and should have done immediately after
the man left.
There are people who have ended up with a
premature divorce or a jail sentence, ended up
hurting someone else or even hurting
themselves because they could not control
their emotions. Emotions are like unruly
children that need a parent to rein them in.
And the parent of your emotions is a sound
mind or a careful thought process.
Emotions want you to focus on the hurt and
anger. They want you to feel powerless and
fearful and to react negatively to a troubling
18
situation, thus producing negative results; a
sound mind tells you to think clearly and then
act based on careful thought, so usually you
end up reacting in a positive way with
positive results.
You have the power to control your emotions
but you have to come to yourself, you have to
wake up and make a decision to use the power
within you.
The best information I can provide you on
this subject comes directly from the Bible:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound
mind.
(2nd Timothy 1:7)
You must allow your sound mind to control
your emotions.
DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Often a woman feels like something is wrong
with her when a man breaks off their
relationship. In many cases she loses her self-
esteem.
Since the beginning of time, men have broken
off relationships with some of the most
beautiful, intelligent and talented women in
the world -- Halle Berry, Mariah Carey,
Vanessa Williams and Janet Jackson, just to
situation, thus producing negative results; a
sound mind tells you to think clearly and then
act based on careful thought, so usually you
end up reacting in a positive way with
positive results.
You have the power to control your emotions
but you have to come to yourself, you have to
wake up and make a decision to use the power
within you.
The best information I can provide you on
this subject comes directly from the Bible:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear;
but of power, and of love, and of a sound
mind.
(2nd Timothy 1:7)
You must allow your sound mind to control
your emotions.
DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Often a woman feels like something is wrong
with her when a man breaks off their
relationship. In many cases she loses her self-
esteem.
Since the beginning of time, men have broken
off relationships with some of the most
beautiful, intelligent and talented women in
the world -- Halle Berry, Mariah Carey,
Vanessa Williams and Janet Jackson, just to
19
name a few. Oftentimes, the woman he
replaces her with doesnt have half as much
going for her as the woman he left.
Can you imagine these women that I have just
mentioned losing their self esteem? Well, it
happens. A well-known actress, who is
considered one of the most beautiful and
talented women in the industry, was
interviewed on the Oprah Winfrey show and
shared with Oprah that after her recent
divorce, she lost all of her self-esteem. The
audience was shocked because they could not
believe that this woman who had everything
going for her could have lost her self-esteem.
She lost it because her self-esteem came from
who she was with rather than from who she
was. When self esteem comes from who you
are with, it will leave with that person too. But
when it comes from who you are, it will be
with you for a lifetime
YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE
You were not born by coincidence, but by
divine purpose. There is a purpose for your
life and no matter how large or small your
contribution might seem, or how insignificant
others might think you are, that purpose is
uniquely yours and is just as important as
anyone elses purpose on earth.
name a few. Oftentimes, the woman he
replaces her with doesnt have half as much
going for her as the woman he left.
Can you imagine these women that I have just
mentioned losing their self esteem? Well, it
happens. A well-known actress, who is
considered one of the most beautiful and
talented women in the industry, was
interviewed on the Oprah Winfrey show and
shared with Oprah that after her recent
divorce, she lost all of her self-esteem. The
audience was shocked because they could not
believe that this woman who had everything
going for her could have lost her self-esteem.
She lost it because her self-esteem came from
who she was with rather than from who she
was. When self esteem comes from who you
are with, it will leave with that person too. But
when it comes from who you are, it will be
with you for a lifetime
YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE
You were not born by coincidence, but by
divine purpose. There is a purpose for your
life and no matter how large or small your
contribution might seem, or how insignificant
others might think you are, that purpose is
uniquely yours and is just as important as
anyone elses purpose on earth.
20
People always want to know their purpose.
This train of thought assumes that there is a
singular purpose for your life. But if there was
only one purpose for your life then what good
would you be once you fulfilled that purpose?
Your life is too important for it to have only
one purpose. You have many purposes, most
of which you may never know. But if you
continue to live a loving and unselfish life
every day, you will unknowingly fulfill your
many daily purposes.
EVERY EXPERIENCE PREPARES YOU
FOR A GREATER EXPERIENCE
Every failure prepares you for success and
every success prepares you for greater success.
If you ground your thinking in this truth, a
failed relationship will not devastate you or
push you over the edge as it has done to far
too many women. You will realize that
success is inevitably in your future through
the lessons you have learned from a failure.
You Will Experience What you Expect
When a woman does not expect to find the
right mate (the all men are dogs syndrome),
she begins to expect that she will end up with
a dog, and hope for a poodle instead of a pit
bull.
People always want to know their purpose.
This train of thought assumes that there is a
singular purpose for your life. But if there was
only one purpose for your life then what good
would you be once you fulfilled that purpose?
Your life is too important for it to have only
one purpose. You have many purposes, most
of which you may never know. But if you
continue to live a loving and unselfish life
every day, you will unknowingly fulfill your
many daily purposes.
EVERY EXPERIENCE PREPARES YOU
FOR A GREATER EXPERIENCE
Every failure prepares you for success and
every success prepares you for greater success.
If you ground your thinking in this truth, a
failed relationship will not devastate you or
push you over the edge as it has done to far
too many women. You will realize that
success is inevitably in your future through
the lessons you have learned from a failure.
You Will Experience What you Expect
When a woman does not expect to find the
right mate (the all men are dogs syndrome),
she begins to expect that she will end up with
a dog, and hope for a poodle instead of a pit
bull.
21
You will experience what you expect!
ANY MAN AT ANY COST
In the language of an old blues song, "I can do
bad by myself.
There are some women who don't care how
badly a man treats them, as long as they can
say they have a man. They believe this tells
the world that someone loves them, which
gives them a temporary but false feeling of
self-worth.
If you are one of these women who think any
man is better than no man, do yourself a favor
and volunteer at a battered womens shelter
your thinking will soon change.
DON'T GET DESPERATE
It may be unthinkable to many women
(especially younger ones), but there is always
the possibility that you may have to go it
alone.
If a woman faces the prospect of not having a
man in her life, she must strive to avoid
desperation, which can lead to bad choices.
So how do you know when you are getting
desperate? When bad men start looking good,
then you know that youre desperate. You can
You will experience what you expect!
ANY MAN AT ANY COST
In the language of an old blues song, "I can do
bad by myself.
There are some women who don't care how
badly a man treats them, as long as they can
say they have a man. They believe this tells
the world that someone loves them, which
gives them a temporary but false feeling of
self-worth.
If you are one of these women who think any
man is better than no man, do yourself a favor
and volunteer at a battered womens shelter
your thinking will soon change.
DON'T GET DESPERATE
It may be unthinkable to many women
(especially younger ones), but there is always
the possibility that you may have to go it
alone.
If a woman faces the prospect of not having a
man in her life, she must strive to avoid
desperation, which can lead to bad choices.
So how do you know when you are getting
desperate? When bad men start looking good,
then you know that youre desperate. You can
22
avoid desperation by not placing your life on
hold while waiting for a man (or anything else)
to make you happy.
