Family dynamics

1. Family Dynamics: Living with addiction Presented by: Nicole Lewis Everything happens for a reason… but sometimes the reason is that you did something stupid & you made a bad decisions. The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

2. Prevalence.. Nearly 30 million children in the U.S. live in alcoholic households; 1 in 4 children are exposed to alcoholism. 14 million children in the U.S. live with a parent who has used illegal drugs in the past year. A pproximately 40%-80% of 3million children that are placed in the child welfare system come from parents who use and abuse substances; 1million of those children showed obvious signs of abuse and neglect. According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System, more than 1,100 children die each year as a result of neglect and abuse from a substance abusive parent (Banks, 2001). Children of substance abusive parents are 4x more likely than children of parents who do not abuse substances to develop substance abuse issues themselves.

3. “I’m not hurting anyone but myself…” Addicts become blind to the effects their behavior has on those around them. P ainful to watch someone you love, losing their life to addiction &they seem completely unaware of it. V iolence, marital conflict, infidelity, jealousy, economic insecurity, divorce, and fetal alcohol effect are amongst many problems that arise from substance abuse that brings chaos to the family. As we already know, substances control chemicals that effects the way our brain operates.

4. When a parent abuses substances… Interferes with the development of that special bond between mother/father & baby; & it interferes with a parent’s mental functioning, judgment, & capacity to protect the child. Interferes with a parent’s ability to respond consistently & sensitively to a child. Leaves the parent emotionally and physically unavailable to a child & lowers a parent’s threshold of aggression toward children. Lowers a parent’s ability to set and maintain clear and appropriate boundaries with children. Parent may spend household money needed for food, clothing, and other needs on alcohol and other drugs May result in being associated with criminal activity that might jeopardize a child’s health and safety Leads to neglect of a child’s routine health care needs.

5. Children raised in homes with parental substance abuse are more likely to: Develop anxiety and depression Have problems in school Act out aggressively Become addicted to alcohol & other drugs Children experience trauma & pain from their parents’ words and attitudes, which results in: C hildren miss important parenting designed to prepare them for adulthood. C hildren miss parts of their childhood when forced (by the absence of parenting) to adopt certain roles which help them survive in the family. The Children are Effected

6. Parental substance abuse interrupts a child’s normal development, which places these children at higher risk for emotional, physical and mental health problems. Because parents who abuse drugs are more likely to be involved with domestic violence, divorce, unemployment, mental illness and legal problems, their ability to parent effectively is severely compromised. There is a higher occurrence of depression, anxiety, eating disorders and suicide attempts among children growing up with substance abusive parents compared to children that grow up with parents who do not abuse substances The Children are Emotionally Effected

7. The child might develop stress-related health problems like gastrointestinal disorders, headaches, migraines, or asthma, causing them to miss school. And a child whose parent’s substance abuse causes neglect might become injured because of failure to adequately child-proof the house or because of inadequate supervision, or even lack immunization and other routine well-child care (COAF, 2010). Children may suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, with the same kinds of sleep disturbances, flashbacks, anxiety, and depression that are associated with victims of war crimes. These children are not only frightened for their own well-being, but they also harbor the all-too-real concern that their parent may get sick or die as a result of the drinking or drug use.  Physical and sexual abuse against children is more likely in homes where the parent’s are substance abusers. The Children are Physically Effected Not only are children of substance abusive parents more likely to become victims of physical and sexual abuse, children of substance abusive parents are four times more likely than children of parents who do not abuse substances to develop substance abuse issues themselves.

8. C haracterized by tension, fear, and shame. E xperience chaos, uncertainty, instability, inconsistent discipline. E motional and physical neglect, arguments, instability of parents’ marriage, disorganization, and violence and/or physical and sexual abuse. E mptiness, loneliness, the terror of repeated abandonment, or the witnessing of violence or abuse to others. The Family Environment…

9. Neglect amongst children of substance abusive parents is a common factor as the parents are entangled in their addiction, which consumes their financial responsibilities and parenting responsibilities. Food, clothing, school supplies, and other necessities that a child needs is disregarded because the parent focuses on their addiction, mostly of fear of withdrawal from their substance abuse, the parent spends money to support their drug habit instead of financially supporting the child’s basic needs. Neglect…

