Family Dynamics

Counselling the family

1. COUNSELLING THE FAMILY UNIT 3: FAMILIES DYNAMICS

2. CONTENTS Power and gender roles communication, conflict and conflict resolution managing economic resources Family Stress and Coping- Impact of death, chronic illness, physical and mental disability, Alcoholism and addiction, violence and abuse, divorce on the family life cycle

3. FAMILY The family is an intimate domestic group made up of people related to one another by bonds of blood, sexual mating or legal ties. It is the smallest and most basic social unit, which is also the most important primary group found in any society. It is the simplest and most elementary group found in a society. It

4. Family Dynamics Family dynamics are the patterns of relating, or interactions, between family members. Each family system and its dynamics are unique, although there are some common patterns. Family dynamics determines how the family functions as a unit. This indicates how they get along, their communication styles, how they make decisions, solve problems and share feelings.

5. A family dynamic shows the type of interaction and the level of connection among its members. A dynamic refers to how a family functions despite difficulties and fulfil their roles and responsibilities .

6. POWER AND GENDER ROLES Individual members of families occupy certain roles such as child, sibling, grandchild. Along with roles come certain social and family expectations for how those roles should be fulfilled. For example, parents are expected to teach, discipline, and provide for their children. And children are expected to cooperate and respect their parents.

7. As family members age, they take on additional roles, such as becoming a spouse, parent, or grandparent. A person's role is always expanding or changing, depending upon his or her age and family stage. Instrumental and Affective Roles:- Individuals within a family have both instrumental and affective roles to fulfill Each serves an important function in maintaining healthy family functioning .

8. Instrumental roles are concerned with the provision of physical resources ( e.g.,food , clothing, and shelter), decision-making and family management. Affective roles exist to provide emotional support and encouragement to family members. Both sets of roles must be present for healthy family functioning. In addition,families must also consider issues of roles allocation and accountability.

9. Role Allocation Role allocation is the assignment of responsibilities within a family that enables the family to function properly. Families have to make many decisions, often on a daily basis, about who will be responsible for completing a certain task or fulfilling a particular responsibility. For example, families must decide who will take out the trash, who will take the children to school, who will cook dinner, who will watch the children after they return from school, who will work and provide financial support for the family, etc In healthy families, roles are assigned in such a way that family members are not overburdened .

10. Role Accountability Role accountability refers to a family member's sense of responsibility for Completing the tasks of an assigned role. For example, parents in healthy families understand that they are responsible for disciplining their children. When discipline is needed, they do not hesitate. These parents know that a failure to fulfill this role properly will result in child behavior problems which will disrupt the family's ability to function.

11. FAMILY POWER Family Power structure plays a critical role in family health functioning. Power has been defined as the ability to control, influence or change another person’s behavior (Friedman, 1998). Power is related to resources. Control over resources ( eg . money) infers power. In most families, parents control these resources. Family power structure is not fixed.

12. Subsystems : - All families develop networks of co-existing subsystems formed on the basis of gender, interest, generation or function that must be performed for the family’s survival. Each member of a family may belong to several subsystems Subsystems in a family relate to one another according to rules and patterns. There are three types of subsystems in family namely spousal, parental and sibling subsystems .

13. The spousal subsystem ( Wife and Husband Roles ) educates children about male-female intimacy and commitment by providing a model of marital interaction. Ways of accommodating one another’s needs, making decisions together and managing conflict etc. Sexuality, dating one another and the beginning of the relationship exists here and is separate from the parenting relationship Parental subsystem ( Mother and Father Roles ) includes child guidance, nurturing, limit-setting and discipline.

14. Sibling Subsystem : ( Children ) The children are resources to one another, The children rely on their parents and interact with them Parents and children are influenced by one another Boundaries:- Boundaries are invisible barriers that keep subsystems separate and distinct from other subsystems. They are maintained by rules that differentiate the particular subsystem’s tasks from those of other subsystems

15. Boundaries may either be rigid,diffuse or clear Disengaged families have rigid boundaries which leads to low levels of effective communication and support among family members. Enmeshed families have diffuse boundaries which make it difficult for individuals to achieve individualization from family. Clear boundaries are more of a balance as they do not fall on either extreme ends of rigid or diffuse. Clear boundaries are firm yet flexible, permitting maximum adaptation to change.

