Anger Management Week 2 PPT by Gary Edwards [Autosaved].pptx

anger 2

1. W E L C O M E

2. Anger Management DISCOVERING A MORE POWERFUL YOU

3. GreeneStone’s 6-week Anger Management: Understanding the dynamics of anger, identifying triggers and underlying causes. Applying new skills such as: time-outs, relaxation and self-soothing techniques, assertiveness, problem-solving skills. changing self-talk and cognitive distortions, turning anger into forgiveness, stress management skills, conflict management skills, emotional intelligence

4. – Group / class Guidelines – Events Associated With Anger – Myths About Anger – Cues to Anger – The Anger Meter – Anger as a Habitual Response – The Wounded Inner Child – Changing the Anger Habit – Why do we let Others Bug us? – 8 Anger Exercises to do – Calming Techniques Outline of Session

5. Anger Management Group/class Guidelines 1. Group Safety. No violence or threats toward staff and other group members are allowed. 2. Confidentiality. What is said in group, stays in the group. 3. Use “I" messages instead of “you" messages. 4. Don't give advice unless it is requested. 5. You don't have to talk if you prefer not to. 6. Try to avoid covering your pain with humor. 7. If you are feeling stressed / triggered, its okay to leave the group for 5 or 10 minutes or until you can calm down. You are welcome back, p rovided you can tolerate continued discussions in the group.

6. WEEK TWO Let’s get Started

7. MISSED FROM LAST WEEK

8. Myths About Anger

9. Out-of-Control Anger Hurts Your Physical Health Heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, Weakened immune system, insomnia. Out-of-Control Anger Hurts Your Mental Health Clouded thinking, difficulty concentrating, Chronic anger linked to depression Out-of-Control Anger Hurts Your Career Alienates colleagues, supervisors or clients, erodes respect, bad reputation Out-of-Control Anger Hurts Your Relationships With Others Hard for others to trust you, hard for others to speak honestly to you, Hard to feel comfortable around you, Explosive anger is especially damaging to children Why is anger management so important?

10. The Problem of Anger in Society 13% of all marriages involve violence/abuse Every 25 seconds someone is a victim of a violent crime More than 3 million reports are made annually involving up to 6 million children Adolescents ( 12% of the population) account for 39% of all violent crime {Adolescence is the phase of life between childhood and adulthood, from ages  10 to 19 .}

11. The Problem of Anger in Society 23% of Canadian admit they openly express their Anger 39 % say they hold it in or hide their anger 23 % say they walk away from the situation 23 % say they confess to having hit someone in Anger 17 % admit that they have destroyed the property of someone who made them mad

12. For every 10 minutes that you are ANGRY You lose 600 seconds of Happiness Learn to Say Sorry at the right moment will reduce the Anger of Others Food for Thought

13. 4. Cognitive/Thoughts (examples: hostile self-talk, images of aggression and revenge) 3. Emotional (examples: fear, hurt, jealousy, guilt) 2. Behavioural (examples: pacing, clenching fists, raising voice, staring) 1. Physical (examples: rapid heartbeat, tightness in chest, feeling hot or flushed) Cognitive Triggers REMEMBER FROM LAST WEEK, There are 4 cues to anger

14. One technique that is helpful in increasing the awareness of anger is learning to monitor it. A simple way to monitor anger is to use what is called the “Anger Meter” or “Anger Ladder” “1” on the anger meter represents a complete lack of anger or a total state of calm, whereas a “10” represents intense anger, along with the feeling that you may lose control, that will lead to negative consequences. Points between 1 and 10 represent feelings of anger between these extremes. The purpose of the anger meter is to monitor the escalation of anger as it moves up the scale. For example, when a person encounters an anger-provoking event, he or she does not reach a 10 immediately, although it may sometimes feel that way. The Anger Ladder / Meter In reality, the individual’s anger starts at a low number and rapidly moves up the scale. There is always time, provided one has learned effective coping skills, to stop anger from escalating to a 10.

15. The Anger Meter It is much more important to personalize the anger meter and become comfortable and familiar with your individual readings of the numbers on the scale. It’s important for you to understand that a 10 is reserved for instances when you begin to lose control and suffers (or could suffer) negative consequences. Examples are when a person angrily threatens an intimate partner, and the partner moves out or when an individual assaults another person and is arrested by the police. The Anger Meter A second point to make about the anger meter is that people may interpret the numbers on the scale differently. What may be a 5 for one person may be a 7 for someone else.

