Family life cycle

Counselling the family

1. FAMILY LIFE CYCLE The emotional and intellectual stages you pass through from childhood to your retirement years as a member of a family are called the family life cycle. Not everyone passes through these stages smoothly. Situations such as severe illness, financial problems, or the death of a loved one can have an effect on how well you pass through the stages. Evelyn Duvall (1977) developed eight stages of family life cycle.

2. STAGES

3. THE STAGES OF THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE ARE: Independence/ Bachelor stage/Single Adult/Young Adult/Unattached Coupling or marriage. Parenting: babies through adolescents/ Full nest 1( younger than 6), Full nest 2 (6 and older), Full nest 3( working or in college). Launching adult children/ Empty Nest 1 Middle Aged (empty nest to retirement) Retirement(Empty Nest 2) or senior years/ Solitary Survivor.

4. FAMILY LIFE CYCLE: 3 MAIN STAGES The family life cycle may be divided into three major stages, the beginning family, the expanding family and the contracting family and adds eight sub stages to these three major stages.

5. YOUNG ADULT/ INDEPENDENCE Independence this generally occurs in adolescence/young adulthood. Markers of the beginning of the family life cycle in an individual are supporting yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financially, development of unique qualities and characteristics that define your individual identity. Family Task : separating from family and connecting with peers as well as initiating a career.

6. SPECIFIC GOALS OF THE STAGE: Learn to see yourself as a separate person in relation to your original family-parents, siblings, and extended family members. Develop intimate peer relationships outside the family. Establish yourself in your work or career. Establish your Identity, or who you are in the world . SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE: Desiring more autonomy but not getting it Struggling with sexual and personal identity Finding a sense of belonging in the world Retaining a relationship with your family of origin as independence is fostered Lacking good models for making the move to a healthy fulfilling adult life

7. NEWLY MARRIED ADULTS The next stage is when a partner is selected for an extended period of time that tests your ability to commit to a new family and a new way of life. When you join families through a marriage or committed union, you form a new family system, which includes both partner’s personal ideas, expectations, and values that have been shaped by the relationships and experiences from the family of origin. Family Task : Individual independence to couple/dyadic interdependence.

8. SPECIFIC GOALS FOR THIS STAGE OF THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE ARE: Forming a new family with your partner. Make adjustments to unrealistic expectations Learn advanced interpersonal communication. Improve problem-solving skills. Develop common spiritual and emotional development goals. Set and manage boundaries in relationships. Learn when to place the needs or importance of the other person above your own. Realigning your relationships with your family of origin and your friends to now include your spouse

9. SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE: Transitioning into the new family system. Including your spouse or partner in your relationships with friends and family members. Being committed to making your marriage work. Putting the needs of another ahead of your own. You and your partner will have less stress if the transition into a new family system is smooth, and less stress often means better health.

10. CHILD BEARING / FULL NEST 1 This is one of the most challenging phases of the family life cycle. The decision to have children is one that affects your individual development, the identity of your family, and your relationship . Divorce rates peak during the parenting stage. Children are so time-consuming that skills not learned in previous stages will be difficult to pick up at this stage. Your ability to communicate well, maintain your relationships, and solve problems will be tested. Family Task : interdependence to incorporation of dependence

11. SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE: Mismatched parenting values between biological parents Setting positive boundaries with family of origin Unrealistic expectations regarding child-rearing Gender disparities in the home and at work regarding caregiving Securing good, affordable , safe childcare

12. FAMILIES WITH PRESCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN/ FULL NEST 1 When the oldest child is between the ages of 2 ½ and 6 T he developmental tasks includes: Satisfying the needs and interests of preschool children Coping with demands on energy and attention with less privacy at home.

13. SPECIFIC GOALS WHEN YOUNG CHILDREN JOIN YOUR FAMILY ARE: Adjusting your marital system to make space for children . Taking on parenting roles . Realigning your relationships with your extended family to include parenting and grand parenting roles.

14. FAMILIES WITH SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN / FULL NEST 2 When the oldest child is between the ages of 6 to 13 the developmental tasks includes : Promoting educational achievement Fitting in the community of families with school-age children Family Task: Dependence to facilitation of beginning separations- partial independence.

15. FAMILIES WITH TEENAGE CHILD / FULL NEST 3 When the oldest child is between the ages of 13 and 20 developmental tasks includes : Allowing and helping children to become more independent Coping with their independence Developing new interests beyond child care Family Task : Support of facilitation of continuing separations- independence.

16. SPECIFIC GOALS DURING THE STAGE OF PARENTING ADOLESCENTS INCLUDE: Shifting parent-child relationships to allow the child to move in and out of the family system . Shifting focus back to your midlife relationship and career issues . Beginning a shift toward concern for older generations in your extended family.

