Technical Writing in Business for College WK 5.ppt

teaching active voice and parallelism

1. Active Voice

2. Active voice” refers to the relationship between the
subject and the verb of a sentence.
In an active sentence, the subject carries out the action
of the verb
Ex. Joseph (subject) prepared (verb) all the
documents.
In passivesentences, however, the subject no longer
acts but is acted upon by the verb:
Ex. All the needed documents(subjects) was prepared
(verb) by Joseph .
All the needed documents was prepared. (if the
subject is unknown)

3. Passive Active
The reason he left his job
at the bank was because
his health began to fail.
He left his job at the bank
because his health began
to fail.
The balloon was blown up
by me.
I blew up the balloon.
The boat has been
destroyed by a hurricane.
A hurricane destroyed the
boat.
The dragon has been
killed by the heroine.
The heroine killed the
dragon.

4. Whenwritersusetheactivevoice,their
wordsaredirect;theyuseconcrete
verbsandclearlystatetheactionbeing
performedbythesubject.
In contrast, the passive voice is
indirect; writers may use weak “to be”
verbs (is, am, was, were, being, been)
or present progressives (e. g.,is
working, is laughing), and the actor in
the sentence is absent or disguised.
Why is it important to use the active
voice?

5. Sample sentences:
1.The new marketing strategy was
implemented by the marketing group at the
start of the month.
2.A meeting for Friday was scheduled by the
department manager.
3.The customer service training manual was
developed by Irish Smith.
4.The report will be reviewed by the supervisor
before it is sent to the manager.

6. •The new marketing strategy was
implemented by the marketing group at
the start of the month.
•The marketing group implemented the
new marketing strategy at the start of
the month.

7. 1.A meeting for Friday was scheduled by
the department manager.
2.The department manager scheduled a
meeting for Friday.

8. 1.The customer service training manual
was developed by Irish Smith.
•Irish Smith developed the customer
service training manual.

9. 1.The report will be reviewed by the
supervisor before it is sent to the
manager.
2.The supervisor will review the report
before it is sent to the manager.

10. 1.The report was reviewed by the
supervisor before it is sent to the
manager.
2.The supervisor reviewed the report
before it is sent to the manager.

11. Readingtheirownworkaloudgives
writerstheopportunitytotakeonthe
roleofthereader.When“writersas
readers”addhearingtoseeing,
anotherofthefivesensesisputto
workinthecriticalevaluationprocess.
Why is it valuable for writers to read
their own work aloud?

12. Words and ideas that seemed to flow
smoothly and connect logically inside the
writer’s head often do not reflect the
same sense of cohesiveness when heard
in spoken form.
Writers who hear their work read aloud
are better equipped to evaluate the
paper’s flow of ideas at the global level
and to discover grammatical, punctuation,
and word choice errors at the surface
level.
Why is it valuable for writers to read their
own work aloud?

13. •At the global level:
•Does the paper make sense?
•Does the paper’s content flow
logically?
•Do the paper’s ideas support the
thesis?
What should writers be listening for
when they read their work aloud?

14. •At the paragraph level:
•Have appropriate transitions been
made between paragraphs?
•Have appropriate segues been made
among the sentences?
•Do the paragraph’s ideas flow logically
and sound unified?
What should writers be listening for
when they read their work aloud?

15. •At the sentence level:
•What grammatical and usage errors
need to be corrected?
•What punctuation errors are affecting
the rhythm of the paper?
•What word choice issues need to be
addressed?
What should writers be listening for
when they read their work aloud?

16. 1.Save a copy of your paper as a new
document under a modified file name.
2.Increase the font size to 14 or 16 pt. (or
larger), and print a copy of your paper.
3.Find a reasonably quiet, private space
to work, if possible.
4.Begin by reading your paper aloud
slowly from beginning to end; underline or
circle problem areas as you find them.
What steps can be taken to read
aloud effectively?

17. 1.Gobackandrereadeachparagraph
aloudasecondtime;markupyourdraft
withnotesinthemarginsand
correctionsofgrammaticalandword
choiceerrorsbetweenthelines.
What steps can be taken to read
aloud effectively?

18. 1.Revise the paper on a word
processor based on the critical
evaluation you made, and then repeat
the read-aloud process to support
further revision, editing, and
proofreading.
2.Consider asking a friend, relative, or
classmate to read the paper aloud to
you.
What steps can be taken to
read aloud effectively?

19. Parallel structure is established when
words within a sentence are united by
consistent use of grammatical forms.
This stylistic element is also referred
to as parallelism or parallel
construction.
What is parallel structure?

