Contemporary Project Management 4th Edition Kloppenborg Solutions Manual

Contemporary Project Management 4th Edition Kloppenborg Solutions Manual
Contemporary Project Management 4th Edition Kloppenborg Solutions Manual
Contemporary Project Management 4th Edition Kloppenborg Solutions Manual

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5. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 1


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
CHAPTER 10
Budgeting Projects

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

This chapter deals with various issues and techniques involved in estimating project costs and
establishing project budgets. After completing this chapter, each student should be able to
perform the following:
Core Objectives:
• Define project cost terms and tell how each is used in estimating project cost.
• Compare and contrast analogous, parametric, and bottom-up methods of estimating cost.
• Create a time-phased, bottom-up budget for a project.
Technical Objectives:
• Show both summary and bottom-up project budget information with cumulative costs
using MS Project.
Behavioral Objectives:
• Describe issues in project cost estimating and how to deal with each.

TEACHING STRATEGIES

• We like to start the discussion on budgeting projects with a look at ethics. It is often
tempting to underestimate (or at least optimistically estimate) the cost of a project in
order to obtain approval. Both for the practical reason of not being able to live up to your
promises and ethical reasons, it is important to be completely honest first with yourself in
understanding what you are proposing and also to be honest with others.
• Depending on the background of your students, this is a chapter that can be covered in
more or less detail. Many of the topics might be familiar to a student who has had
accounting and finance and unfamiliar to others. We do a quick review of some of the
points for the sake of those who may not have really learned them. We strongly
encourage the students to read the chapter since even things we cover in passing are fair
game on the test if they are described in the chapter objectives.
• Remind students that many of the project costs are assigned to the work package level.
Others may be allocated as overhead at the project level.
• Project cost estimate comparisons are unique to projects, so we always cover them fully.
We want students to understand that at different points in a project, different types of
estimates are used depending on the amount of data available at that time and what the
estimate will be used for. Remind the students it is good practice to describe the method
used and the range of confidence in the estimate so that people do not hold you to an
early and not very accurate estimate.
• One way to help the students envision the different types of estimates is to first describe
each with an example, and then present a different type of project and ask the students
what each type of estimate for that project might look like. You can also ask them what
they would need in terms of data, experience, ability, etc. to perform each type of
estimate.

6. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 2


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
• A good place for a break out session is on aggregating the project budget. We like to use
either Exercise 10.2 or 10.3 for this. For simplicity, tell the students that you are the boss
of one of the resources and that you are only interested in the budget for that person.
Use the slide of Exhibit 10.9 to talk the students through the following steps:
o first construct a project schedule with a network,
o then show the schedule on a Gantt chart front-loaded,
o then delay a task if there is a conflict,
o then identify the cost per time period for that worker,
o and finally, show the cumulative costs for that worker and how they grow through
the project.
Students working in groups of two or three often initially grumble at this breakout
session, but they usually discover they can do it, and it reinforces what they learned in
Chapters 8 and 9 and allows them to see how project budgets are constructed. We tell
them we will use this when we perform earned value in Chapter 14. I tell the students
that if they understand all parts of this example, they really understand the flow of
project planning and control.
• This is yet one more chapter where you can demonstrate MS Project. If you have been
using MS Project on earlier chapters, you can probably just demo the additional use in
budgeting.


LECTURE AND WORKSHOP OUTLINE

Different methods of estimating costs and creating project budgets make sense in
different circumstances. This chapter describes various methods and when each is
appropriate.
10.1 Plan Cost Management
This is developing the cost management plan to document how you will plan,
structure, and control project costs. Cost and schedule are closely related.
10.2 Estimate Cost
This process of determining the approximate project costs is an outgrowth of
scope, schedule, and resource planning.
Types of cost
Fixed vs. Variable costs
Project managers sometimes can choose between alternative methods, and the
relative fixed and variable costs of each method along with expected volume can
help determine the most cost-effective approach.
Direct vs. Indirect costs
Direct costs only occur because of the project, but other costs of running the
company are allocated as indirect costs to projects. Project managers need to
understand how these costs are allocated.
Recurring vs. Nonrecurring costs
One-time or nonrecurring costs tend to occur near project start and conclusion,
while repetitive or recurring costs occur during project execution.
Regular vs. Expedited costs

7. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 3


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
On projects where time is critical, extra charges may be incurred to speed up
work.
Other cost classifications
Several other cost classifications that most students know are listed.
Accuracy and timing of cost estimates
Projects often need preliminary (and perhaps not very accurate) estimates early
and more accurate estimates later to support various decisions.
Order of magnitude estimates
These initial estimates are often made quite early in the project when there is little
detail, and therefore little expectation of accuracy. They help screen out
impractical projects.
Budget and definitive estimates
As more detailed planning occurs, estimates can become more accurate. These
can serve as a basis for budgets.
Methods of estimating costs
Methods for estimating costs vary from highly aggregated approximations to
highly detailed estimates. Each has a time and purpose.
Analogous estimating
This compares the proposed project to a previous one on an overall basis and
adjusts for differences in factors such as size and complexity to quickly estimate
total project costs.
Parametric estimating
This is a bit more detailed and relies on one or more statistical relationships to
estimate.
Bottom-up estimating
This highly detailed method estimates the costs of each individual part of a
project. It is vital to make sure all portions of the project are included in this
estimate, as those not included are underestimated by 100%.
Project cost estimating issues
Supporting detail
By identifying the scope, estimating methods, assumptions, constraints, and range
of possible outcomes for the estimate, people will know how much confidence to
place in it.
Causes of variation
All projects have variation. Those with a high percentage of novel work and
human interaction have more variation. Variation can be normal or expected
given the work methods or it can be special – meaning something unusual might
happen. Understanding the type of variation helps to explain and reduce it.
Vendor bid analysis
This involves determining how reasonable a vendor’s bid is. On projects with
substantial expense in purchased products and services, this becomes more
important.
Value engineering
This is double-checking of all the methods used and features included in a project,
which often uncovers ways to save money and still deliver necessary results.
Activity-based costing (ABC)

8. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 4


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
This is a modern method of allocating indirect costs more accurately based upon
four different types of cost drivers: number of units produced, number of batches
run, number of product variations, and amount of facility utilized.
Life cycle costing
This method seeks to understand full costs of producing the project and also using
the results of the project for its entire useful life, including final disposition.
Time value of money and international currency fluctuations
These are issues on some projects that are large either in terms of lengthy time
and/or multiple locations.
10.3 Determine budget
This is the process of establishing a cost baseline of when each cost is expected to
occur. This approved budget is part of the overall project management plan and is
used for project control.
Aggregating costs
The budget is aggregated based upon when each work package is scheduled.
Analyzing reserve needs
Known knowns are estimated directly and do not require reserves. Known
unknowns are discovered during risk identification and are covered by
contingency reserves. Unknown unknowns (unk unks) are totally unexpected and
are covered by management reserves.
Determining cash flow
Cash outflow on projects often occurs almost continuously (although not
necessarily evenly). Cash inflows often occur in increments – with those from
customers often occurring long after expenses are incurred. Project managers
need to understand both to ensure that at no time the project is without cash to
handle expenses.
10.4 Establishing cost control
The approved project budget serves as a baseline for cost control. Milestones
serve as useful intermediate points to measure progress both in terms of cost and
schedule.
10.5 Using MS Project for project budgeting
MS Project supports both bottom-up and summary level cost modeling.
Developing a bottom-up project budget estimate
Assignment costs
Assignment costs are calculated by multiplying assignment work hours by
resource rates (standard and possibly overtime).
Task costs
An activity or task cost is the sum of assignment costs plus any activity fixed cost.
Project total costs
This is the sum of all underlying costs.
View costs from a different perspective
Cost can be viewed as summaries of WBS elements or as summaries of resource
costs by using the Resource Usage View.

9. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 5


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
Develop summary project budget
Either for an entire project, or portions of a project, summary level estimates can
be inserted. As details become known, these summary estimates can be replaced
with detailed estimates.

CHAPTER REVIEW QUESTIONS – SUGGESTED ANSWERS

1. What type of cost does not depend on the size of a project? (objective #1, p.331)
• Fixed

2. During which phase of a project do recurring costs typically occur? (objective #3, p.332)
• Project execution

3. What are some examples of expedited costs? (objective #1, p. 332)
• Overtime pay, overnight delivery

4. What is the purpose of an order of magnitude cost estimate? (objective #2, pp. 333-334)

• Order of magnitude cost estimates and the parallel high-level looks at each of the other
planning areas can quickly give enough information to decide whether to approve the
project charter and begin to invest time and money into detailed planning.

5. Under which conditions can analogous estimating be effective? (objective #2, pp. 334-336)

• First, the organization needs to have experience in performing similar projects and know
how much each of those projects actually cost (not just what they were estimated to cost).
Second, the estimator needs to know how the proposed project differs from the previous
project. Third, the estimator needs to have experience with the methods by which the
project will be performed.

6. Which method of estimating can produce the most accurate estimate: parametric or bottom-
up? (objective #2, p. 337)
• Bottom up

7. What are some examples of supporting detail pertaining to cost estimates? (objective #1,
pp.338-339)
• Describing the scope, method used to create the estimate, assumptions, constraints,
and range of possible outcomes

8. Is it possible to completely avoid variation in a project? Why or why not? (objective #5,
p.339)
• No; variation is inherent to all work processes

10. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 6


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
9. What can be used to determine whether a vendor’s bid is reasonable? (objective #1, p.340)
• Vendor bid analysis

10. Define value engineering. (objective #1, p.340)
• “An approach used to optimize project life cycle costs, save time, increase profits,
improve quality, expand market share, solve problems, and/or use resources more
effectively.” (PMBOK)

11. What is the “time value of money” and why is it relevant to project management?
(objective #1, p.341)

• One dollar today is presumably worth more than one dollar next year. Discounting the
value of future revenue and cost streams to account for this enables better project
decisions. Project managers need to discount future dollars by the appropriate factor. The
rate depends upon the underlying inflation rate plus the cost of capital. On international
projects, it can also depend upon international currency fluctuations.

12. For a routine project, what is a typical percentage of total project costs that should be put
into contingency reserves? For an unusual project? (objective #3, pp. 342-344)
• 5, 30

13. What is used to compare actual project spending with planned expenditures to determine if
corrective action is needed? (objective #1, p.342)
• Cost baseline

14. What three types of data does Microsoft Project use to compute each assignment’s cost
value? (objective #4, pp. 345-346)

• Assignment work hours—calculated when the work assignment is made (Assignment
units × Resource calendar hours per each day of the activity duration)
• Resource standard rate
• Resource overtime rate (only if modeling overtime)

15. Explain the importance of creating a cost management plan. (objective #5, p.330)
• The cost management plan shows how you will ensure accurate estimates are made,
secure funding, and develop cost reporting procedures to ensure money is spent
correctly. It helps various stakeholders have confidence that the project costs will be
well managed.

16. Why is it important for project managers to understand the fixed and variable costs of a
project? (objective #5, p.331)
• Understanding the various costs allows them to structure the work in the most cost-
effective manner – for example, choosing a work method with higher fixed and lower

11. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 7


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
variable costs if the project volume of work is large enough for that to be the lower total
cost alternative.

17. Describe the difference between direct and indirect project costs. (Objective #1, pp.331-
332)
• Direct costs only occur because the project is being undertaken. Indirect costs occur
within the organization so that it can run properly. They are not directly attributable to
one specific project.

18. During which phase(s) of a project do nonrecurring costs typically occur? Give an
example of a nonrecurring cost. (objective #3, p.332)
• Nonrecurring costs typically happen during the planning and closing phases of a project.
Examples will vary.

19. The project manager at a software company predicts her project’s costs based on previous
projects she has worked on that were similar. (She takes into account the differences
between her current and previous projects, as well.) What type of cost estimating is she
using? (Objective #2, pp. 335-336)
• Analogous estimating

10. Why is it important for assumptions to be listed in the cost estimate? (Objective #5, pp.338-
339)
• Helps to ensure that everyone who looks at the estimate is on the same page.
Assumptions also help to give readers of the estimate a basis for the cost. Also, if any of
the assumptions prove to be untrue, it signals that the cost estimates may need to be
reconsidered.




DISCUSSION QUESTIONS – SUGGESTED ANSWERS

1. A rockslide closes down a major highway on your delivery route and leads to unforeseen
costs. Does the extra money needed come from contingency reserves, management
reserves, or elsewhere? Why? (Objective #3, Analyzing, pp. 342-343)
• If this was completely unforeseen—an unknown unknown—the money will likely
come from the management reserve. However, if it was identified as a potential risk
ahead of time—known unknown—then it will come from the contingency reserve.