17. LAUNCHING ADULT CHILDREN/ EMPTY NEST 1 This begins when your first child leaves home and ends with the “empty nest.” When older children leave home, there are both positive and negative consequences. If your family has developed significant skills through the family life cycle and their own childhood development, your children will be ready to leave home and handle life’s challenges . Family Task : Partial separations to first complete independence.

18. SPECIFIC GOALS ARE: Strengthen your partner relationship Re-evaluate your career goals Developing adult relationships with your children Accept new members into your family through your children’s relationships Reassessing your beliefs about life Self-examination , education, and counseling can enhance your life and help ensure a healthy transition to the next phase

19. SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE: You may not have moved through the phases with the appropriate tools and attitudes You may not have taught your children the skills they need to live well on their own. If you and your partner have not transitioned together, you may no longer feel compatible with each other. Some parents, women in particular, may feel a lack of purpose Your health and energy levels may decline You may also be caring for aging parents in this phase, which can be stressful and affect your own health.

20. MIDDLE-AGED ADULTS Higher income Although widows often have financial hardships But happily married widows choose to remarry more often Old age not poverty stricken or neglected Sandwich generation: Must raise dependent children & dependent parents. Intermittent extended family: Take in other relatives in time of need.

21. RETIREMENT(EMPTY NEST 2) OR SENIOR YEARS/ SOLITARY SURVIVOR Welcoming new family members or seeing others leave your family is often a large part of this stage as your children marry or divorce or you become a grandparent . This stage can be a great adventure where you are free from the responsibilities of raising your children and can simply enjoy the fruits of your life’s work. Retirement can be a fulfilling and happy time . Becoming a grandparent can bring you great joy without the responsibility of raising a child. Those who are without adequate support systems or not well off financially, though, may have a more difficult time in this phase of life . Family Task: Continuing expansion of independence.

22. SPECIFIC GOALS TO REACH FOR AT THIS FINAL STAGE OF YOUR FAMILY LIFE CYCLE INCLUDE : Maintaining your own interests and physical functioning, along with those of your partner, as your body ages. Exploring new family and social roles. Providing emotional support for your adult children and extended family members. Making room in the family system for the wisdom and experience of older adults. Providing support for the older generation without doing too much for them .

23. Dealing with the loss of a partner, siblings, and other peers, and preparing for your own death. Reviewing your life and reflecting on all you have learned and experienced during your life cycle. SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE: Being able to support other family members as you explore your own Maintaining your relationships Caring for elderly parents Changes in your financial or social status

24. LATE LIFE This stage is relatively new and necessary and development marches on. The key emotional principle is accepting the shifting of generational roles. Women are far more likely than men to experience the death of a spouse. Both men and women whose spouses die face a difficult period of adjustment. There is a loss of identity and a variety of physical and emotional consequences of bereavement. Those who talk over various matters with the dying spouse make a better adjustment to the death than do others.

25. Many eventually remarry, although widows are less likely to do so than are widowers. Companionship is one of the most common reasons that both men and women remarry after the death of a spouse. Family Task: Facilitation of family mourning. Working through final separations

26. GOALS OF THIS STAGE ARE: Maintain our own interests and functioning as a couple in face of physiological decline Shift focus onto the middle generation and support them as they launch their own children . Deal with the loss of our spouse, siblings, and peers and the preparation for our own death and the end of our generation . Make meaning and retain a sense of being valuable

27. SOME OF THE CHALLENGES OF THIS STAGE INCLUDE: Declining physical and mental abilities Possible death of other family members and friends Normal aging such as wrinkles, aches, pains, illness, and loss of bone density The chances of having a mental or chronic physical illness does increase with age . Loss of meaning in life and/or increased death anxiety

28. DEVELOPMENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES IN THE FOLLOWING STAGES

29. YOUNG ADULTS Sexuality is also a lifelong process. Infants, children, teens, and adults are sexual beings. Just as it is important to enhance a young adult’s physical, emotional, and cognitive growth, so it is important to lay foundations for his/her sexual growth. Adults have a responsibility to help young people understand and accept their evolving sexuality . Each stage of development encompasses specific markers. The following developmental guidelines apply to most youth in this age group. Adjust to new physical sense of self :- Adjust to a sexually maturing body and feelings Develop and apply abstract thinking skills

30. Define a personal sense of identity Renegotiate relationship with parents/caregivers Adopt a personal value system Develop stable and productive peer relationships Meet demands of increasing mature roles and responsibilities However , each young person is an individual and may reach these stages of development earlier or later than others the same age. When concerns arise about a specific young adult’s development, parents or other caregivers should consult a doctor or other developmental professional.