20. Lack of parallel structure can disrupt
the rhythm of a sentence, leaving it
grammatically unbalanced.
Proper parallel structure helps to
establish balance and flow in a well-
constructed sentence; the alignment
of related ideas supports readability
and clarity.
Why is it important to use
parallel structure?

21. •Not Parallel:
The President traveled to several cities
meetingvoters,to givespeeches, and
askfor campaign funds.
•Parallel:
The President traveled to several
cities
meetingvoters,givingspeeches, and
askingfor campaign funds.
Example:

22. 1.Find a list within a sentence: Look for
words or phrases of equal importance
that are separated by commas and
joined by a conjunction
Not parallel: Dr. Kall challenged his
students toinitiate their own learning, be
creative problem-solvers, and think
independently.
How can a sentence be revised to
reflect parallel structure?

23. 1.Not parallel: Dr. Kall challenged his
students toinitiate their own learning,
be creative problem-solvers, and think
independently.
2.Parallel: Dr. Kall challenged his
students to becomeself-motivated
learners, creative problem-solvers,
and independent thinkers.
How can a sentence be revised to
reflect parallel structure?

24. 2.Evaluate the word forms within the
list.
1.Do the verbs appear as infinitives (to +
verb), or gerunds (-ing words)? As
present tense or past tense? Do the
nouns or pronouns and their modifiers
appear in consistent form?
How can a sentence be revised to
reflect parallel structure?

25. 3.Alter the words in the list to create
proper parallel structure.
Parallel: Dr. Kall challenged his students
to becomeself-motivated learners,
creative problem-solvers, and
independent thinkers.
How can a sentence be revised to
reflect parallel structure?

26. 1.The board of directors not only
sanctionthe manager’s expenditure
but also applaudingher foresight.
2.The board of directors not only
sanctioning the manager’s expenditure
but also applauding her foresight.

27. All products must be tested,
receive approval and labeling
added before shipment.
All products must be tested,
approved and labeled before
shipment.

28. They argued not only about the
article, butthey argued also
about the review.
They argued not only about the
articlebut also about the review.

29. The following activities can be
done at the mall, buying
groceries, eat lunch and paying
bills.
The following activities can be
done at the mall are buying
groceries, eating lunch and
paying bills.

30. I need coffee to relax, to recover, and to
stay awake.
I want to meet my friends, my families
and my boyfriends.
I go to Singapore, Korea and Japan.

31. Rephrase Awkward Word
Order

32. Since the goal of academic writing is
to communicate with clarity, writers
should build sentences with words
and phrases that flow smoothly.
Words that are missing, misplaced,
or out of order can make the writing
sound disjointed or send an
unintended message.
Reread each sentence carefully or
read the paper aloud to check for
awkward wording.
Why is it important to rephrase
awkward word order?

33. •Look for missing words or phrases:
Amissingwordorphrasecan
obscuremeaningandcauseconfusion.
Insertmissingwordsorphrasesto
completetheintendedthought.
•Look at word order after revising:
Minorrevisionofaportionofa
sentencecancauseamajorproblem
withwordorder.Rereadeachsentence
afterithasbeenrevisedtoensurethatit
stillmakessense.
How can awkward wording be
corrected?

34. •Look for misplaced or dangling
modifiers:
Ifamodifierismisplacedoris
modifyingasubjectnotmentionedinthe
sentence,themessagecouldbe
misleadingorconfusingtothereader.
Placemodifiersascloseaspossibleto
theobjectbeingmodified.
How can awkward wording be
corrected?

35. •Look at subject-verb order:
The English language usually
follows the patternsubject-verb-
object(SVO), but other languages
may follow different patterns. Non-
native English speakers may need
to check their sentences for
appropriate syntactical
construction.
How can awkward wording be
corrected?

36. •Example of SVO: The scholarly
article explains theories on global
warming. Subject =article; Verb
=explains; Object =theories
•Example of OSV: Theories on
global warming the scholarly
article explains. (awkward)
How can awkward wording be
corrected?

37. Modifiers, Modification

38. Modifiersarewords,phrases, orclausesthat
describe another wordin a sentence.
Modifiers change the sentence meaning.
Modifierschangethemeaningofasentence
byaddingdetailsandqualifyinginformation.
Generally,Englishplacesmodifiersasclose
totheword(orgroupofwords)theydescribe
aspossible.

39. Whenmodifiersare placed in their proper
position in a sentence, they add details and
qualifying information that help readers,
listeners, users . .. better interpret thetext.
Whenmodifiersare placed in positions that
confuse the sentence’s meaning, they may
be called anunclearorawkward.Or, people
may say it’s confusing, vague, and just
doesn’t make sense.

