Marital discord

this presentation provide effective tips to overcome marital discord

1. Marital discord Dr.sonia kapur psychologist

2. marriage Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death. It is a relationship where trust is built over time as committed couples set aside their own interests for the good of their partner and develop skills for keeping the relationship positive and open.

3. Why discord rise?

4. discord Discord in marriage suggests poor understanding of each other, different viewpoints in perception of things and situations around, attitudinal dissimilarities, behavioural differences and various forms of incompatibilities such as good, life-styles, clothing preferences, likes/dislikes and orientation to life. Most problems in marriage centre around respect for each other money, freedom, space and issues regarding child-rearing. Some times traditions also come into play to make matters difficult .

5. Role ambiguities Men and women are often confused about their roles as partners in marriage. The man sees his role in marriage as primarily, a provider. The woman sees his role as a provider, protector, loner, friend etc. The man sees the role of his wife as a companion for his mother, while she sees her role as a companion to her husband. So, pleasing him is more important than pleasing his mother. He views keeping his mother happy, as her main function.

6. Role conflicts One expectation of the educated wife is a certain degree of independence. This may not be forthcoming from the partner and his family. Another source of conflict is participation in decision making, about money, children, holidaying etc. If this does not happen, it could lead to discord. The conflict comes when a woman is expected to be smart, independent, work and contribute to the household, but does not the right to have her opinions, disagree on certain issues or be assertive about her rights etc.

7. Unrealistic/perfectionist demands Exaggerated notions of love/togetherness generally results in choking interactions between the couple. For example – Everything should lead one together. So compel to go for shopping, or insist that the wife come and watch him play cards or golf, or travel together always. Demanding that the wife be a perfect hostess, cook, mother, etc. The wife expecting that her husband be a chivalrous man and a good father, be an ace tennis player etc.

8. Absence of space in marriage Space is a matter of respect for any individual’s right for privacy and freedom to be oneself and do what prefers to. All this of course within the parameters of the marital relationship. The right to engage in things one enjoys or cherishes is one aspect. The freedom to be exclusive in terms of a letter, phone call, diary writing etc. all involve respect the other person as an entity. This secrecy is not to be interpreted as involving any wrong doing.

9. Pursuing one’s hobbies/interests This is fundamental to any person’s well being. So, the right to learn to paint, sing, visit one’s friends/relatives should all be granted as a matter of good will in any partnership. Eg . Play tennis with buddies or visit the mall with friends. Being over critical and fault finding – This is going to sour the best of marriages. It destroys the self-esteem of any person. It is humiliating and insulting at all times. Here, the key is let go, often. Also learn to criticize the act or the statement, not the individual.

10. Other Common causes Money problem - Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues. How you decide to deal with money problems in your marriage will determine whether those problems has a negative or positive effect on your marriage. Children -Discipline, diet, and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples. A child is the number one stressor in a marriage and can accentuate differences in beliefs on issues like how to discipline, who is responsible for most of the child care or what educational options to choose. Sex - Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony in a marriage.

11. Other causes Time apart . Time apart and a lack of quality time together serves to get people out of sync with each other. Household Responsibilities . - Many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it. Instead of sitting down and dividing household chores fairly they quibble over who did or didn’t do what. Friends - Not all friends are helpful to relationships some of them are toxic. Be sure you know the difference between a friend who will enhance your relationship and one who will break it down.

12. Other causes Family In-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage. When coping with negative issues because of family step gently. Our spouse should come first but there are times you have to be willing to take a backseat and bite your tongue. Personality conflicts Is your personality ruining your marriage? There are personality traits that can doom a marriage to failure. Are you a conflict avoider? Do you like to “one-up your spouse? Do you bend over backwards to please your spouse, neglecting your needs in the process? If you answered yes to any of these, your need to work on changes these negative personality traits.

13. marital conflict affects marriage relationships When husbands and wives are unable to navigate their disagreements, they fall into fairly predictable patterns of behavior , as suggested by the four stages of marital conflict.  It’s important to recognize that all of these stages are dysfunctional.  The stage of negotiating and compromising can appear to be positive, but it will fall apart without commitment and a mature understanding of the difficulties and distractions that must be overcome. When marriage communication breaks down, feelings are hurt, emotions run high, and solutions seem out of reach.  When marital conflict and children live in the same home, the damage is multiplied.

14. Stages of marital discord

15. 1. Have It Your Way. Couples who are newly married and haven’t learned how to successfully resolve their differences tend to try to settle things by avoiding confrontation. They give in to each other without ever discussing the heart of the problem. If you find yourself giving in whenever you have an argument with your husband, eventually you will find that you are tired of this pattern and will begin shifting your attitude toward the next stage. 2. Have It My Way. After couples have exhausted themselves by ignoring their own needs, they often turn the opposite way and begin demanding that their needs are now met. A wife who has kept her opinions to herself may suddenly realize that this has contributed to her misery and may start voicing her thoughts and attitudes at every opportunity. But unfortunately, this stage doesn’t work either as husband and wife begin butting heads.

16. . Have It Our Way. The third phase involves compromising and negotiating with each other. At first, the couple may be enthusiastic at their newfound communication style, but eventually the eagerness fades. About this time in a marriage, couples are facing more time demands and stresses from their parenting responsibilities, financial concerns and hectic schedules. Between an ineffective conflict resolution style and the growing pressures of life, couples may start to doubt their compatibility during this stage. 4. Have It Any Way You Want. This stage marks a sense of resignation. Couples in this stage are exhausted over the unending conflicts and might even feel hopeless that all the unresolved issues will ever be worked out.  If you find yourself in this stage, you need expert  marriage guidance.

17. Effects of marital discord

18. Effects on children

19. Strategies to cope up over the course of a relationship that can last as many as seven or eight decades, a lot happens. Personalities change, bodies age, and romantic love waxes and wanes. And no marriage is free of conflict. What enables a couple to endure is how they handle that conflict. So how do you manage the problems that inevitably arise? And how can you keep the spark alive?

20. Effective marital communication Marriages don’t have to end up this way because of conflict. With effective communication and conflict resolution skills, couples can work through their problems, rather than avoiding or forcing the issues. If you recognize any of these negative stages in your own marriage, start learning better ways to communicate with your husband. If you’re unsure of where to start, check out a few books at the library, read articles online or talk with successful couples you know. If conflict continues to go unresolved, consider visiting a marriage therapist to help teach you effective strategies.

21. Stress management skill

22. Things to keep in mind 1.The husband and wife are two separate individuals. 2.They come from different homes/background. 3.They have their own identities. 4.No one can possess the other. 5.Each has to ensure the physical, psychological/social well-being of the other. 6.There should be mutual respect. 7.All differences should be resolved through communication. 8.Happiness in togetherness is important.

23. Thank you