16. For example, parents temporarily redefine the boundaries of the parental subsystem when she tells me to be in-charge of the house when they are away from home This shows that the parental subsystem is flexible enough to include other people temporarily. Triangulation:- Triangulation is used to describe a situation in which one family member will not communicate with another family member unless a third family member is present, forcing the third family member to then be part of the triangle.

17. In this triangulation, the third person will either be used as a messenger to carry the communication to the main party or as a substitute for direct communication. Usually this communication is expressed dissatisfaction with the main party. R. P. French and Bertran Raven (1959) took a micro systemic view of family power. That is, they examined power strictly from inside the family and suggested that there are six bases of family power.

18. Legitimate power is sanctioned by the belief system within the family, such as the belief that the husband should be the head of the household, that parents should have control over raising small children, or that adolescents should have control over what they wear. In the United States, an uncle who tries to impose his will on his nieces and nephews might be viewed as a meddler who is trying to exercise illegitimate power. In other cultures uncles are accorded legitimate power over nieces and nephews and might be respected for this kind of guidance.

19. Informational power has its foundation in specific knowledge that is unknown to others in the family and in one's ability to verbally present the pertinent information in a persuasive way. For example, if the man in the household is the only one who knows his income, or if he is viewed as knowledgeable about money, then he is likely to make decisions about how money is spent in the family. Alternatively, if a wife can assemble pertinent information about the benefits of purchasing a new car, she may be able to convince her reluctant husband.

20. Referential power is based on affection, mutual attraction, friendship, and likeability within the family. Positive feelings can be a powerful force in making alliances with others, if others want to make those they care about happy and, conversely, not to disappoint them. A parent's desire to please a favored child, a husband's desire to please his wife, a child's desire to please a grandparent are examples of referential power.

21. Coercive power involves the use of physical or psychological force in imposing one's way on others in the family, assuming that others are resistant or opposed. Parental discipline, threats, aggression, conflict, and competition are inherent in the use of coercive power because getting one's way is usually realized at the expense of others getting theirs. An example of coercive power: a parent forces a child to attend a school or college he or she does not wish to attend by threatening to withdraw the child's support.

22. Expert power is based on education, training, or experience that is relevant to the issue at hand. For example, if the woman of the household is a licensed real estate agent, she may have the most influence on where the family lives. If a child has studied the attractions of Florida, he or she may use the expert power accumulated to wield influence on decisions about a Florida vacation.

23. Reward power is the ability to influence others by providing physical and psychological benefits to those who comply with one's wishes. With small children, parents often influence behavior with candy or sweets. With older children and adolescents, the price of power might be more expensive—a new outfit or bicycle. Adults in families often strike bargains, exchange pleasing behaviors , and "sweet talk" others to get their way.

24. GENDER ROLE

25. A gender role, also known as a sex role, is a social role encompassing a range of behaviors and attitudes that are generally considered acceptable, appropriate, or desirable for people based on their biological or perceived sex . The term gender role was first used by John Money and colleagues in 1954 Gender roles are defined by the socio-cultural norms of any society.

26. In most societies the family systems are based on the gender roles and it is the pre-designed gender roles that help members of the family to run the family with bound responsibilities. Any disturbance in the gender role aspect may affect the smooth functioning of the easy-going of any family. But today, the modern life has very much changed the family structure and the gender roles have been diverting from the traditional responsibilities and path of performance.

27. In fact, the gap between different genders has already melted down, creating an equal society and more equalized families. Today, there are no monarchs in families and no bout-to-obey members in families. All live together, taking decisions together, expressing opinions openly, criticizing and encouraging mutually and yet being independent and responsible The society-defined gender roles may crash with the modern roles of family members and many families experience the dilemma of the crashing gender roles.

28. The origin of gender roles can be dated back to the very establishment of the social life Ever since man started living in societies, they differentiated between the male gender and female gender and implicated specific lifestyle, duties and functional areas for each of these genders Hunting was the only way of finding a living; thus muscular male members took the role of hunters of food suppliers and physically less fit female members took over the role of home makers and cooks.

29. The masculinity helped male gender to dominate society and made them authoritative in families. But the time has grown a lot empowering female gender to almost equal status of men and today, they dare to live independent of the help of men and at times, to the extent of questioning men in different aspects. The newly gained power makes women get out of the norms and define new gender roles in the family, which may often result in clashes in the family.