31. NEWLY MARRIED The developmental tasks and issues for couples in this stage of the marriage cycle are challenging. The major developmental tasks do not come in single file and the stresses and points may pile-up on one another . Formation of marital system Transitioning from single to couple life Realignment of relationships with extended families and friends to include spouse

32. Adjustment of career decisions to married life Dealing with changing issues of time, sex and money Becoming a couple is indeed one of the most complex and difficult transitions of the marital life cycle; however, it is usually romanticized to be the easiest and most joyous.

33. The 2000 research on newly marrieds by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University identified time, sex and money as primary issues causing stress in the new marital system . Couples reported that they did not have enough time for the relationship because they were consumed by careers, social obligations and children. Sex was often not sufficient or satisfying because of lack of time and energy. Money was generally an ongoing source of disagreement or stress . Good conflict resolutions skills around these and other stressors is the greatest predictor of satisfaction in the early marriage. This interdependence allows good conflict resolution and includes a balance of positive and negative interactions

34. CHILD BEARING Often one or both parents experience difficult emotions during pregnancy, or after the birth of a child . It is normal to have occasional negative thoughts, dreams or fleeting doubts . Developmental Tasks: Adjusting to increased family size Caring for an infant Providing a positive developmental environment Common issues worries about the birth lack of sleep Worries about how you’re coping as a parent.

35. BECOMING A MUM Sometimes the happy emotions of motherhood are mixed up with feelings of loss, fear, worry, guilt and frustration. She might think : What if I make too many mistakes? Will people think I’m a bad mother? What about my old life ? It is normal to ask yourself lots of questions when you’re going through a major life change, like having a baby . Big changes in your life can leave you feeling overwhelmed, especially when things don’t happen the way you expected.

36. BECOMING A DAD S ome fathers can feel unprepared for the reality of having a newborn . Some fathers can feel fierce, protective, overwhelming love for their child straight away, for others it may take a bit longer . Fatherhood is just as challenging as motherhood, though not always for the same reasons. He might think : I want to help with the baby, but I don’t know how. Its stressful managing work and family commitments.

37. He might also notice his relationship with his partner changes a lot too. It’s normal to feel confused, stressed and out of your comfort zone when you have a new baby. With any new or difficult situation, sometimes he can able to cope with the challenge, and sometimes he can feel overwhelmed. Fatherhood is no exception.

38. FAMILIES WITH PRE-SCHOOL CHILDREN Developmental guidelines Relationships with others Self-awareness Emotional regulation Independence Emotional Literacy

39. Consider the following in your daily interactions with preschoolers: Be responsive to children’s interaction attempts and build on what children say . Engage in frequent, developmentally appropriate social interactions with children and adults throughout your daily experiences and routines . Follow children’s leads, cues and preferences . Include emotion words in conversations with children . Make books available that discuss feelings and social interactions.

40. Ask children meaningful questions about their actions, interests, events and feelings. Encourage children to use their words and talk to their peers when conflicts arise. Use developmentally appropriate language and provide conversation models and cues for children to follow if they need help solving a problem . Ensure that you are sensitive to children’s unique needs, experiences, and backgrounds . Reach out to children’s families and be responsive to their needs and preferences.

41. FAMILIES WITH SCHOOL AGE CHILDREN As a family child care provider, you support school-age children’s social-emotional development. You can do this by : Providing opportunities for children to identify and understand their feelings and emotions and to discuss them with others Encouraging critical thinking, problem solving, and supervised risk taking Working hard to create an environment that is structured and safe and that allows children to learn and discover Demonstrating respect for others

42. Providing an environment that recognizes, embraces, and celebrates diversity Providing an environment that is nurturing and inclusive to children with special needs Acknowledging the contributions of all children to the community Encouraging children and youth to experiment with a variety of activities, materials, and experiences to discover talents and preferences

43. FAMILIES WITH TEENAGE CHILDREN Adolescence can be a difficult time your child is going through rapid physical changes as well as emotional ups and downs. Young people aren’t always sure where they fit, and they’re still trying to work it out. Adolescence can also be a time when peer influences and relationships can cause you and your child some stress. Supporting each other can be vital to getting through these challenges . During this time family is still a secure emotional base where the child feels loved and accepted, no matter what’s going on in the rest of his life.

44. Family can build and support child’s confidence, self-belief, optimism and identity. When your family sets rules, boundaries and standards of behaviour, you give your child a sense of consistency and predictability. Supportive and close family relationships protect the child from risky behaviour like alcohol and other drug use, and problems like depression. Your support and interest in what your child is doing at school can boost his desire to do well academically too. Strong family relationships can go a long way towards helping your child grow into a well-adjusted, considerate and caring adult.