2. You are the project manager in charge of construction of a new school building. Give one
possible example each of a known known, known unknown, and unknown unknown you
might encounter. (Objective #3, Creating, p.343)
• Examples will vary. Possible examples: known known—project team discovers
during planning that proposed building site is on low-lying land that may flood so

12. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 8


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
they plan to either change locations or bring in several tons of soil to build up the
original site; known unknown—it will rain during the building phase, but no one
knows far in advance how much or how often it will rain; unknown unknown—
Congress cannot pass a budget and the federal government shuts down, which in turn
freezes the portion of your budget that comes from federal funding

3. Using the same project described in question 2 what are a few examples of milestones at
which you might measure cost control? (Objective #3, Evaluating, p.345)
• Answers will vary. Possible examples: pouring foundation, erecting frame, installing
utilities, etc.

4. Using the same project described in questions 2 and 3, which method(s) of estimating cost
would you use in order to establish a baseline budget? Why? (Objective #2, Applying, pp.
335-337)
• Answers will vary but should be supported (i.e. an analogous estimate may work
well if the building’s plans are very similar to others that have been built recently)

5. Give an example of how a project manager could run into problems with cash flow, even
when he is within budget on the overall project. (Objective #3, Applying, p. 344)
• Examples will vary. Any example in which the project manager needs to outlay a large
portion of his or her budget prior to taking in money will suffice.

6. Describe a few normal causes and special causes of variation on a project you have worked
on. How did you address the variations? (Objective #3, Applying, pp. 339-340)
• Answers will vary but should be supported.

7. What is the purpose of dummy tasks, and on what types of project would you use them for
budgeting purposes? (Objective #3, Understanding, p.345)
• Used as fillers to hold the place of activities yet-to-be –decided, since not accounting
for the activities at all would mean you are underestimating them by 100%. These
are often used on agile or other rolling-wave projects.

8. The order of magnitude budget estimate you created during chartering is deemed by your
sponsor to cost far more than your organization is willing to spend on your project. What
are your options as a project manager? (Objective #2, Evaluating, pp. 334-335)
• Answers will vary but may include: reduce scope of proposed project, find other
sources of money (perhaps another organization to partner with), or cancel the
project

13. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 9


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
EXERCISES – SOLUTIONS

1. A baker has a contract to bake 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies for a customer’s party.
Create a bottom-up estimate which includes both items needed for the project and their cost.
According to your estimate, how much should the baker charge for the cookies?
• Answers will vary. Should list out various ingredients such as eggs, flour, sugar,
chocolate chips etc. with their corresponding cost. Answer should also include the cost
of the baker’s time and indirect costs.

2. Using the data from Exercise 2 in the textbook, create a time-phased budget for the project.
Show how much the daily and cumulative costs for the project are, just as the monthly and
cumulative costs are shown in Exhibit 10.9.
• Students can calculate the answers to this on MS Project, on Excel, or by hand. They
first need to create the project schedule, create resource assignments, assign costs to each
resource, and assign resources to each task. They will discover Alcides has a conflict
right away, but one of the activities can be delayed within its slack. Joan has a conflict
late that will force the noncritical task to be delayed, which will delay the entire project.
The cumulative costs for the entire project are $7970. In the Gantt chart and budget
aggregation table below, it may be noted that the final task, conduct regulatory review
was delayed since it conflicted with the previous task, conduct ROI analysis. The total
budget for the project remains unchanged, but the project is now scheduled to take a bit
longer and the cash flow corresponds to the schedule.


Source: Microsoft product screen shot reprinted with permission from Microsoft Corporation.


3. Using the data from Exercise 10.3 in the textbook, create a time-phased budget for the
project. Show how much the daily and cumulative costs for the project are, just as the
monthly and cumulative costs are shown in Exhibit 10.9.
• Students can calculate the answers to this on MS Project, on Excel, or by hand. They
first need to create the project schedule, create resource assignments, assign costs to each

14. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 10


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
resource, and assign resources to each task. They will discover several places where
resources are overloaded and the project schedule will be delayed a bit. The total budget
remains unchanged. The screenshot below shows the individual week cost and
cumulative costs for each resource. The screen capture from MS Project is below.





Source: Microsoft product screen shot reprinted with permission from Microsoft Corporation.

15. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 11


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
PMBOK
®
Guide Questions

1) The “process that establishes the policies, procedures, and documentation for planning,
managing, expending, and controlling project costs” is referred to as:

a) Determine Budget
b) Estimate Costs
c) Plan Cost Management
d) Control Costs

Answer: c
Page 329 in textbook
Page 235 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

2) Activity cost estimates, the basis of estimates and other supporting detail, are outputs of
which process?

a) Determine budget
b) Estimate Costs
c) Plan Cost Management
d) Control Costs

Answer: b
Pages 330-331 in textbook
Pages 240-241 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

3) As the project progresses from initiation through planning and executing, and additional
detail is gathered, the range of values for the project cost estimate will:

a) Broaden
b) Stay the same
c) Narrow
d) Be replaced with a single number

Answer: c
Pages 334-335 in textbook
Page 241 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

4) _____________ is “the process of aggregating the estimated costs of individual activities or
work packages to establish an authorized time-phased project budget or cost baseline”.

a) Determine cash flow
b) Determine budget
c) Determine cost estimates
d) Determine funding requirements

Answer: b
Page 342 in textbook
Page 248 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

16. Instructor’s Manual Chapter 10 12


© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
5) A(n) ______is used to compare actual project spending with planned expenditures over time
to determine if corrective action is needed.

a) Cost baseline
b) Funding limit reconciliation
c) Reserve analysis
d) Activity resource estimate

Answer: a
Page 342 in textbook
Pages 248 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

6) Jason, a project manager, is working with his team to estimate the total cost of developing a
web-based CRM system. After reviewing the planned scope of work with Jason, his
sponsor suggests that Jason use the budget from a previous, similar project as the basis for
his project budget. The estimating process that Jason’s sponsor is using is called
_____________

a) Three-point estimating
b) Parametric estimating
c) Analogous estimating
d) Single-point estimating

Answer: c
Pages 335-337 in textbook
Page 244 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

7) One of the principle benefits of creating a bottom-up estimate during planning is that the
estimate:

a) Can be created quickly
b) Is very accurate
c) Matches the high level estimate in the project charter
d) Will not change once the project is in flight.