40. In this example, this real estate
advertisement uses several adjectives in
bold to describe the noun (house):
Thisquaint andcozylittle
1940shouse is located in a prime
location in the Seminole Heights
community:

41. Modifiers change the sentence meaning.
Used correctly,modifierscan help you to
create more sentence variety and details
in your text. Consider the following
sentence, which was written as part of a
scholarship application:
While visiting Puerto Rico as part of
my school’s service learning
program,I learned about a non-profit
organization that educates people about
overfishing.

42. Dangling modifiers happen when the
opening phrase of a sentence should
share the sentence’s subject, but
doesn’t.
This disconnect can make the
sentence confusing or even
humorous:
“At seven years old, my father taught
me how to play guitar.”
Dangling Modifers

43. CORRECT:When I was seven years
old,my father taught me how to play
guitar.

44. Here’s another example:
To apply for graduation, the form
must be filled out in its entirety.
Theformwill not be applying.
Thepersonwill be applying.
CORRECTION:To apply for
graduation, please fill out this form
in its entirety. [Note that this
imperative sentence, also called a
command, has the implied subject
“you.”]

45. Other Examples:
•By using electric cars, the
number of pollutants in the air
is being reduced.
•Running to class, my cell
phone began to vibrate.

46. Other Examples:
•After submitting my homework
after the deadline, the teacher
penalized my grade.
•When editing, the lack of
variance in my sentence
structure creates a simplistic
tone.

47. Misplaced Modifiershappen when a
phrase intended to modify one part
of a sentence seems to modify a
different part instead. LikeDangling
Modifiers,Misplaced Modifiersmay
result in some pretty humorous
misinterpretations
I gave the old coins to my nephewI
keep in a safe.
Misplaced Modifiers

48. Althoughthesentencesoundslikecause
foralarm,itserrorcanbefixedby
movingthemodifier,whichisinbold,
closertotheworditshouldbemodifying.
Wecanassumethatthewriterdoesnot
keepanyfamilymembersinasafe,so
wecanjustrearrangethesentencefor
clarity:
CORRECT: I gave the old coinsI keep in
a safeto my nephew.

49. I gave the old coins to my nephewI
keep in a safe.
CORRECT: I gave the old coinsI keep
in a safeto my nephew.
Misplaced Modifiers

50. Althoughthesentencesoundslikecause
foralarm,itserrorcanbefixedby
movingthemodifier,whichisinbold,
closertotheworditshouldbemodifying.
Wecanassumethatthewriterdoesnot
keepanyfamilymembersinasafe,so
wecanjustrearrangethesentencefor
clarity:
CORRECT: I gave the old coinsI keep in
a safeto my nephew.

51. Example:
Walking across the hardwood floor,
the porcelain statue slipped from my
hand.
Was the statue walking? Probably not,
but the sentence implies that it was.
Here’s what the writer actually meant:
CORRECTION:
Walking across the hardwood floor,I
dropped the porcelain statue.

52. Example:
As a nominee for the award, your name will
be prominently displayed in the hall.
POSSIBLE CORRECTIONS:
As a nominee for the award, you will be
honored by having your name displayed
prominently in the hall.

53. Example:
Stranded outside in the rain, Sara’s
door refused to budge.
This sentence implies that “Sara’s
door” was stranded outside in the
rain.
CORRECT:
Stranded outside in the rain, Sara
could not budge her door.

54. Example:
As a new hire, I would like to welcome you
to the company.
CORRECTIONS:
I would welcome you to the company.
Or, I would like to welcome you, a new
hire, to the company.
Or, better yet, As a new hire, you are
welcome at the company.

55. Other Examples:
•The kitten took a nap in a padded
basket with a collar around its neck.
•The teacher tried to explain
modification to a student that was
unclear, dangling, or misplaced.

56. Misplaced Limiting Modifiers
At first, almost, exactly, hardly, just,
merely, nearly,simply,only—these
wordslimitthe meaning of another
word,phrase, or clausein the sentence.
Thus, they may be referred to asLimiting
Modifiers.
Modifiers change the sentence meaning.
Limiting modifiers get their name because
they specify conditions that restrict the word
they are modifying. This error often occurs
with words like “only,” “just,” and “almost.”

57. Example:
It’sjustnot the best phone available right
now.
In this sentence, the speaker doesn’t like the
phone and believes there are better options
available.
It’s notjustthe best phone available right
now.
In this sentence, the speaker likes the phone—
and also feels that it has more benefits than
just being the “best,” like maybe it’s also the
cheapest or newest.

