Crucial Conversations PG

1. Crucial Conversations
Participant Guide
Welcome to this life-changing course! This course has the potential to
improve your life in many ways, by providing you with tools to handle
life’s most difficult conversations.

This course is based on the book: Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking
When Stakes are High, written by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillian and Al Switzler.

Today will help you identify symptoms, and develop strategies to work
through challenges, enabling you to move from “crucial” to “dialogue”
when conversations matter most.
• Have you ever found yourself in deep weeds in a conversation?
• Feeling trapped, wanting to run for cover?
• Have you ever become overly aggressive with someone over
something they said?
• Have you ever yelled at someone, or been yelled at during a
conversation?
These are all symptoms of conversations that have become crucial.

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3. How do these circumstances make conversations more
challenging?

High Stakes:_____________________________________________________
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Opposing Opinions:____________________________________________
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Strong Emotions:_______________________________________________
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5. Crucial
Conversations
Fight:
Controlling
Labeling
A2acking
Flight:
Masking
Avoiding
Withdrawing

6. Sucker’s Choice
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Physiology:______________________________________________________
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Fight:_____________________________________________________________
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Flight:____________________________________________________________
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Crucial Conversation Model

Explain in your own words how the model works:
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Why is this such a game changer?
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8. Role Play #1

• You ask your roommate to move her things in the refrigerator off your
shelves, and onto hers.
• You thought it was no big deal, simply a request to share the space evenly,
and you went to all the trouble to label each shelf.
• You have no hidden agenda. You like this roommate a great deal.
• She comes back with: “There you go again, telling me how to run my life.”
• I can’t change the vacuum cleaner bag without you jumping in and giving
me advice.”

9. Master My Stories
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Why are motives so important?
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Are there any motives on the left you would like to
move to the right column? Why?___________________________
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What Happens as Emo?ons Escalate?
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What Can We Do?
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Heart
Problems
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11. Practice
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Work with a partner on this ac?vity to answer the ques?ons.
What happened emo?onally?__________________________________
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How might Crucial Conversa?ons change this conversa?on?________
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What were the mo?ves?______________________________________
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How could right mo?ves change the results of this conversa?on?____
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12. Role Play #2

• Member calls into Communications, says he wants to deposit
a large check, then use it to buy a car. He is told to make the
deposit, and a supervisor will release the money for him on
the next business day.
• Member makes a $37,000 deposit 2/19 (Friday).
• He needs the funds released 2/22 (Monday) for the purchase of
his car.
• He calls irate that we can’t release his funds.
• We ask for a copy of his check.
• He says he doesn’t have a copy– no one told him he needed it!
Use what you have learned so far to de-escalate this call.

13. Our Stories: Salomeh Diaz
• If it’s _______ you can talk about ____________
with ____________.
• Our _________ create our emo?ons, and we
create our __________.
• We take in 80% of our ____________ through our
__________.
• We need to hold on ________ to our _________.
Victor Franco, in Man’s Search for Meaning:
“When everything is taken from us one thing remains– the
power to choose one’s a?tude in any given circumstance.”
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14. Contrasting Statements
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Use “Don’t” Statements
to express what you did
not ______or________.
Use “Do” Statements
to confirm ________
and _____________.

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Make the Conversation Safe:
Apologize
Use Contrast
Create Mutual Purpose
Make it Safe

16. Role Play #3
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Respond to the following statements with your partner:
• “You come prancing in here like you own the place.”
• “Never mind; if you think the white one looks be2er, I guess
you know what’s best.”
• “You’re not going to actually send that le2er are you?”
• (Looking upset and discouraged.) “Don’t worry. I’m just fine.”
• “One more stunt like that and I’m going to the boss.”

17. Role Play #3
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Respond to the following statements with your partner:
• “You come prancing in here like you own the place.”
• “Never mind; if you think the white one looks better, I
guess you know what’s best.”
• “You’re not going to actually send that letter are you?”
• (Looking upset and discouraged.) “Don’t worry. I’m
just fine.”
• “One more stunt like that and I’m going to the boss.”

18. Our Stories are the Master Key
• What is the cost if I ________ up?
• What is the cost if I _______ ______ up?
• 90% of US workers say they are working on a project that they
know will _________.
•  83% of leaders say they encounter _________ _________,
while only 13% say they can effecKvely ________ it.
• Mutual Respect is like ___________. The moment it is gone,
you can’t ____________ anymore.
• Mutual Respect: if you don’t have __________, for someone
you will have to ______ some. So that we can have dialogue.
• Mutual Purpose: how can you _________ that you also
________ about something the other person cares about?
• Mutual Purpose: how can you ________ common ground?
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19. Paths to Success
• Look for Early _______ Signs
• Step Out of the Context of the ____________ ,
Re-Establish ___________ .
• Show that You _________ About Their Best _________ .
• Show that You _________ About _________ .
• Step Back Into the ____________.
• Ask Yourself, “What Do I Really _________?”
• Ask Yourself, “If This is What I Really ________ ,
is This How I Would be __________?”
• Step Out of Context, Re-Build _________ ,
then Return to _________ .
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20. Conversation Practice
Work with your partner and plan a difficult
conversation using the attached Conversation
Planning document. Use the information you
have learned so far in your plan.
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23. Mission
“Empower people to create quality conversations
& thereby improve the quality of their life.”

The concepts of Crucial Conversations fit into the culture at Firefighters First in 3 of our
Core Values. Write a few sentences below to describe this from your point of view.

Competence
Demonstrate Knowledge: We have the depth and breadth of knowledge required to provide soluKons that will
improve our members’ financial lives. Ensure Quality: We pay aWenKon to detail and deliver accuracy in all our
work. Get Results: We accept responsibility for our acKons and act with a sense of urgency.
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Excellence
Lead by Example: We manage by fact and set high expectaKons for ourselves and for those with whom we
work, including our third-party partners. Care about Means: While the boWom line is important, how we get
there maWers. Seek Improvement: We systemaKcally make improvements and consistently raise our
performance bar.
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Positivity
Have Fun: We value bringing laughter and humor in to the work place. Remove Barriers: We maintain a
posiKve outlook and find composure and resiliency in the face of adversity. Assume Best Inten?ons: We work
to create and sustain posiKve relaKonships.
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