The Day I Accidentally Joined a Cult Thinking.pdf

The Day I Accidentally Joined a Cult Thinking It Was a Yoga Class

1. The Day I Accidentally Joined a Cult
Thinking It Was a Yoga Class
And they said the downward dog would bring me peace.
Just when you thought your yoga journey was about to reach new heights,
remember to double-check the address—lest you find enlightenment (and
perhaps a new cult family) in the most unexpected places. Digitally created Adobe
photo plus by Jamel Hendley
Sweat dripped down my forehead as I followed the GPS to what I believed was a
new, avant-garde yoga studio. The ad promised a transformative experience, and
given my recent streak of bad luck (including but not limited to my dog
unfriending me on Facebook), transformation seemed like exactly what I needed.
As I parked outside the nondescript building, a sense of unease trickled in.
"Rustic," I thought, trying to convince myself that the building’s resemblance to a
scene from a horror movie was just part of its charm.

3. •The moment I stepped inside, the smell of incense hit me like a brick. A
serene-looking woman with eyes too intense for casual conversation
greeted me. "Welcome, seeker," she said, in a tone that suggested she
knew the last time I’d eaten gluten despite my best efforts to avoid it.
•I was led into a large room, surprisingly devoid of yoga mats but filled with
people sitting in a circle, humming. "Must be a new warm-up technique," I
mused, ignoring the alarm bells ringing in the back of my mind.
•The leader, a man with a beard so majestic it could host its own
ecosystem, began speaking about unlocking our true potential and freeing
ourselves from the chains of societal norms. "This is some next-level
yoga," I whispered to myself, still oblivious to the unfolding reality.
•The leader, a man with a beard so majestic it could host its own
ecosystem, began speaking about unlocking our true potential and freeing
ourselves from the chains of societal norms. "This is some next-level
yoga," I whispered to myself, still oblivious to the unfolding reality.

5. •Panic set in as I realized my escape routes were blocked by overly
enthusiastic cult members eager to share their newfound enlightenment.
With a calm born of desperation, I remembered a move from an actual
yoga class — the Shavasana, or corpse pose. Dropping to the floor, I played
dead, hoping they’d mistake me for someone who had achieved
transcendence (or at least someone not worth recruiting).
•After what felt like an eternity, the group disbanded for a vegan lunch,
stepping over me with murmurs of respect for my deep spiritual journey.
Seizing the moment, I crawled towards freedom, reflecting on the real
transformative experience of the day: my newfound skepticism towards
too-good-to-be-true fitness classes.
•As I finally made it to my car, panting and covered in dust, I couldn’t help
but laugh at the absurdity of my misadventure. I had gone in seeking
flexibility but came out with a far more valuable lesson: always double-
check the address, or you might just find enlightenment in the least
expected places.