life positions- Im OK your OK - MBA20.pptx

life positions

1. Life Positions-I’m OK you are OK.. L. M.Thapar School of Management. November 2018. Facilitator: Prof Sreekumar Pillai.

2. Book Review> IM OK YOUR’E OK. Life positions as explained by Dr.Thomas Harrris .

3. LIFE POSITION Basic beliefs about self and others, which are used to justify decisions and behavior. 3

4. I AM OK YOU ARE NOT OK People in this position feel themselves superior in some way to others, who are seen as inferior and not OK. As a result, they may be contemptuous and quick to anger. Their talk about others will be smug and supercilious, contrasting their own relative perfection with the limitation of others. This position is a trap into which many managers, parents and others in authority fall, assuming that their given position makes them better and, by implication, others are not OK. These people may also have a strong 'Be Perfect' driver, and their personal strivings makes others seem less perfect. 4

5. I AM OK YOU ARE NOT OK Position of persons who feel victimized or persecuted, so they victimize and persecute others. They blame others for their miseries. Delinquents and criminals often have this position.

6. I AM NOT OK YOU ARE OK I'm not OK - You're OK When I think I'm not OK but you are OK, then I am putting myself in an inferior position with respect to you. This position may come from being belittled as a child, perhaps from dominant parents or maybe careless teachers or bullying peers.   People in this position have a particularly low self-esteem and will put others before them. They may thus has a strong 'Please Others' driver. 6

7. I AM NOT OK YOU ARE OK Common position of persons who feel powerless when they compare themselves to others. This position leads them to withdraw, to experience depression, and in severe cases, to become suicidal

8. I AM NOT OK YOU ARE NOT OK This is a relatively rare position, but perhaps occurs where people unsuccessfully try to project their bad objects onto others. As a result, they remain feeling bad whilst also perceive others as bad. This position could also be a result of relationships with dominant others where the other people are viewed with a sense of betrayal and retribution. This may later get generalized from the bullies to all others people. 8

9. I AM NOT OK YOU ARE NOT OK Position of those who lose interest in living, who exhibit schizoid behavior, and who in extreme cases, commit suicide or homicide.

10. I AM OK YOU ARE OK 10 When I consider myself OK and also frame others as OK, then there is no position for me or you to be inferior or superior.   This is, in many ways, the ideal position. Here, the person is comfortable with other people and with themself . They are confident, happy and get on with other people even when there are points of disagreement.

11. I AM OK YOU ARE OK Potentially a mentally healthy position. If realistic, such people can solve their problems constructively. Their expectations are likely to be valid. They accept the significance of other people.

12. LIFE POSITION 12 I’m OK — I’m OK — You’re not OK You’re OK I’m not OK — I’m not OK — You’re not OK You’re OK Attitude toward Oneself Attitude toward Others Negative Positive Positive Negative

13. \ GET RID GET ALONG GET NOWHERE GET AWAY LIFE POSITIONS 13 I’m OK You are not OK You are OK I’m not OK

14. LIFE POSITION I OK U X OK 14

15. LIFE POSITION I X OK U OK 15

16. LIFE POSITION I X OK U X OK 16

17. LIFE POSITION I OK U OK 17

18. WHAT IS OKAYNESS 18

19. Life positions and effect on negotiations. Understand how you frame yourself and others as being OK and note how you respond to this. Then think about the other person and how they are framing it.   Note how some combinations work together, for example where one person has the position of 'I'm OK/You're not OK' and the other person has 'I'm not OK/You're OK'. In such matching positions the relationship may well be stable and both will gain some comfort of confirmation from this. When positions do not fit, particularly when both people are 'I'm OK/You're not OK', then this is a recipe for conflict or confusion.

20. OKAYNESS "I am an acceptable human being, with the right to live and meet my needs, and you are an acceptable human being with the right to live and get your needs met.” 20

21. SURFACE LIFE POSITION Is temporary and changes many times each day. It may be reflected in the transactions that we use. 21

22. CHANGING LIFE POSITION One way to influence one's character life position is by doing things differently in everyday life. For instance, if one's character position is I-U+ one can make a social contract to engage in I+U+ behaviour and transactions at work. If one persists with this new surface-level behaviour, slowly we will begin to alter our character position to one that is more I+U+. 22