Understanding Family Dynamics: An Introduction

1. Understanding Family Dynamics What are Family Dynamics? Nathan Loynes

2. We need to revisit some old ground! ‘What’ is a family? Why are families ‘systems’? What is the relevance of ‘attachment theory’? Why are ‘parenting styles’ important? What do we mean by ‘communication’?

3. And some new ground (in an ‘introductory’ manner!) What are ‘attributions’ and why must practitioners be mindful of their own tendencies to ‘attribute’? What are family ‘roles’? What are family ‘rules’? What is ‘homeostasis’? How do ‘beliefs’ influence internal family dynamics? How do ‘beliefs’ influence interactions between the practitioner and family

4. What is ‘a family’? With single-parenthood, divorce, separation and remarriage as common events, a narrow and traditional definition of the family is no longer useful ( Parke , 2004; Walsh, 2003a cited in Carr, 2012)

5. ‘Family’ as a ‘system’ of interrelated parts It is more expedient to think of a person’s family as a network of people in the individual’s immediate psychosocial field. This may include household members and others who, while not members of the household, play a significant role in the individual’s life. (Carr, 2012)

6. What do you mean – ‘a system’? The system approach has its origins in fields such as engineering and mathematics. Theoreticians became aware that biological and mechanical structures did not exist in a vacuum but were related, and this led to the idea of a system. (Almagor, 2012) The mutual dependency axiom directs us to a different understanding of causality. Mutual dependency is the simultaneous mutual effect of system elements. When I do something, it affects another person and me. (Almagor, 2012). Contrast our ‘ commonsense ’ understandings of ‘Cause & Effect’. The circular causality view means that every member of the system shares responsibility and contributes to the system. (Almagor, 2012)

7. ‘Open’ & ‘Closed’ Systems Systems can be open or closed. An open system interacts with and reacts to the environment by exchanging information. A closed system is one whose boundaries are fairly rigid, and its communication with the outside world is limited. Social systems, including family systems, tend to be open. They interact and exchange information internally and externally with the environment.

8. Links with L4 Theories Attachment (i.e. Bowlby; Ainsworth) Parenting Style (i.e. Baumrind ) Ecological Theories (i.e. Bronnfenbrenner ) Various theories regarding contemporary family ‘diversity’, and the ‘ethical’ promotion of equality & diversity

9. Why Study Family Dynamics? “We all have a fundamental fascination with explaining other peoples behaviour. But the reasons people behave as they do are usually hidden from us”. Aronson et al (2005:93) Family problems occur across all stages of the lifecycle. Here are some examples: A six-year-old child whose parents cannot control him and who pushes his sister down the stairs. A 13-year-old girl who worries her parents because she will not eat and has lost much weight. A 19-year-old boy who believes he is being poisoned and refuses to take prescribed antipsychotic medication. A couple in their mid-30s who consistently argue and fight with each other.

10. To Understand Roles : Parenting Roles The development of parenting roles involves the couple establishing routines for meeting children’s needs for: safety care control intellectual stimulation (Carr, 2012:13)

11. To Understand Roles : Children’s roles Children search for their niche in the family (Sulloway 1996) in order to maximize their share of the available resources. They want to be different from one another. Whether birth order affects a child’s personality has been investigated in numerous studies. Generally, the firstborn child appears to be more achievement oriented and to have a greater need for acceptance than children born later (Philips, Long, and Bedeian 1990). The lastborn tends to be more socially oriented and gregarious (Phillips et al. 1988), and middleborns seem willing to compromise and to be non-competitive (Kidwel 1982). This research area is controversial (Michalski and Shackelford 2002 cited in Almagor, 2012: 10)

12. To Understand Rules & ‘Homeostasis’ Rules are cognitive and affective behavioral conventions shared by family members and governing their attitudes, emotional expressions, and behaviours within the system and toward others. The goal of these rules is to ensure the preservation of the system . Rules describe behavioural regularity (Jackson 1965). Through them behaviour is controlled, so only certain behaviours are allowed to be manifested. These rules can also be viewed as metacognitions ; they regulate the cognitive system, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours of the family. A rule stating “In our family we do not talk about feelings” can give rise to an ideology that explains why it is important to avoid talking about feelings (“We shouldn’t upset anyone”) and behavioural patterns intended to prevent emotional outbursts. (Almagor: 2012:19-20)

13. Beliefs Belief Systems and Interactional Patterns Associated with Marital Satisfaction Studies of belief systems and interaction patterns of well-adjusted couples show that they have distinctive features (Gottman & Notarius, 2002; Gurman & Jacobson, 2002). These include: respect acceptance dispositional attributions for positive behaviour more positive than negative interactions Focusing conflicts on specific issues rapidly repairing relationship ruptures addressing needs for intimacy and power.

14. The Impact of Beliefs! Well-adjusted couples attribute their partners’ positive behaviours to dispositional rather than situational factors. For example, ‘She helped me because she is such a kind person’, not ‘She helped me because it was convenient at the time’. The ratio of positive to negative exchanges has been found to be about five to one in happy couples (Gottman, 1993). Even though well-adjusted couples have disagreements, this is balanced out by five times as many positive interactions. When well-adjusted couples disagree, they focus their disagreement on a specific issue, rather than globally criticising or insulting their partner.

15. The role of ‘professional’ beliefs (*Think ‘Values’) Frank (1973) argues that the various therapeutic approaches are actually beliefs about human behaviour and existence. We need to believe in our view of how our behaviour, cognition, and affect are organized to provide the distressed, helpless, distraught person, who has lost his way in life, with a way of making sense of his world (Frank 1973 cited in Almagor, 2012).

16. To understand Communication Our words only tell part of the story. With no words at all we can communicate volumes (Aronson et al 2005:95) Communication can be articulated on two levels: The verbal level is the intentional spoken transfer of information; verbal communication is usually believed to be under voluntary control (except perhaps for “slips of the tongue”). The nonverbal is concomitant behavioural signs and indications (such as body language). The distinction between voluntary and nonvoluntary control has led people to confuse them with fakeable and nonfakeable behaviour, with nonverbal behaviour deemed to be “truer” than verbal. (Almagor 2012: 21)

17. & Sophisticated Modes of Communication (Modalities) People exchange information using different sensory modes. Each person has her own primary style, which can be characterized as intellectual, emotional, or kinesthetic. An intellectual person often says “I think . . .,” “I assume . . .,” “I believe . . .,” and the like, suggesting that thinking is the major player in her verbal expression. An emotional person uses emotional expressions on the verbal and behavioral levels (e.g., saying “I feel . . .,” crying). A kinesthetic person is likely to use behavioral and somatic expressions, such as “My heart beats faster” or “The blood drained from my face.” When people using different modes try to transmit their feelings, they can appear to be speaking different languages. The result could well be resentment, frustration, helplessness, and greater emotional distance. (Almagor 2012:24) Can you mirror the modality of the person you are listening to?

18. Key Readings: In Student Pack 1: Aronson et al (2005), will revisit ‘Non-Verbal Communication’ and give you a good introduction to ‘attribution theory’. Day (2010), will emphasise the importance of studying families systematically in order to avoid ‘bias’ and implied ‘causation’. Other sources consulted in this presentation: Carr (2012) “Family Therapy: Concepts, Process and Practice” Almagor (2012) “Functional Dialectic System Approach to Therapy for Individuals, Couples, and Families”