30. Establishing clear, flexible roles is a key to successful family functioning. Research indicates that families who do so will not only be able to deal with everyday family life, but also will be better equipped to handle unexpected family crises. (Family Therapy News, 1990). In families where clear, flexible roles exist, individual members will be much more likely to take their responsibilities seriously.

31. FAMILY COMMUNICATION

32. Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. An important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say. Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other.

33. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families. poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding.

34. Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children. Instrumental and Affective Communication:- Instrumental communication is the exchange of factual information that enables individuals to fulfill common family functions (e.g., telling a child that he/she will be picked up from school at a specific time and location). Affective communication is the way individual family members share their emotions with one another (e.g., sadness, anger, joy). Some families function extremely well with instrumental communication, yet have great difficulty with affective communication. Healthy families are able to communicate well in both areas.

35. Clear vs. Masked and Direct vs. Indirect Communication :- Clear communication occurs when messages are spoken plainly and the content is easily understood by other family members. Masked communication occurs when the message is muddied or vague. Communication is direct if the person spoken to is the person for whom the message is intended. In contrast, communication is indirect if the message is not directed to the person for whom it is intended.

36. Four Styles of Communication Epstein et al. (1993) have identified the following four styles of communication. Clear and Direct Communication:- Clear and direct communication is the most healthy form of communication and occurs when the message is stated plainly and directly to the appropriate family member. An example of this style of communication is when a father, disappointed about his son failing to complete his chores, states, “son I’m disappointed that you forgot to take out the trash today without my having to remind you”

37. Clear and Indirect Communication:- In this second style of communication, the message is clear, but it is not directed to the person for whom it is intended. Using the previous example, the father might say, “it is disappointing when people forget to complete their chores”. In this message the son may not know that his father is referring to him. Masked and Direct Communication:- Masked and direct communication occurs when the content of the message is unclear, but directed to the appropriate family member. The father in our example may say something like, “Son, people just don’t work as hard as they used to”

38. Masked and Indirect Communication:- Masked and indirect communication occurs when both the message and intended recipient are unclear. In unhealthy family relationships, communication tends to be very masked and indirect. An example of this type of communication might be the father stating, “The youth of today are very lazy”. Communication is a key to successful family functioning. Researchers agree that clear, open, and frequent communication is a basic characteristic of a strong, healthy family. Families that communicate in healthy ways are more capable of problem-solving and tend to be more satisfied with their relationships.

39. CONFLICT AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION

40. Family conflict refers to active opposition between family members. Because of the nature of family relationships, it can take a wide variety of forms, including verbal, physical, sexual, financial, or psychological. Conflicts may involve different combinations of family members: it can be conflict within the couple or between parents and children or, again, between siblings. Conflict can happen when family members have different views or beliefs that clash. Sometimes conflict can occur when people misunderstand each other and jump to the wrong conclusion. Issues of conflict that are not resolved peacefully can lead to arguments and resentment.

41. ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. Some people find it difficult to manage their feelings and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent . Communicating in a positive way can help reduce conflict so that family members can reach a peaceful resolution. This usually means that everyone agrees to a compromise or agrees to disagree . Common causes of family conflict:- It is well recognised that some of the stages a family goes through can cause conflict . These may include:

42. ● Learning to live as a new couple ● Birth of a baby ● Birth of other children ● A child going to school ● A child becoming a young person ● A young person becoming an adult . Changes in the family situation can also take a toll on the family and contribute to conflict . This may include events such as : ● Separation or divorce ● Moving to a new house or country ● Travelling long distances to work ● Commuting interstate for work. ● Change in financial circumstances.

43. HOW TO MANAGE CONFLICTS :- Try to listen Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking Communicate your side of the story clearly and honestly Resist the urge to bring up other unresolved but unrelated issues . Be willing to compromise . Try to separate the problem from the person.

44. MANAGING ECONOMIC RESOURCES

45. Resource management is a process in which individuals and families use what they have to get what they want . It begins with thinking and planning and ends with the evaluation of actions taken . Three fundamental concepts in resource management are values , goals , and decision making . Values such as honesty and trust are principles that guide behavior . They are important and serve as underlying motivators. Values determine goals, which are sought-after end results .

46. Goals can be implicit or explicit. They can be short-term, intermediate-, or long-term. Decisions are conclusions or judgments about some issue or matter. Decision making involves choosing between two or more alternatives and follows a series of steps from inception to evaluation. The study of resource management focuses on order, choices, and control , and how people use time, energy, money, physical space, and information.