Here is a poem I wrote on the subject.
"WAITING TO BE HAPPY"
I can't wait till my kids are grown and on
their own
I can't wait no longer to be happy.
I cant wait till my bills are paid or my hair is
laid,
I cant wait no longer to be happy.
I can't wait till I lose some weight, get a date,
find a mate
I can't wait no longer to be happy.
I can't wait till someone smiles at me
or sees the things I wish they'd see
or till I become what I want to be.
I can't wait for time and chance
A new romance
Someone to ask before I dine and dance.
I can't wait on a win, a kin, a friend,
or for my ship to come in.
I must be happy whatever state I'm in.
I can't wait for a wrong to right
Or a reason to forgive.
avoid desperation by not placing your life on
hold while waiting for a man (or anything else)
to make you happy.
Here is a poem I wrote on the subject.
"WAITING TO BE HAPPY"
I can't wait till my kids are grown and on
their own
I can't wait no longer to be happy.
I cant wait till my bills are paid or my hair is
laid,
I cant wait no longer to be happy.
I can't wait till I lose some weight, get a date,
find a mate
I can't wait no longer to be happy.
I can't wait till someone smiles at me
or sees the things I wish they'd see
or till I become what I want to be.
I can't wait for time and chance
A new romance
Someone to ask before I dine and dance.
I can't wait on a win, a kin, a friend,
or for my ship to come in.
I must be happy whatever state I'm in.
I can't wait for a wrong to right
Or a reason to forgive.
23
I can't hold a grudge for life.
I must move on and live.
A merry heart is good, I know
And health to all my bones.
I can't let my body down
through tears and fears and moans.
This is the day the Lord has made
In it I will rejoice and be glad.
I refuse to wait for a perfect state
And spend my life being sad.
THE MAN SHORTAGE MYTH
Let's dispense with the "Man Shortage Myth."
This myth has been keeping women in a panic
for years some end up searching for a man
like a lost winning mega bucks lottery ticket!
The reason many women don't find the right
man is because they wouldn't know him if
they saw him. They are looking at the wrong
things, and miss the right opportunity when it
presents itself.
You may have to stop looking at all the trees
and look at some bushes. Your guy may be
shorter than you, less educated than you and
yes, he may be a hard worker but not making
as much money as you. These days, age
shouldnt be a barrier to happiness either.
I can't hold a grudge for life.
I must move on and live.
A merry heart is good, I know
And health to all my bones.
I can't let my body down
through tears and fears and moans.
This is the day the Lord has made
In it I will rejoice and be glad.
I refuse to wait for a perfect state
And spend my life being sad.
THE MAN SHORTAGE MYTH
Let's dispense with the "Man Shortage Myth."
This myth has been keeping women in a panic
for years some end up searching for a man
like a lost winning mega bucks lottery ticket!
The reason many women don't find the right
man is because they wouldn't know him if
they saw him. They are looking at the wrong
things, and miss the right opportunity when it
presents itself.
You may have to stop looking at all the trees
and look at some bushes. Your guy may be
shorter than you, less educated than you and
yes, he may be a hard worker but not making
as much money as you. These days, age
shouldnt be a barrier to happiness either.
24
Throw out that antiquated notion that he must
be 2 years older than you. Don't rob the cradle,
but stop eliminating all younger men. Its
more important to judge a man from the
inside out than from the outside in.
Now lets look at the numbers that are being
used to perpetuate the man shortage myth.
Men love to talk about the fact that there are
more available women than men. Many men
want to make sure that a woman keeps this in
the back of her mind, both to exploit this
myth and to feed the desperation and fear that
some women have of never being able to find
a good man.
The outnumbering of women to men I am
sure can be substantiated by census data and
natural mathematics. But I dont believe in
relying solely on natural math.
There is a greater form of mathematics, called
faith math. And it supercedes all natural
mathematics. Here are my calculations based
on faith math:
There may be 200 available women for every
100 available men according to natural math
(this assumes that the men and women are all
quality individuals.) In faith math, only 50 of
the 200 women really believe or have faith
that they will get a good man, thus
eliminating 150 women from the equation.
And because you will experience what you
Throw out that antiquated notion that he must
be 2 years older than you. Don't rob the cradle,
but stop eliminating all younger men. Its
more important to judge a man from the
inside out than from the outside in.
Now lets look at the numbers that are being
used to perpetuate the man shortage myth.
Men love to talk about the fact that there are
more available women than men. Many men
want to make sure that a woman keeps this in
the back of her mind, both to exploit this
myth and to feed the desperation and fear that
some women have of never being able to find
a good man.
The outnumbering of women to men I am
sure can be substantiated by census data and
natural mathematics. But I dont believe in
relying solely on natural math.
There is a greater form of mathematics, called
faith math. And it supercedes all natural
mathematics. Here are my calculations based
on faith math:
There may be 200 available women for every
100 available men according to natural math
(this assumes that the men and women are all
quality individuals.) In faith math, only 50 of
the 200 women really believe or have faith
that they will get a good man, thus
eliminating 150 women from the equation.
And because you will experience what you
25
expect, the final computation via faith math is
50 women per every 100 men.
Remember, you will experience what you
expect!
RELATIONSHIP 101
Sometimes a woman will complain that she
did everything to keep her relationship going
while her partner did nothing.
I would ask this woman, Did you feel so
invaluable in the relationship that you didn't
feel worthy of him doing anything for you?
A relationship is predicated upon more than
one central figure. If everything is centered
around the man, then you are not in a
relationship, you are in a slave ship.
I DID EVERYTHING FOR HIM AND HE
STILL LEFT ME
Therein lies your problem - you did
everything for him. You should have made
him do more for you. Remember this golden
rule for the next relationship. Whatever you
think he is going to do well for the next
woman, make him do for you right now.
expect, the final computation via faith math is
50 women per every 100 men.
Remember, you will experience what you
expect!
RELATIONSHIP 101
Sometimes a woman will complain that she
did everything to keep her relationship going
while her partner did nothing.
I would ask this woman, Did you feel so
invaluable in the relationship that you didn't
feel worthy of him doing anything for you?
A relationship is predicated upon more than
one central figure. If everything is centered
around the man, then you are not in a
relationship, you are in a slave ship.
I DID EVERYTHING FOR HIM AND HE
STILL LEFT ME
Therein lies your problem - you did
everything for him. You should have made
him do more for you. Remember this golden
rule for the next relationship. Whatever you
think he is going to do well for the next
woman, make him do for you right now.
26
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM
I remember what my aunt Laverne once told
her husband
"I used to didn't know you. If
you lived before him, you can live after him.
And some women might say yes but my life
before him was lonely and miserable. It
probably was lonely and miserable because
you were spending too much time waiting for
someone or something to make it not be
lonely and miserable. Your life cannot be
lived waiting on anyone or any event to make
you happy. Happiness is not meant to come in
spurts, restricted to the manifestation of long-
awaited events.