16. The Anger Meter Use the anger meter to determine your highest level of anger and the columns in the anger awareness record to identify the event . What was the event that led to your anger? What cues were associated with the anger-related event? For example, what were the physical, behavioural, emotional, or cognitive cues? The number rating on the anger meter, the behaviour that resulted, Were there negative consequences from your anger? What strategies did you use and how did they help you manage your anger? Did you head off your anger? If so, what strategies did you use? The Anger Meter

17. The Anger Meter The Anger Meter We will use the following questions to check in at the beginning of each session: For each day of the upcoming week, monitor and record the highest number you reach on the anger meter. __ M __ T __ W __ Th __ F __ S __ Su • Be prepared to report the highest level of anger you reached during the week in next week's group.

18. Possible Trigger Warning

19. While t rying to be in Control, We Teach Our Children to be Unhappy When you were young children were denied what you wanted, or when you felt criticized, misunderstood, or not empathized with, what you experience emotionally is hurt . In such instances, your impulse is either to dissolve into tears, possibly retreat to your room, or stay engaged by puffing yourselves up with self-righteous anger.

20. The Wounded Inner Child Here are some of the most common ways that we were made to feel unsafe. You were taught that it’s not OK to have your own opinions. You were punished when trying to speak up or act differently. You were discouraged from playing or having fun. You weren’t allowed to be spontaneous. You weren’t allowed to show strong emotions such as anger or joy. You were shamed by your parents or family members. You were verbally criticized/abused on a regular basis. You were physically punished, or your physical boundaries were violated. You were made to feel responsible for your parents and their level of happiness. You were not given physical affection such as: hugs, kisses, cuddles. See h ow many can you relate to ? This list is by no means exhaustive. 

21. The Emotionally Wounded Inner Child When children are emotionally and mentally injured, neglected, or even abused in childhood, those inner wounds never heal. The child may act out, including having temper tantrums, facing challenges in making friends, and remaining suspicious of the motives of others. As these emotionally wounded children get older (you), they leave some of their childhood behaviours behind, but they still have the wounded inner child deep within their psyche. It is also possible for a wounded inner child to crave  attention  and a sense of belonging they never experienced. In these situations, individuals with this wounded inner child may tolerate behaviours in a relationship that is negative, destructive, and abusive. When these adults are stressed, pressured, or begin to feel overwhelmed, they often drop back to familiar behavioural patterns and the behaviours they used as children to get their way. This is a coping mechanism to attempt to gain a sense of belonging in relationships, which is something they desire at a deep emotional level; This is known as Fawning, we will get into that next week…

22. PRIVATE SELF TRUE YOU PHONY FRONT PUBLIC SELF CHILDHOOD Research on Child Development, found that the type of emotional support that a child receives during the first three and a half years of life, influences education, social life and romantic relationships even 20 or 30 years later. Babies and toddlers raised in supportive and caring home environments tended to do better on standardized tests later in life and more likely to attain higher degrees as adults. They were also more likely to have a good relationship with their peers and feel more satisfied in their romantic relationships. The wounded child is the part of yourself that feels the pain from your past.  The fear, hurt or shame of the little child that felt alone.  This child comes out when you feel similar pain as an adult.  You are physically an adult on the outside, but the feelings inside are very similar to the pain of unresolved issues you felt as a child at 5, 7, or 9 years old.

23. PRIVATE SELF TRUE YOU PHONY FRONT PUBLIC SELF YOUNG ADULT HOOD Our need to conform to societal norms, we lose who we really are and put up a phony front. We become a conforming self in order to please others and to be accepted. This all begins at childhood. When we feel put down or experience that feeling of a loss of power, we begin to deflate and shrink in-side. With that our maturity also deflates and we regress back to the state known as the “Wounded Child”. We use the experience to protect ourselves, or to get what we want … Power. This is the part of ourselves that shows up when we are feeling evoked. We are evoked when we are upset, angry, in conflict, etc. Those who had experienced such things during childhood have shown an increased tendency to become dependent on alcohol and drugs. They may also develop behavioural addictions such as compulsive eating , compulsive sexual behaviour and rage when angered “We go From Being Human Beings to Human Doings”

24. PRIVATE SELF TRUE YOU PHONY FRONT PUBLIC SELF ADULT HOOD In our fears and quest to protect our inner child, and be accepted by society while we grow older, we begin to lose our true selves. Some may never find themselves again and with frustration, we grow colder and more detached as our fake selves grow larger. Your public self lacks feelings because we hide them so deep within our true self, we become grumpier and more confrontational earning for the trueness in us to be known. In this disconnect, we look at avenues to feel a sense of connectedness which can open the door to negative thoughts and behaviours, that could lead to anger, addiction and/or mental health issues. Try This: Whenever you are in a moment where your feelings are activated, ask yourself “how old am I feeling right now?” This may help you to know what you are dealing with. Five-year-old you fears abandonment and you may disassociate for self-protection. Eight-year-old you may be angry and filled with rage, you may push others away.