47. Resources can be divided up into human and material resources Material resources (e.g., bridges, roads, houses) decline through use whereas human resources (e.g., the ability to read, ride a bicycle) improve or increase through use . Human capital describes the sum total of a person's abilities, knowledge, and skills. Education is one way to develop human capital. Resources are the means for satisfying our needs and reaching our goals

48. Types of Resources :- Money , salary, rent, interests from savings bank account etc . Your house for living and working. Time , like an hour a day, month etc. Energy to do work. Knowledge , skills and abilities for doing our work, like sewing , driving, swimming, etc. Material goods like household equipment, car etc. Community facilities like park, hospitals, roads, bus etc

49. some resources become a part of an individual and can be used only by that person. ( Eg : if your mother has the skill of being a good doctor, it is something which belongs to her and only she can use it) Such resources are called ‘human resources’. Examples of human resources are time, energy, knowledge, skills and abilities The resources possessed and utilized by persons are called human resources . The amount of human resources available will vary from one person to another. Therefore, they can be acquired and cultivated .

50. Some of these resources like parks, and community facilities are available to all of us. Such resources are known as ‘ non-human resources ’. Some examples of non-human resources are money, house, land, material goods and community facilities. RESOURCES HUMAN TIME ENERGY SKILLS ABILITIES etc NON HUMAN MONEY HOUSE MATERIAL GOODS COMMUNITY FACILITIES

51. Characteristics of Resources :- Both human and non-human resources have some common characteristics . Resources are useful Resources are limited in supply Resources are interrelated Resources have alternate uses Resources can be substituted

52. MANAGEMENT:- Management is a process of using what you have to achieve what you want. Management plays a significant role in our day-to-day life . Management helps you to: reach your goals, achieve what you want, utilize your resources properly, make your life more systematic, avoid wastage of resources , increase efficiency in work situations, -achieve a better standard of life

53. Steps in the Management Process :- ● Planning ● Organising ● Controlling ● Evaluating Step 1: Planning The first step in management consists of thinking in advance of what needs to be done i.e., planning A simple way to plan is to make a list of all the things that need to be done.

54. Since certain things have to be done first and others later, arrange them in a proper order or in a sequence . planning involves- ●Listing activities ● Sequencing activities, ● and Providing flexibility for any adjustments . Step 2: Organising After planning, you have to organize your resources and your work so that the plan is carried out properly . Organizing involves assembling resources and fixing responsibilities .

55. Organizing means assembling resources and fixing Organizing ensures that: ● all the planned work gets done, ● there is proper distribution of work, ● work gets finished on time, ● time, energy, and other important resources are saved, and ● your planning is successful responsibilities to carry out a plan .

56. Step 3 : Controlling Once the plan is ready and the resources are organized, actual work starts. Controlling is necessary at this stage, because activities must move according to the plan . Controlling is also known as putting a plan into action. As the plan is being carried out, you also have to check the progress of your plan . Controlling means carrying out the activities as planned and organized earlier.

57. Step 4: Evaluating Evaluating, means checking the progress of your plan and taking corrective measures if needed . Evaluation helps you to check your mistakes and improve your work and product . Thus evaluation helps you to understand your weaknesses and mistakes so that it is checked and will not be repeated in future. This is also called looking back or “feedback ”.

58. FAMILY STRESS AND COPING

59. Family stress is defined as a disturbance in the steady state of the family system . The disturbance can emerge from the outside context (e.g., war, unemployment ), from inside the family (e.g., death; divorce), or both simultaneously . In any case, the family system’s equilibrium is threatened or disturbed. Family stress is therefore also defined as change in the family’s equilibrium. Such change can be expected (as with the birth of a baby) or unexpected (as with winning a lottery).

60. Family stress can also be dened as any stressor that concerns one or more members of the family (or the whole system) at a dened time, which impacts the emotional connection between family members, their mood, well-being, as well as the maintenance of the family relationship . SOURCES OF FAMILY STRESS :- Marital Dissatisfaction Marital dissatisfaction can be a source of stress for parents, affecting daily interactions and relationships. .

61. parents who are dissatisfied with their marital relationship are more likely to display negative affect and less able to be emotionally available to their children Depressive Symptoms When parents experience fatigue, a loss of interest, and an overall negative mood, they are likely to be less responsive toward children. In a review of the association between maternal depression and parenting, found depressive symptoms have strongest associations with negative interactions such as irritability and hostility toward the child, which are likely to be linked to unsupportive parental responses to children’s negative emotions.