Answer: b
Pages 337-338 in textbook
Page 244 PMBOK, 6
th
Edition

8) The amount of project budget reserved for unforeseen project work that addresses the
“unknown unknowns” that can affect a project is the _____.

a) Project buffer
b) Funding limit
c) Contingency reserve
d) Management reserve

Answer: d
Pages 342-344 in textbook
Page 202 PMBOK 6
th
Edition

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© 2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole
or in part.
9) Ellen is estimating how much it will cost to re-carpet the executive conference room. After
selecting the grade and pattern of carpet, Ellen multiplies the carpet price per square yard
times the number of square yards in the conference room to derive the total price of the
material. This estimating method is called ______.

a) Expert judgment
b) Analogous estimating
c) Parametric estimating
d) Three-point estimating

Answer: c
Page 337 in textbook
Page 324 PMBOK, 6
th
Edition

10) The budget within the cost baseline that is allocated for identified risks, for which mitigating
responses are developed, is called the ______.

a) Contingency reserve
b) Management reserve
c) Control account
d) Activity cost estimate

Answer: a
Pages 342-344 in textbook
Page 245 PMBOK 6
th
Edition




SUBURBAN HOMES CONSTRUCTION PROJECT

For this exercise, bottom-up estimating will be employed and other methods of estimating
are not considered as they are supposed to be used for initial cost estimates and they
require historical data. As such, bottom-up estimating is the best approach to learn about
cost estimating. Bottom-up estimate uses the following approach:
• The resource expenditure of each lowest level WBS activity is estimated
• Resource effort (duration and cost) in monetary term is estimated for all the resources.
• Costs for all the activities under the same WBS element at next higher level is rolled up
• This process is continued for all the WBS element to determine overall project estimate
Students may be advised to review the MS Project example at the end of the chapter to
understand the bottom-up estimating method and develop their submissions based on the
example provided.

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or in part.


SEMESTER PROJECT

Create a time-phased budget for your example project using bottom-up estimating. To the extent
your sponsor will supply rates for workers, use those. Approximate rates for ones you cannot
get. Ask your sponsor how they treat indirect costs. Be sure to include direct labor costs for you
and your team mates. Budget your costs at the starting salary you expect to receive when you
graduate (or your current salary if you are employed). Divide your annual salary by 2080 hours
and add 20% for fringe. State all assumptions and constraints you have used when creating your
budget. State how confident you are in your estimates and what would make you more
confident. Give examples of known knowns and known unknowns on your project. Tell how
you have budgeted for both of them plus how you have budgeted for unknown unknowns.

• Most organizations are reluctant to share cost information, so examples are hard to get.
Additionally, if you are using service projects with nonprofit organizations, there is often
no cash for a traditional budget – rather resource demands serve as a surrogate for a
budget. One thing to look for if you make a budget assignment is consistency with the
other project planning documents such as WBS, schedule and resource plans.

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And take it not in snuff,
For he that weares no picadell
By law may weare a ruffe.
Next that he goes to dinner,
And, like an hardy guest,
When he had cramm’d his belly full
He railes against the feast.
But leave it, scholler, leave it;
For, since you eat his roast,
It argues want of manners
To raile upon the host.
Now listen, masters, listen,

21. , , ,
That tax us for our riot,
For here two men went to a ken,
So slender was the diet.
Then leave him, scholler, leave him,
He yieldes himself your debtor,
And next time he’s vice-chancellor
Your table shall be better.
Then goes he to the Regent-house,
And there he sits and sees
How lackeys and subsisers press
And scramble for degrees.
But leave it, scholler, leave it,
’Twas much against our mind,
But when the prison doors are ope
Noe thief will stay behind.
Behold, more anger yet:
He threatens us ere long,
When as the king comes back againe,
To make another song.
But leave it, scholler, leave it,
Your weakness you disclose;
For “Bonny Nell” doth plainly tell
Your wit lies all in prose.
Nor can you make the world
Of Cambridge praise to singe,
A mouth so foul no market eare
Will stand to hear it sing.
Then leave it, scholler, leave it,
For yet you cannot say,
The king did go from you in March
And come again in May.

22. RESPONSIO, &c.
PER
⸺ LAKES.

23. Facta est cantilena,
Sed nescio quo autore;
An fluxerit ex remige,
An ex Fenneri ore.
Sed qui legerunt, contendunt,
Esse hanc tenelli
Oxoniensis nescio cujus
Prolem cerebelli.
Nam primò Cantabrigiam
Convitiis execravit,
Quod vocitat Lutetiam,
Et luto conspurcavit.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Nam istud nihil moror,
Quum hujus academiæ
Oxonia sit soror.
Tunc oppidanos miseros
Horrendo cornu petit,
De quibus dixit, nescio quid,
Et rythmum sic effecit.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Bardos Oxonienses
In canticis non vicimus
Jam Cantabrigienses.
Jam inspicit cratera
Quæ regi dono datur,
Et aurum ibi positum
Subripere conatur.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Nam scelus istud lues,
Si fraudes sodalitia,
Ad crucem cito rues.

24. Dein pro-cancellarium
Produxit equitantem,
In equum valde agilem
Huc et illuc saltantem:
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Nam tibi vix credetur
Si non sub ejus cauda,
Urtica poneretur.
Tunc evomit sententiam
In ipsum oratorem
Qui dixit Jacobissimum,
Præter Latinum morem.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Orator exit talis
Qui magis pollet lingua
Quam ipse naso vales.
Adibat ad comœdiam
Et cuncta circumspexit,
Actorum diocesin
Completam hic detexit
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Hæc cogitare mente
Non valet jurisdictio
Vicario absente.
Fictitio equo subdidit
Calcaria, sperans fore
Ut eum ire cogeret
Gradu submissiore:
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Hoc non efficietur
Si iste stabularius
Habenis moderetur.
TestisestPolonia

25. Testis est Polonia,
Quam sæpe is transivit,
Et oneratus sarcina
Eodem gradu ivit.
Tam parce, precor, parcito,
Et credas hoc futurum,
Si Brutum regat Asinus
Gradatim non iturum.
Comœdiam Ignoramus
Eum spectare libet,
Et hujus delicatulo
Structura non arridet.
At parce, precor, parcito,
Tum aliter versatus
In faciendis canticis
Fuisti occupatus.
Tum pergit maledicere
Cicestriensi patri,
Et vestes etiam vellicat
Episcopi barbati.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Et nos tu sales pone,
Ne tanti patris careas
Benedictione.
Tum cibo se ingurgitans
Abunde saginatur,
Et venter cum expletus est,
Danti convitiatur.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Nam illud verum erit,
Quicquid ingrato infecerit
Oxoniensi, perit.
At ecce nos videmur