10. Family roles are the recurrent patterns of behavior by which individuals fulfill family functions and needs. Unusual amounts of stress & unexpected/unusual experiences Growing up in an intense emotional environment can set up a fear of feeling or patterns of attachment that are filled with anxiety and ambivalence Youths may feel overwhelmed with powerful emotions that they lack developmental sophistication and family support to process and understand so they may shut down their feelings, deny there is a problem, rationalize, intellectualize, over-control, withdraw, act out, or self-medicate. Family Members Develop Roles

11. Families maintain hemeostasis (an ability to regulate its emotional & behavioral functioning; an ability to balance itself). Family members alter their roles to try and balance the addiction and lose their sense of “normal” as family life becomes chaotic, promises are broken, & those they depend upon for support and stability behave in untrustworthy ways. Family Members Develop Roles

12. Chemically Dependent Person Suffers from self-delusion in regard to their use of chemicals and builds up a wall of defenses to protect themselves from the painful consequences of their behavior. They develop a unique system to protect the painful storehouse of repressed feelings. They are the center of the problem. fear WALL OF DEFENSES FEELINGS manipulative anger charm rigidity perfectionism righteousness aggression grandiosity shame hurt s piritually bankrupt guilt pain The Wall of Defenses covers up true feelings

13. The Chief Enabler Often the spouse or parent of the chemically dependent person. As the illness grows, so does the involvement with the enabler. The enabler must therefore develop survival defenses. As the dependent person loses control, the chief enabler makes more choices to compensate for the dependent persons’s lack of power. THE ROLE OF THE CHIEF ENABLER IS TO PROVIDE RESPONSIBILITY. WALL OF DEFENSES FEELINGS powerlessness self-blaming nagging seriousness superresponsibility controlling self-pity anger hurt guilt pain fragility fear

14. The Scapegoat The one who is in the family public eye. The scapegoat has already learned that one is rewarded for how one performs rather than who he/she is. This person doesn’t want to work as hard as the hero just to prove himself worthy, so decides to pull away from the family and look for good feelings of belonging elsewhere. Because of the repressed anger , the scapegoat often gets much attention for the destructive ways in which the withdrawal takes place. THE ROLE OF THE SCAPEGOAT IS TO PROVIDE DISTRACTION AND FOCUS TO THE FAMILY. WALL OF DEFENSES FEELINGS develops strong peer values defiance withdrawn unplanned pregnancy uses drugs acting out sullenness anger hurt loneliness guilt rejection challenging fear

15. The Family Hero The person who can see & hear more of what is really happening in the family & begins to feel responsible for the family pain. They try hard to make things better for the family & is always losing ground because of the progressive nature of the illness. They constantly feel inadequate but hides this inadequacy behind their obvious successes. THE ROLE OF THE HERO IS TO PROVIDE SELF-WORTH TO THE FAMILY. WALL OF DEFENSES FEELINGS successful special high achiever Independent (moves away from family) all together works hard for approval does what’s right confusion hurt loneliness inadequacy super-responsible anger

16. The Mascot The family member who brings a little fun into the family. No one takes the mascot too seriously because it’s believed there would be a limited understanding of anything too serious. Mascots are often cute, fun to be around, & able to use charm & humor to survive in this very painful family system. THE ROLE OF THE MASCOT IS TO PROVIDE FUN & HUMOR. WALL OF DEFENSES fragility childish hyperactivity anything to attract attention super cute clowning loneliness hurt confusion insecurity humor fear FEELINGS

17. The Lost Child The one who has learned not to make close connections in the family. This person spends much time being alone or quietly busy. The safest role and likely not to cause trouble is to get lost. Most people don’t notice the lost children very often as they are not usually given much attention, either positive or negative. They are just there. They suffer pain and loneliness. This is the one child the family doesn’t have to worry about. THE ROLE OF THE LOST CHILD IS TO OFFER RELIEF. WALL OF DEFENSES FEELINGS rejection withdrawn sometimes overweight quietness aloofness super-independent hurt loneliness inadequacy distant anger