The longest and most important times of your
life are those times between events - like the
time between being single and getting married,
being over-weight to losing weight, being
jobless to having a job, being childless to
having children, or being alone to having a
man in your life - events that you think will
make you happy. It is during these times in
your life that you should find a way to best
utilize the talents, gifts and aspirations that
are uniquely yours.
Here is a poem I wrote on the subject; I hope
you can understand it because it is short but
very profound.
I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM
I remember what my aunt Laverne once told
her husband
"I used to didn't know you. If
you lived before him, you can live after him.
And some women might say yes but my life
before him was lonely and miserable. It
probably was lonely and miserable because
you were spending too much time waiting for
someone or something to make it not be
lonely and miserable. Your life cannot be
lived waiting on anyone or any event to make
you happy. Happiness is not meant to come in
spurts, restricted to the manifestation of long-
awaited events.
The longest and most important times of your
life are those times between events - like the
time between being single and getting married,
being over-weight to losing weight, being
jobless to having a job, being childless to
having children, or being alone to having a
man in your life - events that you think will
make you happy. It is during these times in
your life that you should find a way to best
utilize the talents, gifts and aspirations that
are uniquely yours.
Here is a poem I wrote on the subject; I hope
you can understand it because it is short but
very profound.
27
THE TIME BETWEEN
As were rushing here and there
Heading fast towards God knows where
Let us not forget the time between.
As we are a healthy soul
Moving towards our higher goal
Let us not belittle the time between.
For life is lived between the wait
From where we are to a desired state
So thus, we must enjoy the time between.
BUT I LOVE HIM
Some women stay with men that have abused
them mentally, physically, socially,
economically, and every other way possible.
When asked why they stay, the response is
often, I love him.
How can a person love the taste of feces?
The woman in this scenario does not really
love the taste of feces; rather, she is in love
with the idea of being in love. She is in what
can be called a dysfunctional comfort zone,
having remained in a bad relationship for so
long that it feels normal.
It is very hard for a woman to leave this type
of relationship. She will only be able to move
THE TIME BETWEEN
As were rushing here and there
Heading fast towards God knows where
Let us not forget the time between.
As we are a healthy soul
Moving towards our higher goal
Let us not belittle the time between.
For life is lived between the wait
From where we are to a desired state
So thus, we must enjoy the time between.
BUT I LOVE HIM
Some women stay with men that have abused
them mentally, physically, socially,
economically, and every other way possible.
When asked why they stay, the response is
often, I love him.
How can a person love the taste of feces?
The woman in this scenario does not really
love the taste of feces; rather, she is in love
with the idea of being in love. She is in what
can be called a dysfunctional comfort zone,
having remained in a bad relationship for so
long that it feels normal.
It is very hard for a woman to leave this type
of relationship. She will only be able to move
28
out of it when she begins to love herself and
realizes that she deserves to be treated
lovingly.
A man will only treat you as lovingly as you
treat yourself remember, you will
experience what you expect!
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
It cannot be stressed enough how important it
is to love yourself.
My mother told me when I was very young
that it doesn't matter what others think of you,
it only matters what you think of yourself.
You must love yourself, she told me. For
me, this experience was very freeing.
Whether you are overweight wanting to be
skinny or short wanting to be tall, you must
learn to love yourself just the way you are. If
you do, then the way you want to be becomes
less important than the way you are.
You will then have self confidence and self-
esteem in such measure that you cant lose it,
because it is not dependent on anything,
anyone or any goal to sustain it.
HE WANTS ME TO LOSE WEIGHT
out of it when she begins to love herself and
realizes that she deserves to be treated
lovingly.
A man will only treat you as lovingly as you
treat yourself remember, you will
experience what you expect!
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
It cannot be stressed enough how important it
is to love yourself.
My mother told me when I was very young
that it doesn't matter what others think of you,
it only matters what you think of yourself.
You must love yourself, she told me. For
me, this experience was very freeing.
Whether you are overweight wanting to be
skinny or short wanting to be tall, you must
learn to love yourself just the way you are. If
you do, then the way you want to be becomes
less important than the way you are.
You will then have self confidence and self-
esteem in such measure that you cant lose it,
because it is not dependent on anything,
anyone or any goal to sustain it.
HE WANTS ME TO LOSE WEIGHT
29
If you are overweight, losing weight is a
wonderful idea for many reasons, including
your health. When you embark on a weight-
loss program, however, do it because it is
something you want to do and not just to
please the man in your life. If it makes him
happy in the process, that's great, but he might
think you need to lose 50 pounds and you
would be happy with 5.
The most important thing is for you to be
happy with yourself and to make changes
based on factors that are important to you and
how you want to look and feel.
For some women it is more important to walk,
talk, look, dress and think the way the man in
their life wants them to, rather than to please
themselves. In the end, these women often
become someone they hate in order to please
someone they think they love.
SOP THE POT...
Any good cook knows that the best flavor in a
stew can be found lying in the bottom of the
pot after most of the stew is gone. They use
whatever is at their disposal
spoon, bread or
fingers
and reach down into the bottom of
the pot and scoop up what is left. This is
called sopping the pot.
If you are overweight, losing weight is a
wonderful idea for many reasons, including
your health. When you embark on a weight-
loss program, however, do it because it is
something you want to do and not just to
please the man in your life. If it makes him
happy in the process, that's great, but he might
think you need to lose 50 pounds and you
would be happy with 5.
The most important thing is for you to be
happy with yourself and to make changes
based on factors that are important to you and
how you want to look and feel.
For some women it is more important to walk,
talk, look, dress and think the way the man in
their life wants them to, rather than to please
themselves. In the end, these women often
become someone they hate in order to please
someone they think they love.
SOP THE POT...
Any good cook knows that the best flavor in a
stew can be found lying in the bottom of the
pot after most of the stew is gone. They use
whatever is at their disposal
spoon, bread or
fingers
and reach down into the bottom of
the pot and scoop up what is left. This is
called sopping the pot.
30
Its time for women to sop the pot of their
souls! The best part of you is not your
outward appearance, as this will inevitably
fade away. The best part of you is within you.
You must reach down into the pot of your
soul and rediscover the rich ingredients that
make you unique the things you like, the
things that make you happy, your desires,
ambitions and goals. Stir up all these
wonderful substances that lie deep in the pot
of your soul and move forward, realizing that
that every day you live is the perfect day to do
anything you want. By sopping the pot of
your soul, you can have a feast for life.
MONEY IS ONLY GOOD ON EARTH
I once had a conversation with a person who
told me that they wished that they could
afford to go on a vacation. I knew that this
person could have afforded to go anywhere in
the world they wanted to go but had gotten so
used to not spending any money and not
going anywhere that it was hard for them to
move out of this condition.
Your money is only good on earth and in your
lifetime.
You shouldnt break the piggy bank, but you
shouldnt seal the bottom so you cant get
anything out either. One thing I have learned
is not to wish for something that is within my
Its time for women to sop the pot of their
souls! The best part of you is not your
outward appearance, as this will inevitably
fade away. The best part of you is within you.