26. Tenaces nimis esse,
Gallinam unam quod spectasset
Duos comedisse.
O parce, precor, parcito,
Hæc culpa corrigetur
Cum rursus Cantabrigia
Episcopo regetur.
Sed novo in sacello
Pedissequos aspexit,
Quos nostra Academia
Honoribus erexit.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Nam ipse es expertus,
Effugiunt omnes protinus
Cum carcer est apertus.
At nobis minitatur,
Si rex sit rediturus,
Tunc iste (Phœbo duce) est
Tela resumpturus.
Sed parce, precor, parcito,
Piscator ictus sapit,
Fugatus namque miles iners
Arma nunquam capit.
Et Cantabrigiam non
Lædi hinc speramus,
Ex ore tam spurcidico
Nil damni expectamus.
O parce, ergo, parcito,
Oxonia nunquam dicit,
Cum Martio princeps abiens
In Maio nos revisit.

27. ADDITAMENTA SUPERIORI
CANTICO.
Ingenij amplitudinem
Jam satis ostendisti,
Et eloquentiæ fructus
Abundè protulisti:
Sed parce, tibi, parcito,
Ne omne absumatur,
Ne tandem tibi arido
Nil suavi relinquatur.
Jam satis oppugnasti,
O Polyphemi proles!
Et tanquam taurus gregis
Nos oppugnare soles.
Sed parce, tandem, parcito,
Tuis laudatus eris,
Et nunc inultus tanquam stultus
A nobis dimitteris.

28. LADY ARABELLA STUART.
The circumstances of the life of this accomplished and persecuted
lady,
“From kings descended, and to kings allied,”
are familiar to every reader of biographical history. In Lodge’s
Illustrations of British History are some letters which convey an
exalted idea of her mental abilities; and the editor has proved, in
opposition to the assertion of the authors of the Biographia
Britannica, that she was far from deficient in personal beauty.
She was the only child of Charles Stuart, fifth earl of Lennox,
(uncle to James the First, and great-grandson to Henry VII.) by
Elizabeth, daughter of sir William Cavendish, of Hardwick; was born
about the year 1578, and brought up in privacy under the care of
her grandmother, the old countess of Lennox, who had for many
years resided in England. Her double relation to royalty was equally
obnoxious to the jealousy of Elizabeth and the timidity of James, and
they secretly dreaded the supposed danger of her leaving a
legitimate offspring. The former, therefore, prevented her from
marrying Esme Stuart, her kinsman, and heir to the titles and
estates of her family, and afterwards imprisoned her for listening to
some overtures from the son of the earl of Northumberland: the
latter, by obliging her to reject many splendid offers of marriage,
unwarily encouraged the hopes of inferior pretenders. Thus
circumscribed, she renewed a childish connection with William
Seymour, grandson to the earl of Hertford, which was discovered in
1609; when both parties were summoned to appear before the privy
council, and received a severe reprimand. This mode of proceeding

29. produced the very consequence which James meant to avoid; for the
lady, sensible that her reputation had been wounded by this inquiry,
was in a manner forced into a marriage; which becoming publicly
known in the course of the next spring, she was committed to close
custody in the house of sir Thomas Parry, at Lambeth, and Mr.
Seymour to the Tower. In this state of separation, however, they
concerted means for an escape, which both effected on the same
day, June 3, 1611; and Mr. Seymour got safely to Flanders: but the
poor lady was re-taken in Calais road, and imprisoned in the Tower;
where the sense of these undeserved oppressions operating too
severely on her high spirit, she became a lunatic, and languished in
that wretched state, augmented by the horrors of a prison, till her
death on the 27th Sept. 1615.
[55]
ON
THE LADY ARABELLA.
How do I thanke thee, Death, and blesse thy power
That I have past the guard, and scaped the Tower!
And now my pardon is my epitaph,
And a small coffin my poore carkasse hath.
For at thy charge both soule and body were
Enlarged at last, secured from hope and feare;
That among saints, this amongst kings is laid,
And what my birth did claim, my death hath paid.

30. UPON
MISTRIS MALLET
[56]
,
AN
UNHANDSOME GENTLEWOMAN,
WHO MADE LOVE UNTO HIM.

31. Have I renounc’t my faith, or basely sold
Salvation, and my loyalty, for gold?
Have I some forreigne practice undertooke
By poyson, shott, sharp-knife, or sharper booke
To kill my king? have I betrayd the state
To fire and fury, or some newer fate,
Which learned murderers, those grand destinies,
The Jesuites, have nurc’d? if of all these
I guilty am, proceed; I am content
That Mallet take mee for my punishment.
For never sinne was of so high a rate,
But one nights hell with her might expiate.
Although the law with Garnet
[57]
, and the rest,
Dealt farr more mildly; hanging’s but a jest
To this immortall torture. Had shee bin then
In Maryes torrid dayes engend’red, when
Cruelty was witty, and Invention free
Did live by blood, and thrive by crueltye,
Shee would have bin more horrid engines farre
Than fire, or famine, racks, and halters are.
Whether her witt, forme, talke, smile, tire I name,
Each is a stock of tyranny, and shame;
But for her breath, spectatours come not nigh,
That layes about; God blesse the company!
The man, in a beares skin baited to death,
Would chose the doggs much rather then her breath;
One kisse of hers, and eighteene wordes alone
Put downe the Spanish Inquisition.
Thrice happy wee (quoth I thinking thereon)
That see no dayes of persecution;
For were it free to kill, this grisly elfe
Wold martyrs make in compass of herselfe:
And were shee not prevented by our prayer,
By this time shee corrupted had the aire.
And am I innocent? and is it true,

32. ,
That thing (which poet Plinye never knew,
Nor Africk, Nile, nor ever Hackluyts eyes
Descry’d in all his East, West-voyages;
That thing, which poets were afrayd to feigne,
For feare her shadowe should infect their braine;
This spouse of Antichrist, and his alone,
Shee’s drest so like the Whore of Babylon;)
Should doate on mee? as if they did contrive
The devill and she, to damne a man alive.
Why doth not Welcome rather purchase her,
And beare about this rare familiar?
Sixe markett dayes, a wake, and a fayre too ’t,
Would save his charges, and the ale to boot.
No tyger’s like her; shee feedes upon a man
Worse than a tygresse or a leopard can.
Let mee go pray, and thinke upon some spell,
At once to bid the devill and her farwell.