25. Events Associated With Anger When you get angry, it is because your interpretation of an event has provoked your anger. For example, you may get angry when the bus is late, when you must wait in line at the grocery store, or when a neighbor plays his music too loud. Everyday events such as these can provoke your anger. Many times, specific events touch on sensitive areas in your life. These sensitive areas, sometimes called “red flags,” usually refer to longstanding issues that can easily lead to anger. For example, some of us may have been slow readers as children and may have been sensitive about our reading ability. Although we may read well now as adults, we may continue to be sensitive about this issue. This sensitivity may be revealed when someone rushes us while we are completing an application or reviewing a memo and may trigger anger because we may feel that we are being criticized or judged as we were when we were children. This sensitivity may also show itself in a more direct way, such as when someone calls us “slow” or “stupid.”

26. Events Associated With Anger A new trigger to anger that has emerged over the last decade is negative online behaviour. This can take many forms. It’s easy to get drawn into a debate and become angry when you cannot change someone’s mind about something you care passionately about. Sometime people get angry and take it out on inanimate objects, such as smashing a computer or throwing a cell phone out the window when a signal is lost during an important conversation. Some people, commonly called “ trolls ,” enjoy teasing, bullying, or belittling people in social media forums. People can defame or post unflattering or damaging pictures of those they feel have wronged them. In extreme cases, people can steal your identity or post your private information on social media (commonly called “doxing”). Usually, anger-related events involve other people, but sometimes we may treat inanimate objects as if they were people trying to interfere with our plans and goals, such as cars that break down or cell phones and computers that malfunction.

27. Events Associated With Anger In addition to events experienced in the here and now, you may also recall an event from your past that made you angry. You might remember, for example, how the bus always seemed to be late before you left home for an important appointment. Just thinking about how late the bus was in the past can make you angry in the present. Another example may be when you recall a situation involving a family member who betrayed or hurt you in some way. Remembering this situation, or this family member, can raise your number on the anger meter. Here are examples of things in daily life that can trigger anger: • Having to wait a long time (on the phone or in an office) • Being stuck in traffic or on a crowded bus • A friend or coworker saying hurtful or untrue things • A friend not paying back money owed to you • Having to clean up someone else’s mess • Neighbors who are inconsiderate • Dealing with a frustrating person or situation on the Internet

28. WHY DO WE LET OTHERS BUG US “Sticks and stones can break your bones, but names can never hurt you.” That’s a common ditty we have all been taught in our lives as children, and probably have often repeated to our own children. The problem is, it isn’t true. The problem is that we see the problem as “ out there .” We see the problem as being with the other person. We don’t see it as a problem within us . The name calling hurts us because we allow it to hurt us.

29. Let’s Play a Game What I would like you to do is sit straight in your chair (if you can) If you feel good - raise your right hand If you feel not-so-good - raise your Left hand If you feel confused - raise both hands

30. MEDITATION CALMING SKILLS Sitting Meditation

31. Deep-Breathing Exercise Get comfortable in your chair. If you like, close your eyes; or just gaze at the floor. Take a few moments to settle yourself. Now make yourself aware of your body. Check your body for tension, beginning with your feet, and scan upward to your head. Notice any tension you might have in your legs, your stomach, your hands and arms, your shoulders, your neck, and your face. Try to let go of the tension you are feeling. Now, make yourself aware of your breathing. Pay attention to your breath as it enters and leaves your body. This can be very relaxing. Let’s all take a deep breath together. Notice your lungs and chest expanding. Now slowly exhale. Again, take a deep breath. Fill your lungs and chest. Notice how much air you can take in. Hold it for a second. Now release it and slowly exhale. One more time, inhale slowly and fully. Hold it for a second, and release. Now on your own, continue breathing in this way for another couple of minutes. Continue to focus on your breathing. With each inhalation and exhalation, feel your body becoming more and more relaxed. Use your breathing to wash away any remaining tension.

32. The Dalai Lama said, “Violence is old-fashioned. Anger doesn’t get you anywhere. If you can calm your mind and be patient, you will be a wonderful example to those around you.”