You must reach down into the pot of your
soul and rediscover the rich ingredients that
make you unique the things you like, the
things that make you happy, your desires,
ambitions and goals. Stir up all these
wonderful substances that lie deep in the pot
of your soul and move forward, realizing that
that every day you live is the perfect day to do
anything you want. By sopping the pot of
your soul, you can have a feast for life.
MONEY IS ONLY GOOD ON EARTH
I once had a conversation with a person who
told me that they wished that they could
afford to go on a vacation. I knew that this
person could have afforded to go anywhere in
the world they wanted to go but had gotten so
used to not spending any money and not
going anywhere that it was hard for them to
move out of this condition.
Your money is only good on earth and in your
lifetime.
You shouldnt break the piggy bank, but you
shouldnt seal the bottom so you cant get
anything out either. One thing I have learned
is not to wish for something that is within my
31
financial capacity to have. We did not bring
anything with us when we came into this
world and surely we will take nothing with us
when we leave. And if we do not enjoy what
we accumulate in between, then, to borrow a
quote from the Bible, we have labored for the
wind.
This is a poem I wrote that touches on the
subject.
WHY
Why do we save for rainy days, while the
sun yet shines so bright?
Why do we put on hold our dreams until our
lifes twilight?
Why do we say tomorrow, tomorrow, when
today would do just fine?
And then, when tomorrows rain comes down,
we long for yesterdays sunshine.
Why do we say our joy will come with some
set circumstance?
When we know so many things in life are
given to time and chance?
Why do we save our every penny and then we
fear to spend?
financial capacity to have. We did not bring
anything with us when we came into this
world and surely we will take nothing with us
when we leave. And if we do not enjoy what
we accumulate in between, then, to borrow a
quote from the Bible, we have labored for the
wind.
This is a poem I wrote that touches on the
subject.
WHY
Why do we save for rainy days, while the
sun yet shines so bright?
Why do we put on hold our dreams until our
lifes twilight?
Why do we say tomorrow, tomorrow, when
today would do just fine?
And then, when tomorrows rain comes down,
we long for yesterdays sunshine.
Why do we say our joy will come with some
set circumstance?
When we know so many things in life are
given to time and chance?
Why do we save our every penny and then we
fear to spend?
32
Caught in a quest for riches, that seems to
never end.
Life was made for living and living as best
you can
If you save and save and never spend, you
save for another man.
Take stock of all your blessings
seek Gods
direction from where you are
Then step upon lifes waters and walk both
near and far.
Youll find the things youve dreamed of were
always very near
But that which kept you from them was fear
just plain old fear!
LOVE IS INDESTRUCTIBLE
I have often heard women say, "I gave him all
my love and he still left me and now I dont
know what to do. To say that you have
given someone all of your love implies that
you dont have any love left for anything or
anybody, not even yourself.
Love is not something that you were born
with in limited supply, to be measured and
distributed as you desire. You were born with
a waterfall of love that keeps cycling itself
Caught in a quest for riches, that seems to
never end.
Life was made for living and living as best
you can
If you save and save and never spend, you
save for another man.
Take stock of all your blessings
seek Gods
direction from where you are
Then step upon lifes waters and walk both
near and far.
Youll find the things youve dreamed of were
always very near
But that which kept you from them was fear
just plain old fear!
LOVE IS INDESTRUCTIBLE
I have often heard women say, "I gave him all
my love and he still left me and now I dont
know what to do. To say that you have
given someone all of your love implies that
you dont have any love left for anything or
anybody, not even yourself.
Love is not something that you were born
with in limited supply, to be measured and
distributed as you desire. You were born with
a waterfall of love that keeps cycling itself
33
over and over again. You were born to love
and you will never lose your ability to love.
Love is like energy: it cannot be destroyed, it
only changes form. That is why people can
fall in love over and over again, and with each
successive person feel like they have never
been more in love. Even the most evil of
persons can love, even if it is evil that they
love.
The woman in this scenario, who feels that
she gave away all her love and has nothing
left, is just a woman who placed all of the
value of the relationship in the man and forgot
to love and appreciate herself and her
contribution to the relationship. If you have
come out of a broken relationship it should
reassure you to know that all of the love you
had is not gone; even though you may think
you gave it all away, you will never lose your
ability to love and there will always be people
for you to love. The challenge, however, is
for you to remember to love yourself as well.
DON'T TRY TO KICK A CLOSED
DOOR DOWN
If a man locks you out of his life, shutting the
door on the relationship, and you want to get
back in, you should knock gently, reveal to
him the person at the door and explain why
you want to come back in, but if he doesnt
over and over again. You were born to love
and you will never lose your ability to love.
Love is like energy: it cannot be destroyed, it
only changes form. That is why people can
fall in love over and over again, and with each
successive person feel like they have never
been more in love. Even the most evil of
persons can love, even if it is evil that they
love.
The woman in this scenario, who feels that
she gave away all her love and has nothing
left, is just a woman who placed all of the
value of the relationship in the man and forgot
to love and appreciate herself and her
contribution to the relationship. If you have
come out of a broken relationship it should
reassure you to know that all of the love you
had is not gone; even though you may think
you gave it all away, you will never lose your
ability to love and there will always be people
for you to love. The challenge, however, is
for you to remember to love yourself as well.
DON'T TRY TO KICK A CLOSED
DOOR DOWN
If a man locks you out of his life, shutting the
door on the relationship, and you want to get
back in, you should knock gently, reveal to
him the person at the door and explain why
you want to come back in, but if he doesnt
34
reopen the door, you should not try to kick the
closed door down.
Remember: you can learn to love someone
who loves you but you cannot teach someone
to love you.
Both parties win when a relationship ends in a
decision and not a knock-out.
GET OUT IT IS NOT QUICKSAND
Lets equate being in a bad relationship to
stepping in doggy doo. If you step in doggy
doo, as many women have, don't just stay
there! Its not quicksand or concrete. But the
longer you stay, the harder it is to get out
because it becomes like quicksand, pulling
you in deeper, or like concrete, beginning to
harden around you.
Women often have a hard time exiting bad
relationships because of fear. Every woman
has to deal with the individual real or unreal
risks of a situation for herself. It is important
for women to know, however, that there are
many open roads out of bad relationships and
many resources to support you along the way.
Fear should not be the master that keeps you
enslaved.
I have been taught to see my fears as a person
standing across from me on the other side of a
gulf or a deep canyon, yelling and screaming
reopen the door, you should not try to kick the
closed door down.
Remember: you can learn to love someone
who loves you but you cannot teach someone
to love you.
Both parties win when a relationship ends in a
decision and not a knock-out.
GET OUT IT IS NOT QUICKSAND
Lets equate being in a bad relationship to
stepping in doggy doo. If you step in doggy
doo, as many women have, don't just stay
there! Its not quicksand or concrete. But the
longer you stay, the harder it is to get out
because it becomes like quicksand, pulling
you in deeper, or like concrete, beginning to
harden around you.