45. And family relationships tend to stay strong right through. For teenagers, parents and families are a source of care and emotional support. Families give teenagers practical, financial and material help. And most teenagers still want to spend time with their families, sharing ideas and having fun . It’s normal for teenagers to be moody or seem uncommunicative, but they still need you. Your child still loves you and wants you to be involved in her life, even though at times her attitude, behaviour or body language might seem to say she doesn’t.

46. LAUNCHING STAGE May divorce at this time without children present (empty nest which is not always negative ). Boomerang generation: Children return home due to high unemployment, housing cost, low wages, divorce and personal problems . Ideally, the transition from dependence to independence is a gradual, smooth, mutually agreed on and satisfying process. There are times though when this is a highly emotional and conflicted time of family life. Parent and young adult alike can be experiencing confusion and inner turmoil about the impending separation. This can be especially hard if there have been difficult and unresolved separations in the family’s life, like a turbulent divorce.

47. MIDDLE AGED ADULT During middle adulthood, the aging process becomes more apparent. Around the age of 60, the eyes lose their ability to adjust to objects at varying distances, known as presbyopia. Most people between the ages of 40 and 60 will need some form of corrective lenses for vision deficits. Middle-aged adults are also at higher risk than younger adults for certain eye problems, such as glaucoma . Hearing also further declines. Skin continues to dry out and is prone to more wrinkling, particularly on the sensitive face area. Age spots and blood vessels become more apparent as the skin continues to dry and get thinner . The muscle-to-fat ratio for both men and women also changes throughout middle adulthood, with an accumulation of fat in the stomach area.

48. Women experience a gradual decline in fertility as they approach the onset of menopause the end of the menstrual cycle around 50 years old. This process involves hormonal changes and may last anywhere from six months to five years . Because of the shifting hormone levels, women going through menopause often experience a range of other symptoms, such as anxiety, poor memory, inability to concentrate, depressive mood, irritability, mood swings, and less interest in sexual activity.

49. RETIREMENT AND LATE LIFE Retirees can be overwhelmed by the number of adjustments and choices to be made when they begin retirement. They can experience “choice dilemma” because they are new to their current situation. Depending upon the robustness of their personality, and the fact that aging can be a significant influence upon self-confidence, some retirees may not trust their ability to make appropriate decisions because there is so much at stake. Others may feel they can no longer muster the energy needed to act upon imminent decisions and lapse into procrastination and decision paralysis.

50. If retirees enjoyed their careers, they may experience a type of grieving once the initial excitement of retirement has subsided. It is not easy for some retirees to accept that there may be no demand for them to return to the occupational niche they occupied for so long. As retirees gaze at their tools, professional libraries, and diplomas, they may struggle with feelings of isolation and grief for a career that has passed its “best-before date.” Female retirees who are mothers may have already experienced grieving their children leaving home (i.e., the “empty nest” syndrome), so that the loss of their careers may have an even deeper impact.

51. If retirees look old enough, they may experience the stereotype of being assumed to be physically frail, hard of hearing, with poor vision and slow comprehension. Even when this stereotype is the basis for kind assistance, it can be wounding . Retirement can also lead to a renegotiation of domestic responsibilities and territorial disputes regarding cooking, shopping, household chores, and work spaces. For men particularly, no longer being a “breadwinner” and having a partner who is not retired can result in their feeling that they are living a shameful and parasitic existence.

52. If a retiree’s partner is working, that retiree may begin to spend many hours home alone. This can lead to insecurity and anxiety unless the retiree is able to find meaningful engagement with others in a shared activity. If a male retiree’s partner is a homemaker who did not seek employment, he may find that she has a full life outside their shared living arrangement. This can create problems if the home-alone male becomes too dependent upon his partner.

53. WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE? Mastering the skills and milestones of each stage allows you to successfully move from one stage of development to the next. If you don't master the skills, you may still move on to the next phase of the cycle, but you are more likely to have difficulty with relationships and future transitions . Family life cycle theory suggests that successful transitioning may also help to prevent disease and emotional or stress-related disorders. Whether you are a parent or child, brother or sister, bonded by blood or love, your experiences through the family life cycle will affect who you are and who you become. The more you understand about the challenges of each stage of the cycle, the more likely you are to successfully move on.

54. WHAT CAN DISRUPT THE NORMAL CYCLE? The stress of daily living, coping with a chronic medical condition, or other life crises can disrupt the normal life cycle. Ongoing stress or a crisis can delay the transition to the next phase of life. Or you may move on without the skills that you need to easily adapt and transition to the next phase of life. HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY FAMILY LIFE CYCLE? Be assured, you can learn missed skills and improve your and your family's quality of life at any stage. Self-examination, education, and perhaps counseling are ways to improve yourself and your family life. These are also actions that can help you manage other issues, too, such as going through a divorce or being a part of a non-traditional family structure.

55. THANK YOU