Bowen Family Systems Theory Sept 2017

Bowen Family Systems Therapy

1. Bowen Family Systems Therapy Demetrios Peratsakis, LPC, ACS and Natalia Tague, LPC

2. A Model of Evolutionary Psychology Bowen described an evolutionary process of natural selection over generations of family functioning, fueled by two primal, counterbalancing forces, the need for intimacy and belonging (fusion) and the need to be separate and individual (differentiation of self). Psychological problems are as rooted in the family system’s inability to effectively reconcile stress. Unresolved, anxiety and trauma result in chronic tension expressed as “physiological symptoms, emotional dysfunction, social illness or social misbehavior” - M. Bowen

3. Differentiation of Self Triangles Nuclear Family Emotional System Family Projection Process Multigenerational Transmission Process Emotional Cutoff Sibling Position Societal Emotional Process 8 Interlocking Concepts Note : Some of the description of the eight concepts of Bowen Theory are modified excerpts from the Bowen Center for Family Studies and from a literature review by Vermont Center for Family Studies faculty member, Monika Baege , referencing the following sources: Bowen, 1978; Gilbert, 1992, 1999; Kerr & Bowen, 1988, and Noone , 1995.

4. Differentiation of Self Differentiation of self is a measure of t he degree of integration of self, describing how people cope with life's demands and pursue their goals on a continuum from most adaptive to least Variations in this adaptiveness depend on several connected factors, including the amount of solid self, the part of self that is not negotiable in relationships. Greater differentiation = strength of convictions; less solid self = feels more pressure to think, feel, and act like the other. F usion between people generates more chronic anxiety Level of differentiation refers to the degree to which a person can think and act for self while in contact with emotionally charged issues. It also refers to the degree to which a person can discern between thoughts and feelings. Higher levels of differentiation: manages stress, anxiety and reactivity; choose thoughtful action Lower levels of differentiation: increased dependence on others to function; increased likelihood of developing severe symptoms under stress; They act, often destructively, based on anxious reactions to the environment. Their intellectual reasoning fuses with emotionality. Even highly intelligent people can be poorly differentiated . The process of differentiating a self involves a conscious effort at strengthening or raising the amount of solid self by defining beliefs and principles, managing anxiety and reactivity, and relating differently to the family system; the level of differentiation is raised in the whole system. On a scale of 0-100, most of the population scores below 30; 50 is unusual and 75 occurs rarely within several hundred years

5. Relationships function as if they are governed by two equally intense counterbalancing life forces - Bowen Family Systems Theory Individuality/Individuation “Derived from the drive to be a productive, autonomous individual, as defined by self rather than the dictates of the group .” Differentiation Togetherness “Derived from the universal need for love, approval, emotional closeness, and agreement .” Fusion Slide courtesy of Michael E. Kerr, MD

6. Five Characteristics of Self-differentiation (Definition of Self Within Relationships; adapted) Differentiation of Self is a life-long process of developing two essential capacities, between autonomy (separation) and connection (togetherness), self-definition and self-regulation. The actual process of increasing self-differentiation requires progressive demarcation of the elements that comprise the Self (self-definition) and the courage and determination to develop responsibility for the management of one's own anxiety and reactivity (self-regulation). Differentiation is a measure of one’s solidity and centeredness . SELF-DEFINITION A Mature Understanding of One’s Own Limits and of the Limits of Others A clear understanding of where one ends and somebody else begins Respect for the right of others to be who and how they wish to be while refusing to allow them to define or intrude upon one’s own rights The defining characteristic is to have oneself defined from within, rather than adapting to please others or simply to avoid conflict 2. Clarity as to One’s Own Beliefs What do I believe, why do I believe it to be so, and from whence does this belief come from? How strong are my convictions? Of what am I certain, and of what am I not so certain? SELF-REGULATION 3. Courage to Take Stands Defining where one stands on issues and the courage to affirm those beliefs in the face of disapproval Refusing to give in to another when it is a matter of principle Capacity to stand firm in the face of strong reactions! - ie . “You can't think, act, or feel that way and remain a part of this family!' 4. The Ability to Retain Integrity Resolve to follow through on a vision or toward a goal or outcome despite threats or sabotage from others Emotional and spiritual stamina to stick with a plan or goal and not let the reactions of others redefine its course 5. Staying Connected Maintaining a relatively non-reactive give-and-take with those who are reacting to you Resisting the impulse to attack or cut off from those who are most reactive to you.