Women often have a hard time exiting bad
relationships because of fear. Every woman
has to deal with the individual real or unreal
risks of a situation for herself. It is important
for women to know, however, that there are
many open roads out of bad relationships and
many resources to support you along the way.
Fear should not be the master that keeps you
enslaved.
I have been taught to see my fears as a person
standing across from me on the other side of a
gulf or a deep canyon, yelling and screaming
35
at me and telling me all the things that they
want to do to me. But I know that they cant
get over to do me any harm because if they
try, they will fall into the canyon.
And I dont just stand there listening; I see
myself walking and enjoying my walk and
the farther I walk away the quieter the voice
of fear becomes.
SLOW DOWN
You don't have to be in a hurry to find a mate.
Life is not a sprint; its a marathon.
When you are young, you want to race
through life in record time, but as you get
older you'll learn just to enjoy the ride.
THE GOLDEN RULE OF
RELATIONSHIPS
One day I was watching a daytime talk show
called, My Man is Cheating on Me. I was
amazed by the beautiful and intelligent
women who would come out and talk about
how badly they were being treated by the
womanizing men in their lives. Sometimes
two women would start fighting on the stage
over which one of them the man was going to
choose to stay in a relationship with.
at me and telling me all the things that they
want to do to me. But I know that they cant
get over to do me any harm because if they
try, they will fall into the canyon.
And I dont just stand there listening; I see
myself walking and enjoying my walk and
the farther I walk away the quieter the voice
of fear becomes.
SLOW DOWN
You don't have to be in a hurry to find a mate.
Life is not a sprint; its a marathon.
When you are young, you want to race
through life in record time, but as you get
older you'll learn just to enjoy the ride.
THE GOLDEN RULE OF
RELATIONSHIPS
One day I was watching a daytime talk show
called, My Man is Cheating on Me. I was
amazed by the beautiful and intelligent
women who would come out and talk about
how badly they were being treated by the
womanizing men in their lives. Sometimes
two women would start fighting on the stage
over which one of them the man was going to
choose to stay in a relationship with.
36
But even more amazing were the men who
would then come out. They would more often
than not, turn out to be the worst-looking,
meanest and most disrespectful creatures you
could imagine. I dont believe that this
scenario is only being played out on the talk
shows; I believe that it is being played out all
across America and the world because many
women have lost sight of how valuable, how
wonderful, how beautiful, how unique they
really are.
The women in this scenario are fighting for
their life because they dont believe they have
a life or any individual value apart from their
relationship with the man.
The Golden Rule of Relationships as was told
to me by a man is this: If you place your own
value in a relationship below that of the man,
you will never be able to up the price.
THERE'S ENOUGH TO GO AROUND
People may not love you, but they cannot take
away your ability to love others. If no one
will hug you, then you should hug someone.
If no one tells you I love you then you
should tell someone you love them.
Many times what we think is an
overwhelming desire in us to be loved is
really an overwhelming desire to find
But even more amazing were the men who
would then come out. They would more often
than not, turn out to be the worst-looking,
meanest and most disrespectful creatures you
could imagine. I dont believe that this
scenario is only being played out on the talk
shows; I believe that it is being played out all
across America and the world because many
women have lost sight of how valuable, how
wonderful, how beautiful, how unique they
really are.
The women in this scenario are fighting for
their life because they dont believe they have
a life or any individual value apart from their
relationship with the man.
The Golden Rule of Relationships as was told
to me by a man is this: If you place your own
value in a relationship below that of the man,
you will never be able to up the price.
THERE'S ENOUGH TO GO AROUND
People may not love you, but they cannot take
away your ability to love others. If no one
will hug you, then you should hug someone.
If no one tells you I love you then you
should tell someone you love them.
Many times what we think is an
overwhelming desire in us to be loved is
really an overwhelming desire to find
37
someone to share the abundance of love we
have within us with. There is no shortage of
people to love and if you are a believer, then
you know that God has commanded you to
love everyone.
For far too long, people have confined and
defined the word love in the context of a
romantic relationship. But if everyone sought
to love, rather than to be loved, everyone
would find love.
WHY WOULD A MAN CHEAT ON A
GOOD WOMAN?
For the same reason he would cheat on a bad
woman - because he can. It is not about you
or the woman with whom he may be cheating.
Its about him.
Let's use an example:
A man has slept with perhaps 50 different
women, and always moves on to find another
woman. In each scenario, there is only one
common denominator THE SAME MAN.
The sex act, then, was never really about any
of the women. It was always about the man
and his insatiable desire to please himself and
the opportunities that he has to do so.
If he cheats, its not because you have a
problem. Its because he does.
someone to share the abundance of love we
have within us with. There is no shortage of
people to love and if you are a believer, then
you know that God has commanded you to
love everyone.
For far too long, people have confined and
defined the word love in the context of a
romantic relationship. But if everyone sought
to love, rather than to be loved, everyone
would find love.
WHY WOULD A MAN CHEAT ON A
GOOD WOMAN?
For the same reason he would cheat on a bad
woman - because he can. It is not about you
or the woman with whom he may be cheating.
Its about him.
Let's use an example:
A man has slept with perhaps 50 different
women, and always moves on to find another
woman. In each scenario, there is only one
common denominator THE SAME MAN.
The sex act, then, was never really about any
of the women. It was always about the man
and his insatiable desire to please himself and
the opportunities that he has to do so.
If he cheats, its not because you have a
problem. Its because he does.
38
TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVE
If a man asks you what you would do if you
caught him cheating, never answer the
question. Always keep him guessing. If he
knows what you would do, he might decide
that the punishment is light enough to make
the crime worth committing.
If a man has been caught cheating and asks
forgiveness, it is usually for one of two
reasons:
1. He has made a mistake and is truly
sorry, or
2. He is sorry he got caught
The man who is truly sorry may not do it
again, but the man who is sorry he got caught
is destined to repeat the offense.
DONT BECOME WHAT YOU HATE
When someone has hurt you through betrayal,
one reaction might be to stay in the
relationship and stay angry with that person
for days or weeks or even years. Another
reaction might be to turn the tables on them
and hurt them the way they hurt you. But to
repay evil with evil, you must become evil. It
TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVE
If a man asks you what you would do if you
caught him cheating, never answer the
question. Always keep him guessing. If he
knows what you would do, he might decide
that the punishment is light enough to make
the crime worth committing.
If a man has been caught cheating and asks
forgiveness, it is usually for one of two
reasons:
1. He has made a mistake and is truly
sorry, or
2. He is sorry he got caught
The man who is truly sorry may not do it
again, but the man who is sorry he got caught
is destined to repeat the offense.
DONT BECOME WHAT YOU HATE
When someone has hurt you through betrayal,
one reaction might be to stay in the
relationship and stay angry with that person
for days or weeks or even years. Another
reaction might be to turn the tables on them
and hurt them the way they hurt you. But to
repay evil with evil, you must become evil. It
39
is important for you not to become what you
hate.
If you have decided to stay in the relationship,
you will need to forgive and move through it
but if you have decided to stay in the
relationship and remain angry it will be like
taking poison every day and hoping the other
person will die from it.
