Feedback for an essay. The feedback is the sample that was used in class for English Foundation Year

Feedback type for essay.

1. Essay Tutorial GENERAL FEEDBACK

2. As soon as a teenager turns 16/17 years of age, they are legally eligible to drive. This is a huge milestone and achievement as it marks their approach to adulthood, and therefore freedom. There comes a time in every teenager’s life when they want to spread their wings. Freedom boosts their confidence and allows them to grow. Unfortunately, too much freedom can cause them to get into trouble.   Based on the information above, in 350 words (+/- either side is acceptable) write an essay on how to become more responsible teenagers .

3. Thesis statement (not included) A thesis statement is the intention of the author on what he/she plans to elaborate in the essay. It includes the topic and pattern of the essay. Usually located in the last sentence of the introduction paragraph.

4. Thesis statement (not clear) A thesis statement includes the topic and pattern of the essay. It must be clearly stated.

5. Thesis statement (Structure) Thesis is not an announcement, it is a statement Thesis is not a question, it is a statement

6. Body Paragraph (Topic Sentence) Thesis statement Topic sentence = thesis statement

7. Body Paragraph (Topic Sentence) Thesis statement Topic sentence ǂ topic sentence

8. Body Paragraph (Content - Coherence) Teenagers  making decision  Decision on choosing friends  bad friends, cause depress, etc  bad friends, lead to bad things  teenagers should consider parents feeling in argument  parent feeling will be hurt Teenagers  not get into troubles  not sharing information online  posting picture or sending message  many hackers and pedophile  teenagers should stay near parents in public  be aware of people following

9. Body Paragraph (Content - Coherence) Each of the paragraphs discusses random information, and without focus.

10. Others (structure and organisation) Not an essay structure. Essay should only contain paragraphs without sub-topic.

11. Others (structure and organisation) Not an essay structure. An essay should have paragraphs that separate the introduction, body, and conclusion.

12. Others (mechanics) No subject, informal Sentence structure = run-on