62. Job Role Dissatisfaction Another source of stress or tension for parents is the level of dissatisfaction each parent perceives in his or her job role. Much of the research on stress has focused on how the work role is linked to interactions at home Researchers have not found differences between men and women in regards to the salience their career has in their lives thus we expect that stress from job role dissatisfaction to parenting practices will be similar for mothers and fathers. There is also evidence of work stress to family life with high occupational stress in husbands being linked to psychological stress in wives

63. COPING The way how the family has to face the stressful events and vital process is known as family coping Three levels that must be incorporated into a model of family coping are: The first level is the individual . Coping is viewed as the cognitive and behavioral effort made by the individual lo master, resolve, tolerate, or reduce demands that tax or exceed her or his personal resources and the styles and efforts employed

64. The second level can be referred to as the intra family level . It is at this level that the unit of analysis shifts to subsystems within the family (i.e. husband-wife) or the individual's relationship to the family unit. The third level is that of the family level . Here the unit of analysis is the family as a whole, a group. It is at this level that coping aids in promoting a better fit between environmental and family demands .

65. Ideaily , efforts by individual family members, subsystems, and the family unit will be aimed at achieving a balance in the family system that promotes individual growth and development (individual level), facilitates organization and unity ( intrafamily level), and manages external and or internal demands assessed by the family as exceeding current family resources (family level ). Functions of Coping McCubbin and his colleagues (1980) specified four functions of family coping as:

66. (1) reducing the vulnerability of the family to the stressor; (2) strengthening or maintaining family system characteristics; (3) reducing or eliminating stressor events and their hardships; and (4) altering the environment by changing social circumstances.

67. Coping Resources Individual coping resources which the family may rely upon in times of need can include characteristics such as self-esteem. intellectual and analytical skills, and interpersonal and other social skills . Family system resources can include cohesion (emotional bonding), adaptability (family's ability to change its power structure, role relationships, and relationship rules in response to situational and developmental stress), and communication

68. Community resources or social support can include people or institutions that the family can turn to in times of need or a support network in which the family is cared for, valued, and love ( Eg : extended family systems, community support groups, church, and other social networks)

69. IMPACT OF DEATH   The word grief is derived from the French word “ grève ,” meaning a heavy burden . The reality of death affects families from an emotional/physical myriad while also shifting family systems, and impacting spirituality . one huge side effect that families face in grief is exhaustion, families face days of distraction. When a family goes through a loss they often lose the most basic life skill, such as organization or accomplishment at least for a while.

70. When grief covers, a family it takes over emotionally and physically with a variety of symptoms such as: sleep difficulties, poor appetite or overeating, shakiness or trembling, listlessness, disorientation, migraines or headaches, dizziness, dry mouth, crying, numbness, shortness of breath, and exhaustion . Some individuals often withdraw from society and people for a while as many emotions surface . Another huge reality that families face in losing a loved one within the family is the shifting of the family system and its dynamics.

71. The loss of someone within the family unit creates a structural void that requires adjustment Religious coping can help or not help when adapting to loss, it varies between individuals  The positive side of things could be that the griever finds meaning in the loss and surrenders the feelings of being out of control, learning to depend on God’s comfort presence. This can lead to a grievers transformation and hope in the midst of deep pain. The four core dimensions of spiritual needs are connection, peace, meaning/purpose, and transcendence, which help recovery for ill people as well as when coping with a death in the family.

72. CHRONIC ILLNESS One member's chronic illness influences the lives of everyone in the family Roles and routines change . Family members' emotions may be on a continuous roller-coaster ride. On the other hand, families may come together and grow closer. Their lives may take on new meaning. They may find rewards they had not expected on their journey through illness. The only certain thing is that chronic illness is a family experience , one that is shared by all.

73. There are several ways that chronic illness can influence family life: Daily routines may change because the limitations of the ill member and the demands of treatment may require that others be more available . Families may need to share caregiving responsibilities; this helps all members feel they are contributing to a loved one's welfare and it also protects any single member from caregiver fatigue .