THE BRAIN-WASHER
Sometimes a man will continue to focus on all
of a womans faults in order to overshadow
his own faults. This is some mens method of
trying to brainwash women into believing that
no one else would want them and that they
should stay in the relationship because he is
the best that she can get.
The women in this scenario should realize
that if this man wants them, then others will
too. One mans trash is another mans treasure,
so dont be brainwashed.
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION
Every day that you wake up, you can be
whatever you decide to be and not be what
you dont want to be.
is important for you not to become what you
hate.
If you have decided to stay in the relationship,
you will need to forgive and move through it
but if you have decided to stay in the
relationship and remain angry it will be like
taking poison every day and hoping the other
person will die from it.
THE BRAIN-WASHER
Sometimes a man will continue to focus on all
of a womans faults in order to overshadow
his own faults. This is some mens method of
trying to brainwash women into believing that
no one else would want them and that they
should stay in the relationship because he is
the best that she can get.
The women in this scenario should realize
that if this man wants them, then others will
too. One mans trash is another mans treasure,
so dont be brainwashed.
MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION
Every day that you wake up, you can be
whatever you decide to be and not be what
you dont want to be.
40
If you decide to be somebodys doormat, you
can be that. And if you decide to be
somebodys darling, you can be that, too.
Life is about choices and the decisions are
yours.
LOVE LESSONS
You must accept whatever you dont like
about yourself that is beyond your control.
Learn to be content with who you are, both
the inward and the outward you. When you
really learn to enjoy being yourself and being
with yourself, you will find that you can be
alone without being lonely. Although you
may still desire companionship, that desire
will no longer be a controlling factor in your
life.
Some women have unfaithful companions
that come home every night, but these women
unknowingly are still home alone.
You must choose your associates wisely;
dont let them choose you. It is better to be
alone than in bad company.
If you decide to be somebodys doormat, you
can be that. And if you decide to be
somebodys darling, you can be that, too.
Life is about choices and the decisions are
yours.
LOVE LESSONS
You must accept whatever you dont like
about yourself that is beyond your control.
Learn to be content with who you are, both
the inward and the outward you. When you
really learn to enjoy being yourself and being
with yourself, you will find that you can be
alone without being lonely. Although you
may still desire companionship, that desire
will no longer be a controlling factor in your
life.
Some women have unfaithful companions
that come home every night, but these women
unknowingly are still home alone.
You must choose your associates wisely;
dont let them choose you. It is better to be
alone than in bad company.
41
The Barbie and Ken Syndrome
Dont make the mistake that some men often
do of picking a Barbie doll just to impress
their friends, without caring if there is any
value inside. Dont pick a man based on how
good he looks. Bragging about his looks is
insignificant if you cant brag about how well
he treats you.
The hard part of love
Falling in love is easy staying in love is
harder because no one is loveable everyday.
Its important to remember this fact.
Relationships would last longer if couples
would realize and accept that they might love
each other everyday, but will have days when
it is difficult to like each other.
Know Yourself
Make sure you know who you are before you
enter into a relationship, or the man will
define you.
Waiting for Revenge
Instead of waiting for something bad to
happen to the person that hurt you, spend your
time making something good happen for
yourself.
I Can Change Him
You cannot change a man. The man has to
want to change and then make the change
himself. The only thing you can do is refuse
to accept bad behavior from him; if he cares
The Barbie and Ken Syndrome
Dont make the mistake that some men often
do of picking a Barbie doll just to impress
their friends, without caring if there is any
value inside. Dont pick a man based on how
good he looks. Bragging about his looks is
insignificant if you cant brag about how well
he treats you.
The hard part of love
Falling in love is easy staying in love is
harder because no one is loveable everyday.
Its important to remember this fact.
Relationships would last longer if couples
would realize and accept that they might love
each other everyday, but will have days when
it is difficult to like each other.
Know Yourself
Make sure you know who you are before you
enter into a relationship, or the man will
define you.
Waiting for Revenge
Instead of waiting for something bad to
happen to the person that hurt you, spend your
time making something good happen for
yourself.
I Can Change Him
You cannot change a man. The man has to
want to change and then make the change
himself. The only thing you can do is refuse
to accept bad behavior from him; if he cares
42
enough about you and a relationship with you,
he will realize the need to change. Whether or
not he makes the change is entirely up to him.
Most women know what type of man they are
getting involved with, but they make the
mistake of thinking that they can change what
they are getting into what they want.
A Sneak Preview
My aunt Julia gave me some invaluable
advice, one week after I was married. She told
me that however you start out is usually how
you will end up. Many years of marriage
later, I have found that to be very true.
Stand Tall
One of my fathers favorite sayings to his
children was stand tall. What he really
meant was: demand to be respected. No one
can ride your back unless you bend down and
the lower you bend, the heavier the weight
and the less likely you are to get up. If you
dont want a man to ride your back just stand
tall.
Stay on your pedestal
Value is always related to scarcity and since
you are one of a kind, you are priceless. Hold
yourself in high esteem and stay away from
men who try to belittle you. If you dont mean
much to them, they wont treat you like much.
enough about you and a relationship with you,
he will realize the need to change. Whether or
not he makes the change is entirely up to him.
Most women know what type of man they are
getting involved with, but they make the
mistake of thinking that they can change what
they are getting into what they want.
A Sneak Preview
My aunt Julia gave me some invaluable
advice, one week after I was married. She told
me that however you start out is usually how
you will end up. Many years of marriage
later, I have found that to be very true.
Stand Tall
One of my fathers favorite sayings to his
children was stand tall. What he really
meant was: demand to be respected. No one
can ride your back unless you bend down and
the lower you bend, the heavier the weight
and the less likely you are to get up. If you
dont want a man to ride your back just stand
tall.
Stay on your pedestal
Value is always related to scarcity and since
you are one of a kind, you are priceless. Hold
yourself in high esteem and stay away from
men who try to belittle you. If you dont mean
much to them, they wont treat you like much.
43
Turn Up the Heat
Negative men, like negative people in general,
will try to pour water on your dreams. Some
men are afraid of your success. They will
focus on all of your faults to overshadow their
own. Turn up the fire under your dreams so
high that no one can pour on enough water to
put them out.
Flip the Script
Men cant treat women badly without women
allowing it. We treat ourselves badly by
allowing it to continue.
A New Day
Every ending is a new beginning and a new
opportunity to make your life better by using
the lessons learned from past mistakes. The
lessons learned from Mr. Wrong can bring
you success with Mr. Right.
HEALING FOR A BROKEN HEART
The Prayer Factor
The Bible records Jesus as saying that:
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted.
(Luke 4:18)
As a Christian and as a person who has
experienced both the pain and the healing of a
Turn Up the Heat
Negative men, like negative people in general,
will try to pour water on your dreams. Some
men are afraid of your success. They will
focus on all of your faults to overshadow their
own. Turn up the fire under your dreams so
high that no one can pour on enough water to
put them out.
Flip the Script
Men cant treat women badly without women
allowing it. We treat ourselves badly by
allowing it to continue.