7. 2. Triangulation Patterns of interaction that reduce conflict and duress within the dyad

8. Triangles: Problem Solvers and Creators Triangle Theory Conflict is a continuous condition of human interaction Triangulation is a pattern of interaction that reduces conflict and distress; it is a process whereby anxiety is decreased and tension dissipated through emotional interaction with others “The (Bowen) theory states that the triangle, a three-person emotional configuration, is the molecule or the basic building block of any emotional system, whether it is in the family or any other group. The triangle is the smallest stable relationship system. A two-person system may be stable as long as it is calm, but when anxiety increases, it immediately involves the most vulnerable other person to become a triangle. When tension in the triangle is too great for the threesome, it involves others to become a series of interlocking triangles.” M. Bowen. “Family Therapy in Clinical Practice.” Aronson New York. 1976. P373 Unmediated , conflict results in chronic tension expressed as “physiological symptoms, emotional dysfunction, social illness or social misbehavior” - M. Bowen The resulting conditions are characterized by “1) marital (or partner) discord ; 2) dysfunction in a partner; 3) impairment in one or more of the children; or 4) severe emotional “cut-off”, including isolation, abandonment, betrayal, or expulsion Triangulation may also result in preferred patterns of interaction that avoid responsibility for change –Alfred Adler 8

9. Triangle’s Simplified Two-person dyads become unstable once anxiety increases A third persons is pulled into the conflict, creating more space for anxiety and relieving some of the pressure When the triad can no longer contain the anxiety, more people are triangulated, forming a series of interlocking triangles If one member of the triangle remains calm and in emotional contact with the other two, the system automatically calms down . When stress and reactivity intensify and remain chronic, members lock into a triangular position which solidifies and develops symptoms.

10. Triangulation Normative mechanism for 1) reducing anxiety and 2) increasing alliance within a two-person (dyad) relationship dyad third person or subject of mutual, concern or interest anxiety closeness may increase as anxiety is reduced 10

11. 1) Triangulation : Normative M echanism for Reducing Anxiety dyad third person or subject of mutual, concern or interest Anxiety decreases in dyad Third party helps mediate conflict or remedy problem in the two-person relationship (dyad). For example: siblings cease their disagreement over chores to actively chide their younger brother co-workers are unclear on best approach to an issue and seek guidance from their supervisor 11 Greater anxiety = more closeness or distance

12. 2) Triangulation: Normative M echanism for Alliance Building dyad third person or subject of mutual, concern or interest Alliance increases trust and intimacy Two members (or all three) are drawn closer in alliance or support. For example: Separated or divorced husband and wife come together as parents for their child in need sisters share greater intimacy after one has been the victim of a crime (the triangulated my be a person or an issue, such as “work”, the “neighbors” or in this example, the “crime”) closeness may increase as anxiety is reduced 12

13. IP/PP Conflict in the dyad goes unresolved as attention is drawn away from important issues Adult Adult child # 2. Collusion and Cross-generational Coalitions # 1. Detouring or “Scapegoating” Collusion : Two members ally against a third, such as when a friend serves as a confidant with one of the partners during couple discord or siblings ally against another. The third member feels pressured or manipulated or gets isolated, feels ignored, excluded, or rejected as a result of being brought into the conflict Cross-generational Coalition : The third party is a child pulled into an inappropriate role (cross-generational coalition) such as mediator in the conflict between two parents. This could include parent-child-parent and parent-child-grandparent triangles. Two Problem Triangles 13 # 1 # 2

14. Problem Triangulation conflict avoidance within the dyad may lead to the development of a symptom Over time Triangulation begins as a normative response due to stress or anxiety caused by developmental transition , change or conflict The pattern habituates, then rigidifies as a preferred transactional pattern for avoiding stress in the dyad The IP begins to actively participate in maintaining the role due to primary and secondary gains The “problem”, which then serves the purpose of refocusing attention onto the IP and away from tension within the dyad, becomes an organizational node around which behaviors repeat, thereby governing some part of the family system’s communication and function Over time , this interactional sequence acquires identity, history and functional value (Power), much like any role, and we call it a “symptom” and the symptom-bearer, “dysfunctional” A key component in symptom development is that the evolving pattern of interaction avoids more painful conflict This places the IP at risk of remaining the “lightning rod” and accelerating behaviors in order to maintain the same net effect When this occurs, it negates the need to achieve a more effective solution to some other important change (adaptive response) and growth is thwarted. The ensuing condition is called “dysfunction”. - d. peratsakis 14 Critical Information