58. My sisteronlyeats the green candies.
As the sentence stands, it is stating that
the writer’s sister does nothing but eat
green candies—she doesn’t sleep or work
or do anything but eat candy.
You could also assume the modifier “only”
applies to the rest of the sentence (eats
the green candies), in which case, she
doesn’t sell the candy or deliver the
candy—she only eats it.
Similar to misplaced modifiers, this error
can often be amended by moving the
modifier closer to the word it should be
modifying, but sometimes you need to
add words for clarification:

59. CORRECT:Onlymy sister eats the green
candies.
CORRECT: Myonlysister eats the green
candies.
CORRECT: When she has a bag of jelly
beans, my sister
eatsonlythe
green candies.

60. Typical Modification Errors
•Place the modifier as close as possible
to the word (or words) being modified.
•Place adjectives that modify nouns in
front of the word (or words) being
modified.
•Place adverbs that modify a verb or
verb phrase:
•right before or just after the verb
being modified, OR
•at the beginning or end of the
sentence.

61. Typical Modification Errors
•Place words such asalmost, even, just,
nearly, only, or simplyin front of the
word (or words) being modified.
•Do not create a split infinitive by placing
a modifier betweento + a verb. (e. g.,
replaceto quickly movewithtomove
quickly)
•Do not place a modifier between the
verb and the object being acted upon. (e.
g., replaceThe dog ate quickly his
foodwithThe dog quickly ate his food.)

62. How can a misplaced modifier be
replaced correctly?
•Identify the modifiers by circling them.
•Draw an arrow to the word or words
being modified.
•Move the modifier closer to the word
being modified.
•Read the sentence aloud to check word
flow and clarity of meaning.

63. Sentence with amisplaced modifier:
The kitten took a nap in a padded
basketwith a collar around its neck.
•To avoid the absurd implication that the
basket has a neck with a collar around it,
move the modifying phrase closer
tokitten.
•Sentence with a properly-placed
modifier:The kittenwith a collar around
its necktook a nap in a padded basket.

64. Why should unnecessary words and
phrases be eliminated?
Unnecessary words and phrases result
in redundancy. A writer can achieve
efficiency in writing by using concise
words and phrases that denote clear
meaning. Each word should contribute to
the argument and purpose of an
assignment; if a word or phrase can be
removed from a sentence without
affecting its meaning, it should be
eliminated.
Eliminate Unnecessary
Language

65. How can unnecessary words or
phrases be eliminated?
•Revise redundant phrases,
synonymous terms, and unnecessary
word pairs.
•Quickly speeding (speedingimplies
quickness)
•Young teenage mothers
(youngandteenageare synonyms)
•Financial cost
(financialandcostboth imply
money)

66. •Revise redundant terms in order to be
more efficient.
•Redundant: Young adults
shouldself-assesstheir situation
before making abig,life-
changingdecision.
•Revised: Young adults
shouldassesstheir situation before
making amajordecision.

67. •Remove redundant adjectives and
adverbs; use only those that contribute
to the intended message.
•Overuse of adjectives: Thelarge,
angry, noisy crowdstormed the
Capital building.
•Revised: Themobstormed the
Capital building.
•Overuse of adverbs:
Shecarefullyandquietlywalked
through the room.
•Revised: Shecreptthrough the
room.

68. •Remove redundant modifiers; overuse
clutters the writing and distracts the
reader.
•Overuse of modifiers: The
business capitalists, who focus on
domestic interests, only really
invest in American groups.
•Revised: The business capitalists
rarely invest in international
groups.

69. You Attitude video

70. Visuals Overview
Visuals are used to complement
text in documents. Visuals are
classified according
toTablesorFigures.
A table is used to organize data
in volumes and rows using
numbers and words. Tables
present a logical representation
of data. Tables are usually used
to show comparison data.
Figures, on the other hand,
illustrate all other types of data.
Figures include such visuals as
pie charts, line graphs, bar
graphs, layouts, photographs,
drawings and photographs:

71. •Pie Charts show segments that compare
percentages of a whole.
•Line graphs show the relationship between two or
more variables.
•Horizontal Bar Graphs show comparisons of similar
units.
•Vertical Bar Graphs illustrate timelines.
•Layouts show detailed space.
•Flow Charts show time sequences or hierarchal
structures
•Drawings eliminate unnecessary details to more
effectively show how items relate to other items.
•Photographs are exact representations of
items. (Riordan, 2005)
Note that although visuals and text complement each
other, either can stand alone. Both include and
express the same information in different formats.