A New Day
Every ending is a new beginning and a new
opportunity to make your life better by using
the lessons learned from past mistakes. The
lessons learned from Mr. Wrong can bring
you success with Mr. Right.
HEALING FOR A BROKEN HEART
The Prayer Factor
The Bible records Jesus as saying that:
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted.
(Luke 4:18)
As a Christian and as a person who has
experienced both the pain and the healing of a
44
broken heart, I know that there is no substitute
for prayer when it comes to healing a broken
heart.
When something is broken, the manufacturer
is always the best source for repairs.
To pray and ask God for divine healing for
your broken heart and for wisdom and
direction will prove invaluable and
undoubtedly effective for those that believe in
the existence an all-powerful, all-knowing
and all-loving God.
Casting all your care upon him, for he cares
for you.
(1 Peter 5:7)
The Broken Heart Eviction Process
Below is a 4-step broken heart eviction
process, analogous to the eviction process in
real estate for someone who has an illegal
residency.
Step 1: Acknowledge the pain
The 1st step in the process of evicting a
broken heart is to acknowledge its presence
without allowing it to take up permanent
residency within you. There is no sense in a
woman trying to deny the pain she feels from
a broken heart. She may mask it very well and
deny it to others but to herself she should be
true and acknowledge that her experience is
very painful.
broken heart, I know that there is no substitute
for prayer when it comes to healing a broken
heart.
When something is broken, the manufacturer
is always the best source for repairs.
To pray and ask God for divine healing for
your broken heart and for wisdom and
direction will prove invaluable and
undoubtedly effective for those that believe in
the existence an all-powerful, all-knowing
and all-loving God.
Casting all your care upon him, for he cares
for you.
(1 Peter 5:7)
The Broken Heart Eviction Process
Below is a 4-step broken heart eviction
process, analogous to the eviction process in
real estate for someone who has an illegal
residency.
Step 1: Acknowledge the pain
The 1st step in the process of evicting a
broken heart is to acknowledge its presence
without allowing it to take up permanent
residency within you. There is no sense in a
woman trying to deny the pain she feels from
a broken heart. She may mask it very well and
deny it to others but to herself she should be
true and acknowledge that her experience is
very painful.
45
It is uniquely painful because the woman is
usually in a situation where a man has broken
her heart and she is trying abruptly to hate
someone she really loves. Its like trying to
come to a quick stop in your car when its
going 100 MPH
a very hard thing to do
without some consequences!
Step 2: Serve The Eviction Notice
The 2nd step in the process of evicting a
broken heart is to serve it an eviction notice.
The eviction notice is served when a woman
resolves within herself to protect her property
(her body, soul and mind), and will not allow
a broken heart to consume her thoughts,
deplete her energies, control her emotions or
destroy her health.
A neighbor of mine shared with me that he
was going through a divorce because his wife
had become pregnant by another man. He
shared with me the pain of his broken heart.
He shared with me his feeling that his spirit
was broken; he was without joy. His heart
was so broken that he ended up with an actual
physical heart problem for which he was
being treated and he ultimately lost his good
job because of the resulting physical problems.
He shared that his mind was so consumed
with the thoughts and visions of his wife
cheating that he could not think clearly His
broken heart had damaged his body, his spirit
and his mind.
It is uniquely painful because the woman is
usually in a situation where a man has broken
her heart and she is trying abruptly to hate
someone she really loves. Its like trying to
come to a quick stop in your car when its
going 100 MPH
a very hard thing to do
without some consequences!
Step 2: Serve The Eviction Notice
The 2nd step in the process of evicting a
broken heart is to serve it an eviction notice.
The eviction notice is served when a woman
resolves within herself to protect her property
(her body, soul and mind), and will not allow
a broken heart to consume her thoughts,
deplete her energies, control her emotions or
destroy her health.
A neighbor of mine shared with me that he
was going through a divorce because his wife
had become pregnant by another man. He
shared with me the pain of his broken heart.
He shared with me his feeling that his spirit
was broken; he was without joy. His heart
was so broken that he ended up with an actual
physical heart problem for which he was
being treated and he ultimately lost his good
job because of the resulting physical problems.
He shared that his mind was so consumed
with the thoughts and visions of his wife
cheating that he could not think clearly His
broken heart had damaged his body, his spirit
and his mind.
46
In time, he ended up finding a very good and
faithful wife and told me that he is now a very
happy man. But look at the toll the broken
heart took on him in the mean time or the in
between time.
Step 3: Cut off the utilities
As a continuation to the eviction process, the
3rd step is to cut off the broken hearts power
sources, which are analogous to its utilities
(gas, light, and phone.) Its power sources are
things like anger, thoughts of revenge, an
inability to forgive and self pity. These
negative emotions sustain the residency of a
broken heart and enable it comfortably to stay
longer. Negative emotions must be resisted
and not allowed to control ones thoughts.
Once the negative emotions which were its
power sources have been cut off, there is no
reason for the broken heart to keep fighting
the eviction process and it will begin to move
out.
As quickly as it is moving out of ones spirit
and mind, one should begin to move in
positive thoughts, self-love and renewed
direction, so that there will be no need to
dwell on any hurt or emptiness leftover from
the experience.
Step 4: Get The Keys
In time, he ended up finding a very good and
faithful wife and told me that he is now a very
happy man. But look at the toll the broken
heart took on him in the mean time or the in
between time.
Step 3: Cut off the utilities
As a continuation to the eviction process, the
3rd step is to cut off the broken hearts power
sources, which are analogous to its utilities
(gas, light, and phone.) Its power sources are
things like anger, thoughts of revenge, an
inability to forgive and self pity. These
negative emotions sustain the residency of a
broken heart and enable it comfortably to stay
longer. Negative emotions must be resisted
and not allowed to control ones thoughts.
Once the negative emotions which were its
power sources have been cut off, there is no
reason for the broken heart to keep fighting
the eviction process and it will begin to move
out.
As quickly as it is moving out of ones spirit
and mind, one should begin to move in
positive thoughts, self-love and renewed
direction, so that there will be no need to
dwell on any hurt or emptiness leftover from
the experience.
Step 4: Get The Keys
47
The 4
th
and final step is for a woman to
realize that she has been empowered by the
wisdom gained through the lessons learned
from the bad experience. This newfound
wisdom is representative of a set of personal
keys that she alone possesses. These keys
will provide her the ability to control
personally all of the entrances and exits to the
doors that lead to future relationships.
She should then move on with her life, being
mindful that yesterday was history and
tomorrow is a mystery but today is a new gift
from God and a new opportunity to have a
rewarding, fulfilling and enjoyable life.
THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL
The most perfect love of all is Gods
unconditional love for all mankind. He knows
our weaknesses and our shortcomings, he
colored our hair and our skin and shaped our
bodies before we were born and said It is
good. What man sees as flawed, God sees as
his perfect creation.
He put in each of us individual purpose and
called us into existence out of the infinite
possibilities contained in our mothers
wombs.