33. HENRY PRINCE OF WALES.
Upon the death of the promising Henry (Nov. 6, 1612), a prince,
according to Arthur Wilson
[58]
, as eminent in nobleness as in blood,
and who fell not without suspicion of foul play, the poets his
cotemporaries, whom he liberally patronised, poured forth by reams
their tributary verses.
Corbet, as it has been before observed, pronounced his funeral
oration at Oxford.
Nor was this all: while his bones were perishing and his flesh was
rottenness, Dr. Daniel Price, his chaplain during his life, continued to
commemorate his dissolution by preaching an anniversary sermon.
Neither the practice nor its execution was agreeable to Corbet, who,
after a triennial repetition, thus attacked the anniversarist.
IN QUENDAM
ANNIVERSARIORUM SCRIPTOREM.
Ter circum Iliacos raptaverat Hectora muros.
Virg. Æn. 1. 483.

34. Even soe dead Hector thrice was triumph’d on
The walls of Troy, thrice slain when Fates had done:
So did the barbarous Greekes before their hoast
Torment his ashes and profane his ghost:
As Henryes vault, his peace, his sacred hearse,
Are torne and batter’d by thine Anniverse.
Was ’t not enough Nature and strength were foes,
But thou must yearly murther him in prose?
Or dost thou thinke thy raving phrase can make
A lowder eccho then the Almanake?
Trust mee, November doth more ghastly looke
In Dade and Hopton’s
[59]
pennyworth then thy booke;
And sadder record their fixt figure beares
Then thy false-printed and ambitious teares.
For were it not for Christmas, which is nigh,
When spice, fruit eaten, and digested pye
Call for waste paper; no man could make shift
How to employ thy writings to his thrift.
Wherefore forbear, for pity or for shame,
And let some richer penne redeeme his fame
From rottennesse. Thou leave him captive; since
So vile a Price ne’ere ransom’d such a Prince.

35. AN ANSWER,
BY
DR. PRICE
[60]
.
So to dead Hector boys may do disgrace,
That durst not look upon his living face;
So worst of men behind their betters’ back
May stretch mens names and credit on the rack.
Good friend, our general tie to him that’s gone
Should love the man that yearlie doth him moane:
The author’s zeal and place he now doth hold,
His love and duty makes him be thus bold
To offer this poor mite, his anniverse
Unto his good great master’s sacred hearse;
The which he doth with privilege of name,
Whilst others, ’midst their ale, in corners blame.
A pennyworth in print they never made,
Yet think themselves as good as Pond or Dade.
One anniverse, when thou hast done thus twice,
Thy words among the best will be of Price.

36. IN
POETAM
EXAUCTORATUM ET EMERITUM.

37. Nor is it griev’d, grave youth, the memory
Of such a story, such a booke as hee,
That such a copy through the world were read;
Henry yet lives, though he be buried.
It could be wish’d that every eye might beare
His eare good witnesse that he still were here;
That sorrowe ruled the yeare, and by that sunne
Each man could tell you how the day had runne:
O ’twere an honest boast, for him could say
I have been busy, and wept out the day
Remembring him. An epitaph would last
Were such a trophee, such a banner placed
Upon his corse as this: Here a man lyes
Was slaine by Henrye’s dart, not Destinie’s.
Why this were med’cinable, and would heale,
Though the whole languish’d, halfe the commonweale.
But for a Cobler to goe burn his cappe,
And cry, The Prince, the Prince! O dire mishappe!
Or a Geneva-bridegroom, after grace,
To throw his spouse i’ th’ fire; or scratch her face
To the tune of the Lamentation; or delay
His Friday capon till the Sabbath day:
Or an old Popish lady half vow’d dead
To fast away the day in gingerbread:
For him to write such annals; all these things
Do open laughter’s and shutt up griefe’s springs.
Tell me, what juster or more congruous peere
Than Ale, to judge of workes begott of beere?
Wherefore forbeare—or, if thou print the next,
Bring better notes, or take a meaner text.

38. ON
MR. FRANCIS BEAUMONT,
THEN NEWLY DEAD.
(The following lines, which have hitherto been omitted in the
bishop’s poems, are found in the collected dramas of the
“twin stars that run
Their glorious course round Shakespeare’s honoured sun.”
Beaumont was born 1585, and was buried the ninth of March 1615,
in the entrance of St. Bennet’s chapel, Westminster abbey.)
He that hath such acuteness and such wit
As would aske ten good heads to husband it;
He that can write so well, that no man dare
Refuse it for the best, let him beware:
Beaumont is dead! by whose sole death appears
Wit’s a disease consumes men in few yeares.

39. WILLIAM LORD HOWARD,
OF EFFINGHAM,
the subject of the succeeding poem, was the eldest son of Charles
Howard, earl of Nottingham, (lord high admiral of England, and
defeater of the Spanish Armada in the reign of Elizabeth, a
nobleman of high estimation during greater part of the reign of her
successor,) by Catharine, daughter of Henry Carey, lord Hunsdon;
celebrated for concealing the ring by which the life of the earl of
Essex might have been saved, and upon whose death-bed discovery
of the concealment Elizabeth told her, “God may forgive you, but I
never can.”
Lord Howard makes no conspicuous figure in the page of history:
he was summoned by writ to several parliaments during his father’s
life, whom he accompanied on his embassy to the court of Spaine
(1604), but died before him 10th Dec. 1615, and was buried at
Chelsea.
He married in 1597 Anne, daughter and sole heiress to John lord
St. John of Bletsoe, by whom he left one daughter, who became the
wife of John lord Mordaunt, afterwards earl of Peterborough.
AN ELEGIE
[61]
ON THE
LATE LORD WILLIAM HOWARD,
BARON OF EFFINGHAM.