15. 3 . Nuclear Family Emotional Process How members adjust roles and responsibilities in their relationships to mediate tasks and reconcile stress and anxiety The mechanism by which symptoms develop in families Four basic relationship patterns that operate in intact, single-parent, step-parent, and other nuclear family configurations. Problems or symptoms develop during periods of heightened and prolonged family tension Effects of tension depends on the stress event, family resiliency, and supports from extended family and social networks. The higher the tension, the more chance that symptoms will be severe and that several people will be symptomatic Partner/Marital conflict As tension increases partners become more anxious, externalizing their anxiety into the couple relationship. Partners focuses on what is wrong with the other, each tries to control the other, and each resists the other’s efforts at control. Partners and members who distance render themselves emotionally unavailable; avoid potentially uncomfortable, though important, topics. Reciprocity in relationships occurs when one person takes on responsibilities for the twosome. With chronic tension, the two people slide into over-adequate and under-adequate roles. This can result in failure or inadequacy in one of the partners. Dysfunction in one partner One partner pressures the other to think and act in certain ways and the other yields to the pressure Partners accommodate to preserve harmony; typically, more one-sided When tension rises, the roles intensify, the subordinate partner yield’s more self-control escalating their anxiety Over-functioning and under-functioning reciprocity intensifies, resulting in greater emotional fusion Impairment of one or more children   Partners focus their anxieties on one or more of their children. Excessive worry, rigid convictions and beliefs or very negative view of a child results fixed targeting Increased attention creates heightened sensitivity and reactivity. Child becomes more reactive to their attitudes, needs, and expectations The process undercuts the child’s differentiation from the family, increasing vulnerability to act out or internalize family tensions The child’s anxiety can impair school performance, social relationships, and health Emotional distance F amily members distance to reduce the relationship intensity, but risk becoming too isolated and avoidant Common coping style that concentrates anxiety in other relationships; the more anxiety one person or one relationship absorbs, the less other members must absorb. This means that some family members maintain their functioning at the expense of others While harm may be unintended, distancing pools anxiety in the remaining members increasing emotional fusion .

16. 4. The Family Projection Process “The primary manner in which parents transmit their emotional problems to a child. The projection process can impair the functioning of one or more children and increase their vulnerability to clinical symptoms. Children inherit many types of problems (as well as strengths) through the relationships with their parents, but the problems they inherit that most affect their lives are relationship sensitivities such as heightened needs for attention and approval, difficulty dealing with expectations, the tendency to blame oneself or others, feeling responsible for the happiness of others or that others are responsible for one’s own happiness, and acting impulsively to relieve the anxiety of the moment rather than tolerating anxiety and acting thoughtfully. If the projection process is fairly intense, the child develops stronger relationship sensitivities than his parents. The sensitivities increase a person’s vulnerability to symptoms by fostering behaviors that escalate chronic anxiety in a relationship system . The projection process follows three steps : the parent focuses on a child out of fear that something is wrong with the child the parent interprets the child’s behavior as confirming the fear; and the parent treats the child as if something is really wrong with child . These steps of scanning, diagnosing, and treating begin early in the child’s life and continue. The parents’ fears and perceptions so shape the child’s development and behavior that he grows to embody their fears and perceptions. One reason the projection process is a self-fulfilling prophecy is that parents try to “fix” the problem they have diagnosed in the child; for example, parents perceive their child to have low self-esteem, they repeatedly try to affirm the child, and the child’s self-esteem grows dependent on their affirmation . Parents often feel they have not given enough love, attention, or support to a child manifesting problems, but they have invested more time, energy, and worry in this child than in his siblings. The siblings less involved in the family projection process have a more mature and reality-based relationship with their parents that fosters the siblings developing into less needy, less reactive, and more goal-directed people. Both parents participate equally in the family projection process, but in different ways. The mother is usually the primary caretaker and more prone than the father to excessive emotional involvement with one or more of the children. The father typically occupies the outside position in the parental triangle, except during periods of heightened tension in the mother-child relationship. Both parents are unsure of themselves in relationship to the child, but commonly one parent acts sure of himself or herself and the other parent goes along. The intensity of projection process is unrelated to the amount of time parents spend with a child .” –the Bowen Center

17. 5 . Multigenerational Transmission Process Transmission of information across generations on several interconnected levels, ranging from the conscious teaching and learning of convictions, rules and regulations, to the automatic and unconscious programming of emotional reactions and behaviors that, collectively, define the individual’s view of the world and shapes their sense of self. Parent and child interactions over a prolonged period of dependency and early development results in differentiation at level of parents’ The nuclear family emotional process results in variability in differentiation, with one sibling developing a greater sense of “ self” (increased differentiation) while another develops less, providing siblings practice in role reciprocity (over- and under-functioning) Multigenerational transmission follows a predictable path to mate selection with similar levels of differentiation of self. Where siblings with higher differentiation levels from different families mate, their most differentiated offspring foster a line of progeny with greater differentiation; over multiple generations, the differences between family lines grow increasingly marked Level of differentiation of self “can affect longevity, marital stability, reproduction, health, educational and occupational accomplishments Bowen theorized that highly differentiated persons developed stable, productive nuclear families that contributed to society, whereas, low differentiated individuals raised children over the generations who were more susceptible to social illness and psychological problems* * Note : “ S ome c oncerns have been voiced over what is perceived as an overly deterministic or fatalistic perspective on social growth in Bowen’s Theory. Perhaps, one could argue, some form of resiliency factor is conveyed as an inheritable trait, making such transmission a predisposition, rather than a prescriptive condition. One could also argue that this is a critical mechanism in evolutionary psychology and important to the furtherance of reasoning and innovation in the species”. - d.peratsakis

