Spiritual Direction and emotional healing.pptx

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1. Spiritual Direction and emotional healing Some useful approaches

2. The medium of God’s personal communication The medium of God’s communication within an experience is human emotions. Therefore attention to feelings as a directee narrates an experience is important. God communicates with us at the level of our feelings. We make decisions for change based on that communication.

3. It is very likely that when we confront an experience we will find conflict of feelings and conflict of desires. The director can gently and patiently reveal it to us and ask us to look for what God’s feelings are and what God expects of us.

4. God communicates with us at the level of our feelings. We make decisions for change in life based on that communication. The locus of healing from maladaptive behaviour is found in such decisions. Shift of that kind in a directee is a work of grace

5. Dealing with loss and grief How can we help those who grieve? There is a popular belief that time heals our pain of grief. This is only partially true

6. Those who grieve will need four things Time and space to grieve Encouragement to recognize and express feelings Help to remember and bring back memory Dialogue with self and the dear departed

7. Time and space to grieve: Griever needs relief from the expectation of others. It is the care offered that gives such relief. We call it intervention . Recognition and expression of one’s feelings: This is support . Griever needs to hear that it is all right to weep. There is no need to be ashamed of one’s tears

8. Remembering: This is tied to the task of creating a cherishable memory. There can be a lot of resistance here. What breaks resistance is caring presence. The task of the director here is insistent encouragement Dialogue: The purpose is to reintegrate. The help offered here is Reintegration . It implies re-establishing lost relationship. The griever must be helped to enter into dialogue with self and with those from whom he is cut off.

9. Lengthy discussions on theological questions like “Why did God let her die?” are not helpful in spiritual direction. In a time of acute grief the real need is not to examine one’s faith.

10. Naming “if only’s ”: A lot of remorse surrounds the experience of the death of a loved one. People keep ruminating on what they could have done, could have said and could have shown. “If only I had acted a little differently ….” Those regrets must be revisited and verbalized. Death is the end of life, not the end of a relationship. Whatever is unfinished still finds a place in the relationship and the intimacy can move to another level. Helpful techniques to mourn the loss of a dear one through death

11. Asking pardon: In any relationship there are lights and shadows. When we grieve it is natural that people get in touch with the hurts received and given in the lost relationship. Help the directee to remember the pain that he or she has caused to the dead person. It can be through what one positively did or failed to do. The directee has to remember commissions and omissions. What do they feel while recalling the events? How do they own them up? After taking responsibility, they need to ask pardon.

12. Forgiving: Another grey area in the relationship is the harm that the dead soul has done to the directee and others around them. Death does not absolve us of all our crimes. We need to recall and acknowledge the deeper feelings of pain, hurt and anger surrounding the offence received. Sometimes it is in the most intimate of relationships that the greatest amount of emotional harm and violence is seen.

13. 4. Recalling blessings: Allow the griever to recall as many blessings that his life received from the dear departed. This can be done as a prayer experience, as journaling, or in conversation with the director. Help the directee to imagine a setting as vivid as possible in the relationship with the dear departed. (For example: a son lying in the lap of the mother and having a conversation with her, or a friend sitting across from you in chair and Jesus by the side of both of you encouraging you to talk to each other). The directee is helped in this manner to enumerate the blessings received through instrumentality of the dear departed.

14. All these steps are taken in a context of prayer and in the awareness of the safety of God’s watchful care. It is good to encourage the directee to do them in a face to face encounter with the dear departed imagining that God is near encouraging this grief work. The directee will present each step when it is completed to God and look for God’s reaction and response.

15. Healing Sexual Wounds The devastating effects of sexual wounds have to be worked through with outside help. Both the victim and the perpetrator need healing. Usually such help is given by trained therapists. In the context of formation, where such help is not available formation guides and spiritual directors can venture to help. The path to healing and recovery can be slow and difficult. The helpers personal issues can interfere with their efforts to help a victim. Therefore, the need for consultation, guidance and supervision in this delicate task.

16. Issues in the Healing Process Distorted self-concept Impaired thought processes Painful emotions, such as uncontrolled anger, shame anxiety and guilt Dysfunctional behaviour that flow from the experience Negative attitudes towards body and sexuality Impaired relationships Difficulties around trust and intimacy Helping a survivor to overcome these issues is hard and demanding.

17. The facilitator has to offer quality presence marked by sensitivity, empathy, care, respect. He or She must develop a relationship of safety, trustworthiness and reliability with the victim. Only then it becomes a healing encounter.

18. Childhood Trauma

19. Movement Towards Healing Offer to help Create a conducive environment Build connectedness and trust Help the survivor tell her story Provide helpful information Encourage expression of feelings Use helpful techniques Encourage self-nurturing Utilize supervision Make referrals

20. The focus: Acceptance and Forgiveness In all the healing interventions offered in spiritual direction the director leads the directee to forgive oneself and forgive others. Reaching an experience of deep and unconditional forgiveness is crucial for healing

21. Tilden Edwards, in Spiritual Friend Being a spiritual friend is being the physician of a wounded soul. And what does a physician do when someone comes with a bleeding wound? Three things: He or she cleanses the wound, aligns the sundered parts, and gives it rest. That’s all. The Physician does not heal. He or she provides an environment for the dominant natural process of healing to take its course. Spiritual direction too provides an environment where God can bring deep inner healing to a person.