40. I did not know thee, lord, nor do I strive
To win access, or grace, with lords alive:
The dead I serve, from whence nor faction can
Move me, nor favour; nor a greater man.
To whom no vice commends me, nor bribe sent,
From whom no penance warns, nor portion spent;
To these I dedicate as much of me,
As I can spare from my own husbandry:
And till ghosts walk as they were wont to do,
I trade for some, and do these errands too.
But first I do enquire, and am assur’d,
What tryals in their journeys they endur’d;
What certainties of honour and of worth
Their most uncertain life-times have brought forth;
And who so did least hurt of this small store,
He is my patron, dy’d he rich or poor.
First I will know of Fame (after his peace,
When flattery and envy both do cease)
Who rul’d his actions: Reason, or my lord?
Did the whole man rely upon a word,
A badge of title? or, above all chance,
Seem’d he as ancient as his cognizance?
What did he? Acts of mercy, and refrain
Oppression in himself, and in his train?
Was his essential table full as free
As boasts and invitations use to be?
Where if his russet-friend did chance to dine,
Whether his satten-man would fill him wine?
Did he think perjury as lov’d a sin,
Himself forsworn, as if his slave had been?
Did he seek regular pleasures? Was he known
Just husband of one wife, and she his own?
Did he give freely without pause, or doubt,
And read petitions ere they were worn out?
Or should his well-deserving client ask,

41. Would he bestow a tilting, or a masque
To keep need vertuous? and that done, not fear
What lady damn’d him for his absence there?
Did he attend the court for no man’s fall?
Wore he the ruine of no hospital?
And when he did his rich apparel don,
Put he no widow, nor an orphan on?
Did he love simple vertue for the thing?
The king for no respect but for the king?
But, above all, did his religion wait
Upon God’s throne, or on the chair of state?
He that is guilty of no quæry here,
Out-lasts his epitaph, out-lives his heir.
But there is none such, none so little bad;
Who but this negative goodness ever had?
Of such a lord we may expect the birth,
He’s rather in the womb, than on the earth.
And ’twere a crime in such a public fate,
For one to live well and degenerate:
And therefore I am angry, when a name
Comes to upbraid the world like Effingham.
Nor was it modest in thee to depart
To thy eternal home, where now thou art,
Ere thy reproach was ready; or to die,
Ere custom had prepar’d thy calumny.
Eight days have past since thou hast paid thy debt
To sin, and not a libel stirring yet;
Courtiers that scoff by patent, silent sit,
And have no use of slander or of wit;
But (which is monstrous) though against the tyde,
The watermen have neither rayl’d nor ly’d.
Of good or bad there’s no distinction known,
For in thy praise the good and bad are one.
It seems, we all are covetous of fame,
And, hearing what a purchase of good name
Thou lately mad’st, are careful to increase

42. Our title, by the holding of some lease
From thee our landlord, and for that th’ whole crew
Speak now like tenants, ready to renew.
It were too sad to tell thy pedegree,
Death hath disordered all, misplacing thee;
Whilst now thy herauld, in his line of heirs,
Blots out thy name, and fills the space with tears.
And thus hath conqu’ring Death, or Nature rather,
Made thee prepostrous ancient to thy father,
Who grieves th’ art so, and like a glorious light
Shines ore thy hearse.
He therefore that would write
And blaze thee throughly, may at once say all,
Here lies the anchor of our admiral.
Let others write for glory or reward,
Truth is well paid, when she is sung and heard.

43. LORD MORDAUNT.
The lord Mordaunt to whom this poem is addressed was John fifth
baron Mordaunt of Turvey, in the county of Bedford, who was
afterwards (in 1628) created earl of Peterborough by king Charles
the First. He married Elizabeth, daughter and heir of William baron
Howard of Effingham, (son and heir apparent of Charles earl of
Nottingham,) by Anne his wife, daughter and heir of John baron St.
John of Bletsoe. He was brought up in the Roman Catholic religion,
but converted to that of the established church by a disputation at
which he was present between a Jesuit and the celebrated Dr. Usher,
(afterwards) bishop of Armagh. In 1642 he was general of the
ordnance, and colonel of a regiment of foot in the army, raised for
the service of the Parliament, commanded by the earl of Essex, and
died the same year.
In order to understand the following poem, it will be necessary to
remember, that James, in the year 1617, paid a visit to his native
country, whither the lord Mordaunt accompanied him; and the
ceremony of installing the knights of the garter was consequently
deferred from St. George’s day to that of Holyrood.
TO THE
LORD MORDANT,
UPON HIS RETURNE FROM THE NORTH.

44. My lord, I doe confesse at the first newes
Of your returne towards home, I did refuse
To visit you, for feare the northerne winde
Had peirc’t into your manners and your minde;
For feare you might want memory to forget
Some arts of Scotland which might haunt you yet.
But when I knew you were, and when I heard
You were at Woodstock seene, well sunn’d and air’d,
That your contagion in you now was spent,
And you were just lord Mordant, as you went,
I then resolv’d to come; and did not doubt
To be in season, though the bucke were out.
Windsor the place; the day was Holy roode;
Saint George my muse: for be it understood,
For all Saint George more early in the yeare
Broke fast and eat a bitt, hee dined here:
And though in Aprill in redd inke he shine,
Know twas September made him redd with wine.
To this good sport rod I, as being allow’d
To see the king, and cry him in the crowd;
And at all solemne meetings have the grace
To thrust, and to be trodde on, by my place.
Where when I came, I saw the church besett
With tumults, as if all the Brethren mett
To heare some silenc’t teacher of that quarter
Inveigh against the order of the garter:
And justly might the weake it grieve and wrong,
Because the garter prayes in a strange tongue;
And doth retaine traditions yet, of Fraunce,
In an old Honi soit qui mal y pense.
Whence learne, you knights that order that have t’ane,
That all, besides the buckle, is profane.
But there was noe such doctrine now at stake,
Noe starv’d precisian from the pulpit spake:
Adtthhh flllltf

45. And yet the church was full; all sorts of men,
Religions, sexes, ages, were there then:
Whilst he that keepes the quire together locks
Papists and Puritans, the Pope and Knox:
Which made some wise-ones feare, that love our nation,
This mixture would beget a toleration;
Or that religions should united bee,
When they stay’d service, these the letany.
But noe such hast; this dayes devotion lyes
Not in the hearts of men, but in their eyes;
They that doe see St. George, heare him aright;
For hee loves not to parly, but to fight.
Amongst this audience (my lord) stood I,
Well edified as any that stood by;
And knew how many leggs a knight letts fall,
Betwixt the king, the offering, and his stall:
Aske mee but of their robes, I shall relate
The colour and the fashion, and the state:
I saw too the procession without doore,
What the poore knightes, and what the prebends wore.
All this my neighbors that stood by mee tooke,
Who div’d but to the garment, and the looke;
But I saw more, and though I have their fate
In face and favour, yet I want their pate:
Mee thought I then did those first ages know,
Which brought forth knightes soo arm’d and looking soe,
Who would maintaine their oath, and bind their worde
With these two seales, an altar and a sworde.
Then saw I George new-sainted, when such preists
Wore him not only on, but in their breasts.
Oft did I wish that day, with solemne vow,
O that my country were in danger now!
And twas no treason; who could feare to dye,
When he was sure his rescue was so nigh?
And here I might a just digression make,
WhilstofsomefoureparticularknightesIspake