74. Family members may experience strong emotions, such as guilt, anger, sadness , fear, anxiety and depressed mood. These are normal reactions to stress . It is useful to talk about these emotions within the family PHYSICAL AND MENTAL DISABILITY Disability places a set of extra demands or challenges on the family system; most of these demands last for a long time Knowing what services and programs one is eligible for the person is major challenge faced by families .

75. Coordination of services among different providers (such as a physician , physical therapist, occupational therapist, dietician, social worker, teacher , and counselor ) who often are not aware of what the other is doing and may provide discrepant information is another challenge faced by families The day-to-day strain of providing care and assistance leads to exhaustion and fatigue , taxing the physical and emotional energy of family members.

76. There are a whole set of issues that create emotional strain, including worry, guilt, anxiety, anger , and uncertainty about the cause of the disability, about the future, about the needs of other family members, about whether one is providing enough assistance, and so on . Family life is changed, often in major ways. Care-taking responsibilities may lead to changed or abandoned career plans . Female family members are more likely to take on caregiving roles and thus give up or change their work roles.

77. The disability can consume a disproportionate share of a family's resources of time, energy , and money, so that other individual and family needs go unmet . The family's lifestyle and leisure activities are altered . A family's dreams and plans for the future may be given up. Social roles are disrupted because often there is not enough time, money, or energy to devote to them Friends, neighbors , and people in the community may react negatively to the disability by avoidance, disparaging remarks or looks, or overt efforts to exclude people with disabilities and their families.

78. Families often report that the person with the disability is not a major burden for them. The burden comes from dealing with people in the community whose attitudes and behaviors are judgmental, stigmatizing, and rejecting of the disabled individual and his or her family Overall, stress from these added demands of disability in family life can negatively affect the health and functioning of family members Many families actually report that the presence of disability has strengthened them as a family—they become closer, more accepting of others, have deeper faith, discover new friends, develop greater respect for life, improve their sense of mastery, and so on .

79. Disabilities where mental ability is limited seem to be more difficult for families to cope with This may be due to greater dependency requiring more vigilance by family members, or because it limits the person's ability to take on responsible roles, and perhaps limits the possibilities for independent living . If the mental impairment is severe, it may create an extra kind of strain for families because the person is physically present in the family but mentally absent . This kind of incongruence between physical presence and psychological presence has been called boundary ambiguity

80. Boundary ambiguity means that it is not entirely clear to family members whether the person (with the disability in this case) is part of the family or not because the person is there in some ways but not in others. Generally , families experience more distress when situations are ambiguous or unclear because they do not know what to expect and may have a harder time planning the roles of other family members to accommodate this uncertainty

81. ALCOHOLISM AND ADDICTION Alcoholism causes physical and emotional health problems. The person with alcohol addiction experiences the brunt of the physical problems, but people who are close to them often share the emotional side effects of the person’s addiction Family members of alcoholics can experience anxiety, depression and shame related to their loved one’s addiction. Family members may also be the victims of emotional or physical outbursts

82. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism within a family is a problem that can destroy a marriage between members . That means people who drink can blow through the family budget, cause fights, ignore children, and otherwise impair the health and happiness As the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence discusses, the following are some of the ways in which problem drinking affects family members , employers, colleagues, fellow students, and others : Neglect of important duties

83. Needing time to nurse hangovers Encountering legal problems The inability to stop at will Initially, a person may think that abusing alcohol will help them deal with these stressors , but as they continue to drink a lot, over time, this abuse can turn into dependence on the substance . According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, the following are some of the most common problems that arise between spouses when one partner abuses alcohol : Marital conflict Infidelity Jealous

84. Stress Domestic violence Financial instability Divorce economic losses associated with alcohol abuse, as well as debt, can easily trigger profound problems in a marriage. A spouse’s alcohol abuse can also trigger a host of emotions, such as feelings of abandonment, unworthiness, guilt, and self-blame . Children will notice radical changes in behavior , such as parent turning from happy to angry, and may falsely believe that they are the cause of these mood swings. Self-blame , guilt, frustration, and anger can emerge as the child tries to understand why the parent acts this way.

85. VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

86. The term ‘domestic violence and abuse’ is used to describe any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling and threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between anyone over 16 years, who are/have been intimately involved or are family members. These incidents may be physical (including throwing objects), sexual, emotional (including verbal threats and controlling behaviour) or financial. Honour-based violence and forced marriage are forms of domestic violence and abuse

87. Domestic violence survivors can face ongoing and challenging effects after enduring physical, mental, and emotional abuse . It can take time for a survivor to adjust to living in a safe environment, especially if a perpetrator was severely violent and/or committed the actions over an extended period of time The long-term effects of domestic violence are far-reaching and often devastating for victims – most often women and children. Women and children, who live in an environment where domestic violence commonly occurs, face increased risks

88. Women may develop an impaired ability to nurture their children and contribute to their positive development . Children , whether victims themselves or just witnesses, may withdraw from their parental relationship, suffer seriously delayed or distorted development , and emotional problems . Frequently, domestic violence survivors suffer from an array of psychosomatic illnesses, eating disorders, insomnia , gastrointestinal disturbances, generalized chronic pain, and devastating mental health problems like posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) .

89. They may feel ashamed that their partners abuse them, see themselves as unworthy of love, and suffer from a significantly diminished self-perception . Because of their feelings of low self-worth, these women become isolated from friends and family and do not participate in social activities common to others in their demographic . Children who witness domestic violence or are victims of abuse themselves are at serious risk for long-term physical and mental health problems . Children who witness violence between parents may also be at greater risk of being violent in their future relationships

90. children in homes where one parent is abused may feel fearful and anxious. They may always be on guard, wondering when the next violent event will happen . This can cause them to react in different ways, depending on their age : Children in preschool : Young children who witness intimate partner violence may start doing things they used to do when they were younger, such as bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, increased crying, and whining They may also develop difficulty falling or staying asleep; show signs of terror, such as stuttering or hiding; and show signs of severe separation anxiety.

91. School-aged children : Children in this age range may feel guilty about the abuse and blame themselves for it. Domestic violence and abuse hurts children’s self-esteem. They may not participate in school activities or get good grades, have fewer friends than others, and get into trouble more often. They also may have a lot of headaches and stomachaches . Teens : Teens who witness abuse may act out in negative ways, such as fighting with family members or skipping school.

92. They may also engage in risky behaviors , such as having unprotected sex and using alcohol or drugs. They may have low self-esteem and have trouble making friends. They may start fights or bully others and are more likely to get in trouble with the law. This type of behavior is more common in teen boys who are abused in childhood than in teen girls. Girls are more likely than boys to be withdrawn and to experience depression.

93. DIVORCE ON THE FAMILY LIFE CYCLE

94. Divorce often affects all family members producing a crisis for each member and the family as a whole. The adjustment process of a family to divorce typically takes place in stages over a two or three year period Psychologist Constance Ahrons , best selling author on books on divorce, describes five overlapping stages of this adjustment process to a divorce:

95. Individual Cognition stage : In the first stage, at least one spouse is considering divorce and begins emotional disengagement, which is, maintaining a distance through separate activities and involvements. This is often a very stressful time with fighting, bitterness, blaming, devaluing the partner, depression, anxiety and ambivalence. There may be an affair which often speeds up the decision to divorce. For the spouse who initiates the divorce, the decision-making period is perhaps the most difficult as he / she often struggles with tremendous remorse and guilt.

96. Family metacognition stage : In this stage, the family gets to know of the intention to separate and could go through great distress. For the non-initiator spouse the more sudden and unexpected the decision, the more difficult it is to adjust emotionally . He or she may be completely unprepared and could experience an overall sense of low self esteem, powerlessness and humiliation.

97. System Separation : In this stage, the actual separation takes place. This is a very hard time for the family. Initially each spouse is in a state of heightened emotional vulnerability which interferes with their everyday functioning. They may experience an inability to work effectively, sleep difficulties, and poor health. For the majority of people, there is ambivalence – a feeling of attachment continues despite anger and resentment.

98. This changes over a period of time. In addition, there may be a sense of helplessness, a lack of control over life events, feelings of incompetence – socially and sexually, loss, loneliness, anger, frustration and issues with one’s identity . Many may not feel satisfied with the new lifestyle and wish they had tried harder to make the marriage work . System Reorganization stage : In the fourth stage, new boundaries in the family need to be clarified.

99. This is because there is a change in the membership of the family, often spouses may have new partners. Old roles and patterns no longer exist and so new rules and patterns need to be developed. This could lead to stress and conflict . System Redefinition stage : In this stage, the family meets the challenges of the previous stages and defines itself a new – with new roles and boundaries clarified. Individual family members , the couple and the family as a whole may seek counselling at different points to move through these stages successfully towards redefining their new lives .