Exploring passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour

Exploring passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour

1. Exploring Passive, Aggressive & Assertive Behaviour

2. Acting Passively If you act Passively you might seem shy or overly easygoing. You might routinely say “I will just go with whatever everyone else thinks.” You would tend to avoid conflict You would tend to avoid making decisions that impact on other people

3. Why is this a problem? The message you are sending is that your thoughts and feelings are not as important as those of other people This gives others permission to disregard what you want and need It can also cause internal conflict which can lead to: Stress Anger Resentment Feelings of being a victim

4. Acting Aggressively This is where someone acts as if the needs, thoughts and feelings of others do not matter to them You might come across as a bully You might appear self righteous or superior Aggressive people might humiliate, intimidate or threaten others in order to get their own way

5. Why is this a problem? You might think being aggressive gets you what you want. But this comes at a cost. Aggression makes it difficult for people to trust and respect you. Others might resent you. People might avoid you or oppose you You might blame others for your mistakes

6. Acting Assertively Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively It means standing up for your point of view while also respecting the rights and needs of others It involves looking for a win win outcome where everyone is happy

7. Why is this important? Acting assertively can boost your self esteem It can help you to earn respect from others It can help you to manage responsibilities so you can prioritize your own needs and wants as well as other peoples. Improves your decision making skills

8. Learning to be more assertive Think about what style you use to communicate at the moment. Ask yourself: Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? Do you say yes to additional work even when your plate is already full? Are you quick to judge and blame? Do people seem to dread or fear talking to you?

9. Use ‘I’ statements Using I statements lets others know what you are thinking or feeling without sounding accusatory Examples: ‘I would like you to help me with this’ Instead of: ‘You need to do this’ ‘I’m sorry but I can’t afford to keep lending you money. Please don’t ask anymore.’ Instead of: ‘Stop asking for money.’

10. Practice saying ‘No’ If you find it difficult to turn people down when they ask you to do something that conflicts with your wants and needs then practice saying no. Be polite but firm. You can use a firm alternative if you don’t want to just say no: I appreciate your time, but no thank you. Not today thanks. I am afraid that I can’t. I would rather not, thanks.

11. Rehearse what you want to say It can be challenging to say what you want and think Practice saying what you want to say to someone in a particular situation out loud in front of the mirror. It might help you to write down your thoughts first. Consider role playing with a friend

12. Use body language Act confident even when you don’t feel it Keep an upright posture Make regular eye contact Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression Try not to cross your arms or legs Practice using body language in front of a mirror

13. Keep in control of your emotions Conflict is hard for most people You might feel angry or frustrated Or you might feel upset and like crying Although these feelings are normal they can get in the way of resolving conflict If you feel too emotional wait until later if possible Work on feeling calm, breathe slowly Try to keep your voice steady and firm

14. Start small Practice these skills in situations that you feel comfortable e.g. with family or friends Talk to a friend or family member about the situation and ask them if they will help you to work out what you would like to say Remember that your needs and wants are as important as everyone else’s so it is important to learn to stand up for what you want while being respectful of others