46. Whilst of some foure particular knightes I spake,
To whome I owe my thankes; but twere not best,
By praysing two or three, t’ accuse the rest;
Nor can I sing that order, or those men,
That are aboue the maistery of my pen;
And private fingers may not touch those things
Whose authors princes are, whose parents kings:
Wherefore unburnt I will refraine that fire,
Least, daring such a theame, I should aspire
T’ include my king and prince, and soe rehearse
Names fitter for my prayer then my verse:
“Hee that will speake of princes, let him use
More grace then witt, know God’s aboue his muse.”
Noe more of councell: Harke! the trumpetts sound,
And the grave organ’s with the antheme drown’d
The Church hath said amen to all their rites,
And now the Trojan horse sets loose his knightes;
The triumph moues: O what could added bee,
Save your accesse, to this solemnitye?
Which I expect, and doubt not but to see ’t,
When the kings favour and your worth shall meete.
I thinke the robes would now become you soe,
St. George himselfe could scarce his owne knights know
From the lord Mordant: Pardon mee that preach
A doctrine which king James can only teach;
To whome I leaue you, who alone hath right
To make knightes lords, and then a lord a knight.
Imagine now the sceane lyes in the hall;
(For at high noone we are recusants all)
The church is empty, as the bellyes were
Of the spectators, which had languish’d there:
And now the favorites of the clarke of th’ checke,
Who oft haue yaun’d, and strech’t out many a neck
Twixt noone and morning; the dull feeders on
Fresh patience, and raisins of the sunne,
They, who had liv’d in th’ hall seaven houres at least,
Asiftwereanarraignmentnotafeast;

47. As if twere an arraignment, not a feast;
And look’t soe like the hangings they stood nere,
None could discerne which the true pictures were;
These now shall be refresh’t, while the bold drumme
Strikes up his frollick, through the hall they come.
Here might I end, my lord, and here subscribe
Your honours to his power: But Oh, what bribe,
What feare or mulct can make my muse refraine,
When shee is urg’d of nature and disdaine?
Not all the guard shall hold mee, I must write,
Though they should sweare and lye how they would fight,
If I procede: nay, though the captaine say,
Hold him, or else you shall not eate to day;
Those goodly yeomen shall not scape my pen;
’Twas dinner-time, and I must speake of men;
So to the hall made I, with little care
To praise the dishes, or to tast the fare;
Much lesse t’ endanger the least tart, or pye
By any waiter there stolne, or sett by;
But to compute the valew of the meate,
Which was for glory, not for hunger eate;
Nor did I feare, (stand back) who went before
The presence, or the privy-chamber doore.
And woe is mee, the guard, those men of warre,
Who but two weapons use, beife, and the barre,
Began to gripe mee, knowing not in truth,
That I had sung John Dory in my youth;
Or that I knew the day when I could chaunt
Chevy, and Arthur, and the Seige of Gaunt.
And though these be the vertues which must try
Who are most worthy of their curtesy,
They profited mee nothing: for no notes
Will move them now, they’re deafe in their new coates:
Wherefore on mee afresh they fall, and show
Themselves more active then before, as though
They had some wager lay’d, and did contend
Whoshouldabusemeefurthestatarmesend

48. Who should abuse mee furthest at armes end.
One I remember with a grisly beard,
And better growne then any of the heard;
One, were he well examin’d, and made looke
His name in his owne parish and church booke,
Could hardly prove his christendome; and yet
It seem’d he had two names, for there were writt
On a white canvasse doublett that he wore,
Two capitall letters of a name before;
Letters belike which hee had spew’d and spilt,
When the great bumbard leak’t, or was a tilt.
This Ironside tooke hold, and sodainly
Hurled mee, by judgment of the standers by,
Some twelve foote by the square; takes mee againe,
Out-throwes it halfe a bar; and thus wee twaine
At this hot exercise an hower had spent,
Hee the feirce agent, I the instrument.
My man began to rage, but I cry’d, Peace,
When he is dry or hungry he will cease:
Hold, for the Lords sake, Nicholas, lest they take us,
And use us worse then Hercules us’d Cacus.
And now I breath, my lord, now have I time
To tell the cause, and to confesse the crime:
I was in black; a scholler straite they guest;
Indeed I colour’d for it at the least.
I spake them faire, desir’d to see the hall,
And gave them reasons for it, this was all;
By which I learne it is a maine offence,
So neere the clark of th’ check to utter sense:
Talk of your emblemes, maisters, and relate
How Æsope hath it, and how Alciate;
The Cock and Pearle, the Dunghill and the Jemme,
This passeth all to talke sence amongst them.
Much more good service was committed yet,
Which I in such a tumult must forget;
ButshallIsmotherthatprodigiousfitt

49. But shall I smother that prodigious fitt,
Which pass’d Heons invention, and pure witt?
As this: A nimble knave, but something fatt,
Strikes at my head, and fairly steales my hatt:
Another breakes a jest, (well, Windsor, well,
What will ensue thereof there’s none can tell,
When they spend witt, serve God) yet twas not much,
Although the clamours and applause were such,
As when salt Archy or Garret doth provoke them
[62]
,
And with wide laughter and a cheat-loafe choake them.
What was the jest doe you aske? I dare repeate it,
And put it home before you shall entreat it;
He call’d mee Bloxford-man: confesse I must
’Twas bitter; and it griev’d mee, in a thrust
That most ungratefull word (Bloxford) to heare
From him, whose breath yet stunk of Oxford beere:
But let it passe; for I have now passd throw
Their halberds, and worse weapons, their teeth, too:
And of a worthy officer was invited
To dine; who all their rudeness hath requited:
Where wee had mirth and meat, and a large board
Furnish’t with all the kitchin could afford.
But to conclude, to wipe of from before yee
All this which is noe better then a story;
Had this affront bin done mee by command
Of noble Fenton
[63]
, had their captaines hand
Directed them to this, I should beleive
I had no cause to jeast, but much to greive:
Or had discerning Pembrooke
[64]
seene this done,
And thought it well bestow’d, I would have run
Where no good man had dwelt, nor learn’d would fly,
Where noe disease would keepe mee company,
Where it should be preferment to endure
To teach a schoole, or else to starve a cure.
But as it stands, the persons and the cause
Cid llthi dthil

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