18. 6 . Emotional Cutoff Emotional cut-off is a preferred method of coping by which the individual reduces the anxiety and stress of unresolved conflict with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing or totally cutting off emotional contact with them . Increase risk of a mismatch between physical proximity and emotional closeness, thereby avoiding sensitive issues Increases risk of avoidance as a preferred coping strategy with others Cut-off may occur by moving away, abandonment or expulsion Distance from family members may be offset with exaggerated closeness with other, non-family member relationships, creating substitute “families” with social and work relationships Unresolved attachment issues can take several forms: Feeling infantilized when at home with parents, who are prone to make decisions for them Feeling responsible for solving parents’ conflicts or mediating the nuclear family’s distress Anger at not being fully accepted as an adult with differences by parents Unresolved attachment breeds more immaturity in parents and children Siblings foster anger at distancing sibling; adds to household tension

19. 7. Sibling Position Sibling position, a concept which Bowen adopted from the research of Walter Toman , affects variation in basic and functional levels of differentiation as well. Oldest, youngest, and middle children tend toward certain functional roles in families, influenced also by the particular mix of sibling positions in it and the sibling positions of parents and other relatives. From Alfred Adler: The psychological situation of each child in the family is different. The child's opinion of himself and his situation determines his choice of attitude. If more than 3 years separate children, sub-groups of birth order may form. A child's birth order position may be seized by another child if circumstances permit. Competition may be expressed in choice of interests or development of characteristics. Birth order is sometimes not a major influences on personality development. The other potentially significant influences are: organ inferiority, parental attitudes, social & economic position, and gender roles . POSITION FAMILY SITUATION CHILD'S CHARACTERISTICS ONLY Birth is a miracle. Parents have no previous experience. Retains 200% attention from both parents. May become rival of one parent. Can be over-protected and spoiled. Likes being the center of adult attention. Often has difficulty sharing with siblings and peers. Prefers adult company and uses adult language. OLDEST Dethroned by next child. Has to learn to share. Parent expectations are usually very high. Often given resposnsibility and expected to set an example. May become authoritarian or strict. Feels power is his right. Can become helpful if encouraged. May turn to father after birth of next child. SECOND He has a pacemaker. There is always someone ahead. Is more competitive, wants to overtake older child. May become a rebel or try to outdo everyone. Competition can deteriorate into rivalry. MIDDLE Is "sandwiched" in. May feel squeezed out of a position of privilege and significance. May be even-tempered, "take it or leave it" attitude. May have trouble finding a place or become a fighter of injustice. YOUNGEST Has many mothers and fathers. Older children try to educate him. Never dethroned. Wants to be bigger than the others. May have huge plans that never work out. Can stay the "baby." Frequently spoiled. TWIN One is usually stronger or more active. Parents may see one as the older. Can have identity problems. Stronger one may become the leader. "GHOST CHILD" Child born after the death of the first child may have a "ghost" in front of him. Mother may becime over-protective. Child may exploit mother's over-concern for his well-being, or he may rebel, and protest the feeling of being compared to an idealized memory. ADOPTED CHILD Parents may be so thankful to have a child that they spoil him. They may try to compensate for the loss of his biological parents. Child may become very spoiled and demanding. Eventually, he may resent or idealize the biological parents. ONLY BOY AMONG GIRLS Usually with women all the time, if father is away. May try to prove he is the man in the family, or become effeminate. ONLY GIRL AMONG BOYS Older brothers may act as her protectors. Can become very feminine, or a tomboy and outdo the brothers. May try to please the father. ALL BOYS If mother wanted a girl, can be dressed as a girl. Child may capitalize on assigned role or protest it vigorously. ALL GIRLS May be dressed as a boy. Child may capitalize on assigned role or protest it vigorously.

20. 8. Societal Emotional Process Societal emotional process describes how the emotional system governs behavior on a societal level, promoting both progressive and regressive periods in a society. It refers to the tendency of people within a society to be more anxious and unstable at certain times than others. Environmental stressors like overpopulation, scarcity of natural resources, epidemics, economic forces, and lack of skills for living in a diverse world are all potential stressors that contribute to a regression in society . “This premise, like the Multigenerational Transmission process, has serious implications for evolutionary psychology. The tenet, that society mirrors the nuclear family process which, in turn, reflects the norms, morays and cultural artifacts of the societal whole posits an interactive relationship with negative as well as positive trends. Community institutions, such as schools, courts, news outlets and political bodies reflect the collective tension of a peoples and move to implement measures to reduce stress and reconcile anxiety. The ensuing trends attempt to regulate broad tension within society and define what is permissible and acceptable at given times.” – d.peratsakis