Male Domestic Abuse Powerpoint Presentation

Male Domestic Abuse Powerpoint Presentation

1. Domestic Abuse 4 th of September Jessica Puri Safe Accommodation IDVA and Paul Whitehead Male IDVA

2. Is Domestic Abuse different for men? There are both similarities and differences for men and women who are experiencing domestic abuse. Being abused by somebody you love and trust can be confusing and bewildering, and any victim whether male or female may wonder if it’s their fault. The emotions they feel are going to be similar, but it can be harder for men to cope with the emotional impact of domestic abuse. Admitting to being abused is difficult for anybody, but men often don’t have the social and support networks in place to easily tell a friend or family member. These topics are difficult for anybody to raise or disclose, but in particular, men may not have friendships and relationships in which they can open up and talk about their personal lives. Services like ours, will give them the opportunity to talk in confidence. 2

3. Types of Abuse - Coercion, intimidation & threats Threatening him with violence if he doesn't do what the perpetrator wants him to do or if he does things the perpetrator doesn't want him to do Threatening him that they will call the police or children's services and allege that the man is the perpetrator Threatening him with other legal proceedings Denying him access to medical care/medicine(s) etc Intimidating him by giving him a threatening look or gesture Destroying his personal items, family heirlooms, computer etc Telling him that nobody will believe him because he is a man Threatening him with knives and other objects as weapons Telling him if he tries to leave he will never see the children again Depriving him of sleep by making noise, playing loud music, demanding to have conversations when he is trying to sleep 3

4. Emotional Abuse 4 Putting him down and humiliating him in front of others Calling him names Playing mind games with him and ‘gaslighting’ him Blaming him for the abuse Giving him the ‘silent treatment’, ignoring him Telling him he is not the father of their child(ren)

5. Physical Abuse Hitting, punching, kicking, slapping him Using objects to hurt him, sometimes in the groin area Using knives or other sharp objects to hurt him Pouring boiling water on him Attacking him when he’s asleep

6. Using Masculinity & Restricting His Independence & Freedom 6 Forcing him into strict responsibilities and activities based on strict traditional gender roles without any negotiation and threatening consequences if he doesn’t comply Telling him he is not a real man if he does not do certain things or in a certain way Controlling what he does, who he sees, what he reads, who he talks to Restricting or stopping his social life, friends, hobbies Accusing him of having affairs and demanding he doesn’t speak to other men/women

7. Using Children and Minimising, Denial, and Blame Sending him messages through the children Excluding him from activities with children Belittling him for attempts to look after the children Telling him that the abuse didn’t happen or wasn’t that bad Ignoring his injuries or emotional/mental distress Telling him he was responsible for the abuse, that he deserved or caused it 7

8. Barriers to Disclosing Domestic Abuse Making contact with the ‘right’ service Not define their experience as domestic abuse Experience language barriers Fear their children will be taken into care Fear the abusive partner will find them Fear death Believe their partner’s promise it won’t happen again Feel shame & embarrassment and believe it’s their fault Fear they will not be believed Fear they will be isolated from their community Fear they will be deported Be scared of the future Have had a previous poor experiences when they’ve disclosed 8

9. Additional Barriers for men The main reason men don’t seek help is a fear of not being believed, Embarrassment at talking about the abuse and the feeling of being “less of a man”. Men also worry about the welfare of their partner, damaging their relationship or losing contact with their children if they open up to someone outside their personal network of family and friends. Others lacked the confidence to seek help as a result of the abuse. 9

10. Additional Barriers for men cont. Studies have also found that men are often not aware of specialist support services or feel they were are appropriate for male survivors of abuse. When men do seek help, they do so usually when their situation has reached a crisis point. While both men and women are reluctant to seek professional help for their abuse, there is an added barrier for men: many fear being falsely accused of being the perpetrator. 10

11. What Can a Male IDVA Offer? Being someone to talk to in confidence about what has happened  Advice and support planning tailored to your needs  Sharing information with you so that you feel empowered to make decisions that are right for you  Assessing your risk level and developing safety plans with you including practical steps to help keep you safe  Helping you to understand how the criminal justice process works, explaining what will happen if you report to the police, and what happens in court. We can also support you at court and afterwards.  Information about civil orders that can help protect you from your abuser, including Non-Molestation Orders and Forced Marriage Protection Orders  Helping you access other services who can help e.g. refuge, housing, immigration, counselling and legal services  Maximising your safety by working closely with other agencies to reduce the risk of harm that you face, and representing you at MARAC  Interpreting services if you need them 11

12. 12 To make a referral, please contact: [email protected] or call, 01952 454 759 To speak to Paul or a male IDVA: call 07891 831 417