Just as God loves us unconditionally,
knowing everything about us, surely as
women we can love ourselves unconditionally
The 4
th
and final step is for a woman to
realize that she has been empowered by the
wisdom gained through the lessons learned
from the bad experience. This newfound
wisdom is representative of a set of personal
keys that she alone possesses. These keys
will provide her the ability to control
personally all of the entrances and exits to the
doors that lead to future relationships.
She should then move on with her life, being
mindful that yesterday was history and
tomorrow is a mystery but today is a new gift
from God and a new opportunity to have a
rewarding, fulfilling and enjoyable life.
THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL
The most perfect love of all is Gods
unconditional love for all mankind. He knows
our weaknesses and our shortcomings, he
colored our hair and our skin and shaped our
bodies before we were born and said It is
good. What man sees as flawed, God sees as
his perfect creation.
He put in each of us individual purpose and
called us into existence out of the infinite
possibilities contained in our mothers
wombs.
Just as God loves us unconditionally,
knowing everything about us, surely as
women we can love ourselves unconditionally
48
and stay mindful of how wonderful, how
beautiful and how precious we are as we enter
and exit relationships in life.
THE COURTSHIP
Most women hope for and expect to be
courted by a good man and to have that
courtship culminate in a good marriage.
What they often lose sight of, however, is that
every day of their lives, they are being
courted by someone who has everything they
need and is everything they want. This
someone wants women to unite with him for
an everlasting and faithful covenant
relationship.
I call it Gods courtship of mankind.
If what you are looking for is:
Someone who will always be there for you
The Lord will never leave you, nor forsake
you
(Hebrews 13:5)
Someone who will be true and faithful to you
Know therefore that the LORD your God,
and stay mindful of how wonderful, how
beautiful and how precious we are as we enter
and exit relationships in life.
THE COURTSHIP
Most women hope for and expect to be
courted by a good man and to have that
courtship culminate in a good marriage.
What they often lose sight of, however, is that
every day of their lives, they are being
courted by someone who has everything they
need and is everything they want. This
someone wants women to unite with him for
an everlasting and faithful covenant
relationship.
I call it Gods courtship of mankind.
If what you are looking for is:
Someone who will always be there for you
The Lord will never leave you, nor forsake
you
(Hebrews 13:5)
Someone who will be true and faithful to you
Know therefore that the LORD your God,
49
he is God, the faithful God,
which keepeth covenant and mercy with them
that love him
(Deuteronomy 7:9)
Someone who will always love you and
sacrifice anything for you
I have loved thee with an everlasting love
(Jeremiah 31:3)
God so loved the world, that he gave his only
begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not
perish, but have everlasting life.
(John 3:16)
Someone who loves you unconditionally, just
as you are
The LORD sees not as man sees;
for man looketh on the outward appearance,
but the LORD looketh on the heart.
(1 Samuel 16:7)
Someone who knows you inside and out
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee
(Jeremiah 1:5)
Someone who will provide for all of your
needs and has the resources to do so
he is God, the faithful God,
which keepeth covenant and mercy with them
that love him
(Deuteronomy 7:9)
Someone who will always love you and
sacrifice anything for you
I have loved thee with an everlasting love
(Jeremiah 31:3)
God so loved the world, that he gave his only
begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in him should not
perish, but have everlasting life.
(John 3:16)
Someone who loves you unconditionally, just
as you are
The LORD sees not as man sees;
for man looketh on the outward appearance,
but the LORD looketh on the heart.
(1 Samuel 16:7)
Someone who knows you inside and out
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee
(Jeremiah 1:5)
Someone who will provide for all of your
needs and has the resources to do so
50
God shall supply all your needs according to
his riches in glory by Christ Jesus
(Philippians 4:18-20)
Someone who has good plans for your life
with whom you are happy in their presence
He will show you the path of life:
in his presence is fullness of joy; and
pleasures for evermore.
(Psalm 16:11)
Someone who is willing and able to take care
of your problems and take the pressure off of
you
Cast all your care upon him; for he cares for
you.
(1 Peter 5:7)
Someone who wont lie to you
God is not a man, that he should lie;
If he said it he will do it and if he spoke it he
shall make it good
(Numbers 23:19)
Someone who is always thinking about you
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me,
O God! how great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they are more in
number than the sand
(Psalm 139:18)
God shall supply all your needs according to
his riches in glory by Christ Jesus
(Philippians 4:18-20)
Someone who has good plans for your life
with whom you are happy in their presence
He will show you the path of life:
in his presence is fullness of joy; and
pleasures for evermore.
(Psalm 16:11)
Someone who is willing and able to take care
of your problems and take the pressure off of
you
Cast all your care upon him; for he cares for
you.
(1 Peter 5:7)
Someone who wont lie to you
God is not a man, that he should lie;
If he said it he will do it and if he spoke it he
shall make it good
(Numbers 23:19)
Someone who is always thinking about you
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me,
O God! how great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they are more in
number than the sand
(Psalm 139:18)
51
As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so
shall thy God rejoice over thee.
(Isaiah 62:5)
God is courting you!
Everyday of your life he is asking you to say
yes, to love, honor and obey him. When you
can say yes to God, you will enter into a
covenant relationship with him and can live
happily ever after!
And this is no fairy tale!
A WORD TO THE WISE
The young girl said, I can live with a man
before he says, I do.
The old woman said, Hell eat all the meat
and potatoes out of your stew.
The young girl said, I know one day hell
surely marry me.
The old woman said, Why buy the cow if you
get the milk for free?
The young girl said, The times have changed;
there are things you just dont know.
The old woman said, Child, where youre
going, Ive been there long before.
The young girl said, I love the man and good
men are very few.
As the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so
shall thy God rejoice over thee.
(Isaiah 62:5)
God is courting you!
Everyday of your life he is asking you to say
yes, to love, honor and obey him. When you
can say yes to God, you will enter into a
covenant relationship with him and can live
happily ever after!
And this is no fairy tale!
A WORD TO THE WISE
The young girl said, I can live with a man
before he says, I do.
The old woman said, Hell eat all the meat
and potatoes out of your stew.
The young girl said, I know one day hell
surely marry me.
The old woman said, Why buy the cow if you
get the milk for free?
The young girl said, The times have changed;
there are things you just dont know.
The old woman said, Child, where youre
going, Ive been there long before.
The young girl said, I love the man and good
men are very few.
52
The old woman said, Thats just because of
women just like you.
You see my child; the nature of a man is the
same since Adams time.
A man has never valued that which is
plenteous and easy to find.
When you become that rare young one with
values all your own
And for the sake of Godliness, prepared to go
it alone.
Then God will send that special one into your
life one day
And for you there wont be any price hes not
prepared to pay.
The old woman said, Thats just because of
women just like you.
You see my child; the nature of a man is the
same since Adams time.
A man has never valued that which is
plenteous and easy to find.
When you become that rare young one with
values all your own
And for the sake of Godliness, prepared to go
it alone.
Then God will send that special one into your
life one day
And for you there wont be any price hes not